Fees and lack of funds

[AgathaMystery]

I suppose it happens to a lot of people but we have sadly found ourselves in financial difficulties.

It's nothing dramatic - my husband is self employed and there is no work. I work part time and do extra work to make up to about 40 hours a week. I work in the NHS and whilst my salary isn't awful, it doesn't go very far. I have been working extra shifts through my annual leave recently to top up my salary.

We are nearing the end of our savings and I need to know what to do about the school fees.

The school offers very generous bursaries in the senior school but not in the prep. I moved us to monthly notice some time ago as a just-in-case measure.

We have equity in our house but I am acutely aware that that is all we have left now. I also put us on a 5yr deal 4 months ago that means no chance of a mortgage break for 2 years.

I know I need to make an appointment with the head &/or the bursar - I just need some advice please. I don't know how to get through the meeting without sobbing.

Has anyone ever been through this?

All that Sidge has said. You can still but experiences, adventures, holidays, music and sport tuition and swimming lessons etc but enjoy a local state school. It is not worth working to the bone for.

Or save all that you can and might have spent on the years his contracts are good and give her a deposit towards a house!

Quite honestly, start saving if you have good years again then you would have less angst. With two decent salaries in the future you may not qualify for a bursary so do not expect this. As your DD is 6 the transfer will be fine. Having a happy family life will count for a lot!

Amazing how the anti private school maniacs are completely blind to the difficulties of moving a child who is well settled at a school of any kind. Wtf is wrong with these people, that their empathy is blunted by their obsession.
The op is upset. Ride your hobby horses elsewhere. Not the time or the place.

Karlos I’m not anti private school, but I think it is easier for a 6 year old to move from private to state than an older child. I also don’t think it’s worth the OP making herself ill through overwork.

OP I do hope that the school will be flexible with the fees it demands. If you don’t have to move until February half term and you can’t get your dc into the school of your choice now at least you have some time to go on a waiting list or two, and look around further.

They may also be charitable foundations to which you can apply: there are some quite esoteric funds for the grandchildren of fishermen or the descendants of people from a particular village who have fallen on hard times.

www.thescholarshiphub.org.uk/blog/educational-grants-students-trusts-and-charities is one source of information.

But also be reassured that the move to state school won’t necessarily be a bad thing: I have dc in both systems and I can honestly say that the dc at state primary are well prepared for the excellent secondary they will be attending, and the core academic subjects are on a par with those at the private school. Yes, the music, drama and sport are better at the private school, but you can buy a state-school child an awful lot of extra-curricular activity for a fraction of what you pay in school fees, so the gap may not be as bad as you fear. I have moved a dc in Y3 and they settled quickly.

If the state school you want has a place now, then take it now, as you are in KS1 so class sizes are limited and the place may disappear by February half term.

Best of luck to you and your dc.

Op I have just moved my son from private to state school.

Dh got made redundant in February and that was a real wake up call. I contemplated working full time to pay fees etc but tbh I didn't want to.

I looked at the local state option and I was really impressed.he left in July and started in September.

The last term was pretty tortuous but now we are out of the there I am so relieved. I was however very nervous and emotional. Many sleepless nights.

Dh actually got another better paid job in the March but will still decided to move. I was too spooked and we are now saving the money toward a house deposit for the DCs. Obviously if we ever need it we can access it.

DS is way much happier and his new school have picked up where he is struggling. DS is not aware that one was private and one is state to them school is just school.

I no longer feel guilty. You can o my do what you can do. The nice you are out of the ps t bubble you will feel so much happier I am sure.

I should say DS moved I to year 3.

This reminds me of when my daughter was small, My ex-husband wanted her to go private but I knew we couldn't afford it. I'm not anti private schools but it's a massive financial commitment which should not be taken lightly. My little girl slummed it at the local comp. Still managed to get a first class degree from an excellent university. This isn't a bragging post, just to give OP hope if they have to go to a state school it's not the end of the world. As mentioned above, only a small percentage of people do actually go to private school.

Karlos not at all anti private school. I'm a teacher and have applied for jobs in them and will have at times considered it for my children, and may still do at secondary.

I am anti private school at all costs when it is crippling a family. Honestly moving school can be done and may well be more tortuous for the parent than the child, especially at that age

It's common for prep schools to have an unofficial bursary system for cases like yours. Is there any salaried work that your husband could pick up in the meantime? Even if it's just minimum wage? Or could you take more shifts while he takes charge of domestic things? Any debt payments that you can put off? Any costs that you can cut like a cleaner? Or switching to a difference grocery scheme? Do you have any assets that you could sell quickly like a car or watches/jewellery? Have you considered selling and moving into a house with a cheaper mortgage/to release equity?

Thank you all. You’re being so kind. I appreciate it so much.

I really appreciate all the suggestions & to answer a few:

Is there any salaried work that your husband could pick up in the meantime? Even if it's just minimum wage? Yes - he is going to have to. I am making this very clear believe me.

Or could you take more shifts while he takes charge of domestic things? I don’t think I can do any more shifts. I’ve just finished week 9 of almost 60hr weeks.

Any debt payments that you can put off? We are really fortunate in that aside from the mortgage we have no debt.

Any costs that you can cut like a cleaner? The cleaner went 4 months ago as soon as it seemed it was going to be hard for DH to get a new contract.

Or switching to a difference grocery scheme? I don’t have a scheme, we live in a city center so Shop at Aldi/ Sainsbury/ the Market

Do you have any assets that you could sell quickly like a car or watches/jewellery? We have one small car that we own outright. It’s very economical and we need it as DH often works away a lot. I don’t use it as I catch the bus to work. We have my engagement ring and I have a good watch. I am happy to sell them. The engagement ring is worth about £4K - I won’t get anything near that for it. Watch is £2k new but is a really common ‘luxury’ watch so maybe I’d get £850 for it. I’ve possibly got a day off in a couple of weeks so will take them to a jeweller.

Have you considered selling and moving into a house with a cheaper mortgage/to release equity? We can’t release equity unfortunately. Just a few months ago I put us on a great new mortgage deal for 5yrs. The fees for getting out of it are exorbitant. The house we own is very small and in the city centre. It needs nothing doing to it and the location means we have about 10 primaries nearby as well as me being able to use public transport to get to work. When DH has local work it means he can walk to work too. Our house is worth about £180k. We’ve not made much on it as we bought it during a property boom. I know we could sell it but it’s really our only asset. We owe £90k on it.

Anyway. I hardly cried today at work. I haven’t sat and howled this evening and I’m working tomorrow at my other job (I have 2 jobs. Forgot to say). DH has applied for another job. So we shall see. Thank you so much x

I wouldn’t sell your things , I’m sure the school will probably sort out some kind of payment plan for the fees so you can spread them out .

I'm sorry, but reading this it's clear that you simply can't afford private education.

But this needn't be a loss.

You are assuming that private education is the be all and end all - and this simply isn't true.

Step back a bit, and have a good look at your local state schools. With an open mind. You will probably be very pleasantly surprised!

sell your engagement ring? Sell your house? To avoid the horror of state education? The sort of education 93% of the population use? Oh, ffs!

With 10 primaries nearby surely one of the ones with space will be one that's okay with you. It will be okay. It's not worth selling house/rings for, especially as this will be an on going issue.

Your daughter will be fine OP. My son moved schools aged 6 (and 5 hours away from where we used to live). Yes it was hard on us all but we got through it and he made new friends and settled in. Your daughter will have some continuity as she will be going to her usual clubs etc.
My youngest's best friend has just moved locally in year 5 because of catchment issues and he has settled in really well.
You can't keep working 60 hours a week because you will break. I'm sure your daughter will be happier with a mummy who isn't so knackered!
All I will say is sell it to her as a positive step. White lies are fine I think such as you like the new school better because of x, y or z.

Oh, OP, I can feel your distress, I really can. Please, please don’t sell off your jewelry. Find a good state school and free yourself from the pressure you’re under. It sounds terrible. Best of luck to your daughter, I bet the transition to a new school will be much easier on her than on you.

OP you are tired with all the hours work plus the stress of working out the next steps. As you know that makes everything seem much grimmer now than the actual reality will be.
It struck me that you have been working 60 hours and your husband often works away.
Your DD will much prefer having more time with you than the only marginal advantages of a private primary education. You will be able to pick and choose all the best 'extras'as do so many middle class parents in state education.
Out of interest is this private school really really good at secondary level? Don't fixate on something that may leave you wondering was it all worth it by sixth form. Are your bad experiences of state school perhaps making you see any private school through rose tinted spectacles?

I sympathise but it sounds as though you are doing the right thing. At only 6 you have a very long journey ahead of you in terms of private school fees and it sounds like this is not necessarily just one lean year. It would be different if your DD has just a year or two left or this cash flow issue were obviously temporary.

I suspect this is one of those things where the fear of the change is worse than the change itself. With 10 primaries near you hopefully you will have some good options.

Good luck.

Please move you DD to a state school she will be fine. I moved my then 5yr old after Easter for the last term of year 1 from private to state. She wasn’t,t happy at the private school. It was tough as her 2 brothers are still at the private school but it has been the best decision for her.

She is much happier, achieving better than before (she moved up 4 book bands within a space of 4weeks) and her confidence is coming back.

Keep an eye on her achievements at the state school if you have doubts (I do, as first son was at state but moved him in year 3 as he was not been stretched. Second son then started at same private sch for reception).

I will supplement my daughters education from yr3 onwards as that is when the gap starts to show (if any)

However my DS1 is now in the senior sch and the 2 top student in his year of 125 students joined from state schools so it can be done.

I think you'll be surprised how many fantastic teach there are in the state sector and how many able children. You'll feel better when you act go and look at some schools

I moved mine at 6 from one school to another it was fine 💐

Op, i feel very sorry for you sound exhausted. But I thank you need to give yourself a bit of a talking too! 1) you can't afford the fees - like most people, accept this... feel the burden lift! 2) don't sell your ring - it is a trivial contribution to the £100,000 + you'll need to keep him in private and basically won't help apart from in the very short term. 3) I'm a teacher, taught in both sectors. We could just about afford to do private, with huge stress and sacrifice. Having seen both sides I really don't think private is worth it unless you can easily afford it. Go state, top up with extra music lessons etc, save and give them a deposit for a house instead. 4) most primary schools are good these days - it's all changed since we grew up. 5) I've a few older friends who regret having gone private - dcs aren't in high earning jobs (i.e.: financial input hasn't paid off in increased earning power, socially the dcs can't afford to socialise with their rich friends (who basically live in a different world) and they now have no money themselves & cant help their dcs with housing etc.

Op I'm not against private education in any way but you need to stop demonising your state options. Millions of children get a great education in state schools every day. Only 7% go private. My dd is exceptionally bright and doing brilliantly well. I'd say the sports and music tuition isn't great but you can pay for that separately.

Please stop working 60 hours a week and killing yourself with stress. Your child is likely to thrive. 💐

I don’t feel there is anything wrong with state schools at all. I know that DH and I were exceptionally unlucky in the schools we went to. That’s all.

In my head I’m more upset at my daughter having to move from the only school she has ever known and leave her friends than I am that it’s private to state. I feel very sad about her moving schools. I know it will be okay but it feels sad.

Anyway. Things seemed better today. I’m getting my head round it.