Fees and lack of funds

[AgathaMystery]

I suppose it happens to a lot of people but we have sadly found ourselves in financial difficulties.

It's nothing dramatic - my husband is self employed and there is no work. I work part time and do extra work to make up to about 40 hours a week. I work in the NHS and whilst my salary isn't awful, it doesn't go very far. I have been working extra shifts through my annual leave recently to top up my salary.

We are nearing the end of our savings and I need to know what to do about the school fees.

The school offers very generous bursaries in the senior school but not in the prep. I moved us to monthly notice some time ago as a just-in-case measure.

We have equity in our house but I am acutely aware that that is all we have left now. I also put us on a 5yr deal 4 months ago that means no chance of a mortgage break for 2 years.

I know I need to make an appointment with the head &/or the bursar - I just need some advice please. I don't know how to get through the meeting without sobbing.

Has anyone ever been through this?

I know you said you just set up a new mortgage deal but is there any chance of switching it to interest only, just to get you through this lean period?

Sorry, but I think increasing your mortgage debt (which ultimately interest only does) for private fees in yr 1 or 2 would be a mad strategy. If it was for the last remaining year in primary, for one year, it would be worth the risk,

There is no telling how long a lean period lasts, especially in our Brexit state.

OP, do have a look at state primaries and get yourself on tne waiting list for all the ones you like. On tne whole, these days, state primaries are lovely places to be.

I understand why you are upset, it is upsetting to be in financial change, but if you take s pragmatic view, look after your family security as a whole you should find that actually this is way more upsetting for you than it is for your Dd.

As PP said, could your DH take a job? He presumably has transferable IT skills even if the service he currently offers is niche. If your salary keeps the family afloat then his could just pay the school fees. He could probably earn enough for pre-prep fees in quite a junior position.

The OP said she is liable for school fees until the Easter term so I suggested going interest only just to tide her over until then. There’s no point moving the DC until after Easter if she is paying the fees anyway. And at least that gives a bit of time to find a state school.

If she speaks to the bursar and is really on a month's notice now she could leave by Christmas.

I’m sorry but this is ridiculous middle class angst. You are massively overrating private school and underrating the value of living within your means.

Needs first - food, water, shelter, sanitation, clothing, education, healthcare - and wants next.

Private education is never a need, it’s an absurd invention of the privileged who feel threatened by mixing with less privileged.

Your child will be infinitely better served by parents who can face the realities of life than clutch at the threads of a pipe dream.

Threads like this actually piss me off because every day I see children who have so very little and whose families would so live to be able to provide nutritious food, safe housing, clothes and shoes but cannot because of circumstances largely beyond their control. These children dream of having their own blankets and shoes.

I really wish the privileged could at least appreciate what they have, which in most cases is largely theirs through good fortune (don’t give me that hard work bullshit) instead of focusing so selfishly on unnecessary luxuries.

Laughing Elliot, you display a laughable level of ignorance.

Yes we all know there are others worse than us. That’s life. Doesn’t invalidate concerns and let’s face it, your child’s education is a biggie. The OP is not worried about whether she can continue to afford tattinger champagne.

I would have thought the obvious course of action would be for you husband to get work, any work! Is he planning to never work again?
His self-employment may be niche, but he must have a common set of base skills. Couldn't he contract, either coding, or testing, or project managing? Not ideal, probably need to move around for the work, but it's money, whilst he looks at something else. Which are are you in?

Even temping in an office would bring money in.
I have to assume your mortgage is old and huge too. Nowadays they take fees into allowance if what they'll lend.

If your dh is in IT there is a lot of work available for non technical folk! He needs to align himself with buzz word technology like cloud and big data and digital transformation projects. I'm sure he can make the transition. There IS work our there!!

Once you have got over these initial feelings of disappointment and sadness, you will breathe a sigh of relief at not having to find the fees. Yes, your daughter won't be as mollycoddled as in the private school but maybe that's not such a bad thing. You are not letting her down in any way and I'm sure she'll make friends and settle into a new school as she is still young. As others have said, circumstances may change by the time your daughter is in Year 6 and you can transfer back into the independent sector for the start of secondary school. Or for Year 9 or Sixth Form.

With the fees saved, supplement with music lessons and tutoring if necessary. If she does music, join a local children's orchestra. Secondary independent schools often want to give scholarships and bursaries to those coming from the state school sector as long as they have the requisite academic results.

I sympathise with your situation and we had to make a similar decision to the one you are facing.

During the 2008 recession we however decided that we'd invest in our 2 children's future and forego other things in order to keep them in private education. It wasn't easy to continue with it and in order to do so we even traded our house down to a smaller/cheaper property so that we could release capital. Despite doing this it was still an enormous struggle and one that upon reflection I don't think we should have made.

The thing to remember is that as each child gets older their fees increase significantly. Towards the end of their schooling (they left at age 18 in 2013 & 2014) we were paying in excess of £6300.00 each per term, plus on top of that travel expenses that added another £1200.00 each per term so an annual cost of something in the order of £45,000.00 per year.

In total over the years from pre-prep through to them both leaving at 18 we loosely estimate that the total schooling cost was in the order of £300,000.00

I'd urge you to think very seriously as to whether you can/want to commit to this type of undertaking and if not move your dc out of private schooling and into a state school as soon as possible. I'm sure dc will thrive equally well and the fact that you have removed such a great burden from yourselves as a family it will make for a much more rounded and fuller life for all of you.

Good luck with your decision, but please remember that whilst private schooling might be great and open up lots of opportunities that state schools can be and generally are very very good.

There's certainly nothing to be ashamed of in moving your dc from private to state schooling. Please do put your whole families well being first.

OP it's a real shame that school couldn't offer you some form of short term help. I believe most schools do have contingency funds for short term hardship. However if you believe this is more than very short term you are right to look for alternatives.

Of course you feel crap about this and it feels like you've failed....but also believe that this feeling will pass, things will workout and you will look back at all this as a short term problem you got on and dealt with and everyone was just fine.

I did wonder about a months notice. Most schools do require a full term from the end of one term. I suspect though that you are going to escape with only paying until Feb if you Head mentioned that as a possibility. At least that's a good thing.

You may find that when you get onto the LEA that things move fast and you are offered a new school very speedily. Especially if it's one you want, you will need to be prepared to say 'yes' and take up the new place within days. You need to come to terms with that and not expect to wait until Feb or April to leave. Don't worry about your children moving quickly...in lots of ways that is a better way to do it.

So you also need to come to terms with the fact you probably will pay fees until Feb or April but not receive the education you have paid for/are paying for for the full period - this is just the reality of the situation. LEAS will offer a place but they won't hold it for you and if you want until Feb or Easter you really will have to just take whatever is offered at that point,N which you might not like. Now at least you will be able to get on several waiting lists of schools you like and have 4 or 6 months to hope for a place....but you will have to move quickly when it becomes available.

All of this is a head adjustment isn't it. Things aren't panning out as you expected and hoped. That is hard, but it will be okay. Keep positive with yourself and stop crying now, and as others have said, you need to be really positive with the kids. You can be honest about the job thing if you want,mbut don't dwell on it and just present it as factual info rather than the emotion of it. Be clear the new school will be good and emphasise the positives about it. It's probably not worth mentioning until you have more concrete ideas of where they will be going because there's no point giving them an unknown to think about. The short timescale for moving will be a positive too. There will be time to say goodbye (and you can emphasise how they can stay in touch) but not too long for them to worry.

Best of luck.

Please try not to worry about how your dc will deal with changing schools. I'm sure she will cope very well. I went to several different schools during my primary school years and it honestly did not worry me, mainly because my parents were very positive about it and presented it as a great adventure.

LaughingElliot, why don't you jog on - perhaps if threads about private school fees piss you off you would be better off not reading and posting.

Thanks all, I am waiting for the LEA to phone me back.

My DH can (& will) get a job. He is a web developer and does contracting. He has been doing this since 2003. Some contracts last 6 weeks and some have lasted 5 years. We have had lean years and really good years. Last year was really good which I’m thankful for because it’s allowed us to cope this year.

He often works away from home - goes where the work is, you know how it is. He is a good provider and I have no complaints if I’m honest. I work for the NHS and am doing 40hrs at the moment. I’ve also managed to qualify for a bonus by working 75hrs a month extra on top of the 37.5 a week expected. So that will help a little. I’ve done it for 2 months running so am pleased. And very very tired.

Long term, it will be okay. Long term my goal will be to put her back in that school when she is 9 or 10 and will apply for a bursary which I think we will get. Obviously this may change.

She will continue with her swimming and sports and music outside of school and we will present this as a positive move.

My goal for today is not to fall apart at work.

I don't know where in the country you are but there are many amazing primary schools out there and moving mid-term during Year 1 you might find there is a place free in a good school. I can imagine it is hard if the Prep is all you and she have known but I am sure your DD will settle easily at that age and you will find some positives, not least the lack of worry, with the new school. My DD's went to a large primary school that was deemed inadequate for a few years and even I could still pick out positives from their school experience. Just keep your eye on Secondary school, save more during your DH's higher earning years and if you still won't be able to afford the fees come Year 7, move to an area where you'll be happy with the local school.

It sounds like you have some unresolved sadnesses related to being moved to a crap state school when you were a child. I think it's natural to project your own childhood worries onto your children (God knows, I do it all the time!), but remember, this is your daughter's childhood not yours, the school she will go to is nothing to do with yours, and so on. She will be fine. Honest.

State schools have moved on a lot since we were kids, partly I think because the demographics of who can afford private school and who can't have shifted. It used to be quite easy for comfortably-off people to use private schools, but increasingly it has become an option for people who really do have a lot of money to burn. In a way that's good--having more switched-on, professional parents has almost certainly improved the quality of state education.

Your daughter will most likely settle into her school just fine, and you and your partner will have more time and resources to supplement her education outside of school.

You can always consider private later on if your secondary options are not what you would like.

You're sending her to state school, not up a chimney! 93% of children go to state school.

I have a lot of unresolved sadness. I won’t share that with my daughter!

I know I sound dramatic. I know she’s not going up a chimney, but imagine how things are for us right now if this is the absolute last resort.

I am at the end of my 9th week of working just minutes under 60 hrs a week. I am very tired and very sad.

It does sound really tough for you but I would seriously think about whether you want her to return to the private sector in the future- especially if your husband stays contracting. Another bad year and you could be here again with all the stress and you having to work all the hours in the world.

It's so not worth robbing Peter to pay Paul.

The stress of not paying those fees will be a big relief, OP.

You'll be amazed by how quickly your DD will adapt and make new friends in a new school. It really, really will be ok.

I was surprised that you were on a monthly notice - full term is standard. You might want to consider trying to find the money for the summer term so she starts at the start of a new school year? good luck - she will be fine - she has parents interested in her education which is in the end what is important.

With the greatest of respect:

Your daughter is 6. She has 10+ more years of education.

You are working yourself to the bone to give her the schooling you want, but potentially at the detriment of your health and wellbeing and your time with her.

Your DH has an uncertain income, and whilst you have had years of plenty you've also had years of less, which places a lot of strain on you both.

State school is not borstal. The money you save on fees could potentially pay for tutors, sports classes, music lessons etc. But without the dread of finding thousands every term.

She is 6. Far better to move her now, breathe, plan and rethink things in 5 years. If private schooling in 5 years isn't an option , it's not the end of the world. Private education does not automatically equal success. Having a secure, stable loving home is more important, and not being in childcare a lot whilst parents slog their guts out to pay school fees.

Don't threaten your quality of life for a preference.

Can your husband get an interim role if you are set on staying with private ed?
I'm self employed and it's very quiet out there at the mo and I don't see it getting any better.