Dreamer of dreams,born out of my due time, Why should I strive to set the crooked straight. Wm Morris

[indignatio]

Hopefully the link from the other thread will work

My stats

ds is 4.5 - summer born
In reception class

Has issues with:-
Easy distractability (school work and practical tasks)
Concentration problems when not totally engaged by something (95% of the time)
Fidgeting
Getting "lost" in the middle of a complicated sentence/explaination.
Bossy manner
Isolation at school
Poor eye contact
Repetition of sentences until he hears the acknowledgement
No herding instinct

On the positive
Very loving boy
Exceptional reader for his age
Good at maths
Lots of "home" friends
If gripped by something, can concentrate on it for ages

dx:
teacher initially thought he might have dyspraxia - no longer thinks so.
I consider that he has more add traits, but would not go so far as to say he has add.
SENCO to informally assess him next week and then meeting to be arranged with parents, teacher and senco shortly thereafter.

Not sure what else I should put in.

Excellent news SG. Really delighted for you all! He sound's so like DS it gives me hope for us in a few years. Are you able to drop a tiny hint as to the school? I think I can guess but am being particularly nosey as the prep school has been mentioned to us a lot recently re DS. I think we live quite near to you. We've talked about this before - I'm not a weirdy stalker!!

Thanks for your congratulations; I've been so worried at various points about him that I still couldn't quite believe it when he got all the offers, particularly when the head of said school called us personally to let us know. I think the prep school, which DS1 will join for 2 years, has been mentioned by us on other threads; it's on the river south of Hammersmith Bridge. Not such a tiny hint really....

Of course now I can worry over whether we've done the right thing, whether he'll keep up and whether he'll be chucked out in 2 years' time for not making the grade! But, oh, his grandma will be proud.

Wow, that is impressive SS. Well done to your DS. And you of course DS's maths teacher of sorts suggested we put him up for the prep school the year after next when he will be 8 which caused me to break out in a cold sweat - for several days - but I think we will try and hold off until the 11+. Am really chuffed for you.

Fantastic news SG - well done to DS1.

Update from me too. OT last week didn't do formal assessment but is pretty sure that DS1 is dyspraxic. He was reading a book about Aspergers in the waiting room and following a lengthy discussion about the autistic spectrum on the way home, complete with diagrams drawn on the car windows, has decided that he might have Aspergers! Seemed very cheerful about it - talked very openly about feeling different and seemed reassured about a possible explanation. We talked about the pros and cons of labels (it really was an amazing conversation to be having with a 7 year old )and decided (as a three) that he should do the OT exercises given to us and go back to her in six months for a review. We'll seek a formal assessment of dyspraxia then if we feel he needs it. As far as the AS goes, I don't know. He hasn't mentioned it again - and certainly when I look at the diagnostic criteria, almost all of his traits are the ones that are the same for AS and dyspraxia, iyswim.

Meanwhile (since my last post) he has learnt to swim and received Work of the Week award at school for the very first time. So lots of positives here too

Oh WOW Singersgirl, fantastically well done to ds1. That is superb. Well done well done - can't think of how else to put it - also, of course, sorry that I'd missed this when you first posted it!

(We were going along OK, but today has been a big ole blip. I got a call from school to tell about (some of the, not all; it turned out there was more) blip, which involved the teacher slightly anxiously saying that they'd dealt with it at school, with him being frantic about how disappointed I'd be, and perhaps I shouldn't be overly cross with him at home. And then when I got home just after half-six he'd already put himself to bed & was asleep! So maybe I am thinking we just need to completely rethink bedtimes)

Thanks for all your congratulations; I feel like the mother of the bride . DS1 tonight has been weepy that we have, as of today, accepted this school and thus have had to decline 2 others we all really liked but were not nearly so easy to get to ("But I saw X School first and perhaps I don't really want to go to Y School...")

Of course, for your DS, Castles, 8+ is possibly worth trying as they have a much bigger intake than at 11; my DS1 would definitely not have been up to it at that age. I'm now going to regret not trying DS2 this year at the same time (though our bank account is not).

Apparently, the school screens all new entrants for learning difficulties, including dyslexia, dysgraphia and dyspraxia, so it will be really interesting to see if they pick up on anything. His writing is terrible, but he's been performing too well to be on the radar at primary apart from having 'handwriting club'.

Good to hear all your updates too. Sphil, your conversation with your DS1 does sound amazing - what a lot of self-awareness - and well done with the swimming. Let us know how all the exercises go on.

Bink, hope your blip irons out quickly. We've been very lax on bedtimes here and DS1 is very surly in the mornings but bouncing around like a jack-in-the-box come 9.30pm.

SS, that's interesting thanks. I really don't think the 8+ is a runner for us as 1. we can't afford it (and DH is probably going to lose his job tomorrow) 2. DS has terrible writing partly due to poor pencil grip (dyspraxia alarm bells are ringing) which we are correcting but it could take 2 years and 3. I really don't think he's up to it. Yes, he has the smarts but it's everything else, the 'dreamer' stuff. Plus I really like where he is and he's very happy there.

Sphil, wow! though I'm not surprised at the conversation ... again something I can see us having with DS next year

Bink, I agree, tiredness has a lot to answer for. DS will happily stay up until 10pm but if I force him to bed nearer 7pm he's often asleep quickly.

Castles, fingers crossed for your DH's job.

We've had a lot of success with the sleep issues by using a book recommended on another thread here - What To Do When You Dread Your Bed. It's a programme you work through with your child - the sort of thing that is just up DS1's street. He's now generally asleep within 30 mins of going to bed, rather than the two hours of tossing, turning and muttering we were getting a month ago.

castles, I just found the thread again. Thanks for letting me know it had picked up.

I went to an Autism symposium on Wednesday and it was very interesting on many levels. I deal with these issues professionally and with ds1. Of course, I was constantly having to say "Well, we only have a diagnosis of Sensory Processing Disorder" while noting that ds1 fit in all sorts of categories that were being discussed including but not limited to sleep and gut issues. I still do not know whether or not I want to pursue a formal diagnosis of Asperger's/HFA but I do want to find out if there are any underlying problems with his GI functions.

Oh, and ds1 is always telling me that he can't sleep b/c his eyelids don't shut or that he sleeps with his eyes open.

Has anyone got any tips for helping improve DS's poor pencil grip? I've bought the triangular pencils but I think he needs something thicker.

I've started thinking about dyspraxia again. Sometimes I just wish I wouldn't think . He ticks so many boxes: not great at riding a bike, poor pencil grip, swimming (just been reading about it - arrrgh!), fussy eater ... but still not nearly enough.

Well, DS1 is exactly the same - not quite bad enough, somehow, but lots of traits: poor pencil grip, which I think is irremediable now, slightly odd running gait, clumsy, late to ride a bike and to use cutlery, difficulty chewing, problems with things like laces....

Sorry, rushing out now, but wanted to chime in as it sounds very familiar!

I've just found this thread again after Parents Evening where DD1's teacher described her as the dreamiest child she's ever taught! She also thought the fact that she is dreamy and bright was a weird combination. DD1 is in Year 2 now and her teacher seems to be finding her rather frustrating. Although I find her less frustrating now, I think she's calmed down quite a bit and doesn't get as "hyper" as she used to.

The dreaminess, lack of concentration, and getting easily distracted are still big issues, but I think we've just got used to the way she is and how to handle her. For example, we have to clear the dining table of all distractions before she sits down to eat, and then we have to keep her on task frequently throughout the meal, reminding her to stay in her seat quite often. She's still clumsy and can go from sitting on a chair to falling into a heap on the floor quite easily and with no explanation.

I guess I've just got used to having to ask her to do things 7 or 8 times

Any tips on getting dreamers to focus in the classroom or at home? I think we probably do too much for her (as it's easier than trying to get her to do them herself) but that probably isn't doing her any favours in the long run.

The other problem we have is that she can talk to us and her friends in a very rude disrespectful way, but she doesn't seem to realise it. Today she got sent out of the classroom for shouting in her friend's face. Does anyone else have that problem? It doesn't really fit with the gentle dreamer type but she's always been stroppy.

Sorry this is so long but it's been a while!

Hi ChiefFairy
One tip I've been given recently is to prompt physically rather than verbally - so if you want her to return to her seat at a meal time you would perhaps tap the table rather than say ' Sit up DD'. The reason for this is that children can become very dependent on verbal prompts and a physical prompt is easier to fade out than a verbal one. Or if you do have to prompt verbally, keep it to a single word.

I have to say I'm not very good at it - tend to gab on with the best of them - but when I do, it really works (for both dreamy DS1 and DS2 who has ASD)

Thanks Sphil, that's good advice. Yes it's very hard to get her attention verbally, and I've tried everything - shouting, whispering, singing! Doing the 1-2-3 thing usually gets her attention, eg. "DD I'm going to count to 3 and then I want you to tell my what you want for breakfast...1...2...3" It's the 1-2-3 that get her attention, so a single word prompt might do the same, I'll try that.

Also I like the sound of physical prompts. I find if I take hold of her arm and try and make eye contact with her, it's slightly easier to get her attention (still takes a while though!)

Thanks Sphil, that's good advice. Yes it's very hard to get her attention verbally, and I've tried everything - shouting, whispering, singing! Doing the 1-2-3 thing usually gets her attention, eg. "DD I'm going to count to 3 and then I want you to tell my what you want for breakfast...1...2...3" It's the 1-2-3 that get her attention, so a single word prompt might do the same, I'll try that.

Also I like the sound of physical prompts. I find if I take hold of her arm and try and make eye contact with her, it's slightly easier to get her attention (still takes a while though!)

Bit of a sad update from me - since my last post in March about the informal OT assessment, DS1 has now decided he would like to be formally assessed for dyspraxia.When I asked him why he said 'So I won't feel like a failed human being' .

The thing is, he has made so much progress recently, with all elements of his motor skills - and his teacher is very good at recognising this (as, I think, are we) - so I am a bit puzzled and upset as to why he feels a failure.

Oh sphil, I am sorry to hear that But once more, our DS's are spookily linked and I was just searching out this thread to post on it. DS has been saying frequently how he is rubbish at everything (sporty) before he has even tried and since the start of term has said a few times "I wish I didn't find the world so hard". I am slightly relieved however to discover they are (probably) doing their SATS at the moment ... which explains a lot

On the assessment front, I think getting a formal assessment is a good thing. Again, coincidentally, DS is being assessed on Monday by a paed OT as I really want to get to the bottom of things. My friend's DS (mildly similar to DS) has recently been dx with SPD and has improved so much in 6 months with exercises/intervention that he has been discharged!

I keep thinking of singersgirl's DS and his recent success and that really keeps me going

Sorry if I sounded flippant Sphil. Was not intentional. I always make a joke out of things - my defence mechanism. I meant to ask: have other children being saying stuff to DS at school? As I am pretty sure this is where my DS's low self-esteem comes from - getting it wrong in the playground/games etc, general wonky/dreamer moments and then being laughed at or other children getting annoyed with him.

Oh I didn't think it was flippant at all - I laughed! It's possible that other children say things to DS - I did ask him and he said they call him 'wrong writer' and 'sleepy head'. But he followed it up with saying that this 'doesn't happen very often'. So it's hard to know what to think.

He is such a contradiction. The other day he was going on about how he's 'unlucky' because he's 'picked on' by other children in the playground. Then yesterday I was trying to persuade him to learn a musical instrument next year and he was adamant he didn't want to do it if the lessons are at play time. Playing devil's advocate, I mentioned the 'being picked on' conversation, to which he replied.
'Sometimes it's fun being picked on. I can run away and then all my friends come and help me and it's like two teams, one against the other'

That sound's familiar Sphil I also suggested a musical instrument (he is very musical) and he didn't want to miss out on playtime either despite frequently relaying the agony of playtime to me. I have decided that things cannot be so bad and that he has realised what a pushover I am and has learnt to ham it up hence the "world is such a hard place" comments. I hope!

Yes, I think we have a bit of that too. I am quite hard on him, I suppose - I crack the whip a bit with homework, spellings etc - and I wonder whether the 'life's so hard' comments are a delayed response to this sometimes. I also think that DS2 plays a part. He's autistic, and as a result gets quite a bit of attention and also cut a lot of slack - so DS1's comments could sometimes be attention-seeking (for perfectly understandable reasons).

DS1 was a very musical toddler and then decided to eschew all things musical until this year, when a great music teacher at school has turned him on to the recorder and singing. I am very very gently trying to encourage this - I also think it'll be very good for him - so am crossing fingers that lessons are in school time!

Oh, Sphil, I'm sorry to hear that your DS is feeling so low. Is he given to melodramatic utterances or is it all just resigned and downcast? Will you go ahead with the assessment, do you think?

DS1 is a real melodrama queen and is always saying things that sound heartrending but in context often make DH and me laugh. Only last week we found a pencilled note from him saying "I am leaving because I keep messing things up. I am only taking a few clothes, some comics and a book. Goodbye." He'd obviously forgotten about it, though, because he was kicking a ball about in the garden.

I'm also quite hard on him (and DS2) re homework, music practice etc. He quit orchestra because he didn't want to miss playtime.

at the goodbye note. DS1 can be melodramatic but his 'failed human being' comment was said in a very matter-of-fact way.

I think we will go ahead with the assessment - he seems to want it and school are more supportive now they've got the initial OT report. We'll wait until he's been doing the OT programme for 6 months - which will be August. It'll be interesting to see the outcome - his motor skills seem to be improving quite quickly to me and we've only been doing the exercises for two months.

As suspected, DS was diagnosed with dyspraxia this morning. I feel a bit sad at the time that has been wasted but also quite relieved. I've been saying it for years but when children are quite 'capable' (especially academically) it seems to get dismissed. Or so it appears. We have gone down the private route as the NHS one is almost non-existant round here. On a positive note, she thinks about 1 year to get him 'fixed'.

Singersgirl, the note story made me chuckle. So pleased he didn't follow it through. They are all so alike.

Off to rob a bank now to pay for treatment ...