Dreamer of dreams,born out of my due time, Why should I strive to set the crooked straight. Wm Morris

[indignatio]

Hopefully the link from the other thread will work

My stats

ds is 4.5 - summer born
In reception class

Has issues with:-
Easy distractability (school work and practical tasks)
Concentration problems when not totally engaged by something (95% of the time)
Fidgeting
Getting "lost" in the middle of a complicated sentence/explaination.
Bossy manner
Isolation at school
Poor eye contact
Repetition of sentences until he hears the acknowledgement
No herding instinct

On the positive
Very loving boy
Exceptional reader for his age
Good at maths
Lots of "home" friends
If gripped by something, can concentrate on it for ages

dx:
teacher initially thought he might have dyspraxia - no longer thinks so.
I consider that he has more add traits, but would not go so far as to say he has add.
SENCO to informally assess him next week and then meeting to be arranged with parents, teacher and senco shortly thereafter.

Not sure what else I should put in.

Issy - thank you! Ds's travails (plus ca change - although! maybe it is now changing) have only been a bit of the absentness - have also had monster job thing. Otherwise all well, but I am a bit conscious of neglecting lovely friends and look forward to putting that right as soon as possible (prob post new year, now)

I hadn't seen this update, Bink. I'm glad you've had such success with the notebook; it sounds as if things are looking up for next term on the behaviour and friend stuff.

I don't think DS1's teacher likes him this year. I think she only likes well-regulated small boys, not ones who stand up to do their maths. Actually, I could be wrong and it could just be me she doesn't like; she always looks vaguely displeased when I approach.

Sorry I missed all this - will put this thread on watch as Bink suggested. The notebook idea sounds fantastic. We had a period with DS1 just before Christmas where he was repeating the same disobedient behaviours over and over again (at home not school).They were all minor things, but it was more the principle that he just didn't seem to be listening to us or learning from the punishments we gave. Someone on the SN board suggested that this could be because he just doesn't remember consequences, so similar to Bink's DS maybe? So every time he did something 'naughty' we started saying
'Do you remember, last time you did X then Y happened' and suggesting that he did the same when he felt an impulse to do it again. it seems to have worked - for the moment anyway. We were getting a lot of 'My brain told me to do it and I couldn't resist' type of explanations.

Otherwise, things this year are going well socially - far more invites and I can tell the other children like him, though they do boss him around a bit sometimes (the school play was a case in point - those on stage with him seemed terrified (possibly with good reason) that he would forget what he was doing, so there was a certain amount of prodding into position going on . Academically he seems to have slipped a bit - is in lower groups than last year - but his teacher is great and I trust her assessment of him.

Glad this thread is active again

Hope things are going well this term Bink. Great idea about the notebook.

Hello Sphil, good to see you. I always like to hear about DS1 as I often think he is my DS in 1 year + . That's also interesting about repeating the same bad behaviour at home even after a punishment. DS has been doing this since the start of term. I shall try your idea Sphil and see how I get on. I always thought DS was good at remembering consequences but maybe I am wrong.

We have finally bitten the bullet and are taking DS1 for an OT assessment next month. DS2's NHS OT has left and we need to keep on top of his sensory integration programme, so the visit was originally planned for him, but we asked if DS1 could also be assessed on the same day. Will have to be done very, very carefully - DS1 is super-sensitive to any suggestion that he might be struggling with anything and also to any perceived links with DS2 and autism - but I've had a long chat with the OT about it and she seems very sensitive.

Will let you know what happens. School tend to play down his fine motor problems. I had to write a letter asking if both DSes could have the morning of the assessment off and that afternoon DS1 was summoned to the Head's office to receive a 'Headteacher's Award' for a piece of written work - his first ever. I hope it's just a strange coincidence but He was over the moon about it though, so .

Um this is unreal - my DS1 is a mirror of so many of your boys....

How do I go about getting someone to "look" at him to see if he really has SEN? His last school's SENCO retorted "I just don't know WHAT is wrong with him - he just can't do as he is told...."

Hi NMM! - if you're new to this you have chosen yourself a mountain of a thread to climb!! (But my favourite one.)

If your son is a square-peg-type, ie his issues are not enormous (in the grand scheme of things) but all the same quite worrying in how much & how constantly they affect school, etc., then I would say the first stop is your GP, for a chat about whether your concerns are mainly around school/learning, or around behaviour, or other developmental things like motor skills, speech or social skills. As square pegs are square in so many different ways!

Then, and presuming the GP chat clarifies things, and you both decide some further investigation is needed, the next step would be a referral to the right sort of specialist - which could well be an educational psychologist, but could equally well be a developmental paediatrician, or some other person, depending on where it seems needed.

Hi NMM, we finally stopped scratching our heads over DS when we took him to see a developmental paediatrician. Good luck and welcome.

Sphil, that's interesting about the OT/fine motor skills. DS's school also play down his probably because he 'manages to get the job done'. He was assessed privately at the weekend for maths and his pencil grip in particular caught the assessor's eye and she really thinks we need to work on it as it will slow him down. I've got him some of those triangular pencils and am looking at private OT (the only way to go around here). On a slightly smug note, he scored 100% in both tests and she thinks he is probably G&T. We were gobsmacked as we thought he was rubbish at maths. It appears that being a visual learner, he is excellent at reading/written maths but not verbal which up until now has been our only evidence. I asked his teacher for a list of the maths terms they use in year 2 and hopefully we can work on those at home. I'm quite amazed his school haven't said something to us before but then I guess quirky boys like ours can't also be good at something in their eyes

Sorry for self-indulgent ramble

Yes, I get a bit pissed off by the blanket treatment of DS1. For example, his reading age is 2 years in advance of his real age but he's in a lowish group for reading because they test reading ability by....writing.

well DS1 was also over 2 years ahead in reading and is exceptional at maths - but because he won't sit still on the carpet and because he asks lots of questions the teacher then deemed him disruptive - she put him in the bottom groups for everything...hence he got bored and therefore still more disruptive.....and so the cycle continued...until this term when I pulled him out of school altogether. Now I see he is just a bright little lad who is terribly sensitive picking up on others moods. He has quirkiness that needs understanding - but then so do I

Thanks for the welcomes and the advice re the GP - we're heading there asap. Did any of you also have issues gettign your DSs dry at night? I know its considered "normal" to be wet at night in boys til quite late but I wonder if its all linked somehow?

Welcome, Nomoreamover. I agree with you that the bedwetting is linked somehow (and probably allergies/intolerances as well). DS1 was wet till 7y4months - we had actually started seeing the enuresis nurse, but we got no further than the monitoring of drinking/bladder capacity. In fact it resolved itself in the 6 months between our first visit and the next scheduled one.

He's now 10.5 and has rather normalised since this thread started. He is still quirky and slightly oddball, but is beginning to seem more and more just a bright, fidgety boy with a dreadful pencil grip, rather than a Child With Attention/Sensory Issues. He does still chew on things (his coat collar is looking really manky this week), still can't sleep well and has a temper on a knife-edge; his glass is either absolutely drained or it overfloweth. This is his last year of primary school and that is terrifying.

singer - I used to have a year 7 tutor group - and you will be amazed how secondary school can change some children in even the first term - usually for the better tbh. It could be the making of him? I'd be inclined to view it as a positive leap and hopefully then so will he.

Can I pick up on something Singersgirl just said and talk about sleep issues? I'd be interested to know how many of our dreamers have problems with sleep. DS1 is finding it very difficult to drop off atm - it's been going on for a few months now. He is rarely asleep before 9.30 and last night it was nearer 10. We've tried different bedtimes, but it hasn't made a difference. He isn't at all relaxed when he goes to bed, even though we have a regular, calm routine every night. He often says he's scared or sometimes that he just can't relax.

Yes, I have a tricky sleeper too - we all know now (including him, which takes some of the anxiety out of it) that he will find it dreadfully difficult to fall asleep the first night in a new place (on holiday, say). Other times he gets into a singing loop - just quiet warbling, and he thinks he's doing it to settle down, but it has the opposite effect. Poor thing, he's quite used to me shouting up the stairs Stop Singing Now.

I find making sure he has a good long read in bed helps - means the bed gets all cosy - I have a theory it is partly to do with adapting yourself to a different sensory environment, which ds does very slowly (he does any adaptation very slowly).

Yes it's just started with us this term. DS will be 7 in Feb. He's often up until 9/10pm with tales of how his eyelids won't stay shut or there's a cheetah in his room. He also seems to be getting really fidgety, something I hadn't really noticed before. Makes him more of an a-typical dreamer though I suppose

Castles - at that description, which could have come out of the mouth of DS1. Last night it was 'I can hear the wind howling outside my room. I know there's no wind tonight but it's an imaginary wind'

Do there seem to be any knock-on effects with your DS? I think DS1 often looks tired and pale atm, but his behaviour/school work doesn't seem any different.

DS1 chunters to himself (not really singing, more chattering and muttering) and I too yell up the stairs "Stop talking now!" He says he wants the door open and the light on, as otherwise he 'sees' things in the shadows, but in fact the light/noise keeps him awake. I am currently trying to read to him for a while after he has read to himself, but even if he is yawning during the reading he seems to ping back awake the moment the words "Sleep well" are mentioned.

Ditto about the looking tired and pale, but school work doesn't seem affected. His behaviour is, though - he's like a crouching, snarling Gollum in the mornings and very emotional about odd things later in the day ("I'm sad when I think about that time Grandma and Grandpa said goodbye to us in Singapore." This happened 5 years ago, but it's said with generous tears rolling down his cheeks.

Oh, it's all so similar, even down to the chuntering. What with DS1 muttering and DS2 shrieking at the top of his voice (has just discovered his 'higher register')nighttimes are not exactly peaceful in the Sphil household. We haven't got the behaviour differences atm, though DS1 is more of a 'hold it all in ' child so it's sometimes hard to tell how he's feeling.

sphil, bit of a random question, but now I see you - how is ds2's leg?

Bink-that's a good point about the slow adaptation to a different sensory environment. The other problem is that DS1's bed isn't particularly comfortable - it's a cabin bed and just not very snuggly. But being DS1 he absolutely refuses to change it - has a real issue about holding onto possessions. When he's in different beds, funnily enough, he tends to fall asleep more quickly - but that may be because we're on holiday etc, bed time is later, he's had more exercise.....

Sorry X posted! Thanks for asking Bink - he's now in a knee to ankle cast and can hobble about inside, but still has to use the wheelchair outside and at school. It's being removed next Wednesday - can't wait! A strange thing - where the top part of the cast was removed, his leg has developed thick black hair...looks most odd, as if someone's transplanted an adult thigh onto his body.

That's interesting, DS has been a bit arsey (for want of a better word) after school recently. I hadn't thought about the link with not being able to get to sleep (duh) up until now. His behaviour is great at school so he's probably bottling it up.

OK, this is an unbelievably smug update, but I thought people on this thread would appreciate it. DS1 has done brilliantly in his 11+ entrance exams and got offers at all the schools he tried for, including one of the most academic and highly regarded (and expensive!) boys' schools in SW London. Other parents tell me they 'do' quirky kids, so looks as if we will be digging deep into our pockets....

Makes up for the fact that he was one of only 3 children in his class thrown off the cycling proficiency course for wobbling, and for the nudges and winks I saw some of his classmates giving each other the other day as he said something typically DS1-like.

I'm sure he'll still be the subject of nudges and winks, even at a new school, but I'm so pleased for him that he has managed to harness his ability and his charm to such good effect.

Congratulations SG's DS1