Dreamer of dreams,born out of my due time, Why should I strive to set the crooked straight. Wm Morris

[indignatio]

Hopefully the link from the other thread will work

My stats

ds is 4.5 - summer born
In reception class

Has issues with:-
Easy distractability (school work and practical tasks)
Concentration problems when not totally engaged by something (95% of the time)
Fidgeting
Getting "lost" in the middle of a complicated sentence/explaination.
Bossy manner
Isolation at school
Poor eye contact
Repetition of sentences until he hears the acknowledgement
No herding instinct

On the positive
Very loving boy
Exceptional reader for his age
Good at maths
Lots of "home" friends
If gripped by something, can concentrate on it for ages

dx:
teacher initially thought he might have dyspraxia - no longer thinks so.
I consider that he has more add traits, but would not go so far as to say he has add.
SENCO to informally assess him next week and then meeting to be arranged with parents, teacher and senco shortly thereafter.

Not sure what else I should put in.

Lovely for yours who don't give you heart-in-mouth feelings any more.

Mine (the nearly-9yo) still does, I'm afraid - he went for another trial day at the planned follow-on school (ie, follow-on from his current specialist specific-learning-needs school) & every time I answered the phone at work that day I was sure I was about to hear "Nope, we've made a mistake, sorry about that, not possible, can't take him, in fact come & get him NOW." (So when the head actually phoned a few days later to say "Great improvement - good fun in class, contributed appropriately - can't see a problem for September" I felt quite a bit odd.)

The point of which being - the anxiety state gets to be a habit. So if you can manage, among all the other incredibly difficult keeping of tabs on perspective - so difficult in these particular cases - not to automatically always assume/predict the worst, then perhaps it won't eat you up as much as it has me.

Actually quite often I sort of sidle over to listen into DS just in case and find he is coping quite well with the conversation. I know that I have to keep out of it because I am not always going to be around and he has to learn social skills by himself as well as with my help but it is sooooo hard not to make it easier for him.

I try to see that even though I am all torn up inside when DS is rejected by the other kids - he, in fact, doesnt actually care. I am the only one bothered by it. The only thing I cannot stand is when they become rough with him. He just doesnt understand it and would never hit back. I think at his school it has happened out of frustration on their part because he does not respond to them. Everyday when I go to pick him up my stomach is churning in case he has been hit and he will come out and say "No one hit me today Mummy" .

I must admit though, I never thought I would get to this point of acceptance ie not feeling devastated everytime I thought about it. DH and I do have a laugh about him and his ways sometimes and I never thought Id be able to do that.

Hi all... Just had to come and tell you all about dd1's parents' evening tonight.

She is doing really well (though I am a bit at the extent to which the school seems to measure this by SATs-type tests, even in a non-SATs year). She is in Year 3 and is 'scoring' a 4b for reading and a 4c for writing (English is her 'thang', as you can see). She's more 'average' for maths, but is doing perfectly well, at 3b. However (and I knew there was going to be a 'however'), she is (still) easily distracted, doesn't focus, often 'forgets' what she has been told, sometimes helps the others on her table (she's on the table at the front of the class for those who need to be under the teacher's 'beady eye', some - though not all - of whom are those who struggle a bit with the work) and then forgets to do her own work. I was told that one day recently she spent 15 mins 'working' and ended up with three pencils and a blank sheet of paper [don't know whether to or tear hair out in frustration].

Her teachers are lovely and they really appreciate her for who she is. Unlike her Year 2 teacher, they never present her as a 'problem child'. But when I asked what I could do to encourage her to concentrate a bit more, they were at a bit of a loss. They said she'd grow out of it. But I teach 18-21 year olds, and I know that it doesn't always happen (the guy who did a whole year of an Italian degree without noticing that he should have been attending some Italian language classes springs to mind). One of her teachers suggested music as a good way of engaging both sides of her brain and also an activity which requires a certain discipline. She definitely wants to join the school choir next year, but I'm wondering about getting her an instrument of some sort for her birthday (she's 8 next month). Maybe a flute? She can make a noise blowing over a bottle top! I'd need to find a local teacher, though. I can help a bit (got Grade 6 clarinet and Grade 6 theory, though all about a zillion years ago), but am not the best person as am basically tone deaf.

Sorry this is so long. I just thought that you ladies might have some ideas about ways of trying to get her to focus a bit better in class (and out of it for that matter). Does the music thing seem like a good idea?

Yes, the music idea sounds like an excellent one, Ellbell. DS3 has got a lot out of starting to learn the piano - and his piano teacher says he's doing really well. (And she's not a softie - she scares DS1 ) I'm not sure I'd get the instrument as a birthday present though - might it be better to go for a hire in the first instance just in case it doesn't work out?

To find a local music teacher, try your local music shop if you have one - they generally have lists of teachers.

Other ideas - I considered drama, and still think it might have been a good idea, but was not able to timetable that one. DS3 has also been doing football in an after school club, about which he has been very enthusiastic. I'm sure that has helped both with coordination and with getting more sleep at night. He amazed me by getting a hole in one in Crazy Golf yesterday (OK, a fair few holes in 10 as well, but DS2 and I managed those too...)

It's lovely that your daughter wants to help the others on her table, but I understand your frustration - I frequently have to stop myself from screaming "Stop being so @$£! nice".

Thanks Hallgerda and good idea about hiring the instrument (though knowing her and the way she loses things, I'd end up paying for it anyway as she'd leave it somewhere!). She is doing drama at school at the moment, and loves it, but I can't find a club locally that we can get to (the only one is after school and quite far away, and her CM doesn't drive). I'm liking the fact that a musical instrument will engage her brain and her hands at the same time!

DS1 is now 9 and in Y5 and I am significantly less worried about him than I was. This year, for the first time, his teacher has said that she thinks he is working to his ability. Concentration is still a problem, though, and he is still the only child standing up to do his maths.

He's been playing the trumpet for 18 months or so, which has been a boost to his confidence and concentration - nevertheless, his trumpet teacher says he can't stand still and doesn't listen enough. He does after school drama too. The other thing that's been good for short, sharp bursts of concentrated effort is Kumon maths, which is dull but has really taught him his maths facts and how to work to a strict time.

I wonder if I should add DS2, aged 6, to this thread too, as his teacher says he falls off his chair a lot ("It's my chair's hobby to knock me off") but is absolutely motionless when engaged in something.

Will have to find out more about Kumon maths, singersgirl. I'm sorry, but I am roffling at 'It's my chair's hobby to knock me off'! Bless! Strangely, lamp-posts seem to jump out in front of my dd quite a lot!

DS is 6 and wants to learn the guitar. I spoke to a teacher who said it's best to buy one so they can muck around at home (I checked and you can get them for around the £25 mark which seems reasonable to me) as having lessons before 8 can dampen their enthusiasm. I think it's a great idea - IIRC all our dreamers are musical, mine certainly is, and it can only be a boost to their confidence, not to mention coordination.

Talking of which, DS was forever walking into lamp posts etc but it seems to be improving. Now I've noticed DD1 (4) doing it a lot so maybe she'll be joining your DS on here singersgirl, unless it's a genetic thing ... says the mother who's had just about every accident possible

DS does art after school, can highly recommend it. Was wondering about cubs/beavers?? - does anyone have an opinion? My friend's son who is HFA is starting in september (same age) but there is something stopping me from enrolling my own DS, not sure what

My dds do Rainbows/Brownies, castles. They love it. When I was small (100 years ago) it was quite overtly Christian. Now I'd say that the basic ethos hasn't really changed (the groups often meet in Church halls and there are Church parades or events for Harvest Festival, Mother's Day, etc at the relevant Church) but overtly they have become more inclusive. The promise now talks about loving 'my God' and the books that they get explaining what it's all about are more multi-cultural/inclusive in the kinds of girls they show enjoying Rainbows/Brownies. I can only comment on the girls' side of things though.

castlesintheair, I've never considered cubs/beavers for my own sons as they're a little too militantly atheist and don't particularly wish to be part of a group iyswim. However, if you wanted that sort of organization but without the religion, how about the Woodcraft Folk?

hi all, have just found this thread again, after starting another similar in Primary!
how is everyone doing?
Just been to see dd's class teacher again. Basically she's not progressing much at all. still the same as ever! I think they are concerned that when she goes into Yr 1 she will have problems as she needs 1-1 still to get anything done at all. she doesn't see why she should do all this school work when there are other interesting things to do!

Hi PB1. From my experience of ds, (limited but a subject close to my heart) his reception teacher did not "get him". We have just had the year 1 report which (apart from asking him to concentrate and change quicker for PE) basically said what a wonderful intelligent boy (with a photographic memory - not too sure about that but DH is), and a joy to have in the class.

I remember from school days having teachers I "got on" with and teachers I didn't. It seems the same is still in existence.

The change from reception to Yr 1 is great - far more emphasis on work and quiet - this has been great for ds (and also may be for your dd) - much as he complains that there is not nearly enough time to play ! The quieter atmosphere is good for ds's concentration (or less distracting - however you wish to look at it). He is flying - I will wait to yr 2 (or maybe3)before starting to push the teacher to pander to ds's unique charms. At present he is v v happy to coast and I am fine with this as he is not coasting at home. !!

I always read this thread with enjoyment and learn a lot even when I am not posting - thanks

In praise of this thread. It has given me the strength to accept what I cannot change - ds - and to change what I cannot accept - some aspects of school. It may sound trite - for which I apologise.

I now know that 29 children will happily go in one direction and ds will not. I know this - as to do school (after the Harvest Festival Fiasco).

I know that ds is far more capable than he shows in class. I also know that if I were a teacher, ds would drive me demented.

I know that ds enjoys school - which in itself is worth its weight in gold

I know that if I were to HE ds, he would learn far more in the academic subjects, but for him (at present) being at school is far more of a rounding experience than being at home would be.

BUT most importantly, I know that ds is not alone, he is not a freak (highly intelligent but clueless), there are others out there, whose parents worry as much about their dcs as we do about ds, who are like me/us just trying to find a way through primary to the benefit of our dcs.

indignatio, your posts really struck a chord with me. I think everything going on in reception does distract dd big time, and now I do have some hope for yr 1! dd's teacher also thinks that dd is quite bright, and could go far if she could focus more and apply herself. She just doesn't choose to do it in school yet!
I don't think dd dislikes school, she'd just prefer to bin the school work and do the playing At least her teacher does try to understand her and is fairly positive when she speaks to me - I imagine dd is pretty frustrating to teach!

Just thought I'd give this thread a little bump to see how everyone is.

Indignatio, I agree with your sentiments entirely esp the bit about HE and the merits of the rounding experience of school. DS is far more capable than he is given credit for in the classroom but socially he has come on enormously this year so I don't really care at this stage. Part of this is shyness to speak up. I don't see this as a problem as I was the same and always excelled in exams and like DS, I coasted until these times.

His writing astounds me. I'm sure it's below average (so his teacher tells me) but to me it's fantastic for a 6 year old with 'special needs'. He's just written 2 very long stories one about an owl who ends up intervening in a fight between a lion and an impala (sp?) on the savannah (lots of detail about the activities of nocturnal animals) which leads to the cycle of sleeping and hunting in a parallel universe between badgers, squirrels and rabbits and concludes with the observation about how the world keeps spinning and life continues at all levels. Several spelling mistakes (though phonetic) and going off at tangents all over the place but I'm sure at the end of last year he could only 'copy' words and write his name.

I wish I could find some of the stuff I wrote at that age (if indeed I could). As DH says, I might have had beautifully neat writing but I probably didn't have an original thought in my head. Rude but entirely honest

Sorry for long ramble but I just have so much to say on the subject of my little dreamer and this is about the only place I feel I can come and talk

That sounds like a wonderfully imaginative story, Castles, and he sounds as if he is doing really well. I too love to hear others' stories. So I will add a ramble of my own....

Having said recently I wasn't as worried about DS1, I guess other issues are coming to the fore now. He is very emotional at the moment, and very conscious of not being good at sport - found him in tears at a friend's party yesterday after he lost a table tennis match. He just kept saying, "I'm crap, I'm crap". Didn't think it was the time to pick up on the choice of words and told him he just hadn't practised as much. Several children at school seem to tell him he is 'mad' and this of course upsets him. He doesn't always want me to tell the teacher and I want him to learn how to deal with stuff like that.

He is being tutored for 11+ at the moment and we get the same message from the tutor; "got a good mind", "a sharp little boy", "better with difficult work than easy work because he focuses", BUT Needs To Concentrate and Not Get Worked Up.

Is anyone still around and interested in an update? I stumbled into singersgirl on an education thread yesterday ... it would be lovely to hear how our collective dreamers are getting on.

Hello, Castles! As I said on the other thread, DS1, now 10, seems to be doing well at the moment. He still spins like Dizzy the cement mixer going down the road and can talk for 2 hours straight about nothing much at all. Academically he's much better at concentrating and showing what he's capable of. He is unpredictable, though, according to his tutor. He needs to learn when to stop trying to be funny before it spills into silliness, according to his teacher.

Have found him a new Saturday morning drama course that he is really into and this I think helps the whole sporting misery. He's got a really good close-knit group of friends (4 of them) and they are all very supportive; 3 of them do drama and aren't very sporty!

Hi Castles and Singersgirl.

Singersgirl, good news, can you point to anything which helped your ds1, or do you put this down to maturity ?

Update
Well, after a brilliant Yr1 (because of the teacher who understood ds), Yr2 is proving (so far) to be just the opposite. Teacher is not interested in ds - cynically my view is that this is because he already hits the sats targets she needs him to achieve this year.

I felt like crying when ds said that he just switches his brain off at school because he doesn't need it.

Oh dear indignatio. I can see where you are coming from, too, with the SATS angle. Early days though??

Ds (now 9 and a half, in Yr5 at his new mainstream boys' prep school) is doing - well, sometimes OK, sometimes not bad at all, sometimes not well at all. Three steps forward, ten back, twenty forward, six sideways, shake it all about ... that kind of thing.

We're all doing our best to roll with it, but he goes from writing the most superb "day in the life of a Victorian boy" (and getting a commendation in assembly for it), to having a stand-up row with maths teacher because he daydreamed through the instructions for how to set particular work out, did the sums his own way (getting them right, but that is not the point) and then was told to do them all again. The rollercoaster is just so exhausting.

However. On sports - I found him this summer a kind & rather inspirational secondary-school PE teacher to do some private coaching ("this is what you do with your arm when you throw overhand" "and let's try again" "and again") and that had an enormous effect - on his attitude beyond everything else. He's now having (quite) a good go at a football club on Sunday mornings - and, as always, the more focussed running around he does the less dreamy/vague/distracted/set on his own agenda he is. I do think there is a huge relevance of physical activity in all this.

Aw Bink - I can see where your ds is coming from. If work was put infront of him and he could see how to do it, then chances are he would switch off for the explaination.

Food for thought on the focussed physical activity.

Is it the same for mental activity ? ie if it isn't easy then it is necessary to concentrate and vice versa

Re "seeing" the answers - yes, that's exactly the issue (and why it's really quite difficult to get him to understand that the learning-goal wasn't, in this case, to get the sums right - but to be able to demonstrate grasp of a particular process. Ds is, er, not exactly a process-driven person. But I do think it is important that he learn to see that his way, however effective it is, is NOT the ONLY way).

Dh (who also can't bear process-driven-ness) is trying very hard to hide that he's on ds's side in this!

And yes, give ds a Latin translation that he has to decode in bits & he's all alert. Latin has been a happy discovery this term.

Indignatio, I think it really is just maturity. He's young in his year, and young for his age in some ways, and has the hyper-silly-fidgety-sub-ADHD stuff going on. What's happened in the last 18 months or so is that he can now concentrate on stuff he doesn't want to for short periods. He's not as highly able as your DS or Bink's so I think he is probably less bored by certain tasks. So sorry for your DS having to switch his brain off. DS2 was in Y2 last year and he enjoyed it much more than Y1 - his teacher though really got him and understood that there was more going on in his head than always appeared on paper.

Stuff we tried that may have helped DS1:
Kumon (which has done great things for his maths confidence and helped him with the short concentrated bursts on boring stuff)
Trumpet playing (good for coordination, concentration and confidence - again, 15-20 minutes focusing on something new)
Karate (he's been doing this for nearly 5 years now. It's a great physical outlet and fantastic for physical and mental self-discipline; he gets lots of praise from his karate teacher who's a laid back South African dude that DS1 really likes)
Drama (he's really into this and I think the Saturday class he's started is excellent for self-control and reigning in that silliness)

He's been having specific 11+ private school entrance tuition for the last 9 months, and that's helped too - timed tasks, really thinking about what questions are asking etc. His tutor gives him extra points (for chocolate rewards) if he can stay in his seat for the whole hour and NOW HE CAN!

Another thought about the physical activity. DS1's tutor suggested that before we get him to do homework we send him round the block on his bike several times or get him to run around the park. His best maths papers are the ones he does between coming home from school on a Friday and going out again in an hour to karate. The tutor says it's because he's physically tired so can sit still and let his brain take over.

Bink, I'm glad your DS is enjoying Latin. I think it would be right up DS2's street.