Dreamer of dreams,born out of my due time, Why should I strive to set the crooked straight. Wm Morris

[indignatio]

Hopefully the link from the other thread will work

My stats

ds is 4.5 - summer born
In reception class

Has issues with:-
Easy distractability (school work and practical tasks)
Concentration problems when not totally engaged by something (95% of the time)
Fidgeting
Getting "lost" in the middle of a complicated sentence/explaination.
Bossy manner
Isolation at school
Poor eye contact
Repetition of sentences until he hears the acknowledgement
No herding instinct

On the positive
Very loving boy
Exceptional reader for his age
Good at maths
Lots of "home" friends
If gripped by something, can concentrate on it for ages

dx:
teacher initially thought he might have dyspraxia - no longer thinks so.
I consider that he has more add traits, but would not go so far as to say he has add.
SENCO to informally assess him next week and then meeting to be arranged with parents, teacher and senco shortly thereafter.

Not sure what else I should put in.

Well, when I say resolved I mean he is still exactly the same as he was last year, but is doing fine in the grand scheme of things. So apart from a bit of extra schoolwork in the evening to ensure he keeps up with his class we are largely leaving him be. His teacher still say he is polite, friendly etc, still forgetful, still slow to work, but he seems fine

Right, back to reading...

Castles - I think Ds1 is a year older than yours (he's 6.5). The description of your playdate would have been exactly like DS1 last year. I don't think you need to do anything about it - an hour's joint play is good for their age imo!

I'm a great fan of all things alternative. Cranial osteopathy, the Bowen technique and nutritional therapy have done wonders for DS2 (he has ASD) and DS1 also benefited when he had a few sessions of cranial osteopathy at the age of 4. The cranial osteopath described to me how DS1's mind 'scrambles' after a few minutes of concentration and how he needs some time to refocus - this was before I'd told him anything about him!

I've just come back from my meeting with Ds1's teacher and am feeling very positive. She seems to understand him very well. Although she agrees his writing is a problem, she can see his brightness beyond that - he was in the bottom group for everything except reading but she's moved him up two maths groups, one reading group and one writing group this term. She's recommended a typing programme and he'll be getting OT fine motor exercises twice a week from now on. We talked about dyspraxia and she says the school can assess him for that - something I hadn't realised (I think it's because they have an OT on site). She also said he was delightful and unusual .

Gosh thats a great way to describe Dt2, i,e mind scrambles after a few minutes of concentration. Great news on that feedback sphil and Castles - sounds like your Ds is doing great too. I am not a fan at all of things alternative,however sometimes I hear good news stories like yours and Sphils and I think , well maybe I should give it a go.

Thanks Maggiems and Sphil. Do any other Dreamers have problems 'getting' the rules of games? Or is it just mine. I sometimes think it's quite spectrumy how other kids just 'get' things and he has to be taught. Would be interested to hear other stories if anyone is in the same boat.

Do you mean formal rules Castles - or the unwritten social rules of games? DS1 isn't great with either - though better with social rules than he was. He absolutely hates games - would rather not play at all than play and lose. Doesn't mind team games - but board games or anything where the pressure is on him alone, he would rather avoid.

Both really. Especially football. He really wants to play but often ends up disrupting the game and annoying everyone. DH is out in the garden at the moment "teaching" him. We live in hope. Similarly Sphil, unwritten rules are improving. DS is fine with board games, he's a good loser (and winner) it just seems to be ball games. Glad it's not just me, IYKWIM

If DS1 is forced to play a game and loses, he's pretty graceful abut it - but it's as if it completely knocks his confidence, so he won't play it again. This extends to raffles and tombolas too! I think his sense of disappointment is so keen that he'd rather not suffer it again, even if it means losing out on the possibility of winning.

Not sure what is happening to my dreamer at the moment (this is a positive thing though): he has asked his teacher to give him extra handwriting homework as he loves it so much

Fantastic, castlesintheair! I'm still having to be a nagging cow about handwriting (but at least DS3 can now write beautifully when he tries .)

Hallgerda linked to this thread for me - cheers!
Some of this sounds like my dd.
she is summer born, and fairly immature. She started reception last Sept.
She has issues with speech, poor attention span/concentration at school, and is 'behind' in most aspects of school work (according to school). The teacher has to supervise her a lot otherwise she won't finish her work.
On the plus side she is very sociable and has plenty of friends, she is v loving, has a good imagination and plays great with her toys.
Have to see her teacher after half term. She doesn't have any special help at the moment, not sure if her school will suggest any yet.

Hello - nice to see you over here, paddingtonbear1!

My son is 8, in Year 4 and doing well now, but his Year 1 report suggested that he needed 1-1 support to get anything done whatsoever. He had some "social skills" sessions with someone who went on about how it was OK not to be doing well, which led to him thinking long-term benefit claimant was a reasonable ambition. I had to say some pretty direct things to him about that, of the type that if anyone on here had overheard me there'd have been a lovely thread slagging me off as a dreadful middle class pushy mum.

I know I was in a minority of one on your thread over thinking the teacher might have the right idea, but I do think encouragement to take responsibility for themselves really is the key. I'd have a good chat to the teacher about how she thinks that could be achieved - I wouldn't be surprised if she has personal experience of the issue, either as a parent or as a child.

I just thought I would post an update - been to see dd's teacher today. She was very nice and pretty complimentary about dd in the main, which I guess I wasn't expecting! She said dd is very clever basically, but is easily distracted by everything that's going on and takes ages to finish her work without close supervision. She has a short attention span, and tends to go into her own world! but the teacher says that's not unusual for her age (she's 4 and a summer baby so one of the youngest). So we need to try and get her to focus on a task long enough and do it independently, as when she goes into Y1 there won't be a TA to help. I didn't realise this! So the meeting was very useful, I now understand more what they're trying to do and why.

This whole field is very confusing, in my experience (three DSs) two children can have the same academic problems as listed above but only the one who has behavioual problems in class that annoy the teacher will have their problems taken seriously! If they are quiet the teachers are not so bothered about sorting them out. I have read a lot of stuff trying to work out how my sons tick, I feel that there are a lot of kids out there who are "right- brain dominant" ie, visual learners who find it difficult to concentrate and listen in classrooms where most of teaching suits "left-brain dominant" ie, auditory learners and teachers who are good at learning by listening. I think it can be very common for boys (esp. left-handers) to learn by looking and doing not listening. Teachers know about this but don't feel they have time to teach both ways.

I so agree with you about the behaviour issue Allytjd. I honestly feel that DS1's quiet and conformist behaviour stops him from getting sufficient focused help.

Funnily enough, DS2 (5 with severe ASD) has just started at m/s school and I can see that this might be an issue with him too. He is also very 'good' - ie he'll sit quietly and not disrupt the class - and I can see that this might mean that they start thinking he doesn't need 1:1. But in his case he won't LEARN anything without one!

Was referred to this thread by Sphill - thanks . Just thought I would post on this thread as I have been posting on Special Needs but for some reason this one feels like it might be more relevant to DS.

He is 5.1.
Up to speed academically but apparently has problems socially at school - always seeks out and prefers the company of adults. His teacher says that he doesnt seem able to socialise with kids his own age but when he comes home he will often tell us about what they got up to and laugh appropriately. He understands when things are naughty etc.

He wont focus on things he is not interested in. Finds it difficult to move on to different activities at school etc. We dont really see this because he just seems so happy at home or out with us as a family.

I still dont know if he is right or left handed as he uses both.

His gross motor skills arent the best - he never really rode a trike and finds his bike with stabilisers really hard work - is a whiz on his scooter though. Likes climbing but his running is a bit all over the place .

Does not ever seem to understand urgency, just drifts through life with me on his heels when things need doing. He doesnt really have problems with changes in routine or anything.

My whole impression of DS is that life is just happening to him. He is very happy and really kind and gentle with his younger sister - never gives her a hard time.

He shows me things and shares things with me but would never think to tell me something that had happened to him say at school. eg he came home with a big bruise on his face and his teacher had to tell me what happened because he never would. It just would not occur to him. He would be upset at the time but then just accept it.

We have been told it may be possible aspergers or ASD but I have read up loads on these and neither of them really fit. I do think he has some traits but as my DH says "Who is to say what is normal if so many kids have these traits?". The title of this thread is just so relevant to how I feel about DS. You all seem to know so much about what is going on with your kids as well. I just feel as though I am flapping around in the dark.

Sorry this is so long. Going to go back and read the whole thread in detail. Thanks if you read this .

Hi, ALM - yes your ds sounds like he's one of ours! Welcome to the party. (And there should be one, one day )

My current take on this is that there might be a real truth in the old wives' term of "late developer". My ds will be 9 next month, and I do really notice the strides he takes - in particular because bits & pieces of (especially social) instinct were so patently lacking, in comparison with others his age, early on.

Example: if I now give him a pep-talk about behaving in a particular situation (perfect example is joining in performing school concert songs which he thinks are "babyish"), he now absolutely absorbs and understands what I'm saying - "so I have to ignore what I might be feeling and make the concert a success for everyone" - whereas, at your son's age ALM, I would have got a blank look. (And to my huge relief, he DID behave in the concert, and courteously sang all the babyish lyrics.)

The other thing I've noticed about him as he's got older (offering this as prognosis for the younger dreamers here) is that his facility for co-operative imaginative invention (so shared dreaming, not just solitary) gets stronger & stronger - he had his best friend here last weekend & the continual story-building improvisation between them was completely charming: neither leading the story, instead creating it between them in a back-&-forth collaborative way. I think it's a kind of friendship that not all children get to have (& one I'm a little envious of, myself).

Reading in recent posts about it not occurring to children to tell us about things that happen at school reminds me about a recent event at my sons school; I was standing minding my own business in the playground at home time when the headmaster came up to me saying he was very sorry about what had happened at school yesterday and it would never happen again, I looked puzzled as DS2 had not mentioned anything untoward and the heedie then told me that DS2 had been left behind in the local library (next door to the school)when the rest of the class returned to school, he had his nose stuck in a Star Wars book of course and hadn't noticed the class leaving. I told HT ,jokingly, that he could have got away with not telling me because DS2 had not said anything. When questioned DS2 told me that he had asked the library lady for help and she had taken him back to school ,Iwas quite proud of him for coping, the final part of tha story is that when I went to thank said lady for helping DS2 she said"Oh yes that is the second time they have left him behind". The fact that i did not make a big fuss about this has given me some leverage with the headteacher!

Just wanted to say hello to new thread joiners. DS1 is still dreaming along (the only boy in his Y5 class chewing his hat in his school assembly yesterday and the only one who had to leave halfway through to go to the loo ). Have been trying not to spend too much time on Mumsnet, but do still check into this thread.

I love this thread. Someone said in an earlier post that whenever they go past the coat hooks at their childs school it is always their childs belongings on the floor. Thats when I knew I was in the right place.

Took DS out for pizza today and he sat cuddled up to me, kissing me on the cheek in between bites of pizza, now I do love this but I realise that the average 5 year old boy probably doesnt do this.

I got our Ed Psych report today and it was pretty positive all round so what with finding this thread and that I am feeling pretty good today.

Bink - I agree with you completely about "late developers" My DH says that he is not worried about DS at all because he thinks he will "grow into" his traits IYSWIM, they will not be so noticeable when he is older. He thinks the other kids need to catch up with DS .

Glad you've found this ALM . It's made me feel so much less anxious about DS1. Watched him in playground today as I was leaving a governors' meeting and he was so involved and integrated in the game. A year ago he would have been just dancing around on the edges.

I'd like to welcome all the new dreamers too This thread has been a great comfort to me. A year ago or so ago I was staggering around in the wilderness and now I know that DS is not the only one.

I totally agree with the 'late developer' thing. My MIL has always insisted on this. DS has done everything really late but once he has reached a milestone, you would never know he was late at it, in fact, he's usually better at it than his peers.

I was watching DS in the playground yesterday running around with all his pals and realised that I haven't been standing there with my buttocks clenched for ages He was in fact leading the game, something that happens quite regularly now, so I am told. Not by him of course!

My mother in law, bless her, makes me feel better about DS2 and his quirks because she remembers what DH was like as a wee boy. She makes remarks about how she thought that he was going to go to school in nappies etc. She also says that he did not mix with other kids until he went ti high school where he found other kindred spirits (who he is still friends with 30 years later), it really gives me hope when the school is being negative.

Hi

DS1(5.10) is dyspraxic, we havent had an official dx yet, just a matter of time. It is so obvious.

I have some upsetting issues though his behaviour is just terrible - i hate telling him off what feels like all the time. He is very physical with his brother (3)and also me, sometimes. He also wets himself nearly daily; though not at night. SENCO said he may not be able to recognise/understand the order of going to the toilet?

Sometimes i feel very that this is forever (for him, not me)

I know how you feel scorpio1. The only real reason I am pursuing a diagnosis for DS is I cant stand thinking he is being told off for things he cant help. I hate thinking that maybe I have told him off for things he cant help in the past.

When the GP asked me to describe my DS when I went to her with concerns I said "He does exactly the same as other kids but just not so much and about 6 months to a year after the other kids were doing it". Eg - he asks Why? Why? Why? about absolutely everything now but he is 5 and really I would have expected him to have started this earlier. He points at things and brings them to my attention to share interest but also has only really started doing that in the past year.

I know that anxious feeling as well when he starts talking to other kids and you have to hold yourself back from running over to ease the conversation or game along for him.

Do you know, ALM, I'd completely forgotten about that anxious feeling - and it's only been about a year since I stopped feeling I had to 'interprete' for DS1 with other children. I still have to poke him occasionally when another child says hello to him and he doesn't notice!