Dreamer of dreams,born out of my due time, Why should I strive to set the crooked straight. Wm Morris

[indignatio]

Hopefully the link from the other thread will work

My stats

ds is 4.5 - summer born
In reception class

Has issues with:-
Easy distractability (school work and practical tasks)
Concentration problems when not totally engaged by something (95% of the time)
Fidgeting
Getting "lost" in the middle of a complicated sentence/explaination.
Bossy manner
Isolation at school
Poor eye contact
Repetition of sentences until he hears the acknowledgement
No herding instinct

On the positive
Very loving boy
Exceptional reader for his age
Good at maths
Lots of "home" friends
If gripped by something, can concentrate on it for ages

dx:
teacher initially thought he might have dyspraxia - no longer thinks so.
I consider that he has more add traits, but would not go so far as to say he has add.
SENCO to informally assess him next week and then meeting to be arranged with parents, teacher and senco shortly thereafter.

Not sure what else I should put in.

Indignatio - how did it go tonight?

iwearflairs - good luck for your meeting too. It must be some comfort that at least you have some input, so your concerns are being addressed in some way, and while your ds is very young too. Hope the nursery are able to be supportive to you and your ds. Let us know...

Thanks for the thoughts.

The meeting actually went brilliantly. The teacher started by saying ds is so so bright (in reverential tones) and so that got us off to a flying start. She proceeded to list all subjects and that he was doing brilliantly in each (including trying very hard in Art - genetically his talents may not lie in that direction). So masses of praise followed by BUT she did not think that he was fullfilling his potential as he was very slow to get down to work and easily distracted whilst doing it - so she did not think that she was seeing all he was capable of.

At this stage I could have kissed the woman. She really seems to have him pegged.

She told us what she had been trying to do to combat the dreaminess:-
Praise and stickers when he concentrated.
Keeping him in a break to finish work when he didn't.

I was a little shocked at the latter (the poor kid was only 5 at the end of July) and did manage to detail the sucess we were having at home ie a rewards based system. We came up with several ideas of what might be suitable rewards for ds in class for getting on with it - we did agree that the chances of Yr 1 having a PS2 installed in the classroom were nil.

Socially, her view is that ds has a lot of friends in class and can happily flit from one fluid group to another. She also said that he was perfectly happy with his own company. This also seems to be a great improvement on the previous year. Last year the teacher was very negative WRT his social skills. Having said that, he is to be part of some scheme where groups of children "talk to the teddy" and it is hoped that this will improve his listening and concentrating skills. He certainly doesn't need to up the amount he talks !

Katpol - digging for brilliance.

With ds I am constantly amazed at what he knows and what he says he doesn't know.

He seems to have learnt that if you say I don't know (IDK) to a question, you don't therefore have to answer it. He has therefore decided to take the lazy/easy way out and answer I don't know to most questions. This he took a stage further in a maths lesson the other week and wrote down the answer 1 for all the questions. This way, he figured, he could stop doing the maths and go and do something more interesting instead. You can imagine that this did not go down well at home when the story was relayed.

If you don't accept the IDK and tell him that he does know, he will happily give you, or work out the answer.

WRT flashes of brilliance. I spent 2 minutes explaining the concept of division (maths rather than racial) on the walk home from school. Later I included two division sums on his maths sheet. 100 divided by 10 and 45 divided by 9. I did this to see whether he had understood what I had been saying, or just Yes Mummying me. Well, he reached the two sums and said "What was division again ?" I replied, "What do you think the question is asking you ?" He said "How many 10's are there in a hundred...Oh that's easy 10". He then proceeded to do the other sum correctly with no further imput from me.

indignatio, I'm so glad to hear your meeting went well. Amazing what a difference a sympathetic teacher can make.

iwearflairs, I'd worry far less about a one-off moving schools/moving house upheaval than a daily struggle against the system. Do take a look at your local state school nursery if you haven't already - you may be pleasantly surprised. Certainly, if ours is anything to go by, they'll be very supportive of the OT sessions (none of my children had OT, but plenty of others there did, or had speech therapy etc.). They can't turn you or your child away for not fitting in - they're there for everyone. (For brighter children, scruffy state is often preferable to upmarket state - more inclined to allow for various differences without getting jumpy about how they may affect the school's results.)

Wow at your parents evening Indignatio - that sounds fab. Looks like your ds's teacher actually understands, and is prepared to do something to help . Good to hear that the social side of things are good too - that is so important for their self esteem.

As for the digging thing - my dd1 is like that! Give her a maths question - she either says don't know without actually thinking about it, or just gives you a random number. Tell her to think about it, and she will (sigh and roll her eyes) get it right, and when she gets into the swing of things she is great...

I suspect her teacher has been taken in by this 'I don't know the answer' trick, and dd1 is happy to not be challenged...

We are going to say that as at 6 she is able and motivated enough to read Harry Potter, there is something going on behind the vacant countenence she sometimes has...hmm...

Another very positive parents evening here last night. DS is concentrating very hard , extremely focussed , better at maths than reading (he's an above average reader) , behaviour is impeccable, has several solid friendships ... in fact his new teacher didn't have one negative thing to say about him It's such a turnaround and we feel so encouraged, I actually felt like I might be able to fly this morning And then (major boast here!!) DD1 (3) was 1 of the only 5 at preschool (65 children) who can write her name and I didn't even know she could. Really brought me down to earth with a bump how massively focused I am on DS and his problems.

That's great, castlesintheair

Castles what a great turnaround! I was reading back over some of your posts and all his problems seem to have faded. I remember you being concerned about his language processing and I think you actually had a diagnosis and were hoping for a statement. If you dont mind me asking does he still have problems in this area? I imagine if he did you would not have had such a positive outcome last night. I'm just interested as Dt2 sounded quite similiar to your Ds some time ago.

Indignatio - fantastic outcome for you too. Your DS sounds very bright indeed. You dont sound like you have anything to worry about at all.

I love hearing the positive stories but feeling a bit as my meeting is on Monday and I know that although Dt2 has progressed my tale wont be anyway as positive as what I've seen here

Castles - great to hear another success story! Remind me how old your DS is, as I am clinging on to the 'they get better as they get older' theory... Seriously though, it all sounds very positive - a relief for you I am sure.
Lovely to hear about your dd1 too - bless!

Maggie - I am with you in the camp. We have had our parents eve, and it went worse than I had anticipated. Will post about in when I have finished sorting dinner.

Okay, so dd1?s parent?s evening?

Background is that her teacher has a reputation for being a bit sour-faced, with a strict attitude. It didn?t overly bother me, as I think dd1 might benefit from a stricter approach, and I am generally able to build rapport with most people.

However, dd1?s teacher was totally impenetrable. Offered very little info, except to say that dd1 ?seemed fine?. As she seemed to have nothing to say, we said that we had concerns. In fact, I started off saying it, but my dp had to continue as I found her complete lack of response (verbal, body language etc) very off-putting and quite intimidating.

Anyway, we said that we were concerned that despite dd1 being described as bright and capable and yet not working close to her potential (her Yr 1 report), this year dd1 told us that she had moved down ability groups and was happy as the work was now ?easier?, ?easier than last year?, and that was ?good because it means I finish quicker and can go and choose a book to read?. The teacher had to then check her notes to see which groups dd1 was in, and it looks like she has gone down either one or two ability groups.

We also said that while she gave the impression of not knowing the answers, she really was able to do it, just reluctant and not bothered. We told her that dd1 had just read Harry Potter (over 3 nights/mornings), and the teacher basically said that she was very surprised and suggested that dd1 was not reading it ?properly? and not understanding it. Why would a 6 yr old (who is currently re-reading it because she says it was really good and she wanted to go back to Hogwarts again ) bother reading it (twice) if she wasn?t getting anything out of it? I got dd1 to give me a synopsis, and it was pretty good, and she was quoting actual text from memory as well as retelling in her own words some of the funny bits. The teacher in fact suggested we get dd1 to read it out loud so we could check. That would be a fine way to kill interest ? would you want to read HP out loud?!

So, basically, her teacher has pegged dd1 from her first impression. Average student, not really noticeable in class, doesn?t contribute much. Bland, bland, can safely be ignored. GRRR!

So, obviously we are not happy. We have asked her for another meeting, but what also worries me is the teacher's apparent lack of interest (in anything), and the fact we can?t talk to her constructively.

I am hoping she takes on board what we said and digs a little with dd1. However, I fear in the class of 30, with some children who require a LOT of attention, and several who DEMAND a lot of attention, dd1 will once again be allowed to sideline herself?.

Sorry this is so long. Just to add, we were by no means the only parents to encounter this attitude from the teacher. It contrasts so much with our friendly, positive talk with dd2?s teacher, which happened ten minutes earlier...

Sorry to hear your parents' night hasn't gone so well, katepol. But it is clear that your daughter has it in her to do well, and at some point she will surely find it worth her while to put in the extra effort. It will also be more in the school's interest to encourage her after the KS1 SATs are out of the way. It is possible that you have made the teacher think about her first impression, even if her outward appearance has given nothing away.

Katepol, sorry your meeting didnt go that well. The lack of interest thing and having to check what groups your Dd was in would annoy me. If she doesnt know what groups she is in how can she claim to be surprised that your DD can read HP? However your dd does seem very bright and as she used to be in the top sets for everything, you know she has it in her. Hopefully you have given the teacher something to think about before your next meeting

Oh Katepol - I'm so sorry about the teacher. I think the recent spate of parents' evenings has really brought it home to me how critical the teacher is in all of this. Next year - yr 2 we are due to meet one of the type you describe.

Perhaps she will think long and hard about all you said. This should be evident at the next meeting. Do you have an examples of "work" your dd has done at home to take in for the next meeting and produce if your word is challenged.

Be strong, believe in your dd and I'm sure you can get others to believe in her too.

I agree with others Katepol (and sorry to hear it didn't go so well), it just shows what a difference a teacher can make.

In answer to the questions re DS (thanks btw) he is 5.8 and in yr 1. Yes, maggie, he does have a dx of language disorder (understanding) and a statement that comes into effect next term! The whole class benefitted though from a spare LSA (who was meant to support someone in reception who didn't show up). It just goes to show how having an extra adult in a class of 30 can help, particularly when there are 2 really disruptive boys in DS's class; the reason they were so keen to make use of the 'spare' LSA (long story).

Re. the language dx, his understanding has improved so much I wonder if he might just be one of those 'late developers'? I saw a homeopath the other day (someone on here recommended it, sorry can't remember who!) and she mentioned 'Brain Gym' for our dreamer types. Does anyone know/have experience of this? It's particularly useful for coordination etc, especially DS who never crawled so didn't make use of the early left/right exercises for the brain. Will find link if anyone is interested.

Thanks for your support ladies. I am a little calmer now, and telling myself that hopefully now that the teacher is more aware of how dd1 operates, she will approach her differently.
I supppose it was difficult for the teacher, having a child described to her that she did not recognise from her judgement in class. DD1's teacher last year didn't really get her either, although her reception teacher did (twas lovely!). Interestingly, her reception techer was really keen on brain gym. Her Yr1 and Yr2 teachers don't use it .
I have spoken to several other parents about the parent's eve. I'd say about half are also unhappy for various reasons. DD1's teacher certainly has areas of improvement in terms of her ability to communicate. Seeveral parents came out feeling like they had done something wrong, or otherwise nonthewiser about how their child ws doing.

Rant over. Will see how it goes in the firts couple of weeks after halfterm. DP tells me that things may well change now dd1's teacher is more aware. If not, I am not sure what we do, if anything.

Grr!
Castles and Iwearflairs, I replied to both of you jut after I posted my last message. My PC crashed and has only just let me log on to the net. Apols. I am not ignoring you and will try again this eve when children are in bed...

Iwearflaires - you sound like you have a good thing there with your OT, and it must be a relief the nursery are being constructive. How possible do you/they think it is that a LA can be used for (say) an hour a day? Having support for your ds to help him cope with the obvious overload of a typical nursery room does sound like it is essential, and hopeful give him strategies he can learn to use on his own...

Castles - I thought your DS was older than my dd1 - doh! I recognise what you say about an extra adult in the class making a big difference. I am no great fan of the private sector, but the idea of a class size of 16 is very appealing when I think about dd1 (dd2 less so - she is one of the 'me, me, me!' kinds ). I have seen myself how the class is 'easier' when there are 25 in it rather than 30, so just 16...
Bit bizarre about the statement not starting till next term? Sooo, he doesn't have needs yet but will in a few months time??

Resurrecting (or monopolising) this thread!

We have some progress! Since parents eve, we have been getting dd (age 6 Yr 2) to practice writing - the quicker she does it, the more reading time she gets afterwards. The writing has been of variable quality, but in general much better than it was. It has shown us that she consistently uses capitals and full stops and exclamation marks. She quite often uses commas, and also uses brackets (although she didn't know WHAT they were, she knew how to use them - picked that up from reading no doubt). All good stuff.

I told her not to worry about her spelling, but to get the words down - that has certainly helped her - I think she was freezing on difficult words and then tuning out.

Today dd told me that her teacher was very impressed with her writing said she thought 'someone has waved a magic wand over your writing', and subsequently moved her back to her top set. DD is very pleased with herself. She has also moved back up in maths.

It does seem like the parents eve and the phone conversation dh had with the teacher has opened the teacher's eyes to dd's ability, which she was happy to hide before!

DD has now had the 2nd and 3rd Harry Potter to read for trying her best at school, and today said writing was fun !

Am crossing things that this will last. DD actually seems happier at school now, and we are relieved the teacher is keeping an eye. Oddly enough, her swimming is improving at lot at the moment too, and she is concentrating more them too .

How is everyone else doing? - including old timers who are dreaming less these days...

katepol, I'm so glad to hear that matters are improving. DS3 has been getting on well with his piano lessons and swimming. He is also taking rather more responsibility for organizing himself, and making a rather better job of not forgetting things than DS2.

On the brain gym point, I'm a sceptic over the pseudoscience element (no, the water doesn't get to the brain faster if you hold it next to the roof of your mouth...), but can see the advantages to our children of the choreographed fidgeting aspect (though there are other ways for the school to do that which would either be cheaper or have other virtues).

Happy Christmas dreamers! Just thought I'd bump this so everyone can give an update.

DS1 is fine - making good progress in fact, though still struggling a bit with handwriting. The school has been great for his confidence and social skills though. He had a very confident 'Alpha male' friend round for tea this week and I was delighted with the way the two of them played together. DS1 didn't go off and play on his own once! He's Joseph in the Christmas play, much to my shock.He said " I put my hand up for Joseph because I know it's an important part and Mrs X told us he only had three lines". Typical DS - wants the highest profile with the least amount of effort.

Where are you all? Immersed in Christmas?

Hello sphil - I'm still around, and not too immersed in Christmas. Lovely to hear that your DS is Joseph . My DS3 has an alpha male friend too - unfortunately, said friend tries to start a fight every time he meets DS1, which puts me off arranging too many playdates.

Things are going quite well in general, which is why I haven't posted on this thread for a while. A sympathetic teacher who isn't constantly looking for problems has made a huge difference.

Hi Sphil and Hallegarda. Glad to hear everything is going so well. The Joseph story made me chuckle. Sound's just like my DS! Same here re improvement and therefore not updating thread. Also the pre-christmas chaos. DS also has an Alpha male friend. Mr Popular so it's doing his street-cred a lot of good
We've also been told that he's probably not going to need any help at all next year because he's doing so well. I keep thinking back to how things were (in every aspect of the castle household) this time last year, and I feel like doing a little jig