Dreamer of dreams,born out of my due time, Why should I strive to set the crooked straight. Wm Morris

[indignatio]

Hopefully the link from the other thread will work

My stats

ds is 4.5 - summer born
In reception class

Has issues with:-
Easy distractability (school work and practical tasks)
Concentration problems when not totally engaged by something (95% of the time)
Fidgeting
Getting "lost" in the middle of a complicated sentence/explaination.
Bossy manner
Isolation at school
Poor eye contact
Repetition of sentences until he hears the acknowledgement
No herding instinct

On the positive
Very loving boy
Exceptional reader for his age
Good at maths
Lots of "home" friends
If gripped by something, can concentrate on it for ages

dx:
teacher initially thought he might have dyspraxia - no longer thinks so.
I consider that he has more add traits, but would not go so far as to say he has add.
SENCO to informally assess him next week and then meeting to be arranged with parents, teacher and senco shortly thereafter.

Not sure what else I should put in.

Ooh - I've got parents evening on Wed. We can compare notes!

All the best for today, sphil

How'd it go Sphil?

Good luck for your parents eve tomorrow Hallgerda...

Well it was very quick! Just a general chat to flag up any problems. Just heard more of the same stuff I've always heard really - reading good, speaking aloud to class good (apparently not so rambly now ), maths OK-ish, handwriting poor. This is affecting his attainment in all areas, so the teacher said she'll talk to the OT about hand exercises. I think I'll need to keep pushing with her - she's very nice but extremely laid back. In one way this is good - she lets six year olds be six year olds - but I think she might also let things slide.

It sounds good Sphil, i would be pleased to get that sort of story. Good about the speaking aloud being good. My Dt2's speech has also become less rambling and I think it has coincided with a lot of positive things , like being able to finish work quicker and process instructions better at least at home anyway. Will find out more in a fortnight. What did she say if anything about his distractability ?

Hi Sphil - that is very interesting, as what you report is just what I expect my dd's teacher to say next week, alongside dd not keeping focus on tasks...

I can understand the mixed blessing of a laid back teacher - I hope yours knows when to get serious lol!

It is hard, because it sounds quite positive, yet if you are like me, you want to hear something different - like dd is really enthused with being at school, really wants to get involved, and has to be told when to stop, not to actually get started.
Does that make sense?

Maggie - my dd's speech can also be less rambling (this is a recent thing - she is 6.5) , but still infuriating at times. I very rarely get a straight answer to a question, and it drives me mad

I've just had a good parents' evening (if you can really call it that before 3pm) - so good I could do with some more emoticons, MNTowers - a Cheshire cat grin with ears, and a cloud to walk on, please.

DS3's teacher says he's a delight, pays attention in class, works well (and quickly!), ... a few minor quibbles over neatness, but that's coming on, too.

So I'm very happy.

Hallgerda, I was pleased to read about the good parents' evening. Ours is next Tuesday, so I am trying not to assume that it will be the same as last year.

Thats great Hallgerda especially as your Ds3 is an older "dreamer", it gives me hope. Of course I know thats a selfish attitude and am pleased when all do well but I just so love to hear when the older ones do well

I do think the general pattern is that our dreamers seem to improve (or adjust?) as they get older. DS1's speech is less rambly but apparently he speaks quite slowly - I guess because he's realised he needs to be clearer and he's thinking about what he's saying.

Maggiems - it does sound as if DT2 and DS1 are making simialr progress - good news!

Katepol - she didn't say anything about dreaminess or distractibility . Whether he's managing to curb it or whether she just hasn't noticed I don't know. We have noticed much less dreaminess at home as well though.

Sorry - it was Maggiems who asked that question!

DS1 (9, in Y5) seems to be becoming significantly less worrying. Today we had a parent-teacher meeting in which his distractibility and fidgeting weren't mentioned till near the end. He's doing well, in the group that is being 'stretched' in maths (he's very small, so that would be useful ), very imaginative, mature in his approach to work ....

However, he moves around a lot and distracts other children sometimes, and needs to work on presentation. I told the teacher that it was the first year that his books had been legible, so to me his presentation seems fantastic!

Glad that other meetings are going well. I'm beginning to feel a bit of a fraud on this thread.

I'm feeling the same singersgirl

I think I may have said this before, but for me this thread has been such a source of comfort that I'm sure I've become less anxious around DS1 and this has had a knock-on effect on him. I'm much less bothered by his quirks now that I know they're shared by all your wonderful DCs! And as a result I think I give him more positive and constructive support.

Hello and welcome, iwearflairs.

I've read your other thread in G&T, and note that it's a private nursery, and that you'd have to pay for the 1-1. I'd get out, to somewhere that doesn't set unreasonable demands of conformity (or social skills, or motor skills) on 3.5 year olds. I'd be very wary of taking seriously any labels the nursery have tried to attach - I really think there's far more wrong with the nursery than with your DS. I had heard Montessori wasn't always a good idea with brighter children, though I have no direct experience. You certainly wouldn't be getting that kind of treatment at a state nursery, except possibly if your son was actively disruptive (by which I mean something a bit stronger than an occasional loud laugh). Even then, I think you would be dealing with home-school books and perhaps the odd social skills session (and maybe being watched a bit more), rather than full time 1-1. I don't think most boys have "real", unmanaged friendships at that age - any playdates I've done for that age group (I have 3 boys) have necessitated some planned activities.

I believe human beings are supposed to be diverse, and some are actually meant to be a bit unusual, and should not be shoehorned into someone else's definition of normality (and that you do have to look at who is making the definition, and in whose interests).

Some of the children described here are probably going to be the ones who push medical science a bit further or write the music we will weep over (in the best sense) in years to come.

Plea for words of wisdom ladies...

Have parent's eve this week. Expect to be told that dd's lack of focus is holding her back, but no suggestion of what the school (and us at home) can do to improve or mitigate this.

So, what strategies have helped your dcs? I am thinking in terms of :-
tuning out unless in very small group,
not getting started,
getting bogged down on detail,
making simple mistakes which disguise true ability, and discourage further effort.

It is so annoying that dd is bright, and really capable when in full flow. Getting her there is bl**dy hard though. Obviously the teacher is constrained by class size, but any suggestions gratefully received...

Ta!

Indignatio, all the best for tomorrow .

katepol, I hope your parents night goes better than you expect. I'd ask the teacher to give your dd honest and direct feedback, and to try to encourage her to take responsibility (could she have a job, or a part in something, that she could take a pride in doing well?). You could ask for extra attention from a classroom assistant, which might improve your dd's work in the short term, but it might also lead to her taking less responsibility for herself.

At home, you could get her to do some sums, with a reward for getting most or all correct and neat, or handwriting practice (reward an absence of horrid scribbling out); both should improve the simple mistakes problem (if you think that sounds dreadful, so did I, but it did work ). Work towards doing tasks more quickly. (If you're thinking the school really should do all that, well, so do I, but they probably won't... )

Thanks Hallgerda
I think incentives may well be the thing. At the mo, we can't get her to care about what she is doing, but rewards may well motivate her (she learned to ride a bike without stablisers on the promise of a new book a few months ago).
Not sure if the school can do that. They aren't really into rewards anyway (very infrequent use of stickers, certificates tend to be only for those children who really have issues etc).
I suppose it is a bit much to expect a Yr 2 child to care about how well they are doing, when all they want to do is play with the fairies...
I think I need to get a grip too. I am frustrated that she isn't 'applying' herself. Maybe it WILL come with time, and I just need to relax about the fact she isn't showing what she is caopable of yet.
Ta!

Thanks Hallgerda - will let you all know how it goes

Welcome everyone.

Katepol, I loved your description of your dd and also empathise with not pushing self, happy to coast and flashes of brilliance - provided you probe hard enough.

As a self confessed pushy parent (couldn't say it out loud in RL, but OK on here) I have been working with ds on his concentration span and "not getting down to it itus". What makes ds tick is (unfortunately) playing on his PS2. In this household this is a privilege not a right SO he has to do some work before he gets time on the PS2. If he has no actual homework then I set something for him to do. This has worked really well WRT getting down to it and concentrating on it as he knows that he does not get to play on the PS2 until he has finished. It has also had the knock on effect of improving his handwriting immeasureably. This has also helped him as the tasks before him are no longer so daunting.

As an example, we had complete meltdown at the beginning of the summer holidays when he was asked to write "Happy Birthday" in his cousin's card - It was too difficult, too hard for me, cue weeping and wailing an gnashing of teeth. Last week ds was in trouble for talking at carpet time. I arranged for him to write a letter to the teacher apologising for this. The letter was 43 words long and he just got on with it and didn't stop until it was finished - Less than 15 minutes. I was so proud of him and how far he has come in the last few months.

At school it may however be a different story. As ds is an only child, it is quiet when he "works" at home. I am always there to answer questions immediately and there are very few distractions. Compare this to what must surely happen at school, so perhaps it is not surprising that concentrating is more difficult there.

I've wittered on for long enough - will post soon regarding my empathy in respect of digging deeper for the true picture of what a child knows.

Thanks Hallgerda - will let you all know how it goes

Welcome everyone.

Katepol, I loved your description of your dd and also empathise with not pushing self, happy to coast and flashes of brilliance - provided you probe hard enough.

As a self confessed pushy parent (couldn't say it out loud in RL, but OK on here) I have been working with ds on his concentration span and "not getting down to it itus". What makes ds tick is (unfortunately) playing on his PS2. In this household this is a privilege not a right SO he has to do some work before he gets time on the PS2. If he has no actual homework then I set something for him to do. This has worked really well WRT getting down to it and concentrating on it as he knows that he does not get to play on the PS2 until he has finished. It has also had the knock on effect of improving his handwriting immeasureably. This has also helped him as the tasks before him are no longer so daunting.

As an example, we had complete meltdown at the beginning of the summer holidays when he was asked to write "Happy Birthday" in his cousin's card - It was too difficult, too hard for me, cue weeping and wailing an gnashing of teeth. Last week ds was in trouble for talking at carpet time. I arranged for him to write a letter to the teacher apologising for this. The letter was 43 words long and he just got on with it and didn't stop until it was finished - Less than 15 minutes. I was so proud of him and how far he has come in the last few months.

At school it may however be a different story. As ds is an only child, it is quiet when he "works" at home. I am always there to answer questions immediately and there are very few distractions. Compare this to what must surely happen at school, so perhaps it is not surprising that concentrating is more difficult there.

I've wittered on for long enough - will post soon regarding my empathy in respect of digging deeper for the true picture of what a child knows.

Hope all is going/has gone well katepol and Indignatio. Let us know how it goes.
Katepol - also loved your description of your DD

Indignatio - thanks for that. Would be v interested in your 'digging deeper' experiences...

Books are the currency for dd1, without a doubt. Excellent really, but a problem when she doesn't sleep enough because she reads late at night, reads the minute she wakes up, and has been known to read if she wakes in the MIDDLE of the night. Not great for concentration the next day...

Pleased you have had success with your DS with PS2 rewards, but my dd1 is very inconsistent. On minute she can spell and write very neatly, the next day she is looping all over the page and making really simple mistakes. I can't work out what is different on the 'better' days, but it is also hard to judge 'progress'.

DD1 can get distracted when it is one on one at home. She drops the pen, starts picking up fluff, her hair gets in the way, she hears a dog bark, remembers something she needs to tell me etc etc. No wonder she can't get her a*se in gear in the classroom!

She was saying tonight that now she isn't in the top set, the work is easier than last year (and she said this with a shy smile), but she is quite happy about this .

Am anxious about being seen as a pushy parent, but really want to say to her teacher 'she IS bright - you just don't see it unless you push', but doubt I will lol!

Ta for the empathy. Will update after parents eve.

Sorry - that WAS long!