Dreamer of dreams,born out of my due time, Why should I strive to set the crooked straight. Wm Morris

[indignatio]

Hopefully the link from the other thread will work

My stats

ds is 4.5 - summer born
In reception class

Has issues with:-
Easy distractability (school work and practical tasks)
Concentration problems when not totally engaged by something (95% of the time)
Fidgeting
Getting "lost" in the middle of a complicated sentence/explaination.
Bossy manner
Isolation at school
Poor eye contact
Repetition of sentences until he hears the acknowledgement
No herding instinct

On the positive
Very loving boy
Exceptional reader for his age
Good at maths
Lots of "home" friends
If gripped by something, can concentrate on it for ages

dx:
teacher initially thought he might have dyspraxia - no longer thinks so.
I consider that he has more add traits, but would not go so far as to say he has add.
SENCO to informally assess him next week and then meeting to be arranged with parents, teacher and senco shortly thereafter.

Not sure what else I should put in.

Glad to hear you are improving indignatio. It is hard - I had 4 missed m/cs so know a little bit about how you are feeling - but you get there eventually.

On the dreamer front, saw DS's private paed a couple of weeks ago for a follow-up from her initial assessment in February, and her comments were that "she has no concerns about him". Of course, she doesn't see him in the classroom setting - which is where our dreamers flounder IIRC - but things could be looking up especially as he is going to get 15 hours of 1:1 next term. We are so fortunate to be in a borough where funding isn't too much of a problem and that his school have really pushed for it.

Hi everyone. Thought I'd rescue the dreamers' thread out of its summer stupor by quoting a remark DS1 made today, after a slightly wobbly first couple of days in Year 2.

'My body goes to school but I send my spirit off somewhere else'

Kind of sums it all up doesn't it?

lol Sphil, sound's familiar! DS said this morning "I can't carry my (completely empty) book bag into class as I'm exhausted from being back at school" (3 days). This from the boy who has language issues!

I am glad we have been resurrected. I had wondered where we had all got to.

Castles, DS1 is ALWAYS talking about being 'too tired' to do this or that at school [hmmm]

My theory is we all vanished in the summer because our dreamers don't give us any cause for concern in the holidays!

Sphil - I agree. This thread was started under Education as I think that was where "issues" became apparent.
I loved the summer holiday and was really sad when ds went back to school. I keep thinking of all the things we didn't have time for - and we did have a very busy time.

Agree with you there sphil - dreaminess/not coming for lunch the very first time called/spacing about with one sock on/wanting to read till midnight - all of that - is just not a big deal at home in the holidays. Ds isn't back till next week , so I'll have to report back then.

I find it quite sad, because DS1 changes when he's at school. It's quite subtle, but he just becomes more twitchy and inarticulate and kind of 'disconnected', physically and mentally. I don't think it's what happens in class tbh - because that's very structured and predictable - it's the playground stuff. Suddenly being hurled back into the melee, with all its confusing social rules. It always gets better after the first few weeks - he adapts very well - but I guess I wish he didn't have to adapt and that he could just do the playing stuff instinctively, like most of his peers.

We're getting a lot of talk about him being two people, sending a 'copy' of himself to school, the 'spirit' comment I quoted earlier and he's also revived his 'Disney friends' - a sure sign of social discomfort (but also a great coping mechanism - apparently he plays with them if he doesn't want to play his friends' games).

hello, I just clicked on this thread to browse, but might actually need some empathy/advice if there is any going spare?

my ds is 3.4, just started pre-school nursery(scotland) at the end of august, 2.5 hrs a day 3 times a week... he is going to see a paed consultant in a couple of weeks, and the school have arranged for him to be seen by the ed psych

he has a language delay and I suppose I will know soon what else the health professionals think, I get very tearful about it all...

just wanted to introduce myself, I will go and read the posts I haven't got to yet

Gosh, well put sphil.
This time last year ds was having the term (first term of Yr3) which made us pull him out of mainstream & I posted at the time about how much "being a robin" (as in the bird, not a Superman assistant, as if that's relevant) was going on - "sign of social discomfort" is perfect way to characterise that.

I do wonder what we will get this term. He'll still be in the specialist school (though we're working on this being the year he moves on) - and he'll still be in the same class, as he was in its top class last year. So same teacher, some of same peers (some have moved on) - it'll all be very very familiar. I wonder if that will mean he hits the ground running, or him choosing to switch off/drop back to the lowest common denominator as it's all so easy? I can't predict.

We've seen things this summer that are definite advances - one in particular was getting out his electric train set and finding the instruction leaflet for connecting it all up and just doing it all, by himself, competently and sensibly - another was reading the first 5 of the Harry Potters in a month - relevance of those is the dedication to "see something through" that's often been a problem. But I don't know how those will carry over to school.

Wiffle waffle. Ta for listening.

sorry, aefondkiss - cross-posted with you.
You are supremely welcome here, most especially if you find your ds has "dreaminess" issues - which is what we are generally talking about on this thread. If those aren't his main problems you will also find many many threads & supportive people re language delay, seeing specialists, and so on. Let us know if you would like direction to specific ones! - MN is very big and can be a maze.

Haven't posted for looong time. But we endured a week of full on depression from ds1 (who enters Yr5 this year!) as school approached again. He has thrown himself into his Lego with a new passion verging on obsession.
Good luck to you all with your varied strifes/woes/worries.

It's so strange - DS1 has just spent two hours entertaining and playing with our new neighbours' three year old in the most patient and caring way possible. And yet he seems to struggle with his peers. Maybe it's all to do with hierarchies, I don't know. A three year old isn't threatening, I guess.

I do worry that having a brother who's autistic means that DS1 doesn't get much chance to practise his already slightly ropey social skills. It made me quite sad in a way to see him with our neighbours' son tonight - made me see 'what might have been' if DS2 wasn't autistic.

Hi everyone, agree that the thread went dead because the summer is not a cause for worry. Was going to post a couple of times but nothing much to say. My Dts are back, in separate classes this year. Dt2 is in a composite class and I worry that none of the boys that he was friendly with are in his class. Dt1 is in a class of 27 with all his friends. Dt2 is in a class of 21 with only 10 from year 1 of last year and no boys from his actual class of last year. All the children in his year apart from one are actually the older ones so there are children in his class who are both a year and 2 years older than him I feel sorry for him going in every morning although he seems happy enough. I met the principal before end of term to discuss my worries about him being in the composite class as I thought Dt1 would have been better suited but she reassured me by saying they thought it would be good for Dt2 as the class size was small and there was going to be a full time classroom assistant there. Now it turns out that the classroom assistant is a 1 to 1 for a child with Aspergers. I am a bit peeved at that , do you think I should be? I know that in reality its an extra pair of hands as i guess she doesnt have to do 1 to 1 all the time and the child is in year 3 but i feel slightly misled especially as I told other parents who were concerned about the composite class. I also didnt know at the time that he wouldnt have a single boy fom his old class with him. Rant over about that!
DT2 had 6 physio sessions during the summer.He was with 2 other boys and he had the best motor skills of the 3 although he didnt always listen . However overall he did well and he enjoyed it. I have practised excercises every day over the summer and have noticed some improvement in his motor skills. Not much in terms of concentration though. He is going to have a 1 to 1 physio assessment in about a month to see if he needs another set of sessions so i hope he will get them.Still not convinced they are going to do anything for his attention problems though. Sorry far too long .

First question of the new school year! DS1 has expressed an interest in joining a martial arts class. There's one locally which describes itself as a general martial arts/life skills class. We went to watch and DS seemed quite keen. However, it's HUGELY expensive - £45 a month, for one class a week! Since then, school have sent home the clubs info and they're doing judo after school - £30 a term...

My feeling (unfortunately for the bank balance) is that DS would prefer the martial arts because there's less physical contact. I'm not sure how he'd feel about the grappling and throwing in judo. Do any of you have any experience of martial arts with your dreamers? I want to choose the one that
a) he'll enjoy the most
b) will improve self confidence, balance, coordination etc

so finances are secondary, but still a consideration.

Sphil, don't have direct experience but DS's "classmate" (whom he was going to start some sort of martial arts with this term) did judo last term. His mother told me it would be difficult for my DS as the instructions were so fast and furious. It was also a 5-9 age group and mostly older kids in that range. My feeling is that the martial arts that are less judo-like (sorry ??) would be more suitable for our dreamers.

Does anyone else's heart start to sink when the dreaded birthday party invitations get handed round to the select few in the playground? This is one of the many wrenches I had temporarily dismissed over the idyllic (for us) summer holidays

Sphil, I am starting my dts on juditsu in a couple of weeks. It was one of the sports that the physio recommended and one of the other boys in the physio is also going to go. The one we are going to attend is £6 per hour and is meant to be very good. I think DT2 will like it although I suspect he may have his usual problem of listening

Sphil, I am starting my dts on juditsu in a couple of weeks. It was one of the sports that the physio recommended and one of the other boys in the physio is also going to go. The one we are going to attend is £6 per hour and is meant to be very good. I think DT2 will like it although I suspect he may have his usual problem of listening

My ds did tae kwon do, with school, for a bit when he was around 6. It was something of a struggle, for him, for the teacher, and for the class, entirely because of ds's lack of focus - if he wasn't right that minute doing some movement he would be off trying to see how the fire exit alarm worked - not only distracting himself but the whole rest of the class ...

Teacher was very kind, and kept saying that doing TKD would help him learn focus, but in the end we stopped.

I saw that you've said ds1 is quite conformist, so all the above wouldn't apply to him! And otherwise TKD was great - non-contact, very steady & simple - I'd recommend it. Though the other thing I'd say is that you want a charismatic teacher - I might possibly choose a class for the teacher almost more than for the discipline.

DS1 has been doing karate for about 3 years now. He loved his first teacher (big chap with booming voice but great sense of humour), went off it with his second teacher (a woman!) and has had a renewed burst of enthusiasm with his third teacher (a young guy from SA who 'plays cool games'). He used to find concentrating very difficult, never mind doing the moves, and I remember him distracting others when he was 6. Now, though, he is doing really well and can perform quite long sequences of moves. He is still not that strong, but he is reasonably co-ordinated at it.

He has surprisingly gone back to school with no problems, but is behaving like a loon at home. He is Y5 now, just turned 9, and I really do think he is maturing in many ways.

Hope all your DCs are settling well and that not too much body/spirit separation has to go on!

singersgirl - that's really interesting - not only that you've completely borne out what I was saying about charismatic teachers - but that your ds has grown out of the distractibility. I wonder if I should try ds with martial arts again?

(My other current plan - for him and me and dd together - is ice-skating ... we live very near a rink (oddly enough, given that we are in very central London) and I thought maybe if we found ourselves a teacher for very very early on a Saturday morning we might all do ourselves some good.)

DS1 used to complain about the karate a lot beforehand, but always enjoyed it once there. The new teacher is very encouraging and is often saying things like "DS1 is training very well". He does much better at swimming with a male teacher too; he needs laddish banter now!

He is still very distractible generally (his school PE report and trumpet report particularly picked up on 'missing instructions'), but the structure of the karate helps and I was honestly amazed at what he did in his grading test.

BTW, Bink, he is now doing Kumon maths and the early days were awful - screaming fits and tantrums. But we have broken through that pain barrier and he is now concentrating for the 10 minutes and getting through the work quickly. Interestingly, because of his inability to focus, he started at a very easy level, as he kept zoning out in the tests.

Ice-skating sounds like fun, but I'm a bit scared of those sharp blades...

Still interesting!

We have just "suspended" Kumon, after a year and a half - primary reason is that dd is changing schools & I'm hoping she'll get a steadier & solider diet of homework at the new school (she needs grist to the mill) & I wanted to be sure of ample time for that.

Secondary reason (odd one) is that I felt both dd and ds had progressed on the Kumon curriculum beyond where they needed to be wrt school - dd (who was doing Kumon maths) now needs more of the "real world" sort of maths they do at school, and ds (who was doing English) was starting to work on extracts from things which are possibly a bit advanced (like The Secret Garden). So school & Kumon were starting to get out of synch, & I didn't think we needed that. Weirdly, they were both a bit sad to stop.

Well, we're going for first karate lesson next Monday. Will let you know how it goes. Was a bit put off by the teacher though - when I rang her to check that I'd got the exorbitant fees right, she went on and on about why it was worth it and then said 'I've got two kittens that cost me £40 a month' [hmmm]. I think she meant that £45 a month really wasn't that much compared to the expense of, for example, a pet - but it came across as implying that I cared less for my child than a kitten!

Which is of course not true .

I've just discovered this thread and I'm finding it fascinating as my DD1 is a real day-dreamer, and so was I as a child.

• She is 5.5, just started Year 1 and doing well at school
• I thought she was borderline hyperactive as a toddler
• she's always been a climber, climbs and jumps all over the furniture and outside and is fearless
• she's always been very clumsy, one minute she's sat on a chair the next minute she's in a heap on the floor
• she never used to cry when she hurt herself when she was younger
• she gets frustrated very easily and has tears and tantrums over the smallest thing
• she is very loud!
• she seems to have very little empathy, she doesn't notice anybody else's feelings, often she can be shouting for attention when DS2 has hurt himself and is crying and being comforted, and she gets frustrated because she can't understand that "BUT I NEED A PENCIL!" is less important than her brother's bumped head!
• she doesn't notice me getting more and more annoyed with her and then bursts into tears in amazement when I finally snap and shout at her
• she can be quite excitable and gets very silly sometimes and finds it very hard to calm down
• But the most frustrating thing she does is ignore us when we ask her questions (like does she want Shreddies or Cheerios for breakfast) or ask her to do something (like get dressed). She is in a world of her own and will completely ignore us even when we say "Lucy, look at me, I want to ask you something..."

Having said all that, on the positive side:

• she's very bright was an early reader, good at maths, etc.
• she's very creative and imaginative, always making things and drawing
• she's very loving and affectionate (at the end of last term she made thank you cards for her reception teachers covered in hearts and kisses which said I love you all over them - I wasn't sure if this was entirely appropriate but it was well meant!)

I was most unlike her as a child, I was shy and quiet and withdrawn (which makes it hard for me to understand her) but I was also a daydreamer. I can remember when people used to ask me questions, I'd hear them and then I'd think "oh they're asking me a question" and then I would replay what they'd just said in my head, then I'd think about it and then I'd reply! So there would be a long delay before I answered, but at least I would answer eventually unlike DD1 who ignores you forever!

I don't know if she's doing it on purpose or if she can't help it but it's very frustrating! How does anyone else deal with this?