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Original poster

New. At boarding prep school

626 replies

Willsoonbesummer · 30/01/2016 12:43

My 8 year old has just started full boarding at prep school.The feed back has been so negative so far from the school.He is not organised enough etc.Now we feel we have made a mistake and not sure what to do.Any advise from mums who have been through this type of school would be very much appreaciated.

OP posts:
roundaboutthetown · 11/02/2016 13:15

I'm not telling her that her decisions are wrong and mine right, I am merely agreeing with her that she may well have made the wrong decision! Grin

roundaboutthetown · 11/02/2016 13:16

Why are you so determined to believe she is happy with her decision?

NewLife4Me · 11/02/2016 13:23

Isn't there only the OP and the child qualified to make the decision on what is right for them, irrespective of her posts on here.
How on earth can a load of randoms on here know what is right for them?
Yes, we can comment on what we would do, but hardly offer advice about something we have such little info about.

FWIW I have met several boarders age 8+ who are very happy and settled at their school.
The parents are happy with the education, pastoral care and friendship groups the children have.
I know there may be others that aren't happy, of all ages at all sorts of schools.

peteneras · 11/02/2016 13:24

”What makes you interpret her as having needed a lot of persuading only after the housemaster was rude to her?!”

It’s right there at the top, read her message!

Read her opening post! And if you can’t read, here it is again for your benefit:

“My 8 year old has just started full boarding at prep school.The feed back has been so negative so far from the school.He is not organised enough etc.Now we feel we have made a mistake and not sure what to do.”

NOW we feel we have made a mistake.

NOW! Not before.

Abracadabra10 · 11/02/2016 13:43

NewLife
I agree we really can't speculate about the OP's circumstances/ state of mind. However, the fact that her 7 year old is unhappy and halfway across the world and she needs to ask total strangers on a public forum what she should be thinking/ doing is bizarre enough to tell us all we need to know.

roundaboutthetown · 11/02/2016 13:52

Made a mistake with that school.... And now wondering whether the whole boarding school idea was a good one, given that she was never 100% confident about it.... Since when should theory trump reality? Have you never embarked on something you thought was a good idea and found the reality was not as advertised and was no longer worth the sacrifice?

Lightbulbon · 11/02/2016 14:50

Why is it only the MOTHERS who are being criticised for sending young dcs to boarding school?

toomuchtoolate · 11/02/2016 14:56

Willsoonbesummer I have two DC who are full boarders in a UK boarding school. DD1 is 14 and has been boarding for 2 1/2 years, DD2 started last September just before her 11th birthday. The school takes boarders from age 7 but the majority start at 11.

DD1 has absolutely loved her time as a boarder and her enthusiasm for it was what made DD2 want to go and try it too. She also loves it and is always bursting to tell us everything she's done each day. I completely acknowledge that boarding wouldn't suit every family or child but then not every day school would suit every child. It's about finding what works for you as a family and the DC as individuals.

As others have said, 8 is young to be away from parents but many families do have children boarding at that age and with the right support from the school boarding life can be an amazing experience. At 8 years old all children need a lot of support and I can't imagine that many 8 year-olds are very organised, whether they are boarders or not. In my experience the house matrons are usually very good at helping the younger children to get organised, particularly in their first few months.

I would have to say that the negative feedback you have received from the school is very disappointing and I am surprised that your son is not being supported rather than criticised. I think it would be worth having a proper discussion with his housemaster to try to get to the bottom of this as it does seem unusual and perhaps some wires have got crossed somewhere along the way.

I really hope that you can get this sorted out quickly so that your son is happy and getting the most out of his time at school.

roundaboutthetown · 11/02/2016 15:01

Who is only criticising mothers??? Personally, I'm not criticising anyone, I'm just agreeing with the OP she might have made the wrong decision. We all make mistakes. The HM's behaviour sounds indefensible to me and I would be a long way from happy with that situation.

NewLife4Me · 11/02/2016 16:21

From what I have read from the OP the most disturbing thing is the attitude to the boys lack of organisation skills.
We were alerted to this with dd and the feedback was negative, she is 12.
School told us not to worry and it was part of the settling in period and if it was still a problem at the end of the first term we would be informed.
She still struggles but the difference is that school have put strategies in place to help her, and all her teachers, practice assistants, hm are supporting her.

The OP doesn't say how long the child has been at the school, do we believe this is the first term, or has ds been there since September.

Finally, before I make tea. Grin
It's important for those commenting about money/finance to realise all boarding schools differ. At dd school her peers come from council house benefit to those rich Russian Oligarch?
It's funny as only a dozen or so play her instrument so the group is so diverse.

FlatOnTheHill · 11/02/2016 17:22

Hillingdon
Not me...I work full time all year round. Please re-read my comment re my friend with kids at Marlbrough

Gruach · 11/02/2016 17:27

Flat MNHQ have very kindly redacted anything identifying from earlier posts. You might be wise not to repeat it!

FlatOnTheHill · 11/02/2016 17:51

Gruach
Thank you. I apologise, I was very wrong. I did unintentionally give too much info away.

Gruach · 11/02/2016 17:56

It's so easily done!

Marilynsbigsister · 15/02/2016 20:59

8yrs old. ? Parents in another country.? I am happy to be flamed. (Someone has to stand up for the child as his mother and father obviously aren't ). - obscene. No other word for it. Why bother having a child. .? You have doubts ?????? Really . I would be on the first flight to go and rescue my child from what can only be described as parental abandonment . ... And you have been humming and ha'ing on mumsnet for a month !!! What is wrong with you.

Whocanthatbeatthishour · 16/02/2016 10:19

That is so over dramatic,the OP's son is probably settled in by now.She was going to see him weeks ago.These school are so good that parents send their children from all over the world.I worked in one( only in housekeeping)and would have loved to be in the position to have sent my children.The boys go on to public schools with their friends and once they are settled in have a wonderful time.A wonderful place to work and so many happy memories of those super little boys.Good luck OP hope all is now going well.

LittleBearPad · 16/02/2016 11:25

Alternatively Who the DS has been collected from his boarding school, jumped on a plane and is happily ensconced back in his excellent New York school where he was previously very happy.

I, for one, hope the latter option is the case.

pepperpot69 · 16/02/2016 11:26

Well said whocanthatbe she was on her way to see him last week so this is prob all sorted by now. As you will know from working in a prep school (& housekeeping is a very key role!!) the kids have a wonderful time. I took my boys back on Sunday after half term and my youngest DS sang & whistled to himself virtually the whole way - he loves it!
The housekeeping staff in our school are all so wonderful and friendly, the children know them all by their first names, sounds like your school was an equally happy place to be.

LittleBearPad · 16/02/2016 11:26

And I'm intrigued as to whether you would have loved to send your sons to that school had you been 3,000 miles away (or even 20) rather than working in the school and therefore on hand the majority of the time.

Whocanthatbeatthishour · 16/02/2016 11:40

Yes ,I would have sent them if that's what I had to do for them to experience it.Most of us are not fortunate enough to be able to though.Good luck to those who can,the boys I was lucky enough to know have gone on to great things and I like to think I have a little part in that.

Marilynsbigsister · 17/02/2016 13:54

At 8 yrs old ffs ? Really. Why even bother to have them in the first place.

londonmumof4 · 17/02/2016 14:31

Education really matters to some people ,clearly not here though.Have you seen the UK compared to the rest of the world in league tables?.Families where in the Far East( where we lived until recently) sent their children all the time.These schools are in a league of their own and so are the Public schools that they go on to afterwards.Have you ever met these boys,they are outstanding!I hope to be able to send my sons when they are older,they are 3 and 4 now.

Iggi999 · 17/02/2016 14:53

Londonmum what a fucking PA post. Yep not choosing to use boarding schools means education doesn't matter. Or, to speak back on your level, maybe to some people their children matter?

londonmumof4 · 17/02/2016 15:02

I believe that parents who send their children to boarding school have their best interests at heart.The tend not to criticize parents who make different choices.Bringing up what boarding school was like years ago is completely irrelevant,children were not treated well in any school then.The care is outstanding today and I seen how the boys turn out.That's why I hope we can do it.

Iggi999 · 17/02/2016 17:34

You just did criticise people who make different choices though? Confused

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