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Original poster

New. At boarding prep school

626 replies

Willsoonbesummer · 30/01/2016 12:43

My 8 year old has just started full boarding at prep school.The feed back has been so negative so far from the school.He is not organised enough etc.Now we feel we have made a mistake and not sure what to do.Any advise from mums who have been through this type of school would be very much appreaciated.

OP posts:
Abracadabra10 · 11/02/2016 11:55

If all else fails it's good to know we can always fall back on the Dianne Abbott debate!

dotdotdotmustdash · 11/02/2016 11:55

As opposed to 'one size fits all Dc from monied families, and the other size fits everyone else'?

I have no voting power or influence on what happens in other countries, so it's not my place to criticise them, but I do know that many other countries educate their children more successfully and equitably than we do, even some poorer countries.

I don't believe many state schools are doing well at the moment, maybe if more parents got involved with them, sent their children there and actively tried to raise the attainment within them it would help? An additional benefit would be that employers and universities would know that their applicants have come from a level playing field and could identify who really were the strongest intellects and characters.

But that's all just a dream...

peteneras · 11/02/2016 12:00

No, Abra, my point is to highlight the ground-shaking hypocrisy that's on the last 20 or so pages here besides talking from real-life personal experiences.

Abracadabra10 · 11/02/2016 12:04

Ok as long as you realise you're up to your neck in hypocrisy as much as anyone elseGrin

roundaboutthetown · 11/02/2016 12:05

I don't think it's ground shakingly hypocritical to argue that being talked into sending your 8 year old across the Atlantic to a UK boarding school when you were quite happy with him being at home where he was thriving and happy is going to an unnecessary educational extreme... It's like arguing you either have to be an alcoholic or teetotal, because moderation is all in the mind.

ScarlettDarling · 11/02/2016 12:06

This isn't a private school v state school debate anyway is it? More a day school v boarding school for primary aged children.

Hillingdon · 11/02/2016 12:10

I beg to differ here. I didn't come from a 'monied family'. I really didn't. Both parents worked but I went to the local secondary modern. It was dire with no real expecations of their pupils.

You seem to think Dot that the private schools are literally full of sons and daughters of Lords and Ladies.. Have you ever been in a private school? You have also indicated that a private school gives someone a leg up and assistance and that's just not fair!

There are a few pupils who are on busaries and scholarships but you couldn't guess who they were. it really doesn't matter. The kids all wear the same uniform. Without revealing the school I would say its full of all sorts. Lets forget about the fees for a moment. The boys are all different. Some are not easy to teach. Their parents are so wealthy that it doesn't really matter whether they get qualifications.

The big difference is if they start to mess around in lessons they WILL be removed. They wont be given chance after chance.

There are also the very bright who I am guessing might have had some help with the fees. I always think if I was taught tennis by Borg I would never been as good at playing as he was but I would definitely end up being a reasonable player. Being around bright people has rubbed off on him. My DS is good at Maths (don't know where he got it from!) and did help a couple of the other boys. He has found now being at university that he is an ethic that others don't seem to have. He can manage his own time, he can get himself to lessons and feed himself. Some of the other students cannot even change a duvet - I joke not!

peteneras · 11/02/2016 12:13

But dot, you made no bones and quite rightly so, very proud about your DC’s achievements in ”She has two unconditional offers for RG Universities already and still waiting to hear from two others (both notoriously late to offer).”

Congratulations!

But what’s wrong with other non-RG universities e.g. former polytechnics, etc.? Are these higher educational institutions not good enough to apply to?

dotdotdotmustdash · 11/02/2016 12:15

The big difference is if they start to mess around in lessons they WILL be removed. They wont be given chance after chance.

And where will they ultimately end up if the private schools won't tolerate it? Lucky old state schools, they don't get to choose. They get the problem children from all walks of life. Maybe it would help them to improve if they were given all the problem-free children too?

dotdotdotmustdash · 11/02/2016 12:17

But what’s wrong with other non-RG universities e.g. former polytechnics, etc.? Are these higher educational institutions not good enough to apply to?

As we're in Scotland there is no financial difference in where she applies so she's aiming at the Universities who offer the courses she's interested in. Obviously.

dotdotdotmustdash · 11/02/2016 12:18

I went as a mature student to a ex-poly, and I would have no hesitation in recommending anyone else if the course there suited their interests.

peteneras · 11/02/2016 12:21

"I don't think it's ground shakingly hypocritical to argue that being talked into sending your 8 year old across the Atlantic to a UK boarding school . . ."

But how do you know that OP was "beingtalkedinto" sending her 8-year-old across the Atlantic? You sound as if you know the OP's circumstances inside out and that she doesn't have a brain of her own!

It's very patronising!

peteneras · 11/02/2016 12:26

". . .she's aiming at the Universities who offer the courses she's interested in."

And OP is aiming at the school(s) that offer the facilities she's interested in. So what's wrong with that and criticising her from your high horse?

dotdotdotmustdash · 11/02/2016 12:35

And OP is aiming at the school(s) that offer the facilities she's interested in. So what's wrong with that and criticising her from your high horse?

My Dd is an adult, she isn't 8 years old and relying on other adults to make decisions for her. Isn't that glaringly obvious?

roundaboutthetown · 11/02/2016 12:37

peteneras - have you read the OP's posts? She makes it quite clear she was uncomfortable about the idea of sending him away to board, that he was happy at the school he was at in New York and doing very well there, and that their reason for sending him to the UK was to prepare him for a specific public school they had set their sights on. If she didn't have an English dh and parents in law in the UK, I am quite sure it would not have entered her mind as a possibility! Her general discomfort makes it clear she wasn't the one from whom the idea originated. It is not patronising to read what she has written.

roundaboutthetown · 11/02/2016 12:41

"I am from the US and needed a lot of persuading that this was the right path for my son" is what she actually wrote, peteneras - you patronising old fart! Grin

roundaboutthetown · 11/02/2016 12:45

(See Sat 30-Jan-16 13:09:32)

peteneras · 11/02/2016 12:52

That's not how I read it, roundabout. OP and her family were evidently happy in sending their son to UK considering that grandparents are also here to take care of the kid, good school or not in NYC. The reason(s) to uproot to come here must outweigh the reason(s) not to. It's obvious though I don't know what those reasons are and neither do you.

The 'unhappiness' only came about after the first contact with HM of the boarding school. Personally, I'm not reading too much into this as it could very well be a storm in a teacup.

roundaboutthetown · 11/02/2016 13:00

You didn't read her saying she needed a lot of persuading and wanting to take him out and bring him home as her having been talked into it and not being emotionally prepared for the harsh reality? Interesting.

roundaboutthetown · 11/02/2016 13:02

She specified that the reason was to prepare him for the public school the family have set their sights on, sending him so young because of pre-tests which take place 2 years early...

peteneras · 11/02/2016 13:03

Now, now, roundabout you cunning old toad Grin, you’re just twisting things around.

”The school seemed so caring( but I guess they all do).I am from the US and needed a lot of persuading that this was the right path for my son.I never expected this so quickly though.”

OP says she needed a lot of persuading this was the right path for her son AFTER the incident with the HM which as I said, could be a storm in a teacup.

peteneras · 11/02/2016 13:07

And there are loads of 7 and 8-year-olds sent here from China, Hong Kong, Korea, Thailand, Russia etc to prepare for entry to senior public schools. That's not something that was invented yesterday.

roundaboutthetown · 11/02/2016 13:11

?? What makes you interpret her as having needed a lot of persuading only after the housemaster was rude to her?! After that, she would need persuading this was the right school - prior to that she needed persuading boarding school in general was the right path!! And now she is not even sure about that, as she later muses that maybe her ds is not suited to boarding at all...

peteneras · 11/02/2016 13:12

"My Dd is an adult, she isn't 8 years old and relying on other adults to make decisions for her."

OP is an adult who makes decisions for her 8-year-old. Anything wrong with that? And don't tell me her decision is wrong and yours is right.

roundaboutthetown · 11/02/2016 13:13

And what on earth have Russian children got to do with this OP's child?