New. At boarding prep school

[Willsoonbesummer]

My 8 year old has just started full boarding at prep school.The feed back has been so negative so far from the school.He is not organised enough etc.Now we feel we have made a mistake and not sure what to do.Any advise from mums who have been through this type of school would be very much appreaciated.

I remember that documentary too roundabout. It was heartbreaking. More so to recall now I have my own children of that age. Who gives a toss about amazing facilities and connections at that age? Send them off at 13 if you must, but eight? The 'debate' about it on this thread is weird really - I have yet to see any person (with one, um, eccentric exception) actually come out and say it is a brilliant plan to send your 8yo off across the atlantic to school. Not one.

Gruach
I love your ramblings. I find them interesting and educational. So please keep rambling away.

With regard to your comment on my post, sorry im at a loss? Maybe because its late and ive had a long day.

Decent schools - and particularly those with huge financial resources - actively encourage applications from penniless, supportive parents of clever children. Didn't you know?

The key words here are supportive and clever - don't you know?. These schools want to scoop up high achieving children of poor but supportive parents. In the US they do the same and also for children very talented at sport (maybe they do in UK too) and also for clever children of minorities so as to increase their diversity. Most of these children are already set to succeed at their existing secondary schools. It is certainly far from the heart-rending rescue of poor children from dysfunctional families living in B&Bs and with hostile in-laws without the hope of an after-school club you had a go at describing.

Anyway Eton is irrelevant. This thread is about boarding 8 year olds. Not teenagers. That is an entirely different thing.

Nah. The thread's about whatever people want to talk about. Has been for quite some time ...

Well yes which is why I addressed your delusions about Eton being the refuge of poor children in my last post.

Delusions? Ah.

Ho hum.

So Eton is in fact a refuge for poor children. This gets better and better.

Flat and Dot. Dot - what sort of job do you have where you have all the school holidays off and also do all the school runs, bake cakes, take the kids to play dates etc. And working for the NHS!

Do you really think life is like this for everyone....

I have two sons and both boarded - not at 8 btw. 11+. Who are you to spout off your views on boarding having never experienced it! I can say my two sons are confident, articulate and now have the skills to make their way in life. They do not live in a bubble. The older one has had a summer job and at university works in a bar. We are not RICH. We have made choices though. We both work. We chose weekly boarding because it seemed to be the best of both worlds. My DS have had experiences I could only have dreamed of. I went to one of the fab state schools (not!) that others keep mentioning. It was rubbish with low expectations for all. I do laugh at the people who state that a bright child will do well anywhere. NO THEY WONT!

Flat - I think you might well be hearing from your friend after having given so many details about her!

Flat and Dot. Dot - what sort of job do you have where you have all the school holidays off and also do all the school runs, bake cakes, take the kids to play dates etc. And working for the NHS!

I worked nights, mainly in the NHS but often as an agency nurse in nursing homes. I could be home before my DH went to work and sleep while they were at school. In school holidays I worked weekends only (2 twelve hours shifts), or sometimes an odd week night but I couldn't go to bed during the day as I had children to care for obviously. I am ashamed to say that I didn't bake cakes though! There are millions of parents like us, working around our children's needs.

Hillingdon - I don't think weekly boarding at 11 bears even the remotest resemblance to taking your child out of a NY private school where he was very happy and excelling academically so as to send him off, full boarding, to a school in England when you clearly didn't really want to (or need to), because someone had convinced you this had to be done in order to get your child into a very specific public school at age 13... Particularly not doing this to a child who is described as desperate to please.

Dot - There are millions of parents like us, working around our children's needs...

yes, that includes me too!

There isn't a right way of doing it though. You seem to think you know best and your way or the highway.

There isn't a right way of doing it though. You seem to think you know best and your way or the highway.

No, I really don't think I know best, but I most certainly do believe that the default position of any parent should be that they raise their own children if they are able to do so. From what I read on here, many of the parents who send their children to boarding school could do that if they chose but for them it's more important that their child makes 'connections' for their future than it is to keep them at home.

For me, and I suspect most parents, it's more important that we raise them as well as we can and then let them make their way in the world with their own talents rather than those 'bought' by an expensive education.

the majority of the parents who send their children to board have a vision of maintaining an income that suits their aspirations rather than an income that would be just enough to allow themselves my 'perfect' life.

Spot on - the people I know with dc boarding under 11 claim they work too hard (earning hundreds of k) to ever see their child, so they might as well board.

Personally, I also don't think you need to greet your child every day at the school gates to have a happy child/home - but it's perfectly possible to work and have a child in day school as millions of mothers will testify.

And please stop going on and on about boarding schools being a refuge for poor, abused children. It is NONSENSE. Secondary schools have some bursary provision but negligent parents will not pick up on this and VERY few prep schools have anything of the sort, so it's completely irrelevant to the issue in hand which is sending a child to board across the Atlantic aged 8.

...but negligent parents will not pick up on this ...

negligent?

D'you mean the poor, disabled or temporarily housed mothers I mentioned as examples of parents who might well prefer the option of boarding if they could access it?

negligent?

Dot - you are doing it again!

For me, and I suspect most parents, it's more important that we raise them as well as we can and then let them make their way in the world with their own talents rather than those 'bought' by an expensive education.

Who do you think you are saying that an expensive education changes who those people are... You sound like you really have a chip on your shoulder about 'expensive' education.

My DS are who are they are and a private education has helped them develop (and not in a negative way!). They have had opportunities I never had. I had two parents but they were clueless about education - apart from it being a Catholic one!

D'you mean the poor, disabled or temporarily housed mothers I mentioned as examples of parents who might well prefer the option of boarding if they could access it?

I would honestly bet a month's salary that those mothers would prefer financial and practical help that would allow them to keep their children at home with them. Parents who actually want to send their pre-teen children away from home are a very small group.

Hillingdon

This thread was never about flexi / weekly boarding at 11 plus. It is about boarding at 7/8 and the OP's circumstances.

You can call it judgemental if you like, but we all have to draw the line somewhere. Would you say it is ok to board at 4? There comes a point where you have to take a view.

Parents' circumstances, or how many hours they work / don't work are irrelevant, as sending your child to board is always a choice. You have said this yourself.

My DC are in the London Day School system and I am totally aware that this does, in fact, mean we are living in a bubble - probably something like 90 per cent of the UK population will not have any experience of this and may well judge it all as totally unnecessary and ridiculous. It doesn't matter how many Saturday jobs my kids get etc. Of the children in independent schools, a fraction will board, so I think you just have to accept that in this sense and in the eyes of many, you are living in a bubble and people will take a view.

I'm glad it all worked out for your family, but please don't be surprised by the vitriolic views of people on this thread. Generally speaking, people will move mountains so as not to be separated from their kids. It's the most basic instinct we have and the reason why this issue is so polarising.

Hillingdon, yes I possibly do have a chip on my shoulder about expensive education - I really, really don't like the whole concept.

I'm a socialist at heart, and probably quite lucky that I live in Scotland where our state schools appear to better arranged. The schools in my county are all capable of producing children with excellent qualifications, there is no need to pay for private education even though these schools have a mixed socio-economic intake. I work, and have worked in several of these schools and while there are definitely pupils with issues and plenty of disruption, there are also opportunities for able children to take advantage. These children will be resilient, intelligent and independent.

I have come across lots of privately educately children as my Dd takes part in several activities more often promoted in private schools than state schools. The (mainly girls) I've known, and watched from the sidelines, are over-confident, brash and struggle to follow directions. They are girls more likely to be mucking around than attending to the task. They come from a variety of schools and are not a great advert for a 'cossetted' education.

”Hillingdon, yes I possibly do have a chip on my shoulder about expensive education - I really, really don't like the whole concept.”

You don’t like the whole concept or you cannot afford it or your child cannot win a free scholarship to attend one - which is which?

”I'm a socialist at heart,”

Just like Diane Abbot is?

I don't like the whole concept. I would like all children born in Britain to have the same educational opportunities. I don't have to 'be' like anyone else to have that belief.

I didn't consider sending my children to a private school, or applying for scholarship opportunities. We may have been able to afford day school fees if I had remained working full-time hours. My son has autism and was well-supported at his state schools as is now in higher education. My Dd is finishing school this summer and already has 5 A grades at her Highers. She competed at national level in her sport and , by audition, is a member of two national music organisations. She had an all expenses paid trip to China last summer through her school and has been offered a year long scholarship there when she leaves school. She has two unconditional offers for RG Universities already and still waiting to hear from two others (both notoriously late to offer). If I had spent money on private schooling it would have completely wasted.

In other words, you like the concept of ‘one size fits all’?

”I would like all children born in Britain to have the same educational opportunities.”

Which is to say other children born outside of Britain do not need to have the same educational opportunities. And you call yourself a socialist?

”I don't have to 'be' like anyone else to have that belief.”

No, I suppose you don’t . . . but that reminds me of Diane Abbott who tells every Tom, Dick and Sandy that state schools are excellent for your DC but obviously not hers . . .

Dot - I am surprised you believe its like this for everyone. State education is some places is dire. There are a few outstanding state schools and of course the grammars (we live in Bucks) but generally its very patchy. Good for you that you seem to think you have got it all for 'free'.

The vast majority who claim to be socialists are no such thing. Use private schools for their own children and claim it wasn't them - it was their wife, they made a heart felt decision etc. Diane Abbott is a disgrace for what she did.

Didn't Diane state that she moved her boy because the state system didn't relate to black kids. I stand to be corrected. it sounds a terrible thing to say so maybe I was dreaming it!

Think you're going off on your own agenda a bit here Peteneras

In what way?