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Original poster

New. At boarding prep school

626 replies

Willsoonbesummer · 30/01/2016 12:43

My 8 year old has just started full boarding at prep school.The feed back has been so negative so far from the school.He is not organised enough etc.Now we feel we have made a mistake and not sure what to do.Any advise from mums who have been through this type of school would be very much appreaciated.

OP posts:
NickiFury · 05/02/2016 16:30

You're right temporary that's exactly what it was about - this particular situation, which is extreme and so would obviously provoke opinions and comment. But some posters see any criticism of any boarding situation as a huge personal attack on their choices even when those choices are quite different i.e older child, nearer school etc. Then they moan about how everyone is being mean to the OP, how it's all gone off track and let's get back to supporting her all the while posting endless detail about themselves that is actually completely irrelevant to the OP and is the reason the thread moved onto a wholesale general boarding school discussion in the first place.

Themodernuriahheep · 05/02/2016 19:00

Gruntled, there are some who loo forward to it but that is usually because home is worse. And yes I could give egs. But I'm not claiming that's a good thing.

Abracadabra10 · 05/02/2016 19:47

Seriously WHAT???!!
Why is this a discussion?
Who cares about the housemaster's manner or how quickly the child can get changed?
This should be illegal! Say what you like.
OP please get on the next plane and get him out - not just that boarding school - any boarding school.
Unbelievable!

Nodowntime · 05/02/2016 20:35

Nearly the most bewildering (and also funny) thing off this thread for me has been that someone mentioned that due to going to this school the OP's son might become the President of USA. Grin who would want their child to grow up to become an American president, like it's a good thing?ConfusedGrin

Or am I too cynical?

zoemaguire · 05/02/2016 22:09

No, you have your head screwed on just right nodowntime! One thing this thread shows is that for some people 'success' is a very bizarre and twisted beast, which involves collateral damage like separating an 8yo from his parents for months at a time. That's a high price to pay for the future possibility of, what? Money and professional success, I guess - which would almost certainly be easily achievable without such heartache. I mean, it's not like wealthy intelligent new york children once grown up tend to be particularly deficient in qualifications and professional success. I just don't see the calculation here. Though actually, re-reading the OP with squinty eyes, I'm given to wonder if the calculation is actually exactly the bun-fight that's happened upthread.

yolofish · 05/02/2016 22:38

I have read this thread with interest, in tandem with the one where boarding school parents are terribly brave about sending their children off again and "hoping this term will be better than last" while discussing name tags and the like.

Both DH and I went to boarding school, and vowed never, ever to send ours. I was not unhappy - had great friends and could understand why I was sent (forces family). For DH, he loathed the place, couldnt understand why his sister got to stay home and live a normal life, and really, his parents had no 'excuse'.

For the record, whether happy-ish or not, I think boarding pre 6th form is actually pretty damaging to normal family life. So, OP if you are still even reading, go get your 8 year old and bring him home to live like normal people do.

kippersyllabub · 06/02/2016 09:38

I'm appalled at how vitriolic this thread has become, when the OP was asking for advice in a difficult situation. It's much easier to criticise than empathise. Things are never as 2-dimensional or black-and-white as presented here: it's not true that all young boarders are emotionally scarred, nor is it true that it's a fantastic and character-building experience for everyone who boards. Why does this have to get so polarised?

Iggi999 · 06/02/2016 11:27

I am choosing to empathise with the child rather than the adult.

peteneras · 06/02/2016 12:55

”Personally I think that you make these foolish statements and then try to back track by pretending you're joking. But that's just my opinion.”

I can categorically and absolutely assure you, Nicki, that every word that I posted here on this thread is serious and not in one nanosecond do I think it’s foolish. No pretence, no back-tracking but you ignore me at your own peril when I say please don’t take me too seriously.

peteneras · 06/02/2016 12:59

”I'm appalled at how vitriolic this thread has become, when the OP was asking for advice in a difficult situation.”

That’s what I meant, kipper, when I said this thread has a lot of sad people.

NickiFury · 06/02/2016 13:00

Ignore you at my own peril? Grin

0oookay then!

PosieReturningParker · 06/02/2016 13:17

I think Peteneras is a parody.

BertrandRussell · 06/02/2016 13:22

Claig. Xenia. Peteneras.

Anyone ever seen them in the same room?

Borninthe60s · 06/02/2016 13:28

What is more important than being a mother? Stay in uk and let DH fend for himself in USA.

Go and see him now and his housemaster. Don't wait. Your child needs you.

peteneras · 06/02/2016 13:33

But that's exactly what I thought the OP said she was going to do Born60's. For all I know, she might be already here in the UK sorting things out for her son.

GruntledOne · 06/02/2016 17:01

every word that I posted here on this thread is serious
please don’t take me too seriously.

Ri-ight.

George2014 · 06/02/2016 17:19

I may of missed it but I'm really confused...

Why do you live in New York but want your child educated in England? Don't they have schools in New York?

There must be a specific reason for this that I've missed surely??

roundaboutthetown · 06/02/2016 17:28

The dh is British. Maybe he's obsessed with the idea of his son having an English education? Or went to whatever public school they've set their sights on himself and thinks it's the bees' knees/wants to carry on a family tradition?

roundaboutthetown · 06/02/2016 17:30

The irony is, they pulled their son out of an excellent school in NY where he was very happy and doing well so that they could send him thousands of miles from home to a place that apparently finds him an irritation.

PosieReturningParker · 06/02/2016 18:03

I've not been on MN much for years...

But Xenia??

Great guess Bertrand!!!

EmbroideryQueen · 06/02/2016 19:18

Oh, Xenia!
I saw her on MN a few months ago.

LittleBearPad · 06/02/2016 20:13

Xenia keeps name changing but she's impossible to miss here or in newspaper comment sections.

EmbroideryQueen · 06/02/2016 21:28

She was posting under her own name not long ago.

Anyway, I'm too busy laughing at the idea that boarding schools should be made illegal!

DarklingJane · 06/02/2016 21:41

Pretty sure Peteneras is not Xenia, but that aside..

If you are back here this weekend, or whenever, OP I hope you will have been able visit and gauge whether your Ds is unhappy or not and whether the HM is looking after him. You will get a feel for it once you are here and not just on the telephone.

MY Ds boarded (but from 13). Not to say that earlier cannot work, just wasn't our way. However as previous PPs have said, nowadays 8+ boarding is not the only way by any means to have a shot at some of the the better known boys' public schools, and perhaps to some extent an outdated view.

Also - be wary of deciding which school you want your son to go to too early. The school which at aged 7 - 8 I thought I would have given my eye teeth for my Ds to go to ended up not being the one. The school he did go to I would now not have swapped for worlds. Sons can change between 8 and 13.

Good luck Op and I hope you find an answer which means your Ds is happy.

Abracadabra10 · 06/02/2016 22:01

EmbroideryQueen
Yes, full or even weekly boarding pre the age of 11 should be made illegal. If you have any doubts at all, go out and do a quick straw poll to canvas opinion on pretty much any street anywhere! Unheard of in Europe or US.