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Original poster

Does anyone else think their DC's private school is rubbish?

147 replies

Mynameismummy · 13/10/2015 10:50

Ok...I'm asking for a pasting here, I know - but I'm desperate for some outside opinions. My DCs go to a private (primary) school which is full of the usual promises and blah blah blah. I'm cynical enough to accept that this is part of the territory....but they seem to fail on every score. It's academically so-so, the pastoral care is iffy and everything seems to be aimed at putting on a good show for the parents. Everyone else goes on about how marvellous it is (until you get them one to one when, funnily enough, they all seem to have a story of woe about how their child can't read/is being bullied etc). I wonder how much of it is the psychology of people liking to big themselves up and how much I'm the only one who sees how crap it is. Anyone else have a similar experience?

OP posts:
Needmoresleep · 17/10/2015 17:37

By sixth form I doubt many children would want to go. Most parents by then are seen as pretty embarrassing, and children would much prefer to be their peers.

The more I read of life in Paris and the educational system the more constrained it sounds. No wonder so many French are choosing to cross the Channel.

BoboChic · 17/10/2015 17:49

happygardening - parents can walk or cycle to have lunch with their DC. Or DC can go home or to the home of a friend (lots of this goes on). And once DC are in middle school they don't need to be accompanied - they walk or take public transport.

What DC tend not to do is use the canteen every day. DC that do are very much pitied.

Translucently · 17/10/2015 20:19

M4blues (sorry out of sync with rest of thread now) but yes I did and I was agreeing with you hence quoting one of your comments.

Translucently · 17/10/2015 20:27

'sport is just one element of a good education' a lot of prep schools will claim that but IMO the measure of a good school is when pupils feel that their talent for non sporty activities is as catered for and as valued as sporting success.

I was just pointing out that marketing by a lot of schools claim that but far less pay more than lip service to it. You have found one school where the reality matches the hype

Original poster
Mynameismummy · 17/10/2015 20:37

BabyGanoush Debating this with my DH this weekend - think we have to try and move. If you reach the point with your DCs' school where you're always thinking the worst/being cynical about it, it probably isn't helpful for anyone concerned.

Some helpful comments here - thanks all!

OP posts:
BearsAndAngels · 18/10/2015 16:31

Not had time to read all the thread, but I'm disappointed with DCs private school. We spent ages researching etc and it looked prtty good, but it just doesn't deliver on the marketing. We are thinking of moving DC, but how do you know other schools aren't also producing a load of sales/marketing bull?

You may say to ask other parents but IME (as OP says) other parents seldom seem to want to criticize their school.
I'd be really interested if there is a good way to cut through the sales/marketing and see what a school is really like...?

TalkinPeece · 18/10/2015 17:43

bobo
parents can walk or cycle to have lunch with their DC
Fine if they have boring 9-5 jobs nearby.
Utterly impossible for DH who works all over the country and myself who works all over the county, different days, different places.
It sounds like a very old fashioned patriarchal approach

BabyGanoush · 18/10/2015 18:19

Sometimes people have unrealistic expectations.

We moved our boys to private 4 years ago, due to specific failing in DS2 case (sen).

We chose a very no-nonsense private school: no fancy grounds, portacabins, but kids happy and motivated and very good extracurricular stuff (esp. Drama and music) and 1-2-1 for sen included in price. It worked well for our dc. But it was more "state school plus" rather than public school prep.

Talking to HT (and ask any question!) can give a good idea of what school is all about, as well as looking around on a non-open day (ie a realistic day Grin)

Talk to the kids that show you around!

BoboChic · 18/10/2015 19:33

On the contrary, Talkin, parents who travel a lot for work or work long hours tend to be the ones who really appreciate the flexibility of lunch time arrangements. An hour with your DC at lunch time can be a lot more enjoyable and profitable than morning/evening when departures/arrivals do not necessarily coincide. I'm not sure why you object to fathers having lunch with their DC on "patriarchal" grounds Confused

TalkinPeece · 18/10/2015 19:46

parents who travel a lot for work or work long hours tend to be the ones who really appreciate the flexibility of lunch time arrangements.
Not sure what La La Land you live in
but DCs 6th form is 1/2 hour drive away and i'd never see any reason to go and interfere with their social life

DD leaves the house at 6:55 in the morning and returns at 6:05 pm
France must be much smaller

I prefer to make sure that we have family dinner every night that we are at home

BoboChic · 18/10/2015 19:49

DC tend not to live that far from school in France. DD's school is 10' walk away and the DSSs' school was 3km ie 15' by bus or a short bike ride.

TalkinPeece · 18/10/2015 20:06

in the Auvergne?
or western Brittany?
or the Pyrenees?
or the Hautes Alpes?
get real
You are a Parisian of the inner Arrondisement variety
your representation of French education is as balanced as Shegots of state education in the UK

BoboChic · 18/10/2015 20:52

I have friends in all those places, Talkin, and life is just as I describe it for them and their DC. Often days are a bit longer in the provinces, with an extended lunch hour.

LoveAnchor · 19/10/2015 14:46

LOL at "rugby is not a subject" by roguedad Grin

Soveryupset · 20/10/2015 13:10

Really? I have friends who work in Paris and have primary school children at school 1 hour from where they work. They say juggling work and French school days is hell...

LisbethSalandersLaptop · 20/10/2015 14:12

I think Bobo has just a touch of the Nancy Mitfords. Everything in France is simply wonderful!
bobo obviously there are boarding schools in France. Your experience of living in the far banlieu of Paris is hardly applicable to the wider world.

SarahSavesTheDay · 20/10/2015 15:28

I have always had a hunch that my sons' prep is crap. Everything was OK, but nothing dazzled me. For one thing, they don't have a T&G program.

That said, they've got around 10% of their boys into Westminster, including my son. Ultimately, I'm happy.

SarahSavesTheDay · 20/10/2015 15:29

LOL at "rugby is not a subject" by roguedad
LOLz.
Major sport obsession. I think people like the idea of having their kids running around 2 hours a day.

Routea3 · 22/10/2015 21:30

Bobo, this is how I was brought up in Ireland, everyone in the family home for a hot lunch and again for dinner. It is not so anymore, no matter how close one lives to school pupils no longer go home for lunch. Now living in London, with DCs travelling miles to school, DH traveling the world over, and even when in London burning the candle at both ends, it does make me sad that my DCs don't have the same family experience and since of freedom we had growing up including playing out until street lights came on

roguedad · 26/10/2015 14:48

SarahSaves.... My comment about rugby was rather intended to convey the notion that rugby is but one of many sports (and of absolutely no particular importance) and I rather feel that kids in general need to be offered options from which they can make a choice based on what excites them and what they might be good at. I personally think that sports is also one of many extra-curricular activities including also music, drama, art etc., which should also be regarded as having no particular priority (beyond making sure kids are fit and take up something). I have moved my son to a school where this is the philosophy. He now looks forward to sports and does a lot of swimming and music as opposed to trying to avoid rugby, which was his Term 1 activity at his rugby-obsessed prep. A great many other boys at his senior school enjoy the rugby and their parents think it helps them dissipate some aggro. What is so bad about having the choice? Why do so many parents allow their kids to have a lack of choice imposed on them, let alone pay for it?

happygardening · 26/10/2015 17:05

I couldn't agree more roguedad as you probably know sport is not compulsory at DS2's school after a few months. This must be a welcome relief for the very non sporty who can choose from a whole range of other activities both musical fun and academic as an alternative to the 20+ sports offered during games sessions. .

Movingonmymind · 08/11/2015 23:10

Of course not or they wouldn't be there! It's by no means perfect but what it does is offer a far broader curriculum, much better facilities, more international feel and be much more open generally to life experiences, questioning things etc. Suits dc down to the ground. And am monitoring closely, no throwing of £ or fingers in ears Wink

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