So upset about school report. feeling like a shitty mother

[Harriet220909]

Had my son's school report back yesterday and I'm really upset
He hasn't met any of the targets for he's year. Not one.
I know I should have done more with him at home but I have an extremely demanding toddler, I'm stuck in a one bed flat so there's nowhere for him to go to do he's homework and I feel so shit.
He's such a bright child bit completly lacks confidence due to him being behind. He's writing is unreadable and when he asks me to read he's writing I try so hard to and he's little faces just crushes when I get it wrong

I feel awful and like I am failing him. He's got an awful father who never helps there's just little old me trying to do everything

And now he's behind and he knows it. Today he told me he feels stupid after attempting he's homework. I can't afford a tutor, how can I help him?

I just wish the school had told me he was behind instead of me having to read it on the report at the end of the year. I would have pushed him harder and tried to do more

Where does this pressure come from? Teachers have targets, which means they have to show their class has progressed. This has filtered down to parents who are shown the progression. Parents then compare their result to friends childs results. Lets say A moved 5 markers and B 3 markers,A has more progression bit B is still a higher level.... what does that tell you?

Definitely not blaming teachers or parents.

It's interesting that visiting Cormenius teachers from all across Europe envy our gentle start to school with a child centred curriculum based on child initiated learning

OP, just parent to parent, I think the old "chestnuts" apply here:

1. He's only little!
2. Don't beat yourself up!
3. Read to him (probably as part of bedtime routine, but whatever works)
4. Play lots of fun games that improve coordination (tossing bean bags, catching ball, etc.)
5. Love him

I have lived in several countries where kids don't start school until 6 - however the kids all go to preschools or kindergartens where they learn the same type of things they do when they start school in the UK.

A few posters have said that a shitty mother would ignore the report.

I disagree. Perhaps an alternative view but maybe a responsible mother would see a report like this for the wholly irrelevant thing it is, stay calm and focus on the child enjoying his learning.

I believe it's utterly misguided to put anything more than a cursory interest in this report - he's so little and the report looks at one incredibly narrow aspect of his learning. And it's fucking shameful that ANY child is ever made to feel stupid.

DoesItReallyMatter, I don't think you are correct there. My own DCs went to preschools in the US, where there were not exposed to phonics of any kind, or arithmetic, or any sort of reading scheme at age 4 (preschool) or even at age 5 (Kindergarten). There were no formal assessments on academic topics and no homework besides a once off poster called 'All About Me' that was sent home and was filled out in preparation for a Q&A session the day it was due where each DC spoke about themselves to the group and answered questions. There was lots of show and tell, trips to local places of interest, lots of singing and art and playing with classroom toys and materials, putting things away and housekeeping, learning to negotiate disputes, sit quietly and listen to books being read, answer questions and ask questions, etc.

Reports focused on general demeanour; self care progress, curiosity, helpfulness, responsibility for self and property, confidence speaking in front of the group, ability to pay attention and willingness to participate. Most of the children in their classes could make a good stab at writing their own names in Kindergarten, at age 5-6. In First grade (age 6-7) they were all taught to read formally, using phonics and Dolch lists. This was the year they started to get homework. Believe it or not, 100% of those children went on to university.

I agree with Lweji "regardless of what we can train our children to do, and how many years of training they have had, if their brain is not ready, then it's not ready, and there is little point in insisting that they reach those targets. They will reach the targets when they are ready."
The current phonics focus in Reception in the UK was based on research in the US that was done on older children (age 5-6).

Math- perhaps doesit is referring to Europe? Scandinavia, children start school at 6 or 7, but all have been to Kindergarten first for several years, and 99% have been to nursery before that, from early age. Kindergarten is child-centred, play-based learning, but all children are exposed to phonics, reading, writing, maths on a par with EYFS in UK. France, 'school' may start at 6, however, children attend ecole maternelle from 2.5, I seem to recall it's compulsory.

In Sweden the emphasis in the preschool curriculum is on self confidence, tolerance, risk-taking, avoiding creation of a fear of making mistakes, independence - self care, personal responsibility, co-operation, respect and democratic values. Half the day is spent outside.

"If this was England, we'd be thinking, 'There's something wrong here.'"
There's a very trenchant comment at about 22:00:00 on the subject of failure.

Finland focuses on 'learning to learn' too.

How many years ago is it since your children attended US pre schools Math ... Things change

Perhaps if any of you were familiar with the EYFS you would be aware that the prime areas (focus) are personal and Sichuan development ( making relationships, self confidence and managing feelings) , communication and language (speaking, listening paying attention) and physical development (moving, handling, being healthy and self care). NOT reading or writing or maths ... those are MN foci not the curriculum.

So, do enlighten us.
What is the homework for?

Generally homework is because parents want to feel involved in their child's education.
We had a huge outcry because we didn't give homework (KS1) and parents demanded it. I've even had parents ask if I'll email them work to do on holiday ... I didn't!

It hasn't changed all that much, in the eight years since my youngest started school.

Unfortunately, Britain operates league tables and British education is conducted against a backdrop of 'holding schools accountable', which means in effect trying to extract academic attainment from children as young as four. This trend is likely to accelerate.

I don't think any of this is about climbing trees, learning to tie shoelaces or get along well with your peers. The new Reception baseline will have an academic focus.

The assumptions underlying education in Britain are very different from those in, say, Sweden.

I'm wondering if this is at all helpful for the OP, you lot.

...as demonstrated by the demand for homework. There is a fundamental lack of understanding by all parties concerned in Britain of what education up to age 6/7 should be about.

Are teachers really so spineless and unprofessional that they would cave to unreasonable and pedagogically unsound demands from parents?

www.teacherspayteachers.com/Browse/Grade-Level/Kindergarten/Search:Phonics resources made by teachers for teachers Math

The majority of settings/schools (figure was 1100/1700 but think its now much higher) have chosen the EExBA

The Early Excellence Baseline Assessment (EExBA) has been developed to ensure that schools have the opportunity to choose a baseline model that builds on good assessment practice. EExBA is the only baseline that relies on practitioner judgement and does not involve any pre-set tasks or tests.

EExBA consists of an initial screening process to assess each child’s ‘Well-being & Involvement’ using the Leuven Scales* and it covers a set of assessment criteria drawn from aspects of the ‘Characteristics of Effective Learning’ and the ‘Areas of Learning & Development’ as detailed in the EYFS statutory framework and supporting guidance.
EExBA builds on YR practitioners’ experience of working with the principles and practice of effective assessment within the EYFS and has been designed to provide a continuity of approach with regard to making judgements
about children’s level of development.
The approach enables practitioners to accurately describe children’s attainment on entry to YR by drawing together evidence of their knowledge of the children from a range of means. This includes evidence found within records from previous settings, information from parents that can be validated, and observations of and interactions with the children themselves during their initial period in YR through:

– Self-initiated play
– Small group activities
– Adult directed tasks
EExBA allows you to take account of information that reflects the whole child. It is the only model fully in line with the principles and practices of the EYFS

Math many states (may be all) follow the Common Core from kindergarten you might want to look at it.

OOH look! Sight words! The words that defy phonics! The words that American students learn to read by sight and not using phonics.
'I, like, my, see, can, the, go, a, to, we, you, look, big, is, with, for, he, she, little, have, here, are, and, play, said, come, they, this, help, at, in, on, up, down, away, jump, of, where, it & be' and there are more...

First grade, when children are age 6/7, is still where children are formally taught to read in the US. Anything done in Kindergarten is informal, though many children learn to read at home, without flashcards or much by way of systematic phonics.

How weird it is that those societies with social classes that are pretty much set in stone, and where people have invested a lot in classism (often complicated by racism) do their utmost to force schools to look as if they are able to level the playing field and participate in the fiction that with a little hard work everyone can drag him or herself out of institutional poverty. Meanwhile, those societies that really are committed to equality, where equality is one of the assumptions people set their clocks by, seem to be able to do a better job of addressing the needs of children in their education systems and honouring their well documented natural development.

I am old enough to have seen the US gripped by fears that the Japanese system was superior, high schools left, right and centre offering Japanese as a foreign language option, and then the bottom falling out of the Japanese economy. You never hear a peep about the incredible Japanese education system any more. Now it appears the boogeyman is Shanghai, and all the kids hoping to get into the leading business schools are doing Chinese in high school. Fads in education come and go, and unfortunately in Britain and the US they seem to be fear based, whereas other places base their approach on actual research, and faith in their own solidness.

I have indeed looked at the common core -- where children are expected to know that words are read from left to right, top to bottom and page to page, understand and use question words (who, where, what, etc), 'with prompting and support, describe the relationship between illustrations and the story in which they appear (e.g., what moment in a story an illustration depicts)', 'read common high-frequency words by sight (e.g., the, of, to, you, she, my, is, are, do, does)', recognise all the letters of the alphabet. (a mish-mash of several areas of focus).

There are many who think it will go not with a bang but with a whimper.

Yes it's really shocking that the U.S. Are still using ineffective methods isn't it Math ????

Perhaps you nee a closer look the resources and common core are kindergarten not 1st grade ????

This has become a debate about the English education system so I'm going to leave it there but thought I should give some feedback to u all
Spoke to teacher today and feel a whole load better
In regards to writing, they have been practicing joint up writing and as ds has only just gained confidence with writing he hasn't been pushed to do this and is encouraged just to write and that's why he hasn't met he's target.
With reading he is only a very small amount behind and is within he's age limit so is doing ok
Math is he's biggest one, it is yet to click but the teacher is happy and not concerned with how far behind he is.
So I can chill a little
Will do as many of the things u suggested mrz, I can't thank you enough, he enjoys doing things like that and my littler one will happily play alongside so very achievable.
Just wanted to ask how good is lego for fine motor skills? He has suddenly taken a huge interest in it and am going to get some for him for he's birthday, also think he would love hamma beads, never considered them before as thought they were a girls toy (I know before u say!)
Thank you again I feel I can help bump up he's skills without pushing