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Original poster

If your child misbehaves in school, do you punish them for it or leave it up to the school?

32 replies

emkana · 08/10/2006 19:37

That's it really. Just wondering about it theoretically atm, as dd1 still young and at the "eager to please" stage

OP posts:
Original poster
emkana · 08/10/2006 19:50

Anybody?

OP posts:
Blossomhill · 08/10/2006 19:51

Depends on severity of what they have done tbh

Original poster
emkana · 08/10/2006 19:55

If they hit another child, hard?

OP posts:
southeastastralplain · 08/10/2006 19:59

i'd leave it to the school and tell them off at home

roisin · 08/10/2006 20:00

I would want the school to keep me closely informed, and I would chat to my child about the incident(s). But I wouldn't punish - I would leave that for school.

Gobbledispook · 08/10/2006 20:00

Only ever had an issue once. When ds1 started reception and it was in the first term. He pushed a little girl off the 'star helper' chair (apparently because she wasn't the star helper that week, but anyway...). The teacher told me and said he was very apologetic, she could tell by his face straightaway he knew he'd done something really wrong.

I was mortified. She told me at teh end of school and then when we got home I confined him to the kitchen for the whole evening - no toys, no tv. While he was there I made him write a letter of apology to the little girl adn he gave it to her the next day.

He's never naughty at school - this was in the early days when he was lashing out a lot as a reaction to starting school and the tiredness I think. However, I wanted him to realise the gravity of what he'd done, how disappointed I was and how unacceptable it was.

We've never had a problem since. It was a one off.

Anyway, I'd punish as well as the school. Otherwise I guess it would look as though you, as the parent, don't think it was that serious.

Blandmum · 08/10/2006 20:00

Depends what they have done, and how dangerous it is.

If the hitting was hard, and deliberate, I would probably follow up at home. Ds is 'play fighting' low level, not hurting, just PITA stuff, and I have warned him that if it escaletes I will punish him at home as well.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 08/10/2006 20:02

I blame Power Rangers

Blossomhill · 08/10/2006 22:29

I would punish big time

willowcatkin · 09/10/2006 20:57

If the school had dealt with it I would not punish - they are perfectly capable of maintianing discipline without parents.

I would talk to them about what they had done and make sure they understood it was naughty and would not do it again, but would never punish twice.

WideWebWitch · 09/10/2006 20:58

Mostly up to school, although depends. Would intervene if school/ds asked me to and wouldn't otherwise.

Pinkchampagne · 09/10/2006 21:03

I would speak to them about the incident, but not really punish them again, as they would have already been disciplined at school & unless it is something really major, I don't think they should get it all dragged out again too much at home.
I work in a school, & we always inform parents of any bad behaviour, but normally say "It has been dealt with, but we just wanted to make you aware"

Skribble · 09/10/2006 21:06

I wouldn't normally punish in addition to the school but perhaps make sure that DC understood what they had done wrong and if there was anything behind the behaviour. Mostly I would want DC to undrestand that I sided with the school and try to give a united front IYKWIM.

lulumama · 09/10/2006 21:07

have done additional punishment - backs up the school and shows that they school need to be listened to and their rules adhered to. and the school know that the rules they are instilling are going to be backed up at home..not just a schools job to discipline....

.i am very strict with DS about how he is at school and , in year two now, and apart from some naughtiness in the first half term of reception which his teacher spoke to me about, which i backed up with an additional punishment - we have had not a single problem...

HallgerdaLongcloak · 09/10/2006 21:09

I agree with PinkChampagne, but might punish at home if the school dealt with it in a way that affected me - if, say, I was asked to pay for some damage one of my children had done, I'd make them pay it out of their own money or do some extra jobs. I'd take a dim view of the school expecting me to be their discipline agent.

miggy · 09/10/2006 21:18

Ds2 has got 2 blackmarks this term for being late for science (first lesson after break and he is mr disorganised) one more and its a lunch time detention. We were talking about this at dinner and he said he didnt really mind. I pointed out that he might mind the week of no TV which would accompany it and that concentrated his mind beautifully
He then thrashed out a solution with advice from his older brother (eg taking his books with him to break to get ready etc).

HuwEdwards · 09/10/2006 21:22

If the school got me involved, then the reason for it I would assume, is so I back them up, which I would do so.

Spidermama · 09/10/2006 21:24

I think there's only so much you can do at home tbh. For a start you don't know what happened or what led up to it so it's not very fair or loyal to pitch in on the school's side in something you can't understand.

However, obviously it's in everyone's interests for you to demonstrate your approval of school and its rules so there's no conflict their in his mind.

I think understanding rather than punishing pays better dividends.

janeite · 09/10/2006 21:56

I'd discuss it with my child and probably go for an additional punishment in the form of withdrawal of priveleges. Tbh I'd be absolutely mortified if my child misbehaved at school; and I think it's vital that parents and school work together if there are any problems.

kittywits · 09/10/2006 22:50

I think it would really depend what they had done wrong. Normal run of the mill school naughtiness no, big stuff then yes.

SoMuchToBats · 09/10/2006 22:57

I wouldn't punish again, as I feel if the school had already dealt with it that would be enough. Also the punishment would be more effective if it was immediate (at school) rather than delayed. But I would sit down with ds and talk about the incident, and let him know I was disappointed in him, and maybe discuss ways of avoiding that behaviour again.

roisin · 10/10/2006 02:17

I feel the need to qualify my earlier "no punishment" line

Three times a year - at each parents' evening, and after annual reports - we reward the boys for good reports, and buy them a book each and a little treat of some kind. They always get very good reports, so it has become almost a routine tradition ... However ...

This week we had parents' evening and it turns out that ds2 has really not settled in to yr3 at all, and despite being on the top table, spends much of his time mucking about and distracting other children. So he has not got his reward this time, and hopefully the message will sink in soon.

bloss · 10/10/2006 06:45

Message withdrawn

earlgrey · 10/10/2006 06:59

What happened? - sorry, haven't read whole post. But I did see the head in dd's primary school stand up and address a couple in Alice's tea party who weren't having a nice time.

Did the the teacher tell you about it? Did you get the impression he/she wanted you to do something about it?

Unless I'd actually witnessed it myself, or been told about it, I'd leave it to the teachers to deal with.

Sorry teachers

earlgrey · 10/10/2006 06:59

Sorry, meant to say in dd's assembly.