If your child misbehaves in school, do you punish them for it or leave it up to the school?

[emkana]

That's it really. Just wondering about it theoretically atm, as dd1 still young and at the "eager to please" stage

Really interesting thread. I have no idea whatsover!! My ds is in prepatory this year (currently term 4 in oz) and he is constantly in trouble for little things like talking during group time and climbing up the slide etc. This is almost every day. Obviously what the school is doing isn't working. I have talked, bribed, begged, punished and speak to the teacher weekly but no luck so far. So if anyone has the answer can you please let me in on it.

Last term DS (aged 6, NZ Yr 2) got into trouble in the classroom. He was punished at school but I also made him write a letter of apology in his own words to the teacher. At parents' evening a few nights later she thanked us and told us she wished more parents made their kids take responsibity .... I remember feeling that when I was teaching and that is why I took that course of action.
It definitely made an impact on DS as his behaviour has been exemplary since ....

I only wish it was at home too

Also, once when DS tore his school reading book in a temper I made him take $5 out of his money box and take it to the teacher with the book and tell her what he had done.

As far as extra punishment goes - well, it would depend on the misdemeanour, if it was a one off, if what the school was doing wasn't working ...... but no, apart from the letter and the $5 incident I haven't punished him as such. I think the embarrassment of having to explain and apologise for his behaviour so far has been enough.

For me it would depend on the severity of the naughtiness. I'd largely be content to leave it to the teachers, but may talk with ds or dd about it without getting cross, just to make sure they got the message.

For something serious, I might have to go a bit further - letter of apology or similar.

DS once spat at another child. He was told off at school & made to stand by the wall during one of his playtimes, but that night I made him write a short apology as I thought the behaviour was so unacceptable.
Don't know which strategy worked, but he has never done it since.

I think we would have a chat about what happened at school but we wouldn't punish as well...

Son did make a little girl in his class cry by pretending to be that character from Dr who.. the little boy saying "where's my mummy", and walking with his arms out stretched like sleepwalking.. I said if he did it again she would come home for tea and he would show her a good time... he never did it again... (and yes, I did think the little girl is a bit drippy.. but there you go!)