First post: what is wrong with considering private schools?

[dietcokeisgreat]

Dear all,

I just starting looking at mumsnet last week and joined today. Some of my work colleagues talk about it and i am thinking about options for education for my son, who is just 3 and thought i would take a look. Well, i just starting the thinking, so it is early days.
We could pay for school, or maybe not, we don't know yet. He is our first child, we are having problems getting pregnant again, so unsure if there will be more yet.

I was surprised at some really negative comments on lots of threads towards people posting for advice/ whatever about private schools. Why are they doing that? What is wrong with people thinking about different options? Or asking about a school they know that is private? Twice i read something 'well i can't pay for school' as a response. For me, its no different to whether or not people have cash for other stuff. I can't afford to live in the smarter part of town, or pay for a boarding school but that doesn't mean no one should be allowed too!

Just wondering...don't want to post something that will enrage others or be and be upset by responses ....

Thank you.

And yes other parts of Cheshire of course are not so well heeled but my description of the local hobbies etc are very real and hand in heart truthful. As to it being replicated in other parts of the country, before here we lived in both Surrey and Hertfordshire and I found it much the same albeit a little more hidden and people didn't talk about how much things cost down there. No such Dacorum up here!

Nancy

Do you find Cheshire weird for schools though.
It seems all the best/ sought after all appear to be in a small area and yet good or just satisfactory are sprawled all over the place.
This doesn't relate to Lancashire at all and yet they are relatively close.
When I was there my school was awful and yet a few miles down the road there was one sought after school that was excellent.
Then it was quite a trek and out of catchment to the area I believe you work or live.

x posted again.

I can vouch for the area I'm sure you mean Nancy You don't even have to mention where and yet I know.
I am 48 and was born and bred in Cheshire and you are so right in your description.

Nancy - I don't believe I've ever said you are disadvantaging a little bit of Cheshire. Are you accidentally conflating the comments of several posters?

Oh morethan, I was stunned when I first moved here. Sometimes I thought I was on the set of Dallas! Bling doesn't even come close. Yes, weird with schooling. Small pockets of. 6 outstanding massively over subscribed state schools populated by wealthy MC kids then just a couple of miles away and the same pockets of struggling schools. I love it and I'm appalled by it at the same time. But at least what you see is what you get. But still lots of 'Cheshire pressure' and all that. The interesting thing is that the best of the indie schools are actually in Stockport or Manchester rather than Cheshire unless you want the 'nice but dim' girls school or the school for naughty boys across the road from it.

No rabbit, it wasn't you and it wasn't specifically aimed at me. But the comment was that parents who opt for private are disadvantaging their local state school by opting out of the system with the assumption being that they would be proactive and very interested in their kids educational welfare. I was saying that is not the case here (nor I imagine in lots of places) as the kids and parents locally are as articulate and interested (in general) as the fee paying ones.

Reading back over what's been said today.
Chandon you describe yourself as a "pushy parent", one of the things I like about my DS2's school and I suspect one of the things Im paying for is that I don't have to be a pushy sharp elbowed MC parent, I like many work long hours I have a job that completely absorbs me whilst I'm doing it I don't want to be endlessly having to contact teacher etc, when I'm home especially when DS2 is here too I don't want to be thinking about his school and are the teachers doing a good job. Frankly it also mystifies me why teachers need parents contacting them all the time to get things done. I work tirelessly for the children I work with Parents don't need to contact me all the time to get things done in a certain way.
Halkulyt you generalising when you say that parent who choose to send their DC's won't accept that it's the money that makes a difference. Any idiot can see that if you pay 35k + a year for education then it will have a massive impact on the the facilities, pupil teacher ratio! extra curricular activities offered, I struggle to accept that any parent paying for education would deny this. Any that dent this is lying through their teeth.
Will keep reading.

Ah. Yes, I think some posters are a little too optimistic and feel that schools ought to be able to change society, rather than merely reflect the local area.

happygardening - surely you are a slightly pushy parent, in that you would not accept the local state school that was failing your child and were willing to spend colossal amounts of money on ensuring the best possible education to suit his needs? If your ds were utterly miserable at Winchester, I'm quite sure you wouldn't be sitting back and thinking, "oh well, what can a mother do? I guess he'll just have to survive until he can leave, because I haven't got the time or inclination to sort it out and he bl**dy well ought to be enjoying it, because I'm paying enough for it - and if he isn't happy, the school ought to be able sort him out for me, because the whole point of him being there is that I don't have to think about his education any more."

happygardening agree we are also not pushy parents, so relieved that in the indie sector we can trust the teachers to just get on with the job without endlessly hassling them. And they have done a fab job - contact us when they need input, but otherwise it all just works. Worth every penny.

happy has summarised just what I would love to be able to do, that is trust the school with the whole of my DC's education, so we could get on with the purely fun stuff. However with the Private schools in our area I still doubt very much whether I would have been able to do this. This is why I think you have to carefully consider the individual schools available to you.

So, in summary, you are not pushy parents because you don't need to be...

I have been pushy for a while settling DS into a second school in two years. We could, and have been fee-payers, but we don't want DC boarding. Considering A level options, he dislikes the idea of the sound but not stellar boys-only grammar; his friends are mostly arty and performers, and he wants to do STEM courses. His current comprehensive will back him to the hilt, I think; we will tutor if necessary for maths. The cultural stuff may have to take a back seat... DS wants to build weapons, but he has been to museums and art galleries, and even the theatre... honest!

I can most definitely see the colossal attraction of paying for an education for your child which enables you to relax in the knowledge that they are being well catered for.

Do people send their dc to private schools because they are pushy though? We don't have the money to afford private, although dd will probably go. So until recently it has always been what other people did, to me.
I wasn't bothered they could afford it and we couldn't, it wasn't for us, so I tried to do the best with what we had, I think my generation did.
If I had the cash without a shadow of a doubt they all would have done because the alternatives were not good enough, I did quite a lot of work with ds1 and 2, but we live/ed in areas that had a lot of degeneration.

Nancy I forgot to say your particular part of Cheshire Aka "All fur coat and no Knickers" .
It fascinates me how parts of Cheshire have adopted themselves into Manc, over the years. I know which schools you are talking about, will have to pm.

I know the thread has moved on, but I just wanted to answer the original question

The reasons I didn't send my dd to a private school

1. Fear that my financial situation could change in the future and I would have to withdraw my dd from a school where she had settled in.
2. Some of my friends had their children privately educated and they turned into young people who believed they were better than others, despite the fact that their parents were not at all like that.
3. I did supply teaching in some private schools and felt that a lot of them were dishonest with their marking, giving higher marks than merited, and dishonest with their pedagogy, designing the curriculum to please the parents rather than in the best interests of the children.

However, I would rather send my child to a private school that was really good than to a bad state school

so relieved that in the indie sector we can trust the teachers to just get on with the job without endlessly hassling them

Huh? Why are teachers in state schools less trustworthy than those in private schools?

cressetmama DS wants to build weapons mind you it's likely to be the most profitable sector that anyone can work

MsHerodotus happygardening agree we are also not pushy parents, so relieved that in the indie sector we can trust the teachers to just get on with the job without endlessly hassling them. lol, seriously, my DCs yr 2 teacher said that this was the hardest part of the job that she had to get used to. She said there were some challenging parents at DCs school but the private secondary she moved to was on a whole new level.

rabbit you've got me wondering if I'm a "slightly pushy parent". I suppose it depends how you define pushy. I know what I think education should be about and I want my DS's in a environment where they can achieve their potential, I also have views on how involved I want to be or not.
I do believe if he isn't happy then it's the schools job to sort it out after all they've got him 7 days a week not me, ditto if he's not working hard enough or doing his prep it's not my problem, I haven't seen him for nearly two weeks, what would be the point in ringing me tonight and telling me he's not done his prep on Monday and asking me what I'm going to do about it? And in my experience the schools sees it's role, especially his HM, is to sort out any problems and not keep calling me.
Obviously if there was a significant problem they would contact us but we would work together to work it out.
I've found in the state sector they kept putting problems back into my hands, what are you going to do about X, what do you think the problem is(DS1)?

morethanpotatoprints Do people send their dc to private schools because they are pushy though? I think some do off the back of the fact that private schools feature so prominently at the top of the league tables and the view point of many that they do get much better results (not my opinion just what I have see lots of people post). However, it's fair to say, I've seen lots of posts from people saying they have chosen private schools due to the small, intimate, nurturing environment.

happygardening rabbit you've got me wondering if I'm a "slightly pushy parent". I suppose it depends how you define pushy. In fairness, I think many people who have DCs with SEN have to be pushy. Not because the school is not on the ball or because the parent is OTT in terms of their expectations. The issues surrounding SEN are often overlooked or misunderstood and I've yet to find a parent in state or private who has found that a hands off approach at all times is the way to go (granted you maybe the exception).

I've found in the state sector they kept putting problems back into my hands, what are you going to do about X, what do you think the problem is(DS1)?

Well he is your kid, to be fair! Credit to them for trying to involve you, I'd've thought!

Mum

I wouldn't have seen that as being pushy so I suppose that makes me pushy too.
Seriously, I would just call that doing the best for your children.

I think pushy is when you are really pushing kids, like a tiger mom or helicopter parent

morethanpotatoprints Good point and also goes with what Happy has said I suppose it depends how you define pushy.