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Original poster

First post: what is wrong with considering private schools?

999 replies

dietcokeisgreat · 07/10/2014 14:12

Dear all,

I just starting looking at mumsnet last week and joined today. Some of my work colleagues talk about it and i am thinking about options for education for my son, who is just 3 and thought i would take a look. Well, i just starting the thinking, so it is early days.
We could pay for school, or maybe not, we don't know yet. He is our first child, we are having problems getting pregnant again, so unsure if there will be more yet.

I was surprised at some really negative comments on lots of threads towards people posting for advice/ whatever about private schools. Why are they doing that? What is wrong with people thinking about different options? Or asking about a school they know that is private? Twice i read something 'well i can't pay for school' as a response. For me, its no different to whether or not people have cash for other stuff. I can't afford to live in the smarter part of town, or pay for a boarding school but that doesn't mean no one should be allowed too!

Just wondering...don't want to post something that will enrage others or be and be upset by responses ....

Thank you.

OP posts:
Greenfizzywater · 07/10/2014 14:48

Nothing wrong with it. Everyone has different priorities.

I think there are 3 groups of people with regard to private school.

-Those who are very wealthy and can do it without a second throught.
-Those who could never in a million years afford it without a lottery win

  • Those who can do it at the cost of significant sacrifice in terms of house/car/holiday/career etc

We are in that last group and I think it is worth it, though will add 15 years to our mortgage, I never go out as can't afford a babysitter despite two professional salaries, no gym/second car/sky TV/cleaner etc etc and the thought of ongoing school fee inflation if it continues at 5-10% a year gives me sleepless nights.

Actually I'd add a fourth - those who are ethically/politically opposed and say they wouldn't send their child for reasons of social cohesion etc, even if they could afford it. That group seems to be quite vociferous on MN.

Ignore any stroppy comments and post whatever you like!

brandis · 07/10/2014 14:57

There is nothing at all with considering private schools. They exist, and it's your child and your money. Up to you how you educate the former and spend the latter.

WanderingTrolley1 · 07/10/2014 14:59

Nothing is wrong with considering private school.

sorryforher · 07/10/2014 14:59

Some people think it's unfair and undermining of our claim to be a meritocracy that the richest and often brightest children in the uk get twice as much spent on their education as the other 90%.

That's why they get a bit shitty about the issue - when their children are on the receiving end of that unfairness.

Others are much better able to tolerate this type of inequality as their children aren't the ones standing at the shitty end of the unequal playing field that is life and maintain an even handedness when engaging in a debate on the subject.

Hakluyt · 07/10/2014 15:02

"I think there are 3 groups of people with regard to private school."

What about the 4th group? The ones that could afford it, but wouldn't consider it for political or philosophical reasons?

scaevola · 07/10/2014 15:03

There's nothing wrong with it, and there are many many threads seeking opinions on specific private schools.

It does tend to go seasonally though. Right now it's the admissions window for state schools, so there are more threads about them (private schools can be any time of year). And then there are different times when offers are made, and there can be a glut of one or the other.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 07/10/2014 15:12

Hak
Read Green's last paragraph

MissyMew123 · 07/10/2014 15:25

Nothing wrong with considering an Independant school for your child(ren).

Just be prepared for a variety of responces. When we made the move the majority of people (to my face anyway) said "if they could they would too"

Some just thought we were mad spending that amount of money on education and "would never do it".

It is funny though, lots of people asked me about it and why I was doing it ect. even how much! Dont think anyone would have questioned a decsion on buying a new expensive car, expensive family holiday or a big house move.

MissyMew123 · 07/10/2014 15:34

Should add my experiance on MN has been a good one. I too am new, so post away. I have had some useful advice as the Independant school world is all new to me.

Viviennemary · 07/10/2014 15:36

You just have to do what is best for your own family. But be prepared for people to speak out against private schools. I know a person who was vociferous against private schools and then when it suited her lo and behold guess where their DC went. To a private school. Do what's best for you.

Greenfizzywater · 07/10/2014 15:38

Hakluyt read to the end of my post...... Smile

AgaPanthers · 07/10/2014 15:56

"Some people think it's unfair and undermining of our claim to be a meritocracy that the richest and often brightest children in the uk get twice as much spent on their education as the other 90%."

They get twice (or more) as much spent on their house, their foreign holidays, their books, their computers/ipads, their food, their extra-curricular activities, their private tutors, etc. too.

sorryforher · 07/10/2014 15:57

"There's nothing wrong with it"

Alan Bennett on the subject of private education education:

"Private education is not fair. Those who provide it know it. Those who pay for it know it. Those who have to sacrifice in order to purchase it know it. And those who receive it know it, or should. And if their education ends without it dawning on them, then that education has been wasted.

"My objection to private education is simply put. It is not fair. And to say that nothing is fair is not an answer. Governments, even this one, exist to make the nation's circumstances more fair, but no government, whatever its complexion, has dared to tackle private education."

and

"Private education is not only unfair, according to the playwright: he also suggested it was "not Christian either". "Souls, after all, are equal in the sight of God and thus deserving of what these days is called a level playing field. This is certainly not the case in education and never has been, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't go on trying. Isn't it time we made a proper start?" he asked."

"I know a person who was vociferous against private schools and then when it suited her lo and behold guess where their DC went. To a private school."

Yes - many people are deeply hypocritical when it comes to this issue.

And if they're not hypocritical they're complacent - the 'unfairness exists and it always will, you just have to accept it'. This complacency is more often the case when the status quo happens to benefit the poster's children in some way.

The whole spectacle is deeply unedifying. Rather shaming actually. That's why it's such a great subject for mumsnet discussions! Just don't let the children read it!

AMumInScotland · 07/10/2014 16:08

It's not just Independent schools.

You will also find that there are people on MN who will reply to a thread about something terrible your parents have done with "You should count yourself lucky you still have your parents"

And pretty much any thread about "Should I buy x or y?" will get at least one response of "First world problem. Your life must be so cushy to have nothing better to worry about".

Don't sweat it.

Hakluyt · 07/10/2014 16:08

Sorry, greenfizzywqter......Blush

MarriedDadOneSonOneDaughter · 07/10/2014 16:13

One of the things I like about the discussion here is that it often gives me cause to stop, think and reconsider. There's often a lot of "flaming" but it's because people feel passionately about their opinions. Try to filter that out and understand their point (or indeed my point if I'm ranting!).

My tuppence, the issue is split into two:

  • what people do
  • what people believe

They don't always overlap.

AgaPanthers · 07/10/2014 16:28

"Governments, even this one, exist to make the nation's circumstances more fair"

Really?

Personally for me the most unedifying thing is the parents who insist it is unfair and then spend lots of time and money getting into some very oversubscribed state school.

I think there is a great deal of overlap between these two groups, often both are a London metropolitan elite - private schools aren't much of a concern in say North Yorkshire.

summersanta · 07/10/2014 16:37

Plenty of private schools up north! aga

sorryforher · 07/10/2014 16:40

"Personally for me the most unedifying thing is the parents who insist it is unfair and then spend lots of time and money getting into some very oversubscribed state school. "

I think most people who have any moral stance are willing to acknowledge that postcode issues and faith discrimination are also deeply unfair and wrong.

Roll on the state bringing in lottery system admissions for state schools, and banning selection by faith.

Kewcumber · 07/10/2014 16:43

Nothing wrong with considering it.

Often the problem with posting about it is that you're not talking to your friends and family who you know have a similar view to you. You're asking thousands of people many of whom disagree with the idea that their child could get a better education if they had more money.

Much more fundamental a right than how many bedrooms they have or whether they live in a nice part of town. A decent education can be the difference to a life lived in comfort and lived in poverty and it's galling for a parent to think some people can buy that advantage whilst others can't.

Its a much bigger issue if you live in an area where state schools are inadequate.

sorryforher · 07/10/2014 16:45

39 private schools in northyorkshire alone...

Kewcumber · 07/10/2014 16:45

sorryforher - our two local faith primaries are both located in the most expensive areas of this part of the world so in the rare occasions where the religious places are not taken fully then the remaining places are taken up entirely by "distance" places consisting of local houses worth £1m plus!

Kewcumber · 07/10/2014 16:47

I'm not anti private schools in teh same way I'm not anti private healthcare.

If you want to pay extra to get a private room, better food, nice uniform and more fancy facilities then fine. When state provided education and/or healthcare isn;t fit for purpose in some places then the private/state argument becomes so much more important.

Hakluyt · 07/10/2014 16:48

""Personally for me the most unedifying thing is the parents who insist it is unfair and then spend lots of time and money getting into some very oversubscribed state school. "

Yes, I find that unedifying too. As do most people opposed to private education. Except, unfortunately, many of the people who actually have the power to do anything about it.

And I give fair warning. If anyone says "leafy" I won't be answerable for the consequences.

sorryforher · 07/10/2014 16:50

"A decent education can be the difference to a life lived in comfort and lived in poverty and it's galling for a parent to think some people can buy that advantage whilst others can't."

Although hilariously, those who are most angry about it tend to be those whose children already do very well in the state sector: the middle classes, because they have a better idea of what their children might be missing out on. It's not about 'a life of poverty' vs 'a life of luxury' but children at private schools having a better chance of a place at Oxbridge or other top Unis, rather than the second tier uni's, a chance to do medicine and law rather than pharmacy and teaching....