Why do some parents think private school at primary is a waste of money.... but are secretly saving for secondary?

[Tallandgracefulmum]

AIBU as my little one is starting prep school in Sept. I was asked by a friend at DD's nursery my plans, said private all the way and was told I would be wasting my money and should save it for secondary when it matters.

I hate this ..most parents I know would send kids private all the way through but cannot afford it so are saving for secondary. But to be honets if your not used to paying shed loads monthly for schooling, you will not suddently 7 years later ( and higher fees) start doing it for secondary.

What some people don't seem to get is that some parents value educational experience over material possessions or fancy homes. This friend in question said she will use the money she saves to provide education experiences for her children and give them a lump sum for uni.

My thoughts are she just can't afford it and wants to make me feel bad for spending my hard earned money.

How many parents actually compare a range of private school fees, then calculate how much it would cost to send one child then save the relevant monthly amount ready to give each off spring at 18? Doesn't happen. What's wrong in providing the best educational experience you can afford for your kids without others constantly telling me I am wasting my money.

FWIW I can understand private school bashers who hate all forms of private schooling, but not those who bash primary but would send kids to secondary in a heartbeat!

Ah oops, nced since my last post, but I did say exactly that, honest

...and, actually, a lot of very junior partners are in what is basically a salary with a small performance related bonus. No equity at all. It's a real struggle to get equity - where you actually start truly sharing in the profits

In fact, HMRC have recently been challenging the employment status of junior partners in forms on the basis that they are essentially just employees who are given the title if partner rather than genuinely self-employed partners sharing in the profits of the business.

The issue to me is seem that people can't over the fact that private primary is not a waste of money.
When a child we know has had a fab time at state primary, got challenged brilliantly and got scholarships (plural) to every private secondary school he applied to? Yes I think private primary would have been a waste of money. For him. That's not to say it's a waste of money for you.

Or are you just trying to wind us up now?

Maybe the OP will be back in a few years, extolling the virtues of a state secondary education, having run out of the cash for private after all.

Or possibly, she will be posting about how she is moonlighting as an early-hours cleaner at a City Law Firm to ensure she can afford to send her sons to Winchester, because actually no other school is worth it.

Oh, and if we don't hear from her, it's because the electricity meter ran out.

OP, I think your definition of MC might be a bit different from everyone else's- it certainly differs from mine. I would consider myself pretty MC and have hitherto not had the sort of money it would take to have all those haircuts, new outfits and weekly meals out. I do have that money now, but that's purely through circumstance and nothing else.

As for accurate grammar: why would you need to save it up for RL correspondence? It's not like there's a finite amount. Come on now, be generous and share your accurate grammar with MNers

Why is money being equated with class?
You can take the girl out of ...

Gotta love the middle classes without a pot to piss in who just have to think themselves superior somehow ...

Is that aimed at me TheWord?

I do indeed have a pot to piss in, and have always had. But that isn't what being MC is about, is it?

The OP seems confused about it.

Is that aimed at me Word I have more than a pot to piss in and I don't think myself superior to anyone.
I don't think because I chose not to chuck £££££ at my DC education that it somehow means their education will be inferior.
DC1 -Vet
DC2 -Medical student .

Not done too bad in spite of their inferior education

wade you and Ilovesoap who just had to point out the OP's lack of supposed class.

A bet you were an itchy finger away from mentioning new money. It usualyy comes after digs about grammar and spelling...

MC superiority, based on the square route of fuck all ...

Was that aimed at me word? I'm not MC. But I suppose I don't have a pot to piss in, in the sense that despite a high income I'm not a high net worth individual - we spend it all.

I don't think I'm innately superior to anyone, but if people make ridiculous posts on Mn I'm as entitled as anyone else to point that out.

My children will never be vets or doctors. This is something I'm extremely pleased about.

Nope-It was the Op who has continued to chuck money into the equation like it is the answer to everything. The only answer
It doesn't give you confidence and that is the main issue here.

Oh- is there something wrong with being a vet or a doctor
My DC are happy in their chosen careers .

Don't be daft herc not you.

Look, I don't agree with everything the OP says, but I think it's pretty low rent to try to put her in her place by ponting out she's not really MC and can never be MC...as if that were catagoric proof that she's wrong.

Because in my book, a WC woman who makes soemthing of her life has got a lot to be proud of, more than your average Boden-botherer who has done little more than you know, be born MC. Hardly a huge achievement ...

soap No, being a vet or a doctor is clearly the pinnacle of possible child achievement. Nothing could possibly be better.

word I might agree with you if the OP hadn't said so very very many daft things.

The point is her lack of confidence is what is driving this thread and her absolute determination that there is no other way.
Not trying to put anyone in their place- but acknowledging that this is the reason she is thinking like this.
Her background has influenced her .
Her giving up things is a reflection of her own DM struggles.

Oh yeah? You think everyone from a WC background is as daft as the OP?

At least some of us, and our children, aren't soulless minions of orthodoxy.

It's funny how class stuff is still so important in the UK and yet has also become almost meaningless. My family is several generations middle class, academic on my fathers side (so not so much money but very culturally) and more gentrified on my mother's family. My mother would be absolutely horrified at the idea of spending money on things like gym memberships, clothes or any other personal accoutrement. Not because the money isn't there, but because she'd think it very vulgar and ostentatious (very nonU I suppose). Her family always had plenty of money. My father was a bit more relaxed about such things, and would I suspect have liked a nicer car than my mother considered acceptable. He was quite driven to make money because during his childhood his family had some (relatively) hard times. He was very successful, but never pressured any of us children to aspire to making loads of money or be uber competitive (for which I am very grateful).

My dh's family are working class through and through, and he thinks it very funny that any of my family would ever have thought themselves poor, but they really did. His immediate family 'done good' and were able to offer their children a much more secure future. One thing I noticed is that they are much more likely to pay in the now, whereas my family are much more future orientated. I think this is about security of knowing that the money will still be there, so why waste it on primary schooling that makes little odds when you can save it for higher education (as a small example my FIL gave us some money for baby stuff when ds was born, whereas my DF set up a trust fund for university).

dh and I have emigrated partly to escape from class categorisation. We now live somewhere where everyone except for the very religious sends their children to the local state school and expects them to do well. Which is great. University on the other hand may well cost us $10,000s and more, so it's swings and roundabouts I guess.

I'd suggest that perhaps your mother would be horrified at spending money on a gym because she's from the pre gym generation.

nooka
nail on head !

Theword Where have I pointed out the 'OP's lack of supposed class'?

Oh she's an advocate of outdoor activities Herc, very old school! She wasn't at all happy when dh took up bodybuilding, thought all the eating was greedy (post war rationing generation). But it's the glitziness she'd see as vulgar and the exclusiveness of many gyms too. Plus the focus on the body beautiful.

Not that I am advocating for her views mind!

But my dad was from a working class family and he didn't see the need for monthly haircuts and designer labels when he had the money.

Actually, aswell as there being more than one type of "working class" attitude to money and leisure time, I think there is and always has been more than one type of "middle class." The intellectuals would always have frowned upon gym memberships, hairdressers and designer clothes (these are not exactly intellectual topics...), but there is definitely a chattering middle class dominating the media which appears to have an obsession with appearances and the need to keep them up.

All these are just stereotypes, anyway. I had a great childhood, mixing pigeon racing with gymkhanas and scandalising one set of relatives by pouring tea into the saucer I'd been given to drink from it. If you don't really belong firmly anywhere, you can pick and choose what you adopt and what you don't.