Why do some parents think private school at primary is a waste of money.... but are secretly saving for secondary?

[Tallandgracefulmum]

AIBU as my little one is starting prep school in Sept. I was asked by a friend at DD's nursery my plans, said private all the way and was told I would be wasting my money and should save it for secondary when it matters.

I hate this ..most parents I know would send kids private all the way through but cannot afford it so are saving for secondary. But to be honets if your not used to paying shed loads monthly for schooling, you will not suddently 7 years later ( and higher fees) start doing it for secondary.

What some people don't seem to get is that some parents value educational experience over material possessions or fancy homes. This friend in question said she will use the money she saves to provide education experiences for her children and give them a lump sum for uni.

My thoughts are she just can't afford it and wants to make me feel bad for spending my hard earned money.

How many parents actually compare a range of private school fees, then calculate how much it would cost to send one child then save the relevant monthly amount ready to give each off spring at 18? Doesn't happen. What's wrong in providing the best educational experience you can afford for your kids without others constantly telling me I am wasting my money.

FWIW I can understand private school bashers who hate all forms of private schooling, but not those who bash primary but would send kids to secondary in a heartbeat!

I believe our lack of achievement in football, is due to the lack of value we place upon skills in our young.

We dismiss smaller than average players, with skills...

School teams up and down the land are full of big lad who can lump the ball up the pitch.

And our training consists of...games of football.

Crazy, crazy, crazy.

All sounds inconsistent and a bit rambly to me.
You say that private schools are necessary for sporting success but then you say actually you can name lots of sporting men and women who had money thrown at them but were still flops and actually, it's REALLY all about determination. Oh but it's also about money to access clubs.

Maybe it's just the sentence structure that is making your posts sound a bit odd.

Reallytired - that's what I mean by making sacrifices - rather than not buying the latest Gucci whatever.

dilys4trevor

oh ho....I know how the other half live. I have lived that life it till I got my first real job. You probably don't know how the other half live.
Oh the traditional middle classes worries:
You think just not being able to educate privately is being poor,
or not going on holiday is being poor,
or not being able to buy Boden is being poor
Or not being able to have a coffee at Costa or a meal at Pizza express weekly is being poor. Not being able to afford those are nothing. One can do without the above and still have a full life.
Those middle classes struggling, do not have the same struggles as the true poor or WC. Some are struggling to live a life above what their salaries can maintain and lived a life of credit.
Forget the subjective if the landed gentry had to move to my pad and live my life, they may consider themselves poor or poorer.
Being poor I can tell you what it is like;
walking to get to school before they introduced (bus passes for kids) because could not afford the bus fare
parents going without food so the kids can eat
going without fruit and healthy food because it was expensive
being sent round aunts and other family members houses during school holidays so we would get 3 meals a day
dodging the landlord because 3 months late with rent
having candles round the house as the electricity is always going off, and worried a fire might start
no money to fix the boiler, having to boil water to have a warm bath
sometimes not eating on the weekend
not enjoying the luxury of sleep because you get up 3 or 4 hours after you went down to go to another job
not having time for your kids because you have to go to your third job in the evening.

That is how some of the other half are still living today. Forget the media showing off families getting benefits with 6, 7,8 or 9 kids, the majority of poor are working poor and not entitled to benefits or disability payments which many of the above type claim ( law of averages one child will have some complaint that renders the parent unable to work OH).
Do you know how the other half live?

Ironically, Tallandgracefulmum, a lot of your experience was down to your mother spending so much money on school fees.

And it has to be said, YOU are the one saying that you have cut back on irrelevancies like expensive meals out, extortionate gym membership and designer clothes in order to be able to afford school fees, not anyone else, and what you have cut back on are not middle class luxuries, those are the luxuries of the obscenely wealthy (or the self-obsessed). Please don't patronise anyone by trying to claim they are "middle class" luxuries.

"Middle class" luxuries are violin lessons.

Gob
The hours are absolutely not conducive to parenting 6 children without outsourcing that care to someone else. I'm amazed that tall and her husband can manage nursery pick ups etc.

You need to work for a company that values quality over being at your desk every day. In this day we can work remotely etc. Plus what makes you think we work far from home/nursery /school?

I parent 3 children well thanks, 4th will be parented just as well. I may drop off, I may not pick up vice versa. Not hard.

ps what is a first "real" job? What distinguishes it from an unreal job?

Tallandgraceful, now I really have no idea what you are talking about.

I do know however that you are sounding more and more of a fool with every post.

"Middle class" luxuries are violin lessons

Gosh yes

gym membership has long gone but no-one touches the violin lessons

Tall you have completely lost me now. If you're so poor you can't pay the rent you really shouldn't be using a private school - that's just bonkers. Extra curricular activities on site are not worth the hassle of being evicted

Nope rabbit,
I said I cut out that nonsense to keep up with the kids lifestyle as their interests increase. Money for fees is there regardless, what I earn is not spent on nice things for me, for example, wanted to attend an event to introduce DD to someone who she admires, gave up the gym membership for 8 months, that paid for that experience then gave it up permanently.
I did used to spend (especially with one kid back then) money on things I really did not need to or need, but I enjoyed/liked. Now it has freed up spare money to spend on the kids. Holidays, nursery fees and school fees were not part my own expenses of it otherwise I would never been able spend on those luxuries in the first place.
DH wants to take the older two to visit his grandfather for a 6 weeks during the summer. He sold some stuff on eBay rather than take from savings. We are just like that. Everyone is different.

My view is if you can pay for expensive gym membership, hair, eating out weekly, buy brand new designer clothes, have expensive make up monthly, pay hire purchase of 500 per month for a BMW then if you WANTED to educated privately one or two children or pay for expensive tennis/golf/racing membership or riding lessons for kids, YOU can do it if you forgo the above luxuries, but some want to be able to do the above and afford private school, but without increased income how else?
Not that private is better or you have to forgo the above. That what my post was about, the middle classes really do not know the other half leave. To have the option of reducing non essentials to raise money for something else is a luxury to have IMO.

when I was growing up.

I am far from poor now, but that is subjective :)

dilly, then don't read the posts then. You guys are making me laugh.
Lets face it we have diff views.

I am happy with the goals I have for my family and DC.

SwiftRelease

Accurate grammar can be saved for RL correspondence, not MN.

My view is if you can pay for expensive gym membership, hair, eating out weekly, buy brand new designer clothes, have expensive make up monthly, pay hire purchase of 500 per month for a BMW then

I'm lost - very few people can afford this sort of stuff ime. The ones that can are loaded/millionaires & easily afford this & the school fees.

I'm completely baffled.

Lets face it we have diff views. I am happy with the goals I have for my family and DC.

But you were the one c

Complaining about people having different views than you???

:even more baffled:

If you are so happy with everything I am not sure why you came on here asking if you are unreasonable. Just be happy in yourself. And maybe go off and do something other than arguing with long posts on here. You have very little support, initially because your views came across as snobby and condescending, and later because they are just plain inconsistent and weird.

I suppose it depends how much a person is spending on designer clothes monthly. I get my hair done once a month, I have a comparably priced gym membership, I don't drive a BMW but I do pay for a vehicle, I don't eat out hardly ever but if I did, it would cost about £20, so adding that up - £850. Per month. That ain't going to pay for 3 DC's private school fees.

Are there really people who pay out £2150 on designer clothes every month?

I am now fervently hoping nobody makes me work out exactly how much I spend on books, iTunes, shows/plays/concerts each month.

Not least because I don't really want to know.

tries not to see the Big Cup of Tickets sitting on the desk

Hey Rabbitstew Hello Love.

I take exception to your comment on violin lessons being middle class.
We are very working class and dd has violin lessons.
I am at being classed as "middle class" Oh the shame

Yes..... of course there are! But they earn a few million in the city. Have a look around London the next time you are there. I know plenty that spend this and have children at boarding schools. They also have Aston Martins, £10m houses, holidays in fabulous places and spend £2000 on handbag. Not posting on MN though!

MMM - I work in the city! With the sort of people the OP claims to be. None of them - NONE of them - spends that sort of money on designer clothes. Many are a tad scruffy. They do have the holidays the houses and the cars though, that I grant you. But clothes? Nah.

Gobbolinothewitchscat
What makes you think one of us is not a Partner in MC firm or in fact QC, judging by the MN posts really?
Also, do you think that only magic circle equity partners can afford to educate more than 4 kids privately? There are management consultants, senior business development managers, higher paid GPs, head teachers, general counsels, in-house lawyers, Surgeons, rain maker lawyers (some refuse partnership go for of Counsel title) artists etc who can afford to comfortably educate more than 3 privately. Even those with other less paid jobs can do so because they have investments, low outgoings etc.
Do you know there are some magic circle partners who could not afford to educate 2 let alone 4 kids privately; you seriously dont know how the equity structure works then. Dependent on your practice group, PEP is different.
Do you even know that the profit per equity partner is currently more from partners not at magic circle firms.

Ultimately it would tougher if you had 4 kids back to back so always paying for 4 at a time. You not think that some people may space out children so never paying the same rate at the same time?

I think it depends herc

I know some women who shop. A lot. I bet they would easily spend that on clothes and bags and grooming. I know others who don't enjot it so much...