The Trinity Whitgift Dulwich 11+/10+ thread 2014 pt2

[LadyMuck]

Anyone still out there?!

Another one here very grateful to this thread, although our own interests lie with Eltham College. We got a letter on Friday, confirming that DS has been offered a 25% scholarship, so we're really proud of him and all he's achieved. However, we need to think long and hard about the affordability of this - particularly if we wanted to be able to give DS2 similar opportunities. We wrote a begging letter to see if there's any more available in the pot, so to speak, so will see if anything comes of that. In the meantime, we're poring over financials to see what we could and could not afford - or what we'd have to give up to achieve it!

Thanks frazzledforty for your post which of course rings true. Of course I realise those awarded the academic scholarships would have scored higher in that exam and not everyone can be rewarded. Just disappointing when without one the dream is over, especially when you think the dream is about to become reality.......

Poozie - you have every right to be disappointed!

Tbh - we are among the "stupid" parents who can't afford the full fees and yet we fork up. We are renting and all the money saved for a deposit is going into school fees. I have become a walking ad for how to mix and match a few pieces of Tesco's FF with George at Asda, eating out is a rare luxury and there are no more family holidays. If anything goes wrong, we'll have to move DS to the state sector as we have no safety net.

I can't tell anyone whether it is worth it or not. It is a deeply personal decision. What I can say, is that DS is exceptionally happy, has really lovely friends and is growing into a very charming, gracious, thoughtful young man. He is challenged academically and has many opportunities.

Would the local comp have been that different? Yes and no, but without being there, we simply can't compare. The curriculum is the same. In the top stream he would have been challenged. There, too, are really lovely boys (and girls!) and a few mean, disruptive ones. Class sizes may be bigger, but it might be easier to get into the sports teams and to shine academically.

This may sound like scant consolation, but I can absolutely assure you that Master Poozie will do well wherever he goes. He should know that he has done incredibly well to get to this point and use that to motivate his future success.

Frazzled forty what an absolutely lovely , considered post. Brought a year to my eye.

Wise words frazzled fourty I too am waiting on what percentage Reeds is able to offer , am a single parent and am even planning to move out of my flat and rent in out to cut down my outgoings by living somewhere cheaper
( btw know anyone wants a 2 bed a rental in teddington in collis catchment apply here ) but there is only so much cash I can raise every month luckily I only have the one but the things we do for our kids right !!!! An tired of being stressed out all the time you think once they've passed it's all over how wrong was I ........ as they say we used to be happy with the school down the road .

And me! I am a wee big emotional at mo!!

Poozie puzzle I definitely think its worth having a conversation with W when the deadline passes for acceptance as there must be some boys with bursary offers who will still go elsewhere so assuming that allocation of money would then go back in the pot ready for master poozie & brown sugar , time to sharpen those elbows and get in there am sure more experienced mums netter could advise how to go about it short of stalking the HM .... Sure lady M will be able to give you a battle plan ( might be needing it myself ) its a case of who dare asks gets so its not over yet ......

PooziePuzzle, it's worth phoning or writing and being blunt about the financial situation. After all' have nothing to lose at all. I did get DS2 a small scholarship at T when W offered him one that made them cheaper than T. Of course, it helped that DS1 was there already and I had a good base for negotiating given the scholarship offer from W and the fact that he'd passed Wilson's (turned t he had a place there too). They discussed his results in detail with me, explained why he hadn't got a scholarship and then gave the scholarship based on his maths.

There is absolutely nothing to lose by giving it a go. Make it clear how much yd love him to go there, how it's the right school for him etc etc. it may be best to wait until after the grammar offers come in so hat know what your options are. Not sure how this ties in with deadlines though.

Thanks Soupdragon for info. Do you think it normally correlates that those worthy of scholarships are also worthy of bursaries and vice versa?

To be honest, I don't know. Maybe some get a scholarship instead of a bursary as they try to share the money out. A boy they really really want may get both.

Hello SJ69 - we loved both T and W - they are both excellent schools and we know we are lucky to have the choice. My son visited both and all the way through this nightmare process he has said that T is where he wanted to be. We have let him decide and we are very happy with his choice, as we thought the school had a wonderful, welcoming vibe. It also helps that two of his closest friends have been offered places.

Like many others on this thread it is going to mean sacrifices as we have a second child in private education. I have told the children that they are going to have to learn to love caravan holidays come rain or shine and that there will be far fewer treats. Balancing the books every month is going to be tough. But I know it is the right decision because our state option simply isn't an option.

I wish you all the very best for the exciting year to come.

Thank you all Mnetters on this chat. So much advice and wisdom. In these circumstances, it's natural to feel disappointed. It's what one does after that, that matters the most.
poozie I suggest compiling a letter to W, either hand delivered or registered mail stating how unhappy and giving the reasons why and what W could do.
I personally didn't think that when it came to bursaries, there would be anyone lower than me but hey, only you knows where the shoe pinches the most.
Being a single parent, it surely is not easy. I have now started looking at 13+ and maybe move outside London for now because my local school is not a choice.
So, once again, I do thank you all lovely mums for your input.

Lostinlondon - thanks v much for info about Dulwich / Alleyns. I never thought the actual sport would make much difference to my choices but am now feeling like it will really help DS to bond with a school if they are keen on the same sport as he is. He is v keen on football and has only recently started playing rugby and doesn't seem overly keen. My main issue with Alleyns is that it will be even more of a stretch academically than DC. Still not sure what to do.....

ladydepp and anyone else with an opinion: do you think Alleyn's will be more academically challenging than Dulwich? Somewhat relevant to us as well, as we have to make the same choice... (and I'd be inclined to go for Dulwich if Alleyn's is more challenging, as struggling tends to make him panic and even give up altogether - he's motivated more by success, IYSWIM)

Brown Sugar- I'm another lurker on this thread and I've been agonising alongside you and Poozie as I'm in exactly the same situation as both of you, applied to Whitgift and my DS has been offered a place but cannot take it up without a bursary. I'm also a single parent, in very tight financial circumstances so perhaps there are many more like us who were also disappointed but both my DS and I have now adopted a philosophical approach and are hoping that somehow it will all work out come March. So we're pinning our hopes on the grammars for offers day and the remote possibility that others turning down their bursaries for other offers might result in a surprise positive outcome. Fingers crossed for all of us.

At Alleyn's there are all those scarily high-achieving girls and having had two boys before dd I've been able to do a direct comparison of academically able 11 year old boys and girls

I'm quite glad that ds1 was at a boys' school as things like presentation, organisation etc took quite a long time to mature - however his teachers (who were very well-used to pre-teen boys) told us not to worry as his ideas were great and everything else would come in time. If he'd been comparing himself to the girls his confidence in his own ability might not have remained as undented as it did (which might not have been altogether a bad thing ...)

Thanks, basildonbond. That's exactly the sort of information that's useful. DS is 11 going on 9, and my instinct is that he'll do better in a boys' school, but I did love something about Alleyn's. Food for thought.

Strangely I'd always thought that dd would be happier at a girls' school however I'm pretty sure we've decided not to go for her girls' option and are now weighing up the pros and cons of two mixed schools ...

It's really hard to separate my own feelings about schools from what will be best for dd - I loved one particular school (mainly on reflection because it reminded me of my old school) but dd was very 'meh' about it. I have a clear favourite of the two options but am trying not to make it obvious to dd.

Wow, finally found this thread that I should have followed months ago!

I want to say Thanks to LadyMuck for all the advice given. Congrats to all the proud mummies/daddies. Our hardworking and support has finally paid off.

I was completely calm about the results as I never expected anything much, as a scholarship at 10-30% would mean nothing to us, applying to C was just a back up to grammars.

But my dc has achieved one of the highest % apparently and now puts us in an even more difficult dilemma of should we or shouldn't we! But it was absolutely great news for us all!

Wow Congratulations mummytummy3, sometimes we do underestimate our own kids.

Grammar results not too far away, 2 weeks from today!

Mrssteptoe - yes I have always had the impression that Alleyns is more academic than Dulwich although I gather that the DC Head is looking to improve DC's academic reputation so that could be changing.

My DS is certainly not super bright, very good at Maths but so/so at English. I think he would get on well at a coed school as he is the sort of boy that teachers seem to enjoy teaching, well behaved, funny etc.... not too stereotypically boyish, BUT he can get down on himself if he thinks others are all doing better..,,.

Basildonbond - good point about presentation and organisation, I am sometimes unsure as to whether the presence of girls encourages or discourages boys in these factors - I guess it depends on the boy! At the moment DS does not appear to recognise that girls actually exist .

MrsSteptoe and ladydepp If you'd asked me 4 yrs ago when DS1 had to choose between places at A and DC, I'd have said A was def the more academically challenging of the two schools. But DC has really pulled its socks up recently, mainly due to Dr Spence, and I think they're very close academically now.

However, I do think that if your child has done well enough to pass the entrance exam, they should be able to cope once they're in the school. Any decent private school will tailor academic expectations to the individual child - this is def true at DC, my DS has very high academic targets but I know other less academic boys there who have targets that are more realistic to their own abilities.

Another agonising wait with now even more importance. We had thought if offered a grammar plus a good offer from W we would go with W as DS loves it and I think it suits him more. Now panicking for grammar offer or a miracle! AliceInWonderland without being too nosey is your offer at T good enough to reject a grammar? Just interesting how nothing from W yet good at T. We didn't look at T as DS sport mad. Everyone seems to love it and talks very warmly of it. Maybe we should have, boo!

LostinLondon thanks! I've heard that Dr Spence set out to do that. Out of interest, if you selected Dulwich, can I ask why? We have always really liked Dulwich, but I'm trying not to just sleepwalk into it, IYSWIM, and give it some proper analytical thought while we have the opportunity to make a choice!

MrsSteptoe I'll PM you.