Think Carefully Before Opting for Private Education

[PRMum2012]

i am a mum of two (23 months and 3 in august)I am self-employed, part time and married to a lovely architect. We have a great life and two happy kids.

On paper I would say I have not done too badly with my life and my aim is to work full time as soon as possible now my kids are a bit older. If the work was available I would happily work full time now.

Despite setting up my own business I can't help feeling like a failure that I can't afford for my own children, what my parents did for me.... It annoys me that I put so much importance on it ... I am now passionate about finding a decent local primary school for my children so they don't feel the same pressure i do now, when they are older and looking for schools for their kids ....but i'll be honest ......assuming i can afford it i would try and do it from 11 if i can....!!!!...

Hopefully by then, my kids will have an input too and they will be forming their own opinions on the issue.

Depending on mortgage and family support I can't see that it's possible for anyone with two kids earning under £80,000 - £1000,000 + (as a family income) to afford private education anymore, my advice is unless you have a thriving business or two, work as a dr, lawyer or banker.... Forget it.

It's really hard to watch my younger sibling do it for her kids, they are paying for private prep while we cant afford it.... But it really upsets me I feel like this... why can't I just be happy for them and quietly satisfied that I don't need to pay on top of my taxes for my kids education.

For my own primary education i went privately, tried the local school for secondary education but was bullied so moved back to the private system.... I had a mix of private and state during secondary - my second private school was amazing but the second state school I attended for 6th form (my choice) was great too so why is this all having such an impact on what I want for my own kids.

My DH is much more laid back, he went privately all the way through but doesn't place as much value on it as I do/did....I wish I felt the same way but all I feel now is pressure to earn more money so I can pay for them both from 11.

.. in anycase a lot of the parents that we know are paying £x ,000 in school fees AND got a trust fund set up for Tristan or Arabella's town house upon graduating. For a lot of families it isnt an either-or decision.

Oh and by the way I didn't have a miserable time at private school, it was great as was my time at a state primary before I went!

MTS, one bedroom flat in London? Of course, I can

MTS, the option AND is not a subject of this topic. If you have AND your pension sorted, AND children's homes on their way, you tend to have enough money for any other threats for children.

Normally the question of private/state occurs when people are in OR situation. And in such position I would choose a house deposit rather than smaller class size.

MsAverage - I accept that there is a Eton>Oxbridge>Permanent Secretary career fast path filled with people with quadruple barrelled surnames but they are a relative minority these days. In any case if you was uber rich would you really be sitting in an office doing a 9 to 5 job albeit a very well paid one?

I realised long before I had children that I would probably send them to a state school, and pay for top-up private education for the things that they need (firstly coaching for the 11+) in the same way that I pay privately for swimming, dancing and music lessons. I've never really understood why people would make huge sacrifices to provide an education that a child might not need. (either because they got an excellent state education, or because it just isn't something that interests them)

Everyone has an anecdote about someone who is working several jobs etc to pay for their DC to go private. I have yet to meet such a parent. My friends are funding the fees from spare cash.

Reading it back my post seems a bit random. I was addressing the comment about parents sacrificing a lot for a private education. I have yet to meet such a parent

If we had a household income of £80k we would be able to afford private Ed, because after the school fees there would still be far more than the average wage left. And MTS has an additional salary from her DH. Providing the savings and pension.

Actually on £80k I'd manage a few bottles of wine, too! I have a £900 mortgage PCM.

Actually to be honest when our eldest came up to secondary age, DH had a better salary (more than £100,000) and we looked at private schools. We loved one but my eldest really didn't like it, and as it is a bit of an alternative school we decided not to go for it.
I looked at the other schools and choose his State school, as the only two privates that seemed to match him; involved a long journey each day. The state seemed just as good and was far closer.

Since the recession, it has been a very good choice for us, as we have far less income.

MsAverage,

Sutton isn't London.

MTS how do define "spare cash" we're not funding our fees from spare cash we fund them from our monthly wages we literally put an amount by every month. Obviously if we weren't paying the fees it would be "spare". Also how do you define several jobs my DH wouldn't have time for several jobs as he works loads of hours at one job. I have two jobs because I work part time at both sometimes I work 50 hours a week other times only 20 that's my choice. Ultimately if I wasn't paying the fees I'd only have one job and work 20 hours a week.

I have recently posted on another of these threads. We also fall in to this income bracket. DH was privately educated, me state. My exam results (GCSE, A level and degree) are all better than his. I have higher eArning potential, I would also say I have a better work ethic and problem solving skills.

IMO his private education has made him prone to being lazy and entitled.The only positive is that he has some vair naice friends whom will lend us their 2nd homes.

So for us, not worth the sacrifices to send dc. However come back to me once Ds has failed the 11+.

Happy - The parents that we know aren't making a choice between school fees and essentials like food, heating etc. To them the fees money is 'spare' in that sense.

As for the 'several jobs' comment I was thinking of a post where someone knew someone who knew someone who had two cleaning gigs and the husband drove a van by day and worked in a warehouse by night, just to scrape together enough to pay the fees. If that is you then I tip my virtual hat at you.

btw DH went to a major public school.

MTS its ok you don't need to tip tour hat we're paying out of our "spare" income. My experience is really limited to boarding school and their massive fees but like you I don't I've ever met anyone who isn't paying fees out of their "spare" income.
Wish just because its 'a major public school' doesn't mean one that it will get top results or two turn our workaholics.

never not ever!

Wish - a friend's BF is ex public school. Parents had shed loads of money which he knew he would inherit one day so he wasn't particularly driven academic/job wise. Today he is a 30 something party organiser/DJ with dreams of owning his own night club .... once he inherits.

My point? Family having shed loads of money made him lazy and entitled, not his private/public school.

Wish there are plenty of lazy children in state schools as well. I don't think you can blame the school or even the parents. We've got friends with absolute shed loads of money including those who inherit it some of their children are exceedingly industrious and hard working (like many of thie parents). I personally think its more complex than school and or how wealthy or not your family are. In another life I used to work with/train horses some are plain idle reluctant to put one leg in front of the other, others are hyperactive and impossible to wear out like people its all to do with personality.

Oh you get lazy kids everywhere. Doesn't seem to matter a jot if they were rich or poor.

But I think people like the idea that advanatges like being rich or going to private school is actually a curse. It makes them feel better. Like those who look at a happy couple and go 'you never know what goes on behind closed doors'.

I have been poor and I can absolutley assure everyone that it is much nicer being rich ...

word - the tabloids seem to like stories about Lotto winners who get divorced and/lose all their friends because of the money. Money doesn't buy you happiness seems to be the underlying theme.

MN is full of threads about shit relationships and grabby friends and relatives. Chuck in £1m plus and of course you'll see the problem magnified.

Apparently stories about Lotto winners helping grown up DCs with mortgages and stuff isn't what their readership want to read.

Maybe there is also a German word for this but I find that some people who don't have money like to think that people who do inevitably lead unhappy lives but don't realise this.

Like you, I use to be poor and now I'm not. I'm a lot happier now :)

It's like a protection mechanism.

If you assume that those who have what you don't have are actually unhappy and having a harder time than you are, t makes the situation palatable.

If I were a conspiracy theorist I might say that this notion was put about by the rich to ensure everyone else was happy with their lot!!!

Fair enough, MTS- you know best.

(Although I think you might be knowing best on the wrong thread.......)