Think Carefully Before Opting for Private Education

[PRMum2012]

i am a mum of two (23 months and 3 in august)I am self-employed, part time and married to a lovely architect. We have a great life and two happy kids.

On paper I would say I have not done too badly with my life and my aim is to work full time as soon as possible now my kids are a bit older. If the work was available I would happily work full time now.

Despite setting up my own business I can't help feeling like a failure that I can't afford for my own children, what my parents did for me.... It annoys me that I put so much importance on it ... I am now passionate about finding a decent local primary school for my children so they don't feel the same pressure i do now, when they are older and looking for schools for their kids ....but i'll be honest ......assuming i can afford it i would try and do it from 11 if i can....!!!!...

Hopefully by then, my kids will have an input too and they will be forming their own opinions on the issue.

Depending on mortgage and family support I can't see that it's possible for anyone with two kids earning under £80,000 - £1000,000 + (as a family income) to afford private education anymore, my advice is unless you have a thriving business or two, work as a dr, lawyer or banker.... Forget it.

It's really hard to watch my younger sibling do it for her kids, they are paying for private prep while we cant afford it.... But it really upsets me I feel like this... why can't I just be happy for them and quietly satisfied that I don't need to pay on top of my taxes for my kids education.

For my own primary education i went privately, tried the local school for secondary education but was bullied so moved back to the private system.... I had a mix of private and state during secondary - my second private school was amazing but the second state school I attended for 6th form (my choice) was great too so why is this all having such an impact on what I want for my own kids.

My DH is much more laid back, he went privately all the way through but doesn't place as much value on it as I do/did....I wish I felt the same way but all I feel now is pressure to earn more money so I can pay for them both from 11.

Would you be tempted though Monty, if you lived in Knowsley?

The nouveau riche is the middle class. HTH.

MrTgroupie

The only thing that is boring is your inability or unwillingness to answer my point about your outgoings, especially rent or mortgage.

You asked me what our outgoings were and I gave you some rough figures.

You have avoided saying what yours are.

I am fully aware that some people live on less than £500 a week- each of my adult children do, for starters.

That is not the discussion we are having though. The discussion is how do YOU pay £23K in school fees, and have £80K income and stay in the black - when presumably you have to feed and house 4 of you and pay all the bills associated with that.

You are the one being boring by being so evasive- which implies you are not being honest, so I shall ignore you from now on.

willdo what you wrote is not correct. The tax is much higher than you stated- and I can JUST about understand how tax works- thanks- I pay it myself as an employed person!

Try looking here

www.thesalarycalculator.co.uk/salary.php

Shotgun

How helpful of you to provide a link that confirms it is a pejorative term.

Apologies if this has been covered by someone up-thread but the fees for private education are just the start.

You need to consider all the social pressures and materialism that 'keeping up with the jones' brings with being at private school. Not to mention all the extra-curricular costs that are 'optional' (but expected).

I was privately-educated and wouldn't dream of putting my DS through that - even if I could afford it. I found it elitist and snobby and in no way representative of the real world. Of course the education was very good, but I have had no complaints about the education that my DS has received so far in the state sector (he's in yr 7) - and I'm in London so the demographic is very diverse.

Oh, and the apologetic tone of some on this thread about the fact that they chose state v private really troubles me.

I was miserable and bullied at private school, I have absolutely no qualms about sending my DC to state school. Not that we could afford it even if it was a decision I had a huge amount of angst over, but I'm glad I've escaped that.

nouveau riche is of course a pejorative term.

It's usually used by the middle classes, whoc an no longer afford anyhting they want, to put down those who can afford it.

They want to continue feeling superior so they need to denigrate others. They can no longer do it by having more cash (they don't have any) or by having more education (the arrivistes are often equally well educated) so they concentrate on where the money comes from and how it is spent...

Interestingly, the new money don't give a shit and just get on with the business of enjoying life .

But not 'perjorative'

Just I know Knowsley's in the North West, but I'm South East London, and still, I just think it's wrong and believe that the state should be giving every child an exellent education no matter what the background and you should have to or even need to pay for it, no matter your wealth.

The rich pay enough taxes don't they? (Well most). We need to keep a good state education spinning for those that can't pay for it.

Let the government dip into their coffers to do so, after all, they are fleecing the well paid in taxes.

shouldn't

I believe that the state should be giving every child an excellent education too. Only a mad person would want to pay twice for something.

As new money myself, I think it's a term to be proud of. It means that DH and I earned every penny ourselves. Not bad considering...

But I know that's not how some people mean it.

But let them fester in penuary clinging to their faux superiority. I'm content to give them their comfort blanket .

I am sending my children to state schools even though I went to private secondary. I was desperately unhappy at my private girls' school even though I had an amazing education.

School fees have risen well above inflation year in year out for the last twenty years. Its no wonder that private education is out of reach for most middle class children.

However I don't feel I am giving my children less than my parents gave me. My parents worked all the hours that Gawd sent to put two children through private education. My children see far more of their parents growing up than we did.

I think we're almost all agreeing right now :)

Every child is entitled to an excellent education paid for by the state from the coffers of the treasury.

No matter what background. If only.....

LastOrders - yup, there isn't any bullying at state schools since, as you know, that kind of stuff only happens at private schools [sarcasm emoticon]

Exactly Monty. But the reality is different for a lot of people.

What is penuary?

Why do people insist on going on about how they were unhappy at their private school so they aren't going to send their kids to one. It's like the staff at an Italian restaurant was rude therefore you are never going to eat Italian ever again.

Elsewhere you got people complaining about snobby and bitchy private school parents as if they don't exist at state schools.

And then there are the anecdotes about how x went private and is now a druggie and how y went to a comp and is now a doctor. It proves nothing. My friend went to private school and is now a £150k pa plus bonus MD at an American bank but let's focus on the crash and burn kids eh?

There are those who would argue that private education is inequitable because a lot of the top jobs are disproportionately filled by private school alumni.

Then are those who would argue that private education is a waste of money because it offers nothing that you can't get for free.

Which one is it? Are private school inequitable or a waste of money?

"Why do people insist on going on about how they were unhappy at their private school so they aren't going to send their kids to one"

Maybe to counteract the overwhelming tide of anti state school propaganda on this site?

Just I get that, but if we all insisted and didn't have the private system at all we'd be in with a chance of decent schools as a right not a privilege. For the nouveau riche, the gentry, the bourgouis and elitists or whoever. (please don't pull me on spelling at this time of night :))

Oh I'm on my equality bandwagon, best I go to bed per chance to dream of it.

I do not understand why the calculations went into the direction of "Will I survive after paying for the school?". Let's do some other maths, let's think like economists and assess the alternative investments.

By not sending a child to a private school, but saving exactly the same money, we will get 13 years x £12k = £156k plus compound interest. This means a gift either of a flat in London / house elsewhere (ladies and gents, meet a mortgage-free property owner aged 18) or, say, 3 buy-to-let properties. Will this trade off a 3% decreased chance of getting into Oxbridge? Downright yes for me.

seeker - how can you say the things that you do about your DS's state school and then go on about the overwhelming anti state school propaganda here on MN?

MsAverage - you can't buy a cupboard for that kind of money in London.

Both myself and my DH were privately educated at a very expensive boarding school paid for by parents from relatively humble backgrounds (mine a single parent) who worked hard and I think that's the point if you really want something badly enough you will make sacrifices etc to get it.Bear in mind it is not just the fees that cost money, there's uniform, games kit, music lessons, trips and of course keeping up with the Huntingly-Jones's. We have 4 DC and it has never even crossed our minds to send them to private school as they are doing really well where they are with no pressure and an ability to get on with people from all walks of life, unlike a lot of people we went to school with who had no cocept of ordinary hard working people or society outwith their life of privilege.

MTS, the relationship between private schooling and getting to the top jobs may go in the opposite direction: not private school leavers take all the major posts because they schooled privately,

but 7th baronets and 4th generation stockbrokers, who are going to take the major posts because they are from wealthy and influential background, go to the private schools because their wealthy parents have plenty of money on all the forms on spending.