Think Carefully Before Opting for Private Education

[PRMum2012]

i am a mum of two (23 months and 3 in august)I am self-employed, part time and married to a lovely architect. We have a great life and two happy kids.

On paper I would say I have not done too badly with my life and my aim is to work full time as soon as possible now my kids are a bit older. If the work was available I would happily work full time now.

Despite setting up my own business I can't help feeling like a failure that I can't afford for my own children, what my parents did for me.... It annoys me that I put so much importance on it ... I am now passionate about finding a decent local primary school for my children so they don't feel the same pressure i do now, when they are older and looking for schools for their kids ....but i'll be honest ......assuming i can afford it i would try and do it from 11 if i can....!!!!...

Hopefully by then, my kids will have an input too and they will be forming their own opinions on the issue.

Depending on mortgage and family support I can't see that it's possible for anyone with two kids earning under £80,000 - £1000,000 + (as a family income) to afford private education anymore, my advice is unless you have a thriving business or two, work as a dr, lawyer or banker.... Forget it.

It's really hard to watch my younger sibling do it for her kids, they are paying for private prep while we cant afford it.... But it really upsets me I feel like this... why can't I just be happy for them and quietly satisfied that I don't need to pay on top of my taxes for my kids education.

For my own primary education i went privately, tried the local school for secondary education but was bullied so moved back to the private system.... I had a mix of private and state during secondary - my second private school was amazing but the second state school I attended for 6th form (my choice) was great too so why is this all having such an impact on what I want for my own kids.

My DH is much more laid back, he went privately all the way through but doesn't place as much value on it as I do/did....I wish I felt the same way but all I feel now is pressure to earn more money so I can pay for them both from 11.

I agree with feeling safe with those from a similar background though. I believe most people do become friends with those from a similar background as you have more in common. I have always been very interested in people who are different though and my ds appears to be the same with a very diverse group of friends both financially, and ethnically. However it appears to be only the faith schools in our area that offers this mix. The results are not as good as the non-faith school that excludes the poorer areas and better than those from other less well off areas. The downside - the kids live far apart geographically and have to use more buses rather than walk to school but I do think this type of mix and match would improve more state schools. The catchment areas should be widened and include a mix of backgrounds which is probably already happening in many village schools but needs to happen in big cities too.

Much more racial diversity at the local independent school (that DS attends) than the local comp, which is almost all-white and pretty rough tbh. Am I allowed to say rough? Is that wrong? In any event, I did not want my DS, who is neither white nor rough to attend the local comp.

But I probably am an elitist snob, by that definition. It's okay, I can live with it

It all depends what you mean by "rough" really.

Obviously.

Some of us, however, try not to make important decisions based on snobbery alone.

Oh it wasn't just based on snobbery. There were other factors :)

Would you care to share?

Well if you like but it seems mean to share them on a thread where the OP is unhappy and feeling pressure to try and earn some more money to fund them.

No, go ahead, the OP left the thread pages and pages ago.

I think OP is away doing other things and I can't say I blame her.

Okay my reasons for going private were (and not given in order of importance):

1. Much better academic results - 100% GCSE pass rate, A level results 65% A/A*
2. Much better music all the way through the school music is integral (and DS is musical)
3. Wonderful sporting facilities and DS gets to think that doing sport is the norm
4. Racial diversity - DS is not white and the local comp is almost all white (and you have to have been the only black kid in the school to know how important that one is)
5. Tolerance of geeks and DS is more than a bit geeky

It really was a no-brainer for us

And what was "rough" about the comprehensive? (I'm not saying it wasn't- just looking for specifics!)

At the time when we were making comparisons, the school had an ofsted rating of satisfactory, very low expectations. For example the English Bacc rate was 2%, I mean seriously, 2%. The percentage achieving 5 gcses a-c was in the low forties and that was mainly achieved by frantic hoicking of kids over the D/C borderline and supporting a lot of what looked like unacademic subjects, and constant teaching to the test rather than teaching the subject. There was some level of behavioural issues and criminality. It just felt like a place where you would struggle to get an education. No sports to speak of, no music to speak of, no sense of pride

Spero, I'm with you on this. It is tragic that segregation has taken hold in the city so much, and that true choice is only available to those with money.

But my dd goes to a school which is extremely mixed and with a high number of children with social problems. I chose the school because the staff and the organisation of the school is top top quality. They differentiate fully but have high expectations for all children. DD's special needs are fully met with intelligent trained teachers but her bookish friend is stretched to write reviews, join clubs and run the library. The behaviour management team roots out any problems before they take hold and the children in care are given all the pastoral care they need.

As usual, very few white mc parents send their children there yet but the staff don't really care. They are there for the children who want to be there.

Wuldric I'm sorry to inform you but many supporters of state ed are now going to tell you that their chosen state school offers all of this and more. Or if it doesn't they have all the things being offered free on their doorstep so that their children can effortlessly participate in them after school.
The weird thing is that the counties "top performing" ofstead rated "outstanding" academy is on our doorstep which is generally considered by the good burghers of Smalltownsville where I live as fantastic for not just it's results but extra curricular stuff as well; as someone was cheerfully telling me the other day "lots" of music, art and sport, local concerts, art exhibitions etc but still not remotely even in the same league as DS2's independent school in terms of quality and quantity.

It depends on the area. I would not touch any of the independent primaries in the area as their only focus appears to be 11+ pass rates. Their music facilitites are over priced and SATs equivalents worse than my dcs state school. The only independent schools I would consider are those that other both primary and secondary as they appear to focus more on a wider education with some of the girls schools being particularly good and have considered for DD's secondary although she would prefer a mixed school now and I tried both and preferred mixed. I am not anti-private at all but just feel the independent state primaries near me offer a much better wider education than the exam machine independents and at secondary the differential is not wide enough for non-sporty kids like mine to justify the extra cost. My ds musical and has good facilities at the state sec. My ex was a musician and state educated so the extra cost of private is better spent for me on extra tuition and music lessons. If I lived in London this may be different as the schools have a bigger differential. Birmingham seems to be better geared in the state system. At a recent FD's event with actuaries and FDs where everyone could afford private, only one had chosen private and he took a bit of a bashing for his choice but again many professionals in this city seem to be state-educated so more support maybe?

Here's another reason one might choose private (if one can, granted - and to go back to the OP, we're really not wealthy, no-one in our house pays higher rate tax but we only have one dc and have no mortgage)- size.

We really wanted a small school for our AS son and to be frank, the only small secondary schools in the state system are awful (in our area). We wanted to replicate the feeling of safety ds and we had about his primary education.

We're now looking at the move up to yr 8 (blimey) and I can't even describe the sense of relief we have that almost all the staff at his school know ds and his quirks and when he's not being rude, just himself -and so we're not worried about him changing teachers next year at all, just excited and reassured about another stage in his education. (And I work in a grammar school that he could have come to).

I'm not a fan of too much quality and quantity too young.

I liked my tiny village choir with the mismatched choir robes and some very eccentric singing voices (and people behind the voices). It brings back very fond memories and taught me a lot about human nature. The more professional outfits I've sung in and played musical instruments for do not bring the same warm, fuzzy glow. I have a problem with people not wanting to be there and join in, but I do rather like enthusiastic amateurs.

Fwiw I would far rather have had a SAHM than a private education. Provate education was a stress and strain for the whole of my family, parents and children alike, and I went to a uk top ten school. My brother and I both had unhappy childhoods.
Don't chase the wrong dreams OP.

"I have a problem with people not wanting to be there and join in, but I do rather like enthusiastic amateurs.
rabbit Your point backs up the points made further up this thread its all about what you want/expect and ultimately what you can afford or feel you want to channel your money into.
Many do want "professional outfits", Olympic swimming pools/lakes or artists in residence etc all handily available on site and incorporated into the school day but others don't feel a need for these things. There is no right or wrong answer.

"Wuldric I'm sorry to inform you but many supporters of state ed are now going to tell you that their chosen state school offers all of this and more. Or if it doesn't they have all the things being offered free on their doorstep so that their children can effortlessly participate in them after school. "

Oh, happygqrdening- please don't. Nobody would be dim enough to say anything like that.