Think Carefully Before Opting for Private Education

[PRMum2012]

i am a mum of two (23 months and 3 in august)I am self-employed, part time and married to a lovely architect. We have a great life and two happy kids.

On paper I would say I have not done too badly with my life and my aim is to work full time as soon as possible now my kids are a bit older. If the work was available I would happily work full time now.

Despite setting up my own business I can't help feeling like a failure that I can't afford for my own children, what my parents did for me.... It annoys me that I put so much importance on it ... I am now passionate about finding a decent local primary school for my children so they don't feel the same pressure i do now, when they are older and looking for schools for their kids ....but i'll be honest ......assuming i can afford it i would try and do it from 11 if i can....!!!!...

Hopefully by then, my kids will have an input too and they will be forming their own opinions on the issue.

Depending on mortgage and family support I can't see that it's possible for anyone with two kids earning under £80,000 - £1000,000 + (as a family income) to afford private education anymore, my advice is unless you have a thriving business or two, work as a dr, lawyer or banker.... Forget it.

It's really hard to watch my younger sibling do it for her kids, they are paying for private prep while we cant afford it.... But it really upsets me I feel like this... why can't I just be happy for them and quietly satisfied that I don't need to pay on top of my taxes for my kids education.

For my own primary education i went privately, tried the local school for secondary education but was bullied so moved back to the private system.... I had a mix of private and state during secondary - my second private school was amazing but the second state school I attended for 6th form (my choice) was great too so why is this all having such an impact on what I want for my own kids.

My DH is much more laid back, he went privately all the way through but doesn't place as much value on it as I do/did....I wish I felt the same way but all I feel now is pressure to earn more money so I can pay for them both from 11.

OP as with Mother I live in inner London too. DC's have had a wonderful education in state schools, there's a very pricey private one down the street (literally), a friend sent her eldest there and by the time he did his gcse's he was smokin' dope, a graffiti artist, and a rebel.

He's a lovely guy, don't get me wrong, he refused to spend 6th form there based on his knowledge of economics and politics, and very successfully completed his A levels in a state school. His little brother refused to entertain the private school at all and chose a state school for his secondary education and is more successful academically than his older brother (and this family could well afford to do it, and good for them).

Most of the intake there was not middle class but 'monied' people, if you get my meaning, aka the nouveau riche.

Oh well, just saying, depends on the child, a good school, probably parental support, and academic abilities, but there's some stuff you just can't buy.

I have a bad feeling I may need a hard hat now

who are the nouveau riche Monty? Are they working-class people who've made some money and had the temerity to become more affluent than some middle-class people?

Bella to net 40k after tax you only need to earn about 50K you are only taxed at 40% on anything you earn above 42k. not on the whole 40K. The tax on an income of 50K is just under 10K. A mistake many people make when they are not familiar with the tax system. If you earn 80k you would net approx 58K this would give you 18K more than you have estimated. enough for fees for one child.

Blimey just went back up thread again and read a bit more as there were so many cross posts, there are some up your own arse views on here it has to be said.

No, private schools are not full of white kids, ffs

And yours is? Is there not a subjectivity to those who choose to engage in these discussions? As part of our work outreach to schools we work on literacy with inner London schools and that has also contributed to my views. Glad your schools are great but the schools I have contact with are not.

Justgiveme no my phrase 'nouveau riche' does not refer to any temerity, in fact I don't quite understand why you would use that word .

I am discussing people who have the choice to educate privately just because they can afford to, as with my friend who educated her eldest in PE good luck to them, but the 'nouveau riche' of whom I speak are hard working, working class people, and are under an illusion that the private school down the street is what they have to do because it is better than state education, probably because they've listened to some of the snobbery and bullshit of the ilk that's written on here. There are brilliant state schools here.

Just do you not understand 'nouveau riche?'

You haven't answered my question about your 'nouveau riche' comment Monty

Interesting & contraversial topic! We have one child in prep school and one on the way, who will go to the prep nursery as dd1 did. We are planning (and budgeting!) to educate them both privately through primary and secondary. There is no doubt that it is expensive and whilst we have a good income on paper, we certainly make sacrifices to afford it e.g. type & frequency of holidays, how much I work, when to make big purchases (usually delayed), number of dc we have, etc. Regardless of whether you choose state or private, you will always question how right your decision is. I would suggest academic / professional success is not the only measure, especially as it's the one you have to wait a long time for! We don't actually think our children will be "that much smarter" or have "much better jobs" than if they were state educated, which in a way helps manage our expectations. Happiness, social engagement, confidence, participation in extra curricular activities are some of the other measures we use on a daily / weekly basis to justify our decision. At the end of the day, we just feel the school is the right fit for our children and our family as a whole and hope we will stand by our decision with the value of hindsight in 15-20 years!

Lol at cross-post.

I do understand what 'nouveau riche' means monty I've always understood it to be a perjorative term used by snobby middle-class types.

OP, I genuinely think you are beating yourself up for no good reason. Do you really think that your kids will be much worse off if they are educated in the state system? Are independent schools necessarily any better than good state schools? Are you happier as a result of having gone to a private school? Richer? Healthier? Better educated?

I went to a state primary followed by a state comp, and then on to Cambridge. I have a mix of friends educated in the state and independent sectors, including some at very prestigious and well-known private schools. Twenty years on, I do not perceive any noticeable trends to suggest that the friends who were privately educated are any happier or more successful than those of us who were state educated.

We only have one dd, live in a very affordable part of the country and have a good income. We could comfortably afford to send dd to a private school if we chose to, but with fantastic state schools on our doorstep, I genuinely can't see the point.

Mim was that to me? If so, all the schools around here have a diverse population if that's what you mean.

'pejorative'

monty I'm thinking like the kayden in DD's swimming class. His parents have a new Porsche and a new Mercedes

Regardless of whether you choose state or private, you will always question how right your decision is

I don't. I couldn't be happier with the education that dd is receiving, and genuinely don't think the local private schools are as good, so it's a complete no-brainer for us.

Obviously, it would be different in an area where the state schools werent up to much, but I'd probably invest any extra cash in moving to a better area before I'd choose private education.

Fees at all three private schools where I live in the north are all a bit above £5k a term for day pupils year 9 and up. That's a lot of imaginary houses in 'good' catchment areas.

Just you don't appear to, pmsl at 'perjorative'

You still don't seem to get it, google it.

From my working class education it means people who have merited wealth by their own means and hard work and effort.

It might not be an oxford dictionary speak but you know, in a working class person's speak, such as I am, despite you assumptions.

Jinsei

There are LEAs that are failing to send any children on to RG universities. I for one don't believe that these children are less capable than their privately educated counterparts. You are lucky to have 'fantastic state schools' on your doorstep but many people in this country don't have the same experience.

*r

Monty You know as well as I do it's a term used to mock the wealthy who don;t happen to be blessed with being middle-class. Don't pretend otherwise. That's why, after using it to describe somebody you then said you'd better get your tin hat on.

And please stop saying things like 'don't you understand' and 'you don;t get it.' Disagreeing with you doesn't mean I'm stupid

I know that just, but I also know that there are lots of fantastic state schools around the country. And some very dodgy private ones.

Which LEAs don't send any students to RG universities? (Not that I necessarily buy into the idea that RG universities are universally better than non-RG institution)

Most people who can't quite afford private education seem to be able to afford tutors for problematic subjects - it certainly worked for my niece and nephew.

I'm not sure I'd go to those lengths though!

Just it's how it was defined to me when I was taught sociology in my very working class school, it was a while ago, granted.

I have absolutely no problem with people working honestly and hard and earning bundles, in fact I wish I was one of them.

Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you, I get a bit cross about education snobbery and I'm certainly not a snob, so perhaps I was slightly offended by your assumption.

DH works in a very good private school.

Teachers kids get a free place.

We turned the places down, just felt that there would be way too much pressure on them, and didn't like the distance they would have to travel either.

They are happy at the local faith school and have so far got the highest grades. They couldn't have got any higher.

Jinsei

I made a mistake. The LEA I was referring to, namely Knowsley did send some pupils to RG unis. A whopping 2%.

They failed to send a single child to Oxbridge though.

It makes me so fucking angry I could cry. All that wasted talent and in the meantime we all come on here bleating about ten year old beaten up Volvos and fantastic primaries on outr doorsteps when really we should be protesting on the streets about the wasted educations these children are suffering. I, like you am state educated and did well academically but I also realise that's not where the story ends. That doesn't mean that everything in the garden is rosy. It isn't in bloody Knowsley.

Monty

Addendum

And if I did have 'bundles' I wouldn't choose private education. Just for the record.