Think Carefully Before Opting for Private Education

[PRMum2012]

i am a mum of two (23 months and 3 in august)I am self-employed, part time and married to a lovely architect. We have a great life and two happy kids.

On paper I would say I have not done too badly with my life and my aim is to work full time as soon as possible now my kids are a bit older. If the work was available I would happily work full time now.

Despite setting up my own business I can't help feeling like a failure that I can't afford for my own children, what my parents did for me.... It annoys me that I put so much importance on it ... I am now passionate about finding a decent local primary school for my children so they don't feel the same pressure i do now, when they are older and looking for schools for their kids ....but i'll be honest ......assuming i can afford it i would try and do it from 11 if i can....!!!!...

Hopefully by then, my kids will have an input too and they will be forming their own opinions on the issue.

Depending on mortgage and family support I can't see that it's possible for anyone with two kids earning under £80,000 - £1000,000 + (as a family income) to afford private education anymore, my advice is unless you have a thriving business or two, work as a dr, lawyer or banker.... Forget it.

It's really hard to watch my younger sibling do it for her kids, they are paying for private prep while we cant afford it.... But it really upsets me I feel like this... why can't I just be happy for them and quietly satisfied that I don't need to pay on top of my taxes for my kids education.

For my own primary education i went privately, tried the local school for secondary education but was bullied so moved back to the private system.... I had a mix of private and state during secondary - my second private school was amazing but the second state school I attended for 6th form (my choice) was great too so why is this all having such an impact on what I want for my own kids.

My DH is much more laid back, he went privately all the way through but doesn't place as much value on it as I do/did....I wish I felt the same way but all I feel now is pressure to earn more money so I can pay for them both from 11.

Tackedoff - not my school. Wide variety of families there. Of course we are not talking of free school meal families but many parents who have to give up other things e.g. savings and paying off mortgage early in order to pay school fees. I should know as I and other parents in the school fall within that camp.

I imagine there are vast swaths of the country where the private schools are always more ethnically diverse than the state schools.

I've kept this anecdote to myself (on here) for a long time but it is well known in teaching circles in our county that the Head of one of our two most sought after comprehensives (nationally well-considered) brags about having no 'council house' children at his school.

at giving up paying off the mortgage early.

Such diversity.

Spero my school does not have an equestrian centre. That would be no reason for me to choose a school. What the school has is excellent teaching and excellent results. There are wide variety of private schools, those with polo fields, equestrian centres etc, golf courses etc. Those things do not rock my boat.

Have we got to the stage where no throwing of chairs is a sign of privilege, surely that is just good standard of behaviour.

I dont think having no savings and paying off the mortgage early qualifies as being on the breadline!

I agree with seeker (up to a point as I am sure we'll diversify soon as after all I privately educate) that it is a bit silly to pretend private education isnt privileged.

Seeker you may laugh; but is paying off mortgage early, saving to help kids with buying homes and holidays not some of the reasons people gave on this thread as some of the benefits of not sending their DCs to private schools?

All am saying is that many of us are no different but choose to allocate income/resources in different ways.

we dont have an equestrian centre either, although plenty do locally. Thank god we don't or all my children would do is ride all day.

I chose mine because its excellent at sport, its in luvverly grounds, the girls that come out are well balanced and nice and the academics are excellent particularly considering that its non selective.

."Have we got to the stage where no throwing of chairs is a sign of privilege, surely that is just good standard of behaviour."

Never has a "exaggeration for comic effect" typeface been more called for.

Seeker have a .

seeker - I don't know why you are so sarcastic. Going by your past derogatory description of the families at your DS's school they sound like a homogeneous lot. Not much diversity there eh?

Sorry I think you are privileged if you have no chair throwing children.

At Brixton half the class would leave at the end of the day in. Minibus from Kids Company. Social deprivation a huge problem. Now in Bristol there are several children in each year with quite bad behavioural problems. The school has some additional funding for support and a 'quiet room' but for how long I wonder?

Segregation makes these problems worse because those with money and clout can remove their children to calmer safer environments, either by going to private schools or being rich enough to afford houses in catchment areas of the 'good schools'.

I believe at primary legal it should be every child's right to be able to walk to a good school where they get to meet and make friends with other children who represent their communities.

I did not see that happening in Brixton and I don't see it happening in Bristol, can't speak for anywhere else as these only two places where my daughter has gone to school.

The derogatory descriptions in your head, MTS- you have such a vivid imagination!!!

seeker - I don't understand how you can post what you do about your DS's state school AND then make sarcastic remarks about other people's claim of diversity at their private school.

Also you don't want your DS going to a school in an economically deprived area. Yet other MC people are not allowed to feel the same way????

Humour me. What have I said about my son"s state school?

Sorry I think you are privileged if you have no chair throwing children

If that is the definition of privilege, I have to accept that we are; and so are many others.

Spero I agree that there is a real discussion to be had about social exclusion that you describe. This just shows how trivial the arguments on this thread are by us 'lucky' people arguing about the merits of state vs private and so on.

And I have no problem with my son going to school in an economically deprived area. Whichever school he have gone to would be in the edge of an area of significant social deprivation.

Wide variety of families there. Of course we are not talking of free school meal families

And that pretty much sums it up!

My children sometimes tell me things people have got 'put in iso' for at school, but I've never heard of any chair throwing. Could we stop writing about this as though it is something commonplace?

For me this is the real argument - parental 'choice' is a cruel mirage if you are a parent at the bottom of the pile, just struggling to get by and dealing with poverty, poor housing etc.

Those with clout, move out and become isolated from the problems of the most socially disadvantaged. Their children find it difficult to learn as they don't come to school fed or rested or well clothed.

It is a vicious circle of deprivation. And no one seems bothered.

The walls of gated communities can only be built so high. We can't just leave so many children behind, if only because they will grow up into angry, unhappy adults with no aspiration, no choice and nothing to lose.

Sorry nit, for my daughter it was commonplace. Brixton is a very deprived area, it may not be true for many others.

But about once a week she and her class had to be led out to the playground whilst another child smashed up the classroom. This was year one. Two six year olds were excluded for waiting outside the toilets for her and two other friends and slapping them in the face.

I do hope this is unusual. But I suspect it is fairly commonplace in all areas of economic and social deprivation, of which there are many in the UK.

Somebody threw a chair in my ds's reception class [helpful emoticon]

He still talks about it 7 years later.

Oh, and dd's friend threw a chair at her at her 7th birthday party in a row over who had the nicest pony. (I kid you not) Any use?

There was one boy once who threw a chair in my children's (state) school. His dad was a city lawyer, his mother a professor...

Oh, and occasionally they had to leave the class because a child with AS had a meltdown. His parents were both teachers.

One of my cases at work a child has just been excluded because the school could not guarrantee the safety of his pregnant teacher - he likes kicking and hitting.

These things are happening, be grateful if not in your school.

But none of that means that a school in which chair throwing does not happen is a rare thing, does it? Especially as these are all primary schools, which does put a slightly different slant on things!