Think Carefully Before Opting for Private Education

[PRMum2012]

i am a mum of two (23 months and 3 in august)I am self-employed, part time and married to a lovely architect. We have a great life and two happy kids.

On paper I would say I have not done too badly with my life and my aim is to work full time as soon as possible now my kids are a bit older. If the work was available I would happily work full time now.

Despite setting up my own business I can't help feeling like a failure that I can't afford for my own children, what my parents did for me.... It annoys me that I put so much importance on it ... I am now passionate about finding a decent local primary school for my children so they don't feel the same pressure i do now, when they are older and looking for schools for their kids ....but i'll be honest ......assuming i can afford it i would try and do it from 11 if i can....!!!!...

Hopefully by then, my kids will have an input too and they will be forming their own opinions on the issue.

Depending on mortgage and family support I can't see that it's possible for anyone with two kids earning under £80,000 - £1000,000 + (as a family income) to afford private education anymore, my advice is unless you have a thriving business or two, work as a dr, lawyer or banker.... Forget it.

It's really hard to watch my younger sibling do it for her kids, they are paying for private prep while we cant afford it.... But it really upsets me I feel like this... why can't I just be happy for them and quietly satisfied that I don't need to pay on top of my taxes for my kids education.

For my own primary education i went privately, tried the local school for secondary education but was bullied so moved back to the private system.... I had a mix of private and state during secondary - my second private school was amazing but the second state school I attended for 6th form (my choice) was great too so why is this all having such an impact on what I want for my own kids.

My DH is much more laid back, he went privately all the way through but doesn't place as much value on it as I do/did....I wish I felt the same way but all I feel now is pressure to earn more money so I can pay for them both from 11.

For academically inclined people and those who need professional qualifications then of course university is a must.

What I don't understand is the lack of Interest and support for trades etc. however computerised we get, however much competition we get from China we will still need decent plumbers and builders etc..

I think the gov is adopting a foolish attitude that ONLY university education can be the goal.

I want my daughter to end up earning money doing something she likes and is good at. That is the key to a happy life I think.

I know a LOT of miserable and bored accountants and lawyers. They all went to university but it hasn't necessarily made their lives good.

Spero - I can choose to fly with some budget airline and save a ton of money for a family of four. We can pack our own food so that we don't have to pay £3 for a cheese sandwich. Kids can play on their gadgets and save paying for access to back of seat entertainment stuff. We can get cheap B&B near airport so that the 6am take off slot is do-able.

The above is too much effort just to save some money. I imagine that you would agree. My attitude towards education is the same.

I'm guessing that you don't fly with BA/Virgin etc because you want to sit next to a naice person so isn't it a bit narrow minded of you to assume that I chose private because I want my DC to sit next to a naice kid?

Other people might choose their school so that their DCs can mix with naice children and attend naice carol services at some posh church but that isn't me.

Wish
My dad was chair of the PTA but no matter how well meaning a parent is they can't make a poor school good in isolation.

No one said you should feel guilty Spero. But other would feel differently. I certainly would not put myself in any environment where people routinely threw chairs. Not at work. Not in a social context. Not any where. In fact the only time it has happened to me was when I was at school and it was awful! I will not expect my dc to put up with what I won't!

Fecked if they do, fecked if they don't.

If the government talk only about getting academic kids to go to university then people accuse the government of only focusing on MC children.

If the government talk about giving everybody a chance to go to university then people accuse them of under value-ing trade people.

And people I know don't stop being active players in their kids education just cos they are in private school. The reverse is my experience.

Of course they may end up wanting to go into trade but this should not mean I should not give them a first class education to give them options.

Oh the trades peopel argument is just daft. There is still need and work for good joiners and painters and plumbers. What there isn't is work in industry which was typically the work for the uneducated. But funnily enough no one wants their kid to be a miner! No one thinks their kid will be 'happy' ten feet in water underground! And no one wants to pay top dollar for their energy bills!

Who said private school parents aren't involved ? I said it's the involved parents which account for the perceived advantages (academic not social ) of private education or most of them anyway. Even the holy grail of small class sizes confers most advantage on those who may otherwise struggle.

MTS - your airline analogy doesn't hold up.

The point about mixing with the 'right' kind of people at school is you mix with them all your life - and they offer you jobs! Look at David Cameron. The point is well made that the vast majority of his recent appointments are to his friends - or at least people who went to school and/or Oxford with him.

My London friends have been fretting about the 'right' schools since their children were born. Don't tell me they chose the north London nurseries where the celebs children went for the high quality of the education!

I think this is a shocking state of affairs.

If my daughter wants to be a miner - but not sure where in the UK she could be - I would be happy for her. Because she is doing something she wants to do.

Parents who force they children to live their own dreams ignoring the child's wishes and attitudes, can do great harm.

Quite honestly they would probably be better off in trade these days. It is plumbers, electricians etc who can always get a job and earn big money.
My aim was to give my DCs the best possible education so that they had the widest possible choice and opportunities. I was able to find it in the state sector, if I hadn't I would have looked at the possibilities of private education. When I was living in a grammar school area, with only one DC, I was well down the path for choosing a private school at 11, which I would have done whatever the result of 11+.

Parents who force they children to live their own dreams ignoring the child's wishes and attitudes, can do great harm.

So true and so common and so sad.
It always causes problems later on. I know so many adults who have switched in mid life because they were doing something their parent wanted and not what they wanted.

Is giving your child a good education tantamount to ignoring the child's wishes? Or are parents who take no interest in education adhering to the child's wishes?

Why is it wrong to be ambitious for your child?

I think you have misunderstood Takingthemickey-that isn't what we mean-not what I mean anyway.

The vast majority of private schools are quite ordinarily in that the kids go on to become accountants, teachers and vets as opposed to CEOs and movers and shakers in politics and the media.

So it's kind of silly to take what goes on at places like Eton & Co and from there draw conclusions as to what the motivations are for most parents.

Yes MTS just like the Mc dcs in state schools.

What I don't understand is why oh why do some people want to go private when they simply can't afford it. Even with a huge discount, bursaries etc it has never been an option for us, and it doesn't bother me.
Also private isn't necessarily better or more suitable than other options for every child.
It strikes me as silly to want to be something that you aren't.

In other words, whether in state or private schools, there's a part of the middle class psyche that hankers after its children opting to be, eg, accountants, lawyers, doctors, vets or teachers, because these professions give you automatic status within the community for one reason or another and are seen as reasonably secure and well remunerated for minimum personal financial risk. Being good in business, being entrepreneurial, being creative, being practical - these are all more risky, so should not be aimed towards so much as being talents that are discovered along the way....

What does it mean to be able to afford something or not afford it? That is the question...

Wishi - I am assuming that you are trying to make the point that many privately educated kids end up in the same professions as state school kids.

That would be an excellent point if only the parents thought that sending their DC to their £12k pa ranked 300 private school outside Glasgow would propel their DC into Number 10.

A lot of parents chose private because they have the spare cash and they like the facilities and the class sizes. We get it that our non Eton DSs will most likely go on to successful but ordinary jobs so you can stop hinting that you ae the only one that can see through our delusions of greatness for our DCs.

MTS - speak for yourself. One DS will be Prime Minister, the other Chief Executive of BP.

It's only money, after all. It has to be used for something. Better school than drugs.

Better drugs than inheritance tax.

Takingthemickey - I think you do misunderstand. I don't quarrel with parens who have ambitions for their child, but I do worry sometimes about the contents of those ambitions.

I see a lot of parents giving their children grief for not achieving what the parent wants. Friend of mine did well at law at university and got a training contract with a good firm of solicitors. His father's response 'it's not a Magic Circle firm, I am disappointed'. Cue one crushed child. I don't think that level of 'ambition'is healthy - to me says much more about the father's insecurities than the achievements of his son.

My ambition for my child is that she has the opportunities and freedoms to make choices and chose paths that lead her to happiness and fulfilment - whether that is as a miner, or a mother or a brain surgeon.

Being born in secular Western society has already given her hope way beyond 95% of the worlds children so I don't worry too much of every few months a child in her class throws some chairs. It has given us the opportunity to have useful discussions about how others live, what strains and stresses they may under and how she should appreciate what she has and what I can offer her as i earn a decent wage and we dont worry too much about money.

I think that is just as valuable a part of education as the rote learning and the testing.

Takingthemickey - yes, that does appear to be the view of some wealthy people.