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Original poster

Think Carefully Before Opting for Private Education

999 replies

PRMum2012 · 29/04/2013 23:50

i am a mum of two (23 months and 3 in august)I am self-employed, part time and married to a lovely architect. We have a great life and two happy kids.

On paper I would say I have not done too badly with my life and my aim is to work full time as soon as possible now my kids are a bit older. If the work was available I would happily work full time now.

Despite setting up my own business I can't help feeling like a failure that I can't afford for my own children, what my parents did for me.... It annoys me that I put so much importance on it ... I am now passionate about finding a decent local primary school for my children so they don't feel the same pressure i do now, when they are older and looking for schools for their kids ....but i'll be honest ......assuming i can afford it i would try and do it from 11 if i can....!!!!...

Hopefully by then, my kids will have an input too and they will be forming their own opinions on the issue.

Depending on mortgage and family support I can't see that it's possible for anyone with two kids earning under £80,000 - £1000,000 + (as a family income) to afford private education anymore, my advice is unless you have a thriving business or two, work as a dr, lawyer or banker.... Forget it.

It's really hard to watch my younger sibling do it for her kids, they are paying for private prep while we cant afford it.... But it really upsets me I feel like this... why can't I just be happy for them and quietly satisfied that I don't need to pay on top of my taxes for my kids education.

For my own primary education i went privately, tried the local school for secondary education but was bullied so moved back to the private system.... I had a mix of private and state during secondary - my second private school was amazing but the second state school I attended for 6th form (my choice) was great too so why is this all having such an impact on what I want for my own kids.

My DH is much more laid back, he went privately all the way through but doesn't place as much value on it as I do/did....I wish I felt the same way but all I feel now is pressure to earn more money so I can pay for them both from 11.

OP posts:
MTSCostcoChickenFan · 08/05/2013 13:42

I love how some people look at their not so bright privately educated friend/DP/sibling and from that conclude that private education sucks.

Takingthemickey · 08/05/2013 13:48

MTS what annoys me is how people can't make up their minds about private schools. I have read that such schools are a waste of money but yet give the children unfair advantages. You only have to read threads about people complaining that prep school kids are getting all the grammar school places (not true by the way).

Be happy about your school 'choices' without denigrating what others are doing for their kids.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 08/05/2013 13:52

I think this apparent problem with 'they say private schools are a waste of money and then say they confer advantage' is a bit of a straw dichotomy to be fair. I've never seen one person say both - and the only posts I can recall seeing about wasting money have been from people who've felt that they wasted their money and wish, for whatever reason, that they hadn't.

Oh by the way - still not turned up much on posters boasting about children from SM schools going to Oxford and Cambridge. I'll certainly keep looking, but I suspect there has been a bit of confusion over terms on that one. Smile

Wishihadabs · 08/05/2013 13:53

Ok how about this. I believe private schools are a great way for dcs who aren't really bright enough to get the leg up to grammar school or a better university than they otherwise might have managed. However if you are properly intelligent and your parents are involved it work make a blind bit of difference.

Wishihadabs · 08/05/2013 13:54

it won't make

Takingthemickey · 08/05/2013 13:56

I can name a few people on this thread who regularly state both - but perhaps I should spend my time making sure that my sons are being spoon fed correctly Smile

Takingthemickey · 08/05/2013 14:01

Wishi, really you believe that? This is a new one - private schools for the 'not so bright DCs'. Could be a great slogan.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 08/05/2013 14:02

You must have read more of these than me then - or perhaps we interpret things differently!

MTSCostcoChickenFan · 08/05/2013 14:05

Taking - I've decided to find these posters 'funny' rather than annoying :)

Wishihadabs · 08/05/2013 14:06

Do I believe that if you are in the top 10% of IQ and have supportive parents you will almost certainly do well?
yes I do.Is it such an odd belief ?

Spero · 08/05/2013 14:14

Fwiw a grown woman of normal intelligence who can hold a pen yet can't fill out a tax form because she left all that to hubby is a shameful thing and if he enabled her to be that helpless, hat is simply wrong.

If people are truly honest I think they will admit they chose private education for the social advantages - their children will meet other 'naive' children and go on the nice university.

Yes the facilities are impressive but can make up for that on weekends with all the spare cash I will be saving on tuition fees.

Looking at the current make up of our Cabinet I can't really blame people for being anxious about securing social advantage for their children as social mobility appears to have utterly stalled since abolition of grammar schools.

Spero · 08/05/2013 14:15

'Naice' not 'naive' dammit

Wishihadabs · 08/05/2013 14:17

I thought you did mean naive. As in uncorupted by the commoners at state school

Takingthemickey · 08/05/2013 14:21

No I don't agree with the idea that bright kids with supportive parents will succeed (academically) anywhere. It needs a good school (private, grammar, comp etc) to bring out a child's potential. There are schools out there that can destroy a child's potential.

If true I guess the same will also hold for university - bright dcs with supportive parents should succeed at any university.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 08/05/2013 14:24

Wish
The quality of the school and the aspirations of the peer group does make a difference too. I can only talk from personal experience but the school I went to up until O levels (I'm old) was not at all good. I had supportive parents and I have (had?) the requisite IQ. I got the best results in my year. I then went to a different school for the 6th form and realised just how weak my previous school had been. I could comfortably hold my own against my classmates at A level but my O level results were not as good even though I was the best in my school.

The ethos, atmosphere and teaching at the second school was just better all round.

Note - both schools were comprehensives so this isn't a state / private comment.

Takingthemickey · 08/05/2013 14:25

Spero - I wish it was about meeting 'naice' people. Reality is the allocated schools did not meet my standards of the kind of education I wanted for my sons. To be honest the facilities at our private school are not much better than the local schools; but the quality of teaching is superior.

seeker · 08/05/2013 14:31

MTS- I was just wondering how far you would go in disagreeing with everything I say.

I don't think anyone days that private schools are a waste of money and also confer privilege, do they? I certainly haven't seen that. I do think sometimes they are a waste of money though, there are private schools and private schools! People who think that private is automatically better can get badly stung.

Elibean · 08/05/2013 14:32

I do think Spero makes a good point about the current Cabinet playing on people's insecurities.

And I also think a good school counts. It doesn't have to be private, obviously - sometimes the local state is far better than the local indie.

Spero · 08/05/2013 14:35

Takingthemickey - my daughter has been to two different schools at the moment, both have a significant degree of not naice parents - smoking cannabis on route to the school pick up for eg. Ffs, wait until you get home please! Above average free school meals etc.

It she is doing fine. The teachers care, she is learning, she is wary of and sad for the children who disrupt lessons etc.

but I am moving again shortly and all the local schools are full due to piss poor inability of gov to build more schools so I am seriously considering a local private school. Interesting it does volunteer work in Brixton where she used to go to school which they consider 'one of the most depriv areas in the UK'

I do have a pang that there aren't more middle class boden mummies at her current school but that would be more for my benefit than hers...

Sorry this is getting garbled. - I think what I am trying to say is that parental involvement, aspiration and engagement with a child counts for far, far more than a school UNLESS you are primarily motivated with getting your children 'in' with the 'right' kind of children.

So whether I go for private option or not, I have more than enough evidence to reassure me that my daughter is intelligent and motivated and I don't think this has much to do with school.

Wishihadabs · 08/05/2013 14:36

I think part of having involved parents is taking an interest in the school. I am not saying there aren't some awful schools out there.

Takingthemickey · 08/05/2013 14:38

Really these criticisms of private schools come from people who are concerned that others should not waste their money Confused

Spero · 08/05/2013 14:44

But the 'awful' schools are in special measures and getting help. No one wants their school to be an 'awful' school, it isn't some deliberate plot.

I can't but wonder if people see 'education' as some talisman to protect their child against all woes of adult life when all I am I interested is that my child is taught to read and write and that she is helped to find out what interests her.

This mad rush to university seems bonkers. On hearing I was thinking of private school my north London mummy friend immediately started firing questions about where it was in the league tables, what were the university destinations of school leavers...

I think it is all arse over tit and we forget the meaning of education - to lead out of. It has become corrupted with Sats, constant testing and university education as holy grail.

I would be interested to track this current generation of primary school children and see how many are happy functioning adults after this degree of pressure and panic about their schooling.

Takingthemickey · 08/05/2013 14:46

Spero - we have to agree to disagree based on our different experiences. I also like Chaz went to a 'poor' school and even though I was interested in learning and had parents who wanted me to learn, the school environment including the teaching had a negative effect.

I am lucky that I can make a different choice for my children.

Takingthemickey · 08/05/2013 14:51

Spero - In my case, education and university changed my life and that of my siblings. It is no suprise that we will guide our children towards what has worked for us - would it not be better than not trying at all?

Spero · 08/05/2013 14:52

But some parents seem so passive. I am sure we all 'want' our children to learn, but it isn't an activity confined to school gates. We go out and do stuff and talk about stuff - its not great that her lessons are sometimes disrupted by the one child who likes to throw chairs around, but from what I see of my daughter so far, will not be beating myself up and agonising guiltily if I don't go the private school route.