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Original poster

Think Carefully Before Opting for Private Education

999 replies

PRMum2012 · 29/04/2013 23:50

i am a mum of two (23 months and 3 in august)I am self-employed, part time and married to a lovely architect. We have a great life and two happy kids.

On paper I would say I have not done too badly with my life and my aim is to work full time as soon as possible now my kids are a bit older. If the work was available I would happily work full time now.

Despite setting up my own business I can't help feeling like a failure that I can't afford for my own children, what my parents did for me.... It annoys me that I put so much importance on it ... I am now passionate about finding a decent local primary school for my children so they don't feel the same pressure i do now, when they are older and looking for schools for their kids ....but i'll be honest ......assuming i can afford it i would try and do it from 11 if i can....!!!!...

Hopefully by then, my kids will have an input too and they will be forming their own opinions on the issue.

Depending on mortgage and family support I can't see that it's possible for anyone with two kids earning under £80,000 - £1000,000 + (as a family income) to afford private education anymore, my advice is unless you have a thriving business or two, work as a dr, lawyer or banker.... Forget it.

It's really hard to watch my younger sibling do it for her kids, they are paying for private prep while we cant afford it.... But it really upsets me I feel like this... why can't I just be happy for them and quietly satisfied that I don't need to pay on top of my taxes for my kids education.

For my own primary education i went privately, tried the local school for secondary education but was bullied so moved back to the private system.... I had a mix of private and state during secondary - my second private school was amazing but the second state school I attended for 6th form (my choice) was great too so why is this all having such an impact on what I want for my own kids.

My DH is much more laid back, he went privately all the way through but doesn't place as much value on it as I do/did....I wish I felt the same way but all I feel now is pressure to earn more money so I can pay for them both from 11.

OP posts:
seeker · 04/05/2013 11:59

Fair enough, MTS. You know best.

MTSCostcoChickenFan · 04/05/2013 12:11

Thanks seeker

MTSCostcoChickenFan · 04/05/2013 12:12

..at least you are woman enough to admit it when you are wrong.

seeker · 04/05/2013 12:19

Fair enough, MTS. You know best.

Now run along like a good little girl and change your name for next time.

MTSCostcoChickenFan · 04/05/2013 12:25

Some people just can't take a compliment. Anyway, I'm off to marinade my Costco chicken drum sticks. Have a nice afternoon.

motherinferior · 04/05/2013 14:31

Xenia, once again I wonder what is the point of a life spent like posh rats in a trap, earning lots of money just to be able to send your kids to private school so that they can earn lots of money to send their kids to private school... Jobs and job satisfaction are not purely about money. (Speaking as an Oxford-educated freelance journalist...)

Jinsei · 04/05/2013 14:37

Yes, well said MotherInferior. There is so much more to life than this. I would pity anyone who felt forced into a particular kind of job in order to send their kids to a particular kind of school...and for what?!

The best job I ever had paid peanuts. I was working for a charity, and the salary was very low, but I'd have done it for much less. I loved it, and it gave me the kind of satisfaction that I will never get from my much more highly paid job now.

I want my dd to be happy doing something that she loves, not to feel pressured to maintain some kind of "ideal" lifestyle.

motherinferior · 04/05/2013 14:54

Also, you're wrong about PR, certainly higher up the food chain. I could have been earning really quite well (by my standards) had I stayed running communications departments - even in the voluntary sector. (Ironically I changed course partly because I was single and childless and felt at least I could take a sideways leapGrin)

motherinferior · 04/05/2013 14:59

and what I wanted to add was that education and the life of the mind are not purely linked to earning power. They are a joy in themselves. Or should be. (And before you ask yes my older daughter is experiencing that, in her rather scruffy comp with its inspirational feminist head.)

hardboiled · 04/05/2013 15:13

rancum : On a £100k you have about £5400 a month to spend assuming 1 earner.

Why are you assuming one earner? Every child who is going private from DS primary school has TWO working parents even if one of them is part-time. Unless you have a very good reason - disability, or a struggling artist/musician, etc - to not contribute to the family income then you can't moan about not being able to afford private school! Especially is we are talking senior school and the children don't need you around full time anymore.

Your numbers, therefore, are not fair and square. Then you go on to say:

To have 2 children in the private grammar school near us would work out £2750 a month over 12 months for fees alone that's without extras.

Without extras...some schools include lunches in the fees. If not, packed lunch can be very affordable. Uniform? Second hand sales, deals from other shops, etc. If not, they cost about three or fours visits to the hairdresser, nail parlor, etc...time to DIY. Trips? They don't need to go on every trip. Extracurriculars? They are always included.

So that leaves about £2700 for everything else.

Take mortgage/rent out....1,000/1,300 a month? That still leaves you 1,450/1750 for everything else. You can't make a living on that? Confused

Like I said, go to a private school and ask for help on that salary. See what they say. Check out the bursary scales at the Whitgift Foundation. They exist for a reason.

Please ladies, lets stop saying we cannot afford this and that while on a six figure salary. We're all part of the 1% top earners of this world.

seeker · 04/05/2013 15:18

Motherinferior- I think I love you.

Xenia · 04/05/2013 15:21

"Xenia, once again I wonder what is the point of a life spent like posh rats in a trap, earning lots of money just to be able to send your kids to private school so that they can earn lots of money to send their kids to private school... Jobs and job satisfaction are not purely about money. (Speaking as an Oxford-educated freelance journalist...)"

That is the piont. It isn't like that. Money and power give you choices, free time and all kinds of things which mean you can pursue hobbies, see your children but not do house cleaning. The poor like to assume the rich work all hours and have no free time and are unhappy but that is just a myth the poor use to keep them happy.

I think I have a really rounded life, 5 lovely children, enjoyed all the breastfeeding etc, sing in choirs, own an island, work from the house etc etc. I think it is a gorgeous life with time particularly now the children are over to do all kinds of things I love.

Sheshelob · 04/05/2013 15:36

In case anyone missed it, Xenia has an island.

Xenia · 04/05/2013 15:38

Look I only mentioned it because some people think working mothers work 24/7, never see their children, don't breastfeed and have no hobbies, whereas high earnings are what gives people male and female often options and choices.

seeker · 04/05/2013 15:41

Sheshelob- did her children go to NLC and Habs? I can't quite remember..........

morethanpotatoprints · 04/05/2013 16:01

Private education isn't about being rich though and earning a 6 figure salary. Poor people use Private education too. Ok they may not have the same choices and might have to look at particular schools that offer funding, bursaries etc. They may have to prove academic or non academic talent but so do many other children, for particular schools.
If my dd decides she wants to go Private she will go, there are always means if you have the will.

seeker · 04/05/2013 16:03

Very, very, very few poor people use private education.

morethanpotatoprints · 04/05/2013 16:07

xenia.

My life isn't much different to yours and I am poor. Obvious exceptions are the Island, which I don't want anyway.
I have more time as I don't work at all, I don't really clean my house either. My kids are well educated and rounded. My dd is particularly talented. We all have heaps of hobbies and interests.
We didn't need high earnings for options and choices at all. In fact I think a lot of money can give you fewer.
One example education, you probably had no option but to send your dc to the schools they went to as it was the done thing to do for people within your pay scale.

morethanpotatoprints · 04/05/2013 16:10

Seeker

I know they do, my point though it isn't the impossibility many make out. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't scrimp and save to send my dc to private school per se. However, if there was a fantastic school, meeting all their needs and more. I may have considered it.

flatmum · 04/05/2013 16:16

Does Xenia have an island? Gosh, I never knew that!

Schmedz · 04/05/2013 16:23

Most of the parents with very high earnings at my children's school barely see their children because they are working all hours of the day and night to get their salary. I think Xenia is quite unusual ...

Sheshelob · 04/05/2013 16:57

But one thing i'm wondering is whether the choir sings on the island while she is simultaneously breastfeeding, earning hundreds of thousands of pounds and directing "poor" people in the upkeep of her house.

On second thoughts, the poor people probably aren't allowed on the island. One finds it so hard to sing when there are poor people around Sad.

morethanpotatoprints · 04/05/2013 17:01

Schmedz.

I think there are huge variants as what constitutes time with children. I think most working parents including Xenia can manage a couple of hours with their dc, but other parents would feel as if they were missing out if all they had was two hours a day, myself included.

Bowlersarm · 04/05/2013 17:04

very, very, very few poor people use private education

That is true. However, if you have an exceptional academic ability, it is very possible to get full academic scholarships. You have to be acknowledgable enough, though, to be able to go down that route.

RussiansOnTheSpree · 04/05/2013 17:08

Seeker any meat eater who thinks they can criticise another meat eater for the meatthey eat is not only a fool but a hypocrite. You and MTS/poshtun/Colonel Sanders are not so much arguing aboutthe high ground here as about who is in the lowest depths of the swamp. Well, you both are. It's ridiculous to read and it's just allowing the real debate to be derailed. You are both wrong, stand there in your wrongness, be wrong (or reform and stop eating dead flesh) and move on.