Think Carefully Before Opting for Private Education

[PRMum2012]

i am a mum of two (23 months and 3 in august)I am self-employed, part time and married to a lovely architect. We have a great life and two happy kids.

On paper I would say I have not done too badly with my life and my aim is to work full time as soon as possible now my kids are a bit older. If the work was available I would happily work full time now.

Despite setting up my own business I can't help feeling like a failure that I can't afford for my own children, what my parents did for me.... It annoys me that I put so much importance on it ... I am now passionate about finding a decent local primary school for my children so they don't feel the same pressure i do now, when they are older and looking for schools for their kids ....but i'll be honest ......assuming i can afford it i would try and do it from 11 if i can....!!!!...

Hopefully by then, my kids will have an input too and they will be forming their own opinions on the issue.

Depending on mortgage and family support I can't see that it's possible for anyone with two kids earning under £80,000 - £1000,000 + (as a family income) to afford private education anymore, my advice is unless you have a thriving business or two, work as a dr, lawyer or banker.... Forget it.

It's really hard to watch my younger sibling do it for her kids, they are paying for private prep while we cant afford it.... But it really upsets me I feel like this... why can't I just be happy for them and quietly satisfied that I don't need to pay on top of my taxes for my kids education.

For my own primary education i went privately, tried the local school for secondary education but was bullied so moved back to the private system.... I had a mix of private and state during secondary - my second private school was amazing but the second state school I attended for 6th form (my choice) was great too so why is this all having such an impact on what I want for my own kids.

My DH is much more laid back, he went privately all the way through but doesn't place as much value on it as I do/did....I wish I felt the same way but all I feel now is pressure to earn more money so I can pay for them both from 11.

seeker - I know that I keep telling you to stop going on and on about the Kent GS system but going on and on about chickens in an Education forum thread isn't the solution.

Glad to see that you are as capable of spectacularly missing the point about chicken as you are about everything else!

You know, when I first read the OP I thought that Xenia would turn up and post her usual stuff about how women have an obligation to seek highly paid jobs so as to afford PE for their kids.

I marked my spot, placed my feet on the table and waited for the fireworks to start and for the thread to go off on a tangent. I'm willing to bet that no one thought that instead we be talking about chickens a week later eh?

Seeker - you're kidding yourself. You want to eat chicken? Then do so. But enough with the moralising. Someone who buys expensive waitrose organic chicken is still eating a dead chicken. Enough with the hypocrisy.

Dammit. Why didn't I think of that retort?

I just read the first post.
If the poster is in PR why on earth so? PR girsl are just about lowest paid of all, bottom of food chain. If you want to educate your children properly you don't pick a job in PR Unless that is a route to marrying the man on £300k (and a lot of PR girls do exactly that , short skirts, blonde hair) but clearly it has not worked here as Mr architect cannot afford school fees.

Why did she and not her husband give up work when children came?

To paraphrase a line from The West Wing - Lets forget that you turned up late to the party Xenia. Instead, lets celebrate the fact that you've turned up. Maybe now we can get away from the subject of chicken.

Just my tuppence worth but how many of you have actually spent any significant amount of time in a 'modern' state school?
As a teacher, a mum and a wife of someone ideologically opposed to private education I/we had to think long and hard about the choices open to our dc.
I was privately educated. Education in my family is valued for its own sake and not for whatever our salaries would be or even which university we attended......(just as well in my case)
I have taught in lots of great secondary schools and would never criticise anyone for the choices they make in life.However the reality is that most are over stretched,under funded and under resourced and I truly think that most parents have not got a clue what the reality of this looks like (even in my Ofsted rated outstanding school)on a day to day/5 days a week basis.
In choosing my children's education it was about them getting the opportunity to access a less restricted and prescriptive curriculum in an environment that enables our dc to engage with learning at every level that made the fees worth while and I don't think with the best will in the world that can be solved by a bit of tutoring or a more expensive holiday.
Yes in utopia this would be freely available to all but....

......time to hide the thread

Why did she and not her husband give up work when children came?

Surely, you have answered that question with your previous paragraph, Xenia.

Just thought I'd pop back after work and am shocked we are talking about education again. I did enjoy chicken-gate.
I have worked in many schools, state & private, and I visit them regularly now as part of my job. I know a few schools I wouldn't want my kids at (in both sectors), but the vast majority are great and do the best for the kids they serve. My state school educated kids love their school and get massive opportunities (there are 139 extra clubs to join - advantage of a big school as have lots of teachers with wide range of hobbies). The OP was about feeling bad about choosing state and not being able to afford private, and I don't see the point. I can't afford lots of things but I don't waste energy feeling bad about it. Enjoy what you have and ensure your kids work hard - not only at academic stuff but at being a nice human being.

Right off for breakfast. I've just spent the night dealing with a horrid protection issue and I'm very hungry.

toocool - in Year 5 we did the rounds of school open days both state and private. We even went to the posh public school ones just so that we could see what people got for £30k pa. We studied the stats and compared them. Come The Day.we compared the state school we had been allocated to the private offer that we were holding. We chose the private because of its impressive music facilities. Purpose built concert hall, five orchestras, guitar ensembles, jazz bands, piano trios etc etc. DS's BF's parents chose the school because of the sports facilities.

Contrary to popular belief most parents base their decisions on logic as opposed to a misguided preconception that state schools ate full of druggies and teenage moms.

Most people don't have a choice !!!!!

mums - this morning I dropped my kids off at their usual Saturday morning activity and retired to the nearby McDonalds with one of the mums and her two youngest.

I recounted 'chickengate' and MNetters reaction to factory chicken, thinking that we could have a laugh and roll our eyes in sync. Instead she too started sermonising about ethics and healthy eating

This was while her kids were sharing a greasy sausage and bacon mcmuffin with a fizzy sugery coke while playing on an IPad made by poorly paid Chinese factory workers. The good ship HMS Ethics and Healthy Eating sailed from her port a long time ago and she doesn't even realise that its gone.

Anyway, just in case anyone is interested,i'm taking advantage of the nice weather to do a BBQ with my Costco chicken drum sticks sometime this weekend.

Whhhhooooooosh!

Oops, there goes the point again!

mums - I would like for my kids to go to a highly academic (free) state school but I don't have that choice.

But we aren't taking about choices here. I was responding to a poster who seems to think that parents choose private schools because they have no knowledge of modern state schools and instead base their decisions on out dated misconceptions and stereotypes.

Hi seeker. How many formerly happy dead chickens and pigs will you be BBQing this Bank Holiday weekend then?

(I still can't believe I let Russians make that comeback ahead of me)

Anybody who thinks that all meat animals are raised with same welfare standards is a fool.

Anybody who thinks it doesn't matter is an unimaginative, inhumane fool.

I have friends who went to VERY exclusive schools, some who went to average private schools, some (like me) who went to relatively low performing stare schools. I can tell you that there is a fairly even mix of us in low, middle and high income brackets, and school attended seems to have very ittle to do with it...or their capacity for happiness in life...which has sweet F.A to do with school attended but seems to have fairly deep roots in parental attitude.

Teach your kids to love learning, ground them in a loving home, show them it's possible to be happy with what you have. Those are the things that are important in life...not money.

Have had big cup of coffee now so almost awake.
The original OP was about feeling guilty because you couldn't afford private education. And I say, don't ! Can't do anything about it & life is too short to wonder what if. Just support your kids, have fun with them and teach them to be kind and compassionate adults.
And I won't eat anything but red tractor near after watching that Jimmy's Farm programme about cheap sausages.
Am now going to do mums third taxi service of the morning.

'Near' is an iPhone way of saying meat !!

seeker - in recent years, what with Mad Cow, salmonella etc , most members of the public are aware of the issue. Anybody who assumes that people aren't as aware as them are the patronising foolish ones

I get it that you like to occupy a higher moral ground simply because your chicken has nicer accomodations prior to being slaughtered for your roasting pleasure but if you was really that concerned then buy Quorn and let those chicken die of old age.

Toocool -actually I have worked in a lot of local schools. I choose my DCs State school for secondary because my favourite of the Private schools my eldest had a good chance of getting into, was only marginally better than the State Comp (very nice library, dining hall and a fabulous car park) and would take an hour or more to commute each way each day. The State school with a bit of clever partnership, has a sports hall to rival those at Private schools.
For their Primary school, a lot of parents who could easily afford Private, actually choose it, because they prefer the ethos to the mainly "pushy" Preps.

There are also private schools that "I would not send my child to if it was the last school on earth".

And welcome Xenia, did you search for someone mentioning your name?

So you're an unimaginative inhumane fool then, MTS, not just a fool.

Whatever seeker. Either way, an animal is being bred and slaughtered for our eating pleasure.