Think Carefully Before Opting for Private Education

[PRMum2012]

i am a mum of two (23 months and 3 in august)I am self-employed, part time and married to a lovely architect. We have a great life and two happy kids.

On paper I would say I have not done too badly with my life and my aim is to work full time as soon as possible now my kids are a bit older. If the work was available I would happily work full time now.

Despite setting up my own business I can't help feeling like a failure that I can't afford for my own children, what my parents did for me.... It annoys me that I put so much importance on it ... I am now passionate about finding a decent local primary school for my children so they don't feel the same pressure i do now, when they are older and looking for schools for their kids ....but i'll be honest ......assuming i can afford it i would try and do it from 11 if i can....!!!!...

Hopefully by then, my kids will have an input too and they will be forming their own opinions on the issue.

Depending on mortgage and family support I can't see that it's possible for anyone with two kids earning under £80,000 - £1000,000 + (as a family income) to afford private education anymore, my advice is unless you have a thriving business or two, work as a dr, lawyer or banker.... Forget it.

It's really hard to watch my younger sibling do it for her kids, they are paying for private prep while we cant afford it.... But it really upsets me I feel like this... why can't I just be happy for them and quietly satisfied that I don't need to pay on top of my taxes for my kids education.

For my own primary education i went privately, tried the local school for secondary education but was bullied so moved back to the private system.... I had a mix of private and state during secondary - my second private school was amazing but the second state school I attended for 6th form (my choice) was great too so why is this all having such an impact on what I want for my own kids.

My DH is much more laid back, he went privately all the way through but doesn't place as much value on it as I do/did....I wish I felt the same way but all I feel now is pressure to earn more money so I can pay for them both from 11.

Or Columbia in Manhatton.

Or Stanford in California and on the doorstep of the huge techie firms.

But there's alwqys Birmingham .

flatmum I dont know if it is easier in independent schools. Parents are often vey results orientated and what ever anyone says results are one of the attractions for many. As already stated only 7% send their DC's to independent ed so its a relatively small world so any schools repeatedly massaging the figures is likely to be found out. Parents will then vote with their feet.
Parents in state schools usually don't have these options especially if they like us are rural and school choice limited.
i agree with you league tables should not be the criteria for judging any school.

On a £100k you have about £5400 a month to spend assuming 1 earner.
To have 2 children in the private grammar school near us would work out £2750 a month over 12 months for fees alone that's without extras.

So that leaves about £2700 for everything else.

If you've got 2 teenagers I of each sex you'll need at 3 bed house which in the south east costs ££££. Unless you're very lucky and have a tiny mortgage that will prob cost you a lot every month.

I'll get flamed for this but I don't think we could pay for 2 at private senior on £100k.

I have a sister still at private school. Somehow my parents sent all 5 of us although it very nearly broke them. My parents often say that the fees now a days seem to have gone up extortionately and are out of kilter with everything else.

racum thay've definitely gone up my in laws sent two to well know London independent schools on teachers wages. Having said that they also bought a very nice house as well now £££££££££££ outside of the reach of even the best paid teacher.

I name changed so that my handle was more appropriate and what do I find? The conversation has moved onto universities. D?OH!!!! Now that was a total waste of my time then.

One of my fave series is Frasier. In one episode Roz sees her arch enemy walk into Cafe Nervoso. ?I bet that she is going to come over and make nicey nicey and pretend that everything is fine. What a hypocrite? or words to that effect. When that woman chooses to sit on her own its ?What a snob. Too good to sit with us eh??. Fecked if you do, fecked if you don't

I see a lot of that here on this thread. For eg.

£28k a year on fees? More money than sense. Doesn?t spend £x thousands on holidays and eating out? What a penny pinching person.

State school not good enough for them eh? What? They shop at Costco?

Poor kids, living with such frugal parents. What? They have a £200k university fund set up? Those kids are going to feel so spoilt/entitled.

Hollywood couldn?t write such material even if they tried.

To answer various MNetters ...

At this stage my DCs have no idea what they want to do with their lives. So being horrible parents, instead of buying a new luxury car every few years or upgrading to a bigger house, we decided to set up a savings account for them. Yes I know, having a student loan is so character building and if I was a better parent I would let them build up a debt that will hang over them for several years but hey ho.

DD is tinkering with the idea of being a music teacher. They don?t earn that much so if that is her path then the money is hers for a house deposit for example. If she wants to go to uni then once again being a bad parent I want her to experience the outside world and not to spend three years in the same country as the one in which she will have spent the first 18 years of her life.

I never realised that I was such a bad person until I started to contribute to this thread

Reading upthread I see that a lot of people know me better than I do. I mean, I am supposed to have a joint income of £200k? I wish. I can afford private because I don't pay into a pension??? I don't recall ever mentioning pensions.

Anyway, heading off home now. Surely the threads about grabby MILs and mums who need the help of absolute strangers to name their babies has to be more interesting than where I buy my chickens from?

word - I went to Birmingham so you take that back:)

I think racmun there is a big difference between £80K and £100K. I agree with you.

Our income was at the lower end of that scale when we had 2 DCs at uni and for various reasons were paying for their accommodation- to the tune of around £1k a month for a while. That was still less than the cost of school fees @ £24K a year- and we were JUST in the black each month but not saving a penny.

Now we do save as DCs are working, but it is still not enough to have funded those kind of school fees and we don't have overseas hols, eat out, buy new cars, or lavish clothes etc- and we drink tap water.

Maybe it's all the organic chicken that eats up our money.

I want her to experience the outside world and not to spend three years in the same country as the one in which she will have spent the first 18 years of her life.

I want, I want, I want....

What about what she will want?

Maybe she will want to work at Costco- have you thought of that one?

I think when she is 18, your wants will take 2nd place.

Bella - why are you being so nasty to MTS. You have asked very personal questions and when she/h started giving you some answers you scoffed at them! What has it got to do with you what they choose to spend their money on.

You clearly dont like private education - well - that's your view. Some of us believe it has been the making of our children, they arent living in a world where we have more money than sense.

We both work in well paid roles. They never assume that going to private school is not something that we have worked very hard for. I didnt have this sort of upbringing and really fought to get where I am. I have also been lucky. There is not so much luck around these days!

Myself and my DH are investing in their future. And we still shop at Waitrose, go on nice holidays etc. If I broke down how we do it - would that meet with your approval? I suspect you will state that I should have worked part time.....

Having savings is so 1970's

I think people forget that often the richest people are those who do not actually spend their money on flashy things.

Dogs - how I agree with you. We could have two very flashy cars and a holiday home with no mortgage - but we dont. A car is a car IMHO. We do have two cars as we both travel for work but mine is company owned so I cannot say I really have one. I heard someone elderly talking about the low interest rates on the news a while ago and how they were having to dip into the capital (£200K!). Well - you cannot take it with you....

I am confused.
I thought Bella's children were privately educated.
[Mine are not btw].
But if people want to spend their money on private education, I dont really see the problem.
And is it any of our business at the end of the day.

handcream- I am picking them up on some things they have said with which I disagree, such as deciding what your child may want when they are 18 .

As for the other stuff- don't single me out- plenty of other people have said the same things- it was actually MTS who posted a very sarcy and nasty comment right at the start of this thread, and maintained a bit of a prickly attitude long before anyone started asking them questions. Then they appeared, as others have said, to be disingenuous about their true income.

And you have it completely wrong in your ideas about my opinion of private education.

Great bella - so you do like private education - Good!

Bella - Why are you always on auto attack mode?

I said that the £100k is there for DD to use on a house deposit if she wants to take up a lowly paid job but if she wants to go to university it's there for her fees.

Your attack bears no relevance to what I posted

What is the source of your hostility? The OP asked a question. I answered it. I made it clear from the start that a lot of our luxuries is put on the business plastic. I made it clear that we have a second income albeit one that we try not to touch. I have never claimed that everyone on a sub £100k income can afford private. Merely that we can based on our personal circumstances

If you want to discuss my money saving tips or recipes for chicken, Costco or otherwise, then I'm happy to engage you. But if all you are going to do is launch baseless personal attacks then I will have to blank you out.

Its OK MTS - Bella likes private education (she told me I have her wrong when I said she didnt).

What she doesnt like is the way you are going about affording it. Myself - I couldnt give a toss how you do it. Its nothing to do with me. I have always worked full time, some would say I might have missed out on certain elements of my children's upbring. Again - I feel I have done the right thing.

MY DH and I have no travelling costs. Some colleagues are paying thousands for a season ticket to London coming out of taxable income. We dont have that therefore we have money to spend on other things..

We dont really know other people's circumstances. They could have a small house, they could have put down a big deposit. They might have a busary. Who knows.

But I tell you what - Bella would have a field day with us!

Can I just point out belatedly that MTS could be woman and have a female partner.

Could be - lets ask....

If I got this much flak/interest just for saying where bought my chicken imagine.the reaction if I answered that question

Question is - does Bella like private education and is she OK that we spend our money on whatever we like.....

.. as long as its not at Costco.

The issue is not shopping at Costco. Costco is fab.

The issue is buying battery reared chicken.

Animal welfare- not snobbery.

I think the op would beg to differ.
But she does seem to be long gone.
But I dont think she could have envisaged her thread would have a couple of hundred posts about another poster's Costco chicken!

Oh, lord yes! I forgot about the OP!

And we are back to chickens