Think Carefully Before Opting for Private Education

[PRMum2012]

i am a mum of two (23 months and 3 in august)I am self-employed, part time and married to a lovely architect. We have a great life and two happy kids.

On paper I would say I have not done too badly with my life and my aim is to work full time as soon as possible now my kids are a bit older. If the work was available I would happily work full time now.

Despite setting up my own business I can't help feeling like a failure that I can't afford for my own children, what my parents did for me.... It annoys me that I put so much importance on it ... I am now passionate about finding a decent local primary school for my children so they don't feel the same pressure i do now, when they are older and looking for schools for their kids ....but i'll be honest ......assuming i can afford it i would try and do it from 11 if i can....!!!!...

Hopefully by then, my kids will have an input too and they will be forming their own opinions on the issue.

Depending on mortgage and family support I can't see that it's possible for anyone with two kids earning under £80,000 - £1000,000 + (as a family income) to afford private education anymore, my advice is unless you have a thriving business or two, work as a dr, lawyer or banker.... Forget it.

It's really hard to watch my younger sibling do it for her kids, they are paying for private prep while we cant afford it.... But it really upsets me I feel like this... why can't I just be happy for them and quietly satisfied that I don't need to pay on top of my taxes for my kids education.

For my own primary education i went privately, tried the local school for secondary education but was bullied so moved back to the private system.... I had a mix of private and state during secondary - my second private school was amazing but the second state school I attended for 6th form (my choice) was great too so why is this all having such an impact on what I want for my own kids.

My DH is much more laid back, he went privately all the way through but doesn't place as much value on it as I do/did....I wish I felt the same way but all I feel now is pressure to earn more money so I can pay for them both from 11.

They're not 'hampered' they start paying it back after they have reached a decent salary at 6% per year, so not a huge amount. As a parent you would be financially better off to help them with the payback later on and save the cash for career enhancing extras or adventures. Or accommodation and food.

It would be lovely to get free uni education again, for all, but I don't think it's essential. I think as long a everyone has equal access that's the main thing. I think it will also move the focus away from academic subjects as more students become realistic about what they will excel at and gain them financial success in the future.

But 200K for a US uni is just non-stealth boasting and for what?

Well in our house we only buy milk for making cheese sauce for lasagne or if white coffee drinkers are coming round... No one likes milk here!

And yet we still don't have £30k a year free for 2x day school fees!

A more than usually bonkers thread, I think.

Who's going to decide on where your kids go to uni MTS? You or them? I love the smugness of 'We haven't yet decided which US uni to apply for'. It's very dangerous, being smug about something which hasn't yet happened. There's no particular magic about US unis except for the Ivy leaguers which, if you've broad interests and don't want to specialise, may cut exceptional DCs a deal and sponsor a fully paid package. Other than that, nothing you can't get over here. Of course some well heeled parents with £200k to spare may consider it a face saver to send DC over the pond if he can't get a decent offer over here.

One of mine is showing interest in the US and my response is and will continue to be fine if you get a scholarship which pays every last penny. Not otherwise. You can slum it like the rest.

But 200K for a US uni is just non-stealth boasting and for what?

I'd like to know how MTS is so sure that his kids will be accepted! Or am I missing the point- do you just pay and get a degree in US unis?

Sounds like these parents have their kids' future mapped out for them. Poor kids. Do they have any say in it all?

Getting back to reality, I think MTS is taking the p because far from convince us and the OP that you can put 2 kids through private school on £80K, his income is near £200K from what he's said- I suspect that he doesn't save 100% of the 2nd salary, and even if he does it's a lovely cushion if needed, and it's funding a pension - whereas other people have pension contributions deducted at source each month.

And very few people can supplement their family food bill with dining out on company expenses- so what he's written is really a nonsense.

Wow we are still talking about chicken! I prefer to feed family and friends free range chicken, preferably corn fed I would save battery chicken for my enemies but prefer to consider the chicken's welfare.

Where do you buy your free range/ corn fed chickens ladies? And what price do you pay?

I buy mine from Waitrose most of the time ( where else darlng?) but keep a beady eye out for red labels- reduced due to sell by dates- and can often pick up bargains that way. I do Tesco online shop about every 3-4 weeks for basics and sometimes pop a free range / organic chicken in as well. They used to do very reasonable packs of thighs/ drumsticks for £3.99 but these have now disappeared.

Whenever I buy a chicken now we get 2 or 3 meals out of it- now that DCs have left home, DH and I get 2 meals out of the chicken usually- and another from the carcass stock- risotto or chunky soup. So I reckon 3 meals for 3 for £8 ish is value.

3 meals for 2

"Of course some well heeled parents with £200k to spare may consider it a face saver to send DC over the pond if he can't get a decent offer over here."
Yellow I dont think getting a place at MIT, Harvard Princeton etc would be viewed by anyone as a "face saver" for not getting an offer at a top UK university.

From what I can gather at DS school, the US unversities are popular destinations in themselves.

A lot of these lads have grown up in London and don't really fancy three years in sleepy old Oxford .

In the mists of time, I actually spent a year in the States on a scholarship and it was a fabulous experience. I wouldn't see it as a fall back position or a face saver if either of mine fancied it>

Paying back uni loans is quite significant for new grads- each of my DCs is doing this and even £60 a month when you are struggling to pay for rent and transport can be a lot. BUT having said that, if parents want to help they would be better using the money to give their DCs house deposits etc because in the SE they will find it very hard to get on the housing ladder, unless the get jobs straight off as investment bankers.

But on another note, I don't know how much thanks a child would give a parent for handing over £100K for a degree- puts a huge amount of pressure on the child to make use of it, and I feel that about kids who are privately educated, if their parents are having to make sacrifices in order to fund it.

I am loving this dual purpose thread - entertaining and informative. Can we do Waitrose and P&T parking next please?

For what it's worth, I think MT is being disingenuous, we have a family income similar to his (the real one not the artificial deflated one) and I don't think we can afford to send our dc to private secondary. It's vastly unaffordable for virtually everyone unless grandparents are paying or they are using an inheritance.

happy reading posts before you reply might be good. I think you missed the caveat. Of course MIT, Harvard, Yale, Princeton are all stellar places.

word I lived in the US for a couple of years. It can be even sleepier than Oxford. But I'm sure it sounds glam though to these brightish monied young things and can turn the heads of those who don't know better. It's certainly a big sell with the indies.

bella my view of student loans is that they are a pernicious thing that too often becomes yet another reason why children from less advanatged backgrounds don't go on to tertirary education!

That said, I do think a parent with cash is still better off letting their DC get them and paying them off as and when they kick in. There isn't a penalty for early repayment (as far as I'm aware), so the money is better off staying in a parent's pocket than in the government's.

And I happen to love America. DDs 1 and 2 were both born there. Much of it is incredibly beautiful. I'm simply saying that I wouldn't shell out a penny except for the modest amount one might have to pay to supplement an offer from MIT, Harvard etc because I think it would be wasted.

so yellow is the child of yours that fancies it a brightish monied young thing

Ah yellow it's only money!!!!

It comes in, it gets spent. As well to go on a degree from Berkley than summat else, no?

And Bella (sorry to double post, not concentrating properly, waiting for an important email to come in...) I don't think DC see money given to them for education, or indeed anyhting else, as a burden. At least mine don't.

It's freely given with no strings attached. Money comes in, and it gets spent, often on my DC. Shrug.

Same as the huge time we spend on our DC, or opportunities we might have taken if it were not for them. Or even the toll it takes on our bodies. There's a Punjabi saying that a child can never repay it's mother for the pain of labour! But I don't think it's meant to make a child feel beholden in any way.

Getting the impression that some posters are always right.
Whatever they do, it is always the right way.

Can I ask, if a student studies in the USA, can they stay there, and so then get a choice of jobs either in the USA or back in Britain.

Not necessarily dogs. There is no guarantee of work legitimacy following a stint in the US.

That said, it makes the whole thing easier.

I think, rightly or wrongly, that if students are prepared to travel for study, they are also proving that they would travel for work. Which makes them more appealing to future employers.

word I can't see how your view on student loans stacks up- the whole point of a loan rather than a means tested grant is that it removes barriers to higher ed- namely your studies being funded by parents.

dogs- I don't really think that's so- some students might like to live in the US for the experience, but it doesn't mean they are any better equipped to travel as part of their jobs. It's totally different. The 2 things are different- one is relocation, the other is travel with work.

There is no barrier to earlier repayment of student loans at the moment.
But that is the thing to me. I am waking up to the fact that Governements, any Governments can change the rules with no notice.
I try and stay away from Governments as much as possible,
I no longer trust them.
If and when the Government can see worse financial coming, who knows what they will do without warning [Think Cyprus bank accounts]

I am going off subject.

Going abroad for higher education isn't a "face saver" anymore (I agree it might have been in the past). Big name universities actively and aggressively try to recruit the best students from across the globe. France is currently haemorrhaging its bourgeois undergraduates to the UK and the US and doing absolutely nothing to retain them, but British and US universities require much higher bac marks than do French prépas (or the more competitive university courses). French students want to go abroad to study because the experience will just be so much nicer in every way.