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Original poster

Undeserved bursary

313 replies

Hamstersball · 16/03/2013 23:13

I know a child that has been offered a very substantial bursary at my dd's independent school. She has passed the academic selection process and on the surface can be very charming, able to talk to grown ups at ease etc. However we have known her for several years as dd1 and her are in the same brownies pack and her behaviour has always been dreadful: picking fights with other dc, racist and foul language, lying when confronted, bullying other children. I can only conclude that her school lied between their teeth about her when they gave her a reference to support her bursary application as several mothers who know her at school say her behaviour is also dreadful there. I'm really tempted to inform dd's school about the true nature of this child and want to know if anyone has done something similar and what was the outcome.

OP posts:
Ronaldo · 17/03/2013 10:22

You seem to be under the illusion that because you are going to be paying for your childs class, you also get to choose who else goes to her school

Maybe not, b but she certainly does have a choice as to whom she chooses to send her dd to school with. She needs to exercise it.

BoundandRebound · 17/03/2013 10:22

What a disgusting individual

And no I am not talking about the child

ScentedNappyHag · 17/03/2013 10:22

Nope, thread is still here.
OP, you sound bonkers. If the school have received a reference from her previous school, they probably already know about any behavioural issues she does or does not have. I doubt they'd thank you for implying that you know better than they do about what processes to follow Hmm

ifancyashandy · 17/03/2013 10:23

How will you feel / deal with it if the school does respond to your 'input' and re-investigates the child's application buy stands by its decision?

BettySuarez · 17/03/2013 10:24

OP please stop and think about this for a minute.

We get that you are concerned for your DD.

But to the point where you are prepared to engage in the worst form of human behaviour?

Please don't do this Sad

Ronaldo · 17/03/2013 10:24

Happygardening - if the Queen came along tomorrow and asked Eton to take a child of her aquaintence, despite those waiting lists, there would be a place.
These schools are not full - and neither are most of the others. Criteria may be different in other schools.

If the OP looks I am confident she will find a school.

trixymalixy · 17/03/2013 10:25

You're clearly determined to carry on despite the unanimous opinion on here that it's not a good idea. Good Luck. Hope you're happy with the outcome.

ifancyashandy · 17/03/2013 10:25

*but not buy...

MTSgroupie · 17/03/2013 10:26

Here OP, have a Brew

Its none of your business who the school awards a bursary to. Its either based on academic merit or financial need so the child's behavior has no bearing on thiis. And even if it wasn't, it's still none of your business.

That aside, the comments directed at you are very mean and hypocrital. I suspect that if the girl was placed at THEIR school and it was THEIR DCs education she was disrupting then these posters would sing a different song.

We had such a kid at our indie. He got suspended for three days twice for making racist jokes and for hitting another kid. He didn't return for Year 8.

His academics weren't great either so we've no idea whether the school asked him to leave or whether it was the parents choice. Anyway, parents who pay £x,000 pa aren't going to put up with this kind of disruptive pupil for long so if she is that bad then the other parents will soon enough collectively take active to pressure the school.

I agree with the posters who suggested that you leave this bursary thing well alone. It isn't going to have a happy ending for you. Instead just make it clear that you have concerns about your DD being in the same class as this girl. Most schools don't set/stream until year 8 or 9. Who knows, by then she might have resolved her issues (unlikely) or she might be gone.

I am bit Shock at the posters who suggest that it is a good thing to be exposed to difficult people from a self development viewpoint. I wonder if non white parent tell their DCs that its good to go to school with a racist kid because it teaches them about the real world?

ifancyashandy · 17/03/2013 10:26

OFFS... by its decision...

happygardening · 17/03/2013 10:28

"Not whereI am ( and given the recession probably not across the counrty frankly, I dont buy it). Nearly all will carry a spare capacity anyway.

Ofcourse publically the face is " we have allocated places earlier " - itsa publicity ploy often. Many take places at several schools.They will go to one."

Well Ronaldo where i am its different I know of one mum desperate to get off the Winchester waiting list and many who were and are absolutely desperate to get off the Eton waiting list and were or will be very disappointed that they failed to do so ditto St Pauls. We also have also have many friends in London looking at 11+ entries who are either sitting on waiting lists for well know selectives again who failed to get off them or have little hope of getting of them. I accept that second rate school might be struggling to fill their vacancies but the top ones aren't.

happygardening · 17/03/2013 10:32

"Happygardening - if the Queen came along tomorrow and asked Eton to take a child of her aquaintence, despite those waiting lists, there would be a place."
THis may be the case but as far as I can work out the OP isn't the Queen I'm no royalists but I believe the Queen wouldn't behave in such a crass way.
Secondly do you really believe that Eton et al has vacancies? Do you think the waiting lists are just for publicity?

Ronaldo · 17/03/2013 10:34

I know of one mum desperate to get off the Winchester waiting list and many who were and are absolutely desperate to get off the Eton waiting list and were or will be very disappointed that they failed to do so ditto St Pauls

I repeathappygardening - if the Queen cam along and asked that any of those schools find a placefor a child of her aquainence, one would be available immediately.

They are not full. They are choosey. WE can all be choosey like that. Clearly the OP does not currently have her dd in such a choosey school, otherwise they would probably not have accepted a dc with er a reputation so questionable

difficultpickle · 17/03/2013 10:34

OP I was commmenting on your manners not the child in question.

You sound as if you have little faith in the school your dd attends if you think that this child could make such a devastating impact. Ime of prep schools the one thing they deal with very well is bullying and bad behaviour.

Ds had a problem recently at his new school and I was very impressed at how it was dealt with and how quickly it was resolved. I had complete faith that the school would deal with it. If I didn't then I would be moving ds to another school.

When ds started school in reception I asked that he was not in the same class as another child, partly because I wanted him to make an effort to make friends (which neither he nor the other child would have bothered to do if they were in the same class) but partly because the child's parents were hugely competitive about everything and I couldn't face that competition being carried on at school. The school accommodated my request.

As for one 97% bursary the school would not have awarded this without a good deal of thought. Although as it is non-means tested it sounds as if it is actually a scholarship rather than a bursary.

Ds has a substantial scholarship. For that he had to take exams, do a voice trial, spend time at school (including boarding). I reckon by the end of the process the school had a very good idea of the sort of child ds is. It is an honour and a privilege to have a scholarship and the school will expect their scholars to set an example in their behaviour and how they are at school.

I imagine that your school saw something in this child that merited such a prestigious award. You can be certain that if this child behaves the way you describe then she won't be at the school for very long.

Ronaldo · 17/03/2013 10:35

I know Eton could find a place for a suitable pupil if one presented.

difficultpickle · 17/03/2013 10:38

The other thing the school will have had is a detailed reference from the child's headteacher. From what you say the head would have had to lie in that reference for this child to receive the bursary. That is a very serious allegation to contemplate making.

happygardening · 17/03/2013 10:40

"I repeathappygardening - if the Queen cam along and asked that any of those schools find a placefor a child of her aquainence, one would be available immediately.

They are not full. They are choosey. WE can all be choosey like that. Clearly the OP does not currently have her dd in such a choosey school, otherwise they would probably not have accepted a dc with er a reputation so questionable"
I repat the OP is not the queen. Perhaps you'd like to explain to me as to why there's numerous posting on MN about moving off the Eton waiting list if this was just a publicity stunt.

happygardening · 17/03/2013 10:44

"I know Eton could find a place for a suitable pupil if one presented."
Really there are plenty of genuine Eton experts on here who I think would disagree. My friend tried to get her exceedingly able DS into a super selective boarding school they put him on their waiting list and were optimistic a place might come up in the near future becasue they really wanted him but at that particular moment there were simply not enough beds to put this child in.

meditrina · 17/03/2013 10:44

How other schools manage their intakes isn't the key question here.

OP is asking if she should make a statement to the school, on partial information (unless she has read the reference and sat in on the whole admissions round), which shows she has no faith in the school's judgement, administrative standards, pastoral care or behaviour management standards. Given that lack of faith in so many areas, it is probably not a place she is happy for her DD to continue at (for those issues have much wider implications than the admission or otherwise of one girl), so a change is probably in her DD's interests.

difficultpickle · 17/03/2013 10:49

But that is the case anywhere. If a child is exceptional most schools would do their best to find a place. However I imagine that the OP's child is a normal little girl who doesn't want to spend any time with the child the OP is talking about.

I assume if the child in question has a 97% scholarship/bursary for prep then they will need a similar sized one or more for senior school. They are very hard to come by and there is huge competition so this child really would have to be exceptional to get one. It may therefore be a short term problem for the OP if her dd is in year 5 and moving schools for year 7.

Bunbaker · 17/03/2013 10:51

"I am bit Shock at the posters who suggest that it is a good thing to be exposed to difficult people from a self development viewpoint. I wonder if non white parent tell their DCs that its good to go to school with a racist kid because it teaches them about the real world?"

Well said MTSgroupie I suspect these parents haven't had to deal with the kind of bullying my daughter has. The effect it has on a child's self esteem is so damaging.

Did anyone watch the bit in comic relief about the boy who killed himself because of some awful cyber bullying?

Ronaldo · 17/03/2013 10:51

Oh , I see, I cant be genuine because I disagree with happygardening. Ad hoc argumentum ad hominem gets us nowhere.

You clearly have nothing else to offer then? Ok then dont offer it.

difficultpickle · 17/03/2013 10:51

Great post meditrina. I also think that becoming unhappy with the school is a gradual process and maybe the fact that this child has been given this award has acted as a catalyst making the OP realise how she feels about her dd's school.

Ronaldo · 17/03/2013 10:52

How other schools manage their intakes isn't the key question here

Exactly.

difficultpickle · 17/03/2013 10:56

Bunbaker I did. Ds was bullyed very very briefly at school and I was devastated at how quickly he changed and was affected by it. Thankfully because the school dealt with it so quickly ds is getting back to being his old self but the pain I felt at watching him go through it is indescribable. Fortunately because the school dealt with it quickly and because I had faith as a parent and ds trusted his teachers I doubt there will be any long lasting negative effects.