Undeserved bursary

[Hamstersball]

I know a child that has been offered a very substantial bursary at my dd's independent school. She has passed the academic selection process and on the surface can be very charming, able to talk to grown ups at ease etc. However we have known her for several years as dd1 and her are in the same brownies pack and her behaviour has always been dreadful: picking fights with other dc, racist and foul language, lying when confronted, bullying other children. I can only conclude that her school lied between their teeth about her when they gave her a reference to support her bursary application as several mothers who know her at school say her behaviour is also dreadful there. I'm really tempted to inform dd's school about the true nature of this child and want to know if anyone has done something similar and what was the outcome.

This could be the meanest thing I have eve posted on mumsnet. But I think it's all about the bursary. I bet if the other girls's parents were paying as much as the OP was, she wouldn't be anything like so bothered.

YABU. If you don't want your daughter in contact with the other child then ask for her to be in a different class.

I also agree Seeker.

Bursaries and the awarding of them brings out the worst in some people. Also in most schools its a very rigorous process before they're awarded so this girl must be very very clever to have got through it all despite her poor behaviour/racism etc showing

One of the reasons that I would suggest that she didn't contact the school about it is because it will look like envy and sour grapes!

But seeker - that's the thing though. Once you apply for scholarship/bursary, you HAVE to deserve it. Basically, there should be a much higher criteria for such kids as they are meant to be the "benchmark" for all the fee-paying kids... and so much more. Basically... they are meant to be role models. That's the kind of kid that normally gets scholarships/bursaries. I am not pessimistic enough to think none of suck kids are left in this world, so I am scratching my head as to why the OP's school could not find anyone better, should this kid really be so bad.

Unless someone at that school is planning to test a machine that can brainwash kids...

I also wonder how you put it, diplomatically, that the school's selection process is useless!

Do you "have to deserve it"? . I thought they were awarded on academic performance; didn't realise personality or being a good role model for the fee paying pupils came into it?
(Why would it?)

Wow- kids on bursaries have to be role models for the fee paying kids? Why- to justify their presence in the school? "I may be poor, but I am deserving, worthy poor"? Oh, and what about all this "nobody knows who the kids on bursaries are- the's no stigma"? As I said. Wow. Just wow.

I've reported that post suggesting this child that none of us know well enough to judge, including the OP, has serious psychological issues because it is just revolting.

There is enough identifiable information on this thread to strongly suspect or know if it was your child and I would hate to think this girl's parent might read it.

Regardless of anyone's imaginings this is somebody's little girl.

"For all we know

Which is nothing

Which is only slightly more than the op knows"

That made me chuckle.

Tasmania,

Scholarship kids - of whom I was one, in the past - are expected to 'set the standard' academically. There was never any expectation that behaviourally I should be a paragon, though I have to say I was not exactly a teenage rebel (being a spotty swotty type doesn't often go hand in hand with rebellion).

Modern bursaries in many schools are now simply awarded to those who meet the school's entrance standards, with the level of the bursary being set according to parental income. So there is no expectatoion that either academic performance or behaviour should be 'above the norm' - just level with the norm coupled with parents with lower incomes.

I realise that busaries are rationed - and that there are two ways of doing that, by parental income or by child's academic merit. If the latter, then there is some element of the old-fashioned acaemic scholarship, with an expectation of academic excellence. However I have never seen one where the aim was to bring in children who would be behavioural role models - in fact, in some cases the reverse, as the bursaries are designed to draw form a wider pool than the 'naice MC kids' who form the fee-paying intake (though tbh, having moved jobs from a primary with a very challenging intake to one with a very MC intake, I know where the better in-school behavious and manners werre ... and it's not in the MC school). OIf course there is an expectation that a child with a bursary will conform to the behavioural expectations and norms of the school, but expected to be 'a beacon of virtue'? perhaps not.

X posted with seeker, and agree with her comments - why should a chil with a bursary have to have higher behavioural standards that his / her fee-paying colleagues?

What you are saying, effectively, is:
'If your family is poorer than the norm for this shool, then you have to behave REALLY well to be considered worthy of a place here. Only the rich kids are allowed to misbehave.'

Coconutty - You can use that extreme because it is the most direct way of showing people that kids CAN be very horrible whether you like it or not. Too many times, people use the he/she "just being a kid" line as an excuse for bad behavior - there are obviously, less direct/visible examples, but it's often when you mention that one case where the penny finally drops.

In the OP's case, I do agree all she should do is ask the school to keep her child separate due to prior history. I may even go as far as say that the prior history involves bullying on the part of that child.

I would NOT suggest that OP should mention the bursary... at all. Just along the lines of "I was made aware that xxx will join the school, and would like to ask you to keep my dd away from her due to prior history between them."

School staff can work out for themselves what to do.

teacherwith2kids - if you read the OPs comments, she did said that "exemplary behavior" is meant to be part of the criteria of being awarded a bursary at that school...

I presume that is just there so that if a child has serious behavioural issues, the school can in future withdraw the bursary.

I mean, how on earth can the school assess it on entry with any accuracy, transparency or fairness? 'I will line you all up from most deserving to least descrving poor, based on...um, not quite sure, how on earth do we measure behaviour in a bunch of children that we have never seen before?'

I blame Brown Owl myself.

This is upsetting on so many levels - the child may or may not have issues as alleged by OP. However, what is so upsetting is that OP's through her words and actions is determined to make this child's existence in her DD's school miserable.

OP considering going to the Head is the least of what she has done - the girl will be a new student in a school where other girls have been together for a while, OP would have informed other mothers about this nightmare child joining the school, girls in her class would be asked to avoid her and if this girl even has an iota of behavioural issues, this would only make it worse.

I want OP to go to the Head with her concerns so the school would at least be aware of what this child will be dealing with.

OP may think that she is acting as a concerned parent but it is important that we as parents do not turn into bullies ourselves.

Ehm... seeker - I am afraid you're right... that is how it's normally being justified. This is many years ago now, but my mother was a scholarship kid, and if she ever dropped below the required grade average or showed signs of bad behavior, it was THE END (in her case, it would seriously have been the end of her schooling).

And why shouldn't you expect better behavior??? Politically correct UK (or Mumsnet) seems to be the only place where people think someone with less income is more deserving REGARDLESS of their behavior. I, for one, would have opted for the less intelligent but well-behaved candidate rather than the intelligent but down-right obnoxious. But to be honest, I can't believe there wasn't a child around with the same level of intelligence, but better behavior... unless the child really is not that bad. So who knows???

Everybody blames Brown Owl, Pathan.

"And why shouldn't you expect better behavior??? Politically correct UK (or Mumsnet) seems to be the only place where people think someone with less income is more deserving REGARDLESS of their behavior"

I don't think anyone thinks that. But I don't think that you should have to be better behaved because you're poor! That is just outrageous.

Can I remind posters that OP said this award, called a bursary by this school, is actually what would normally be termed a scholarship - it's based on academic performance and is not means tested.

No she said in her 15:20 post yesterday that it is means tested and that its set very low so rules out average income families , which I assume means you have to be low income to qualify.