Undeserved bursary

[Hamstersball]

I know a child that has been offered a very substantial bursary at my dd's independent school. She has passed the academic selection process and on the surface can be very charming, able to talk to grown ups at ease etc. However we have known her for several years as dd1 and her are in the same brownies pack and her behaviour has always been dreadful: picking fights with other dc, racist and foul language, lying when confronted, bullying other children. I can only conclude that her school lied between their teeth about her when they gave her a reference to support her bursary application as several mothers who know her at school say her behaviour is also dreadful there. I'm really tempted to inform dd's school about the true nature of this child and want to know if anyone has done something similar and what was the outcome.

[Ronaldo]

Someone is going to have to be in that DC's class happygardening. Schools do not work on parallel classes or non set classes mostly ( atsenior level). if it is a small school there may only be two classes- the top setand the bottom set.

That is a very practical problem.Often a change of school will be the only alternative.

It is no use saying to me ( I dont know about the Op) that a DC can learn from having a crap experience in the classroom and its good for them. I dont agree. No one should be made ( and certainly NOT at school ) to put their head down, and stick their fingers in their ears and hope they are the target or victim and try to get on with it.

That isnt what learning ( of all things) should be aboout. Toop often in state schools it is but in indepenendent schools one pays ones money and one should therefore be able to exercise choice. Thats the whole point.

[Ronaldo]

She has been at the school for the past 6 years and was looking forward to going up to the seniors but now with the prospect of this girl also being there has said she wants to go to a different school. Since we have not applied for any other schools this isn't really an option

It is not too late to look at and apply for other schools. Its never too late in the independent sector. Find some alternatives and look around. Any indi worth its salt will invite you in ( and even offer a taster day).

You have until Easter to tender your notice to leave to your current school. We are not there yet.

[ifancyashandy]

This comes down to money. You seem to think you have more 'sway' or 'voice' as you are paying the full fees. Terms such as 'only paying a nominal amount' and 'invited to join' give you away.

Horrible snobbish attitude and also what everyone else said about this being a child & a situation in which you may not be in full possession of the facts.

[happygardening]

Im confused is has this child ben offered a bursary or a scholarship?
OP I think you are unnecessarily hung up about this child and are passing you problems with her onto your DD.
For heaven sake forget it. She cant be the only new child .
I too very much hope that you have not been slagging this child off to other parents or even worse teachers.
A child is entitled to make a fresh start.

[trixymalixy]

Hamsterball, you haven't answered my question. Do you really expect them to withdraw the bursary when you tell the school your opinion of this girl? What exactly do you think will happen?

[Hamstersball]

Rainbow I have been to the majority of the days out/camps because Of the lack of other parent helpers. I have done this because my dds has enjoyed brownies and got a lot out of it despite this child. This child has been spoken to time and time again about her behaviour and language, the last time was on Friday when she called a dc with SEN a "spaz" and kept repeating it despite being told off and threatened with being sent home early which was not carried out

[IndridCold]

You need to give this girl the benefit of the doubt. If your DDs school is anything like the prep my DS went to then she will most likely benefit from being challenged academically, kept busy all day until 5pm and subject to firmer discipline.

There were a couple of children at DSs school on bursaries whose behaviour was what might be described as challenging. One continued to be unbelievably naughty and was eventually asked to leave, the other managed to settle down a lot. Neither of them caused any trouble that the other children couldn't cope with.

[BettySuarez]

Jesus Christ OP

It's this kind of pack mentality that saw the Jews being gassed in the chambers.

This child and her life is absolutely none of your fucking business. You are in danger of coming across as unhinged

[Ronaldo]

I know the child has been given bursary as her mum was telling everyone in brownies and since the school only offers one 97% bursary for that year group I know it's substantial. The fact they are only paying a nominal fees I feel gives them little incentive to work on improving her behaviour. I have a lot more to lose if her behaviour affects my dds schooling. I appreciate what people are saying on this thread but I work hard, scrimp and save and do without to ensure my dd has the best education possible and if it makes me look bad to say something to the school then it's a gamble I'm prepared to take to protect her education

Look for another school. You are paying fees. You do not have to accept anything less than what you want. You may like this school but it may not be the same next year.

As soon as you look - and your DC is out for aday with you looking round - the school will be alert to the fact you are looking. They will ask why. Tell them that your dd wants to move because of this issue You will have made the point. No need to mention biursaries.

Just because you have said you will transfer your dd to senior does not mean you have to - not at this point.

I am sure thereareother equally good schools foryour dd where she will be free from this issue. Go for it!

[happygardening]

"It is not too late to look at and apply for other schools. Its never too late in the independent sector. Find some alternatives and look around. Any indi worth its salt will invite you in ( and even offer a taster day)."
Ronaldo you are obviously not involved or familiar with the same sort of "indie" schools that I am; all have filled their vacancies for this September and also have children on waiting lists already interviewed and pre tested and lets not forget parents desperately hoping a place might come up.
"Someone is going to have to be in that DC's class happygardening."
Yes they will at every school in the UK whether it is be the poorest performing state or a top performing super selective independent charging £34 000 PA will have children in their classes who are badly behaved. Thats life our DC's have to learn to carry on regardless.

[Hamstersball]

I don't expect the school to withdraw the bursary on my say so but I would expect them to re look her application and ask her primary school more specific questions such as recorded incidences of poor behaviour, exclusions and request to look at her school record so far which would be sent to them in any case when she transfers from primary to secondary school. Then I woul expect he school to make a judgement whether this child has a valuable contribution to make to the school life to justify the very substantial bursary she is getting.

[TheChaoGoesMu]

You seem to be under the illusion that because you are going to be paying for your childs class, you also get to choose who else goes to her school. If you feel that strongly about it, ask that they are not in the same class, or look around for other schools and see if they have space, or homeschool. Homeschooling is probably the only way you would have complete control of your dd's environment. After all, even if you did manage to rip this opportunity away from that girl, you really have no idea who the other children are in your dd's class are, and what undesirable traits they may have either.

[tethersend]

at OP's dawning realisation that you cannot buy your way away from children you disapprove of.

That's not how schools work. Not even private ones.

Besides which, you seem to have no faith in this school whatsoever to deal with this child's behavioural issues. Are you sure you want your daughter to go there?

[BettySuarez]

Here you go OP

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_cleansing

[Ronaldo]

Using artex monkeys analogy about Tesco. we used to shop at our local Tesco. However recently it has appears to be fullof arrogant and rather rude shoppers who push and shove and queue jump and aregenerally loud and obnoxious. As AM says we cannot change that so DW and I now shop at Morrisons some 10 miles further away but its worth it.

Tesco has lost my ( and possibly a lot of other) trade. I did write to them expressing my disappointment in their store and saying I waslooking elsewhere following an incident at the till. Thats all one can do.

Morrisons has been a more pleasant experience.

[meditrina]

If this school really has a 97% non-means-tested financial award that is well known, then applicants will be beating the door down to apply and the school really can have its pick.

As I posted above, other schools won't be trading their whole reputation on one reference for one pupil one year, especially as such an unusual award as this means they will be writing up more than one pupil.

OP: you have to face it - either the school wants this pupil, or it is administratively incompetent. Either way, it sounds as if you might find a better fit to your family ethos if you look to move your DD as soon as this can be achieved.

[happygardening]

"I don't expect the school to withdraw the bursary on my say so but I would expect them to re look her application and ask her primary school more specific questions such as recorded incidences of poor behaviour, exclusions and request to look at her school record so far which would be sent to them in any case when she transfers from primary to secondary school. Then I woul expect he school to make a judgement whether this child has a valuable contribution to make to the school life to justify the very substantial bursary she is getting."
How do you know that this hasn't been done? Why are you assuming the primary school has either lied, or voluntarily chosen to to divulge this information.
Just because you pay it doesn't thankfully entitle you to influence the decision the school makes about who else to admit.
If this is genuine I think this smacks of pure jealously this child is obviously clever than your DD and has on this bassi been offered a bursary scholarship.

[lljkk]

the school can't investigate on your sayso. Just focus on your child's needs. For all you know Lots of Children have false information lurking in their applications.

One time on one of my email lists a woman joined, "Ruby". I knew Ruby from other fora and that she was an obnoxious loon; I instantly emailed privately a (quiet, uninfluential) mate on the list and said "OMG I can't believe who just joined". I was even asked few weeks later to say something publicly against Ruby but I refused because I didn't want to become part of a bullying culture.

Ruby left about 3 months later having seriously upset a lot of people, but I didn't have any guilt about her being hounded out. She brought it on herself, fair and square.

[Bunbaker]

"She has been at the school for the past 6 years and was looking forward to going up to the seniors but now with the prospect of this girl also being there has said she wants to go to a different school. Since we have not applied for any other schools this isn't really an option"


Just tell the school ^^
Forget the fact that the bully has been offered a bursary. Your main concern is the wellbeing of your daughter. I think some of the responses on here have been uncalled for. I suspect that they don't have children who have been bullied by someone in their class and have no idea how miserable it can make life for a child and their parents.

I speak from experience. For the best part of a year DD's life was utterly miserable because of one girl. The anxiety that DD' unhappiness caused me was tremendous.

The school moved DD to a new tutor group and will be placing the bully into a different class in September. Fortunately DD has made a new group of friends outside her class and the bully now leaves her alone. Lately she has been using her controlling tactics on other girls instead. I have known this girl through primary school and she has a stable and loving home life so I have no idea why she is like she is.

[tethersend]

Ronaldo, the analogy would only work if you'd seen those customers be rude in other shops. Through the window. And then called the manager to eject them when they tried to enter Tesco.

And then stormed out when the manager gently explains that it's a shop.

[Ronaldo]

Ronaldo you are obviously not involved or familiar with the same sort of "indie" schools that I am; all have filled their vacancies for this September and also have children on waiting lists already interviewed and pre tested and lets not forget parents desperately hoping a place might come up.
"Someone is going to have to be in that DC's class happygardening."
Yes they will at every school in the UK whether it is be the poorest performing state or a top performing super selective independent charging £34 000 PA will have children in their classes who are badly behaved. Thats life our DC's have to learn to carry on regardless

Not whereI am ( and given the recession probably not across the counrty frankly, I dont buy it). Nearly all will carry a spare capacity anyway.

Ofcourse publically the face is " we have allocated places earlier " - itsa publicity ploy often. Many take places at several schools.They will go to one.

I think OP will find a school quite easily if she looks around .

[happygardening]

Ronaldo re your Tescos analogy as I said you are obviously not familiar with the sort of oversubscribed schools that many on MN are. You only have to go onto the senior school section to read postings by mothers desperate to move their children off waiting lists for Eton St Pauls Sevenoaks and Winchester all "worth their salt".