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Original poster

Undeserved bursary

313 replies

Hamstersball · 16/03/2013 23:13

I know a child that has been offered a very substantial bursary at my dd's independent school. She has passed the academic selection process and on the surface can be very charming, able to talk to grown ups at ease etc. However we have known her for several years as dd1 and her are in the same brownies pack and her behaviour has always been dreadful: picking fights with other dc, racist and foul language, lying when confronted, bullying other children. I can only conclude that her school lied between their teeth about her when they gave her a reference to support her bursary application as several mothers who know her at school say her behaviour is also dreadful there. I'm really tempted to inform dd's school about the true nature of this child and want to know if anyone has done something similar and what was the outcome.

OP posts:

freddiemisagreatshag · 17/03/2013 18:35

Sometimes, the very best and most useful support comes from those who are prepared to tell you when you're being a tit.

Just saying.

seeker · 17/03/2013 18:36

And if the OP genuinely thinks the school concerned won't be able to protect her dd from this devil child, then she should be reconsidering sending her there.

Chubfuddler · 17/03/2013 18:39

If the school has given a scholarship/bursary to a child who is bright but not exceptional, a liar, a bully, a racist and foul mouthed then I'm amazed you want your child to go there op.

Perhaps, just perhaps, the school sees something worthwhile in her. I do hope so, this is a ten year old child after all. You seem to have list sight of that somewhere along the way.

Chubfuddler · 17/03/2013 18:40

X posted with seeker.

SEE OP? you're so wrong you've got me and seeker in agreement. On a private school thread

Labro · 17/03/2013 18:40

Ronaldo, I agree that the other child needs to be considered too. However, as these 2 children have never attended school together, then the OP has no factual basis that either child is a problem to the other in a school setting. The OP is objecting to something that hasn't happened yet as the 2 children have never been in the same school. So, the probability of any child attending her dd school in the future causing behaviour problems is exactly the same, because they too are completely unknown in how they will interact in a school environment.

seeker · 17/03/2013 18:42

SanityClause · 17/03/2013 19:09

Maybe it's this.

The scholarship is given on the basis of academic excellence and exemplary behaviour. The scholarship will be withdrawn on the basis that the child's behaviour does not meet the school's standard. The school is aware that the child has behavioural problems and intends to withdraw the scholarship at any breach, and save the money.

Surely not!

exoticfruits · 17/03/2013 19:16

I had to go back to read OP as we have strayed so far from it. Basically the school have offered a bursary, presumably with a lot of competition, and OP thinks that have made wrong choice and that she should point it out.
Maybe she should just do it and then report back to us. I would place money on it not going very well.

teacherwith2kids · 17/03/2013 19:19

OP, forget the bursary for the moment.

Is this a child whose behaviour is so bad, so corrupting, so disruptive that you do not wish your child to be in contact with her?

In which case, you have 2 options:

To discuss your concerns with the school and ask for your child to be in a separate class and the situation actively monitored.

To remove your child from the school.

The bursary is neither here nor there, and should be none of your concern. If you consider your child to be in danger from this child, morally or emotionally or educationally, then that concern should be immaterial of the bursary, and it is on the basis of actual threat of harm that there would be any excuse to contact the school, and only then if your view is that the harm is certain to arise immediately.

If the bursary plays any part in your thinking, then your thinking is wrong.

exoticfruits · 17/03/2013 19:28

Maybe if OP feels the need to inform the school they will put those facts too her teacherwith2kids, at the same time as asking her not to interfere with their job. ( if they wanted parental input then no doubt they would have had a parent on the selection panel)

exoticfruits · 17/03/2013 19:29

Sorry iPad is getting carried away again 'to' not 'too'.

teacherwith2kids · 17/03/2013 19:46

And OP, just so that the record is complete - did you apply for a bursary for your DD? Were you unsuccessful, or successful? I ask because I can quite see how this might affect your judgement, however hard you tried not to let it. Understandable does not mean excusable, of coursee.

LIZS · 17/03/2013 19:58

Sorry but you don't get to pick and choose your dc's peers. Most schools re-evaluate bursaries annually in which case she may get "found out" or she may settle down fine. Even if she had a full fee place would you feel it your right to question her place or does the fact that she has been awarded a bursary somehow entitle you to feel superior? You have no way of knowing whether other new pupils may also be an issue , so would you seek to rout them too if so .

teacherwith2kids · 17/03/2013 20:11

Lizs, perhaps the point is that the OP thought that she DID get to pick her DD's peers through being at a fee-paying school. Perhaps she thought that this child wouldn't be able to attend because of a lower income (and was therefore pleased that 'at least my little darling doesn't have to associate with children like THAT'). And all of these illusions have come crashing down due to the award of a bursary..... a useful lesson, perhaps.

wheresthebeach · 17/03/2013 20:16

Parents can't march into school and tell the administration which children they can accept and which children they should refuse.

Can you imagine if everyone with an axe to grind went to school with 'I don't want ABC in this school!'

Yikes...

Chaos - it would be utter chaos.

If you're right then you should trust the school to deal effectively with any future bullying. If they don't then move your child as there are bullies everywhere and you need to be at a school that takes actions to deal with issues.

difficultpickle · 17/03/2013 20:17

As I pointed out the OP earlier money doesn't make manners. I don't get the association between lower income and lack of manners. Ime often the reverse is true.

Floggingmolly · 17/03/2013 20:27

If you raise this as an issue with the school they're going to think you're a bitter, mean minded loon. Do you want your daughter possibly tarred with the same brush?

MrsDeVere · 17/03/2013 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatieMiddleton · 17/03/2013 21:04

Thread still going then. Anyone other than op seriously suggesting telling tales to school? No?

Quelle surprise

MrsDeVere · 17/03/2013 21:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

difficultpickle · 17/03/2013 21:09

I just think the OP is one of those that I've encounted at private school who thinks that because they pay for their dc's education they get a choice in how the school is run. In reality you get no greater say than if you are at state school and the outcome is the same. If you don't like the way a school is run you vote with your feet. The only difference is having to give a term's notice or pay fees in lieu.

Viviennemary · 17/03/2013 21:11

I can see why somebody would be annoyed in these circumstances. But most people would not write to the school. But on the other hand I suppose the OP could write a letter to the school saying she is concerned about this child and give examples and say she does not want her DD in any class or any activity that child is involved. in. I don't think I would do this myself though I might be tempted.

Labro · 17/03/2013 21:17

pretty much everybody has said that the OP may have a valid reason to flag up with the school that the child has a potential personality clash with her dd, but that is all, there is no evidence to support anything else (plus bear in mind that the other child isn't due at the school until September!)

reneaa2 · 17/03/2013 21:57

Op you should make an appointment to ask about the 2 girls being in different classes (where possible as streamed classes are unavoidable).
Do this as soon as possible before other parents start to do the same. Just say they don't get on, but don't get personal or go into details as I think it would only reflect badly on you..

Once that is confirmed then take a step back and dont engage in anymore discussions about the girl, if anyone wants to discuss her just politely end te conversation.

I think it would be in dd best interests to completely distance yourself from the girl and ignore her presence (politely) in the school. Play it down for you dd s sake, unless if course her behaviour/bullying escalates and directly effects your dd.

corlan · 17/03/2013 23:25

Absolutely bonkers!

I love the idea that independent schools are handing out bursaries to not very bright, racist bullies. I know several of them at my local state secondary and I'd be thrilled if an independent gave them a bursary and took them off our hands.

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