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Original poster

It gets better, the teacher who forget to tell me that DS had broken his arm has allegedly been telling him that he is...

36 replies

dejags · 27/03/2006 20:17

pathetic!!!

DS1 is four years old, when I came home tonight, he told me that his teacher had called him pathetic today.

He said that he tried to tell her that he had finished all his tables and that in return she told him that his work had been pathetic.

I don't know what to do. Knee-jerk reaction is to rip her head off for belittling a four year old - my second thought/reaction is that he might have made it up. DH and I discussed it and both of think it's odd because it's a word rarely used in our house. DS1 told me this very matter of factly and when I asked him about it later he reiterated the story with no malice or anger and with no variation on what he had told me originally.

After DS broke his arm and nobody bothered to call me (I arrived to fetch him at 1.30 to find him nursing a green stick fracture), I wrote a letter of complaint. The teacher has subsequently been sickeningly sweet to me, but DS has been complaining more and more that he hates school and doesn't want to go in the mornings which is a huge change.

When I asked his teacher why she didn't call me after DS broke his arm, she denied that he was in pain (he told me that it was exceptionally sore). So I have no reason to think she would be honest about calling him pathetic.

How can I find out the truth? (God I am so angry)

AngryAngryAngry

OP posts:
Original poster
dejags · 27/03/2006 20:23

excuse the rant btw.

OP posts:
morningpaper · 27/03/2006 20:25

It is possible that the teacher said

"Good effort" ???

Enid · 27/03/2006 20:25

read this and dont know what to say ,not surprised you are angry

can you take him out?

(he knows his tables? at four? Shock)

stitch · 27/03/2006 20:25

volunteer in his class?

Dizzymama · 27/03/2006 20:27

Do you know any other mothers whose children are in the same class? Could you ask them if similar 'complaints' have been made against this teacher by their children?

spacecadet · 27/03/2006 20:27

no one can blame you for being angry.
however, wait until you are in a calmer state of mind before going to the school, i wouldnt go in there with all guns blazing, but arrange to see the headteacher and explain that your ds has made this allegation and request that it is investigated.
before you go tell your ds what you are going to do, so if theres a possibility he made it up, and im not saying he did, it gives him a chance to come clean.

Twiglett · 27/03/2006 20:29

think I'd ignore the 'pathetic' comment because he could have misheard 'good effort' .. its possible

however .. I would be straight into school for a teacher / head of year meeting stressing that DS is complaining about hating school and doesn't want to go and asking them to develop a programme to address this issue .. I think that's important

Original poster
dejags · 27/03/2006 20:31

By tables I mean that they have to rotate between four tables. He isn't the best in the concentration stakes so getting round four tables is good for him. Personally I couldn't give a monkeys how many tables he does - he's still little.

I phoned another mother in the class who has been with this teacher for three years (different kids) and she was totally surprised and shocked that she could have said something like that. That's what made me think for a minute that DS made it up.

The only thing I can think of is that he misheard - he didn't seem too upset beyond the fact that he was a bit put out that he didn't get a big song and dance for finishing his tables.

We are taking him out soon to go on our big trip, nonetheless I don't think I can let this go. I just don't know how to find out what did happen. If it was a one off I wouldn't mind, but I can tell she doesn't gel with him.

Must try and think of a constructive way to get around this.

OP posts:
LadyTophamHatt · 27/03/2006 20:32

sorry...am i missing something or being really thick?
how can "good effort" be misheard for "pathetic"??

I keep saying them over and over and they sound competely different to me.....

Original poster
dejags · 27/03/2006 20:34

Slightly off subject - I never dreamed that my kids would go through school getting on with every teacher they encounter but it's a little worrying that this happened so early.

He's not naughty, he is extremely well mannered and popular with the other kids, he is just a chatterbox who needs constant input.

I feel disappointed he is so unhappy at school at such a young age Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
dejags · 27/03/2006 20:34

I thought that LTH. I double checked and he was sure that's what she said.

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HRHQueenOfQuotes · 27/03/2006 20:36

sorry...am i missing something or being really thick?
how can "good effort" be misheard for "pathetic"??

Depends on the accent (sp) you're in SA aren't you Dejags - they do speak funny out there. Wink

Original poster
dejags · 27/03/2006 20:38

Yup they do talk funny like Smile.

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TinyGang · 27/03/2006 20:39

My children are 4 and 'pathetic' isn't a word I've heard them use before either. It seems a funny thing to come up with out of the blue.

You need to investigate further. Can your ds explain what it is he hates about school just now? Sounds like you need more detail.

Original poster
dejags · 27/03/2006 20:41

That's what I thought TinyGang.

He says he's bored and he hates the work. He says he's done it all before.

Personally I think he doesn't like the structure which requires him to sit quietly and apply himself. But this his is second year in the school and we've never had a complaint before.

I have decided that I am going to speak to the teacher openly tomorrow. I'll tell her what he said in a calm non-accusing way and see how she reacts. If for one second I think there is some truth to it, I'll probably speak to the department head and/or the head again.

Ho-hum, they already think I am a pain the buttisimo for moaning about the broken arm incident.

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brimfull · 27/03/2006 20:45

Yes I agree dejags,school is something a 4 yr old should love,like playing.I would concentrate on finding out the cause of his unhappiness there.

Socci · 27/03/2006 20:49

I would believe him personally - the words aren't the only thing that conveys sentiment. Surely if she had said "good effort" she would have used it within the context of "You have made a good effort" - you wouldn't be able to use pathetic in a sentance in the same way.

Original poster
dejags · 27/03/2006 20:52

I feel so badly for him. He is one of those children who loves to please and so far this year he is just not winning the battle with this particular teacher.

I bought him a Peter and Jane reader a couple of weeks ago. Without being asked he picked it up and read it from cover to cover. I was thrilled and so was he - he begged to take the book to school the next day and she just brushed him off when he tried to tell her that he could read it on his own.

Lioness springs to mind.

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EvesMama · 27/03/2006 20:52

i would arrange for an interview/meeting between you and you dp/dh and the teacher plus head of school.
dont mention before hand and ask her outright in front of all..then see her reaction.
should give you the answer

EvesMama · 27/03/2006 20:52

lioness!..more like a female dog!

spacecadet · 27/03/2006 20:56

he sounds like a very intelligent little boy,is it possible that he is finding that his work is not challenging enough? that mayu be why hes not enjoying school.

Original poster
dejags · 27/03/2006 21:01

Thanks SC. I'd say he is above average but there are several children in the class on par or slightly ahead of him (in the reading/writing sort of way).

I think the problem is more that half the children did a pre-reception year last year so they have a good grounding - at the beginning of this year the class doubled in size so now half the class is starting from cold. This is not a new challenge to the teacher, I just assumed she'd give them appropriate stuff for their level. Perhaps she's just not getting that right.

Is it just me, or does this level of worry about a four year old in a classroom situation seem unreal. Surely he should have a teacher who loves children for being children and that personality clash "issues" should be something that one would only see in later years?

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EvesMama · 27/03/2006 21:21

she sounds like she enjoys the money but not the job..such a shame, my dd has people at her nursery like that(although money no where near as good as teaching)
so sad for your little one, they should be all mary poppins like to the toddlers

joanna4 · 27/03/2006 23:19

It is possible he could have misheard I work in reception and at times it is so loud and when all the little voices are jumbled in it is quite common to have to recheck what you think you might have heard something that sounds off limits.

TaiTai · 28/03/2006 00:17

Haven't read all the posts, but as I was skimming through I was thinking of suggesting exactly what EvesMama did; I think that's a very sensible way forward. Regardless of whether she called him "pathetic" there is obviously an issue that needs discussing and sorting out. I would reserve judgment at this point in time re whether she said it or not. Saying "good effort!" to a four-year-old like that just seems odd, it's too adult a phrase on it's own, too informal. (Although saying "pathetic" to a four-year-old is horrendous!) And I just don't get how people can think "good effort" sounds like "pathetic" to innocent four-year-old ears. If your son is going to see the teacher before your meeting with her, then I personally wouldn't tell him that you're going to speak to the school about it because if he's telling the truth, it might make him nervous about seeing the madam. I would be inclined to keep him off school until you've sorted it out, and then try and sort it out ASAP. He's only four, so he's not going to miss much!