Gifted and talented.

[jabed]

Its three O clock in the morning. I have a stinking headache which is why I am up and I would like to get contentious. Do you mind?

With no holds barred, my DS is by any definition gifted and talented. I am a fairly able kind of guy myself and DW is extremely gifted, so no prizes for guessing where he gets it.

The thing is, I have been pondering what I am going to do with him. We currently HE. This is because he is young- He is a late August born and would, were he at school he going into year 2 now. Many a couple of weeks younger would just be going into year 1.
He is gifted as I said, which is another reason for not putting him in school. he has a generally high IQ and academic giftedness and if SW is right he has musical talent.

I don?t want him accelerated. I don?t want him messed with. I want him to be what neither DW nor I were - a child with a childhood. My experience of the local school, which would have been our first choice (and was in fact where we sent him) for his primary years do not deserve him. The teachers cannot deal with gifted children. He does not deserve his peers in that school - disruptive and largely ill socialised with a large percentage at the other end of the spectrum to DS. But there is no other local school.

There is my own school which has a prep but they want to put him a year up.

So, what do you do in that situation? I am at a loss. I have looked at options and got bogged down. We have to make a decision before year 3 as I seriously believe he needs to be in formal education at some point there.

Just a general throw out to see what others would do with such a DS. I reserve the right to get toss potty if people get rude about my DS or my feelings about being middle class etc.
This is my DS not an abstract. Thanks

And you're also denying the opportunity to learn how to choose their own friends, based on their own predilections.

Yellowtip - would you make your left-handed DC to eat/write with right hand because its more normal?

And if we want our children to be well grounded they need to understand that money does not make you better or happier then those with less and that equally not having money does not make you a second class citizen. We don't learn these things through our work contacts rather by forming genuine friendships with people from all walks of life.

piano If your child is having a rotten time socially, you want to help them in the best way possible (even if it didn't work). Giving them access to things that most other 5 year olds do (e.g. x-box, Moshis, Kids TV, etc) will give them the tools to communicate with children their own age.

If a child's leisure time is restricted to their parents interests (and aspirations), they are at a significant disadvantage socially.

Sorry, I don't see x-box, Moshis and Kids TV as great social tools.

pianomama I've let my left-handed DC carry on being left handed - despite the fact that statistically they're more likely to suffer a fatal accident - because being left-handed doesn't carry with it the same danger of social isolation and therefore unhappiness that this kind of preciousness can bring.

As for what society needs in terms of musical genius etc. - I would hope that genius would out and can out in those who are perfectly socialised, without requiring an artificial or restricted environment. Surely genius doesn't have to come at a price?

I think you find it probably does come at price..

PS Dont claim to have a genius or be one myself of cause :)

Often it does, but it shouldn't have to and as a parent perhaps one should do one's best to limit the downside.

Anyhow, assume for a moment that jabed has a DS who is merely very bright, falling short of genius - I'd say the same things were important to leaven his life.

What a strange idea that you can't 've friends with people from different social backgrounds. I gave good friends who grew up in council houses and live on benefits now and good friends who went to Eton Winchester etc. Neither group reflecting my childhood btw.

Also have friends with no qualifications and some with professorships. Have some friends living near the breadline and some earning millions each year (again neither being my experience).

People are just people - unless you choose your friends on material worth there's no reason not to have friends from a varied social background.

There is nothing abnormal about being left handed, it isn't a handicap and is nothing like getting a child to socialise normally.

I would never send a DC to university early - they can't socialise with everyone else without fake ID. They could fill in the time with volunteering, going to a foreign country to learn a language, crew a tall ship - the list is endless. Anything to learn about life and mix with all sorts and all ages.

The list is list of activities for jabed's DS is huge too.

If my DC's ever considered themselves elite I think I would have failed as a mother. They are happy and confident but do not consider themselves superior to anyone else. DC1 is studying medicine and is proud to have done this without having to have his parents shell out several hundred thousand pounds for the privilege. He knows he achieved this through his own determination and hard work.

I am not against private schools and had our local comp been really rough I would have sent my DC's to a private school, but xenias view that you are failing your children by not working and not sending your DC's to private schools is completely wrong and self serving.

Same here saintlyjj- what they are like as a person matters- not where they came from.

I disagree that it is not necessary to learn to mix with all sorts of people at some point in your life. I think that is a self evident proposition. You don't necessarily have to sacrifice your child's education or put him in a situation where he is going to be genuinely unhappy or out of his depth in order to do this, but there is a happy medium somewhere between HE and occupying himself with a garden swing while living in a home where there seems to be a strong antipathy to the lower orders, and going to the local school and learning how to swear in technicolour.

If I were you I would send your DS to the Christian school and allow him to make up his own mind wrt Genesis vs. Darwin, etc. You and your DW can take up the academic slack as you see fit. This is what a lot pf parents do no matter where their children go to school. You can call it Tiger parenting or whatever other term you like, but sadly there is no such thing as a perfect school that will meet each and every one of a child's needs. A school that meets a child's social/emotional needs is rare and you have to take the good with the bad on balance most of the ups and downs in a school that is reasonably well run are not going to blight a childhood; that is the special preserve of parents for the most part. Be careful not to confuse 'not being needy of others' with shyness or social awkwardness. Sometimes a child will choose isolation as the lesser of two evils he may find it less of a stretch than dealing with others.

Since your village is apparently full of biters, kickers and children who swear like sailors, then you will have to look further afield for friends and company for your DS. I would leave no stone unturned in a quest to find some extracurricular activity where he would meet other children, even if that meant quite a bit of driving or abandonment of your own comfort zones - I gather you are not really 'joiners'. While you say he is happy to swing on his swing and do music, I think for some children it is important to be pushed a bit beyond their comfort zone and learn to develop social skills. Maybe it could be a good experience for you all.

Since you spend time in Canada each year, and since your DS will be 7 next summer, maybe finding him a good summer camp or two to attend there would be a good idea while you and your DW are on 'vacation'. Summer camps in N America can be a lovely outdoorsy group experience for many children.

(There is no such thing as feelings that are middle class. That sort of sentiment is called something else.)

InkyBinky I agree..

Another one entirely in agreement with saintly. But then I have absolutely no class insecurity or aspirations whatsoever. I much prefer merit.

I was a left handed, socially awkward child.

I have only felt the need to work at one of those...

However, it would seem that jabed's son is not socially awkward, as he easily picks up on playing with other children when the opportunity presents.

The idea that academic ability/musical ability and sporting prowess and enjoyment are generally mutually exclusive is far from my experience though, and it worries me that it comes from parents' schemata rather than the child themselves. As I said before, if DS's only experience of sport had been the usual diet of football, cricket, rugby, then he would have viewed himself as not sporty. He is though. And it's something else he loves to do. He just needed to find the right sport. Saying that, his friend's undoubtedly academically gifted brother is also an exceptional cricketer, so sometimes its even easier.

But Madonnasome parents love describing their child as a 'geek'. It becomes a form of vicarious self-flattery. So perhaps they cultivate that, denying normal, enjoyable, enriching, social opportunities in its wake.

I'm not against the term "elite" as the Olympics have demonstrated there are many athletes who are justifiably labelled "elite" but generally humans are only "elite" in one narrow field and just like the rest of us in all others walks of life.

What saintly said. Of course people tend to socialise with "like minded" people but, in my experience, that has little to do with money or class, and more to do with personality and morals.

Have been watching this thread with interest, but not much more to say that hasn't already been very clearly said. The choices seem clear to me:

1. Move into the catchment of a state school which meets your criteria and stay on the waiting list comes up;

1. Find a Prep that is acceptable to you;

1. Home Ed, but find an outlet for building a social network for your son.

All quite reasonable suggestions which have been put forward, all will be likely to have a similar outcome.

I think a bit of positive thinking wouldn't hurt here...

I once met what could only be described as bloody odd interesting bunch of HE all the DC's had IQs of at least 155+ and all had struggled in mainstream ed!! Most were weird as hell completely dysfunctional many were already attending university (all under 14) their mothers frequently described them as "geeks" I'm not sure it was "vicarious self flattery" they were just describing how their DCs actually were. Frankly I w most of the mums wished their children were "just normal".

I once met what could only be described as bloody odd interesting bunch of HE all the DC's had IQs of at least 155+ and all had struggled in mainstream ed!! Most were weird as hell completely dysfunctional many were already attending university (all under 14) their mothers frequently described them as "geeks" I'm not sure it was "vicarious self flattery" they were just describing how their DCs actually were. Frankly I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy and most of the mums wished their children were "just normal".

How very odd that people feel they should only socialise with their mirror image in terms of interests/class and money.

I don't know about others but there are too many facets of my personality and interests for that to be true. I have Mum friends. I have writer friends (who range from 22 to 78 and are from a plethora of backgrounds including an ex con/former drug addict). I have dog walking friends.

I begin lecturing in October and suspect I will make academic friends (not all of whom will be writers with children and dogs).

happy my friend's son is a genius. A proper no holds barred genius. It is her greatest wish that he could lead a normal happy life and she does everyhting in her power to facilitate that. It has not been an easy road.

Even DH and I are complete opposites!