Gifted and talented.

[jabed]

Its three O clock in the morning. I have a stinking headache which is why I am up and I would like to get contentious. Do you mind?

With no holds barred, my DS is by any definition gifted and talented. I am a fairly able kind of guy myself and DW is extremely gifted, so no prizes for guessing where he gets it.

The thing is, I have been pondering what I am going to do with him. We currently HE. This is because he is young- He is a late August born and would, were he at school he going into year 2 now. Many a couple of weeks younger would just be going into year 1.
He is gifted as I said, which is another reason for not putting him in school. he has a generally high IQ and academic giftedness and if SW is right he has musical talent.

I don?t want him accelerated. I don?t want him messed with. I want him to be what neither DW nor I were - a child with a childhood. My experience of the local school, which would have been our first choice (and was in fact where we sent him) for his primary years do not deserve him. The teachers cannot deal with gifted children. He does not deserve his peers in that school - disruptive and largely ill socialised with a large percentage at the other end of the spectrum to DS. But there is no other local school.

There is my own school which has a prep but they want to put him a year up.

So, what do you do in that situation? I am at a loss. I have looked at options and got bogged down. We have to make a decision before year 3 as I seriously believe he needs to be in formal education at some point there.

Just a general throw out to see what others would do with such a DS. I reserve the right to get toss potty if people get rude about my DS or my feelings about being middle class etc.
This is my DS not an abstract. Thanks

Forgot the end of the sentence -on his own.

jabed it seems to me that you and your DW are quite insular and negative, and that you're bringing your DS up in an insular negative manner. You and your DW sound a bit frightened of the world and have retreated into your safety net.

That's your perogative. And it's how you (as an older man) like it.

But please don't try to delude yourself that this is a good thing for your son. I think in your heart of hearts you know it's not or you wouldn't be here trying to gauge what other parents do and think.

Childhood is for exploration and curiosity. Trying new things. Spreading your wings. Learning to engage with the world as it is (which is frankly magnificent not terrifying in the least).

But I think deep down you know this, but you and your DW are to set in your ways to make the necessary changes.

And please be reassured that children are perfectly safe and well looked after in the scouting movement. Things may have been different 50 years ago, I don't know. But you can have confidence in them now.

Wordfactory- another fantastic post.

personally, I would not like my children to join scouts as there is something sinister about the whole thing. Something military-like.

My views are also coloured by my brother having a horrible time with the scouts when he got sick during a scout camp, but had to "man up" and still do a long walk until he fainted and had to be taken to hospital...

I am sure Jabed has his own reasons for not wanting to get involved.

Anyway, Jabed, you don't want a lonely child, provisions need to me made for him to be able to find out about friendship, proper friendship not just playing with a son or daughter of your parents' friends, but finding a friend that you have chosen. That is the great thing about school or organised activity.

Thank you seeker.

I just think that there's far too much negativity surrounding young people today. When so many of them are just glorious.

I was on the train to London last night when six girls got on celebrating their GCSEs (btw I hope your DD got on well). All floral DM boots and crazy hair. And they were magnificent. Articulate, funny, non conformist, out on the razz in town, yet still full of plans for the future. The antithesis of TOWIE culture.

There's a difference between the attitudes adopted by Beavers (mainly run by women and lots of party games); Cubs (fun, active, but it doesn't really matter if you are not very well co-ordinated, or awkward, there's still a large element of trying to make it fun and not push the unable or unwilling); and Scouts (you really ought to know what you've let yourself in for by now, so anyone who just joined the organisation for fun should probably leave...). It's harder these days, also, for scouts to tell someone to man up when the organisation is open to girls and women.

I don't think jabed understands the difference between rigidly controlling his son's environment and protecting him from harm.

I think that wordfactory has great posts.

The crux of the OP seemed to me to be :
I don?t want him accelerated. I don?t want him messed with. I want him to be what neither DW nor I were - a child with a childhood

And yet you are rejecting all suggestions. Are you sure that DW even wants the above? She seems to be the driving force and you go along with it. If you were both 'children without a childhood'-do you even know how to provide one?

Your overriding concern seems to be to protect from outside influences -both adults and children-and not let him do anything that isn't directly overseen by you.

I was in a similar situation as a widow with a 5 yr old DS and lots of older relatives and no younger ones. It was really hard work to make sure that had the normal rough and tumble of childhood-the sort of friendly squabbling (or even unfriendly) that siblings provide. Benign neglect was certainly difficult when there were only the 2 of of us.

It's harder these days, also, for scouts to tell someone to man up when the organisation is open to girls and women.

I think it is one place where they don't say this these days.

Well done her-great results!

Actually, the girls in our troop take great delight in telling the boys to "man up!"

They would however be most sympathetic if they were unwell.

DS1 has had to be taken to A & E twice by scout leaders and they were great both times.

It's all very well to decide for yourself that you don't want to mix with large sections of society, but to shelter your child from the majority of society, so that they rarely if ever come into contact, risks creating children scared of the outside world, because it gives them the impression that it is clearly such an awful place that they have to be protected from it.

Jabed is not going to send the child to school.
He is not going to make any effort to help him socialise.
All his friends who are like him and like him think it's fine.
He is not going to stop fearing and despising the world at large.

One wonders why he asked.

(also, laughing a bit at 'having lived through two recessions': I think we all have, haven't we?)

seeker that is great news about your DD.

I was actually quite giddy myself with excitement yesterday for the girls at DD's school.

Some of us Cub leaders are Bikers, middle class ones though we don't look it, you can tell by the way we talk

My DS2 is G&T, surprise, surprise, and has only come into his own since getting into the local Grammar - he was continuously bullied in yrs5&6 which spilled over when he went up to Scouts, much to my disgust. He stuck it for a year but quit after a disastrous camp in the Spring, there were no problems in Beavers and Cubs, he loved it and socialised well. The main reasons are that he is a brain not a sportsman, apparently you can't be both bollocks and the big one, he doesn't suffer fools and would contradict their stupid comments, rather than walk away. As he gets older I hope he learns to keep his mouth shut, I did, though sometimes it slips open. Jabed you would be wise to keep counsel around your son because they pick up their parents thoughts, ideas and habits, if you want him to be able to interact socially as a teenager and an adult he may need to temper the urge to sneer. I'm struggling to break my 12yo of that habit now. As parents we aren't always correct, all we can do is try our best.

God that sounds so smug, feeling the urge to puke now.

jabed - I dont understand the reason for the OP.
What were you trying to achieve?
I would never ask for an advise about something as fundamental as how to school my child. I know better then anyone else :).
Did you want reassurance? Or just to tell the world how gifted your DS is?
You need to figure out yourself how far/long you can HE your DS.
Some people are very succesful at it. I couldn't/wouldn't do it personally, but then I am not you.
Start your own school with excellent music facilities and all teachers with Oxbridge background and not much sport/noise - I will apply to your school :)

Jabed,

It sounds to me as if your way forward is pretty clear.

• Continue to HE for the moment.

• Possibly look out for social opportunities over a slightly larger radius, perhaps connected with music e.g. County youth ensembles (DS does one of these) / Saturday schools (county music centres often run these, as well as the ones run by - possibly very distant but I don't know where you live - well-known music schools). Googling your county + county music should bring something up. For example - choosing a random example - doing that search for lancashire brings up www.lancsngfl.ac.uk/curriculum/music/

• Bear in mind that it is the norm now, in many parts of England, for social events for young children to be, to an extent, organised for them. In Canada, where you are at the moment, it may still be more of a 'knocking on doors' type culture. If you do find suitable localish companionship for your son through music groups or the riding stables, there may be an 'expected etiquette' for your DW to make a move to organise a time to play. Just sitting indoors and waiting for someone to call may not work.

• Wait for a place to arise in your school in the correct year as DS gets a bit older, and pounce on it when it does. You are, after all, in a perfect position to know when a place may become available.

• If such a place does not arise, aim to organise HE such that it will give your son all the skills he needs - socially and in all areas of the curriculum - at the age when you expect him to join Canadian education. Being there for so much of each year, it should be fairly straightforward to find and organise many of the experiences - such as camps etc as he gets older - that other youngsters in that system will be expected to have had.

"Having lived through two tough recessions. However I have always had a job and at my age, thats been fairly good going. I may not have achieved much (written the odd book and a few articles. Done a bit of research, even been on TV and radio a few times but then its been mostly what I have wanted. Media is not for me. I am a quiet guy,"
This has got to be a piss take? We have this nutter living in our town this is exactly the sort of thing he has done in the past on a more local scale next time I see him I'll ask him if he's Jabed?
Is there a prat smiley??

Moving on from scouts but sticking with outdoors/socialising, Jabed you might like to look into the junior arm of the Wildlife Trust. Lots of den making, mud, pond dipping, mini beasts indentification, bat walk etc. Each meeting is different and the ages in our group range from 4-14. A parent accompanies younger DC but kids hare off and parents dawdle or find a spot out of the wind !

Ooh yes. Good idea. DS used to be a member. Mine are also members of the children's club at one of the museums in town. Lots going on there, and the giving away of pushy middle class parents and their offspring. Me included of course

I've had enough of this thread. Not because of the excellent pieces of advice but because it's wasted on jabed. He seems to have every reason under the sun not to implement the ideas suggested. When it comes to our children, then very little is impossible. I've moved house, travelled great distances, sent them to various activities against their will because in a short time they did start to enjoy it, spent beyond my means at times. I'm not saying move house or spend beyond your means but you are home eding and there is no reason you can't travel to meet others. Make your son try activities for a term instead of saying he has no interest. There are lots of things I have no interest in but I might discover I love it once I start!

Absolutely, and even at 8 a child is vulnerable.

An 18 year old who has always had friends etc approved by parents is vulnerable as well. IMO growing up needs to be a gradual process of letting go - even from an early age. The first stage is just letting children choose their own friends from a group (I'm thinking before that children tend to get forced to play with whoever we as parents are friendly with). Then generally during the junior years in the UK (earlier in places like France) starting short residential trips etc.

If you genuinely want your son to have a relaxed child like childhood at some stage you are going to have to expose him to a group of children and let him choose his friendships without approval from you.

Re the horse riding. Do they have a tots club or something like that? DS3 initially started with half hour lessons watched by me (limited interaction with other kids) then, once he found it included free cake, moved onto 2 hours of tots club - a mix of riding and stable management with me nowhere in sight with a small group of other under 8's. Had he continued riding he would have progressed onto pony club and been left unsupervised by me for half a day/a whole day.

Another thought - one which was very helpful to me as a child and which I looked into for DS - have you been in touch with NAGC?

They run clubs and other events for gifted children and their siblings, and have branches in different places:

www.nagcbritain.org.uk/about.php?id=28&page=127