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Original poster

Parents from private schools

893 replies

freakazoidroid · 15/12/2011 08:57

We are considering private school for our dd. She is already at the nursery of the school we like and is due to start in reception in sept.
What I am worried about is the community of a private school. If she went to our local primary it would be more like that.
Can anyone please say what their experiences are? Have you made good friends with other parents and socialise with them?
Also we are not loaded and do not have a massive house and lots of nice holidays. In fact holidays would not occur much if we go private.
Will this hinder my dd at school as she gets older with her friends, will they pick on her for not having the lifestyle?
Thanks!

OP posts:
belledechocchipcookie · 16/12/2011 00:18

Send them to the the local secondary school. By choosing a grammar you're 'selecting' an alternative education. People who move house to get their children into a better catchment also do this, as do people who quickly become a catholic so their child can go to a catholic school. Some parents select to send their child to a private school, it doesn't make them the spawn of satan.

JordanBaker · 16/12/2011 00:21

Acknowledge that many of us are forced to make choices that in an ideal world we wouldn't make? Understand that because we make those choices it doesn't make us bad, uncaring people? Keep your opinions to yourself on threads started by people that are struggling with the same issues that you face, albeit in a different guise? I dunno Seeker, what do you think?

JordanBaker · 16/12/2011 00:23

Home educate?

belledechocchipcookie · 16/12/2011 00:32

Even that's a choice Jordan Wink The only way to have no choice is to not bother filling the form in and then send your child to the school which the LEA has allocated to them. I can't see many parents doing this though.

JordanBaker · 16/12/2011 00:40

Belle you are right of course about HE not being a choice open to everyone. I didn't think of that because I define poverty as not being able to afford a foreign holiday Grin

belledechocchipcookie · 16/12/2011 00:42

A foreign holiday? What's one of those Confused

JordanBaker · 16/12/2011 00:45

It's where you go in your private jet after the Bentley's dropped you off at the airport.

RealLifeIsForWimps · 16/12/2011 00:47

I am opposed to selective education. I live in an area where there are only selective schools. What should I do?

If it's that much of an issue for you, and it seems as though it is, because your input on a private education thread is as predictable as Xenia's on a WOHM vs SAHM thread, then live up to your principles and move. Otherwise, accept that all you're doing is what other parents do who also choose a school that is not open to many children. It's fine to secretly hate private education, but you must admit that to be quite so strident when you're appealing on behalf of your son is likely to draw cries of "hypocrite". If you feel this strongly, it's likely that you'd also drop your principles if you lived somewhere where the only comp was the one no-one wants their kids to go to. Of course, by choosing to live where you do, you'll never have to prove this.

Someone said "Any man can fight for his principles, but it takes a great man to live up to them" Wise words.

belledechocchipcookie · 16/12/2011 00:47

Oh, right. I don't think there's any of those at ds's school. Sad

JordanBaker · 16/12/2011 00:54

What RealLife said.

And Belle, I'm sure you have got some at DS's school, you probably just can't see them for the beaten up Volvos Grin

belledechocchipcookie · 16/12/2011 01:00
Grin
FellatioNelson · 16/12/2011 06:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nursenic · 16/12/2011 06:16

All depends upon the school.

More worryingly are the amount of private schools that seem to exist as income generating machines and actually show little difference in their academic results than local state schools.

We have several like that in our local area and I had to laugh at the amount of money the parents are paying when the A level and GCSE results came out. The Two local state Upper schools had better results.

Choose your school carefully with that in mind.

FellatioNelson · 16/12/2011 06:30

What do you mean by state upper schools though? Are those schools in any way selective? Because whilst our (very highly selective) state grammars get 100% five A-C grades without batting an eyelid, and in fact they get around 98-99% of pupils coming out with long strings of around 10 or 12 A and A*, even the other good state schools are way, way behind that.

Our independent school was a non-selective one and it was streets ahead of all the non-selective state school results, and that is taking into account that there were plenty of very bright children in the non-selective state schools as well, and a fair few children with SENs at our private school.

nursenic · 16/12/2011 06:42

No- my local state upper schools are not selective. if you live in the catchment, you go. And it's a mid sized county town. We have 3 upper schools. All have excellent results. One is RC but I know quite a few of the pupils are not RC. Depends upon population.

The middle schools are threatened but all are very good, several are excellent. We are in the South.

kipperandtiger · 16/12/2011 06:45

Yes, there are children at private schools whose parents are not well off. I didn't find the parents of children at state schools more community minded just because they lived in a local area; many were very insular because they already had their own cliques and friends. It all depends on individual people. We've met parents at school (private, because we couldn't get a local school place due to population expansion that the council didn't anticipate) who have arranged play dates despite living far away - meeting at a play area or sports ground in between both homes.

nursenic · 16/12/2011 06:46

In fact, the most well known local private school, despite it having a sixth form sees quite a few pupils returning to the local state sixth forms because they are very good.

We have a social mix in the town-areas of deprivation, not so deprived and everything else too. There is no selection at all. I have not heard of anybody not 'getting in'-it is not like London although not that far away which is why they are moving here in droves and why I did too.

Drives local PS parents nuts...

kipperandtiger · 16/12/2011 06:59

OP, just to say it all depends on the school. We went to look at lots of different state and private schools just to get a reception place- one way of checking out the private school was to attend the toddler group they run (lots of schools do this, although some don't). One school was full of mums who talked a certain way, only bought clothes of certain labels, talked about their pricey hobbies and holidays, nannies, etc....I don't think they were being snobbish, that's just the only thing they knew. Our school has families from all sorts of different jobs and backgrounds, from catering to farming to banking, it's a nice mix....and nobody's ever talked about a foreign holiday once!

nursenic · 16/12/2011 07:07

Kipperandtiger-

So right. My Ds went to a local PS nursery albeit 15 years ago. He came home one day to say he'd been playing 'on' the tractor. Upon questioning, I discovered that the Headmaster had embarked upon extensive building works but had not secured the site. My 3 yr old son and his friend, attracted by the piles of sand everywhere had spent a merry 20 minutes climbing all over a Bobcat and a small tractor.....which had the keys left in the ignition....(information gained by questioning nursery staff).

Health and Safety left a lot to be desired. And yes, I know all schools cannot be judged by that one. But I took DS out very swiftly. And this was considered a very good school and nursery with long waiting lists.

ElaineReese · 16/12/2011 07:16

I don't see why it's so difficult to understand that at private school there are

Children whose families struggle to find the fees
Children whose families can afford the fees easily
Some children who get a discount on the fees, the rest of which their families can pay
A very, VERY few children on full scholarships or bursaries.

Therefore the poorest it gets is 'struggles to find fees', unless you are very very clever and have found a 100% scholarship.

Not sure how SWC's point that her son is at private school and it is good is particularly contradictory of that, really.

Anyway - as I say - life's unfair, do what you want, but do not pretend that there are all sorts at private school. There are not.

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 16/12/2011 07:20

Are you an expert on all the private schools in the country, Elaine?

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 16/12/2011 07:23

"I live in an area where there are only selective schools"

So, all the schools in your area are grammar schools? There are no schools at all for those who do not take or do not pass the 11+?

FellatioNelson · 16/12/2011 07:30

There are all sorts Elaine, just not in equal measure! But if a child from a background officially recognised as 'disadvantaged' is there, they are there because they have a reasonably strong ability in something or other, be it academia or sport or music.

JordanBaker · 16/12/2011 07:47

Elaine, I'm not an expert on every private school in the country but know a fair amount about bursary funds in private schools in London. I'll spell it out again. At my DD's school (around 800 pupils), which is by no means unusual

  • Over 100 are on bursaries
  • The average fee remission for those on bursaries is over 80%
  • Between 50 and 60 are on full bursaries so pay no fees at all

So the poorest it gets is not 'struggles to find fees' it's 'can only pay a fraction of the fees and in many cases can pay none at all'.

ElaineReese · 16/12/2011 08:13

But if a child from a background officially recognised as 'disadvantaged' is there, they are there because they have a reasonably strong ability in something or other, be it academia or sport or music.

Exactly.

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