Parents from private schools

[freakazoidroid]

We are considering private school for our dd. She is already at the nursery of the school we like and is due to start in reception in sept.
What I am worried about is the community of a private school. If she went to our local primary it would be more like that.
Can anyone please say what their experiences are? Have you made good friends with other parents and socialise with them?
Also we are not loaded and do not have a massive house and lots of nice holidays. In fact holidays would not occur much if we go private.
Will this hinder my dd at school as she gets older with her friends, will they pick on her for not having the lifestyle?
Thanks!

ElaineRees - no one has said that being on an income of 'less' than £38k is disadvantaged (althoguh of course that entirely depends on how much 'less' "we" are talking about)

'several' children at my child's school are significantly disadvantaged. obviously I do not know their exact incomes. but as a percentage of the school? easily 30%. I would say that is a significant proportion myself. and certainly more than would be found at the state school at the end of mt road.

Seeker:"He will be fine- he is a grounded and resilient person who will be going to a good school with many of his friends. The system has denied him the opportunity to study 3 sciences, music or more than one language because those delights are reserved for the grammar school or to be in a class with more than a few children at his academic level, but he will survive!"

MrsJAlfredPrufrock: "The basis of your appeal to the grammar school is that you feel too middle-class and superior for the other school."

Does not compute.

Seeker - The grammar selects on the basis of the 11+ not on SATs levels or the opinion of middle class parents. And certainly not on the basis of some trumped up Ed Psych report (not sure that applies to you butl lots of middle class failures go that route) that costs a lot of money and so are not accessible to poorer appelants. I imagine the working classes don't appeal.

'"I doubt there's even one family at my children's state primary ( non faith, non selective) whose household income is less than £38,750."

You all must live in a very different, alternative universe to me, where very different definitions of poverty pertain.'

But, Seeker, that's the cut off for any help with fees and that is earned and unearned income (i.e. benefits or assets).

To get a full bursary you have to have a household income (earned and unearned) of less than £18,500. That is a low income for a family by anyone's standards especially if some of that is coming from benefits.

What is wrong with opting for a private school if that environment is right for your child and you can afford it / are prepared to go through the bursary route?

I know someone (a working class person, to boot. A working class MN-er, even!) who has successfully appealed against an uncharacteristically low 11+ score. The Heads statement was needed - which the Head gladly gave, various evidence form the school, and no Ed Psych report, whether 'trumped up' or paid for.
(Do health professionals supply 'trumped up' written statements?)

What is the appeals process for if not for parents to use?

And the appeal panel will make up it's own independent objective mind. It's not up to a group of people on a website who don't like Seeker to decide whether the appeal should be upheld or not, or try and harrass her out of employing a perfectly normal part of the application process.

If you do all have such a hatred of Seeker's much mentioned / alleged habit of commenting on private ed threads, and see it as rude and harrassing, don't you find it a bit demeaning to indulge in the same behaviour, as a group? And to focus it on a specific circumstance about an individual child?

It seems to me that the situation with Seeker's son whatever it is and whoever brought it up is completely irrelevant to this thread.

It looks like people have turned against her because of her antagonistic posts on this thread (and others?). I don't know. Don't remember seeing her posts before although I probably have.

Perhaps people should move on???

It does seem a bit odd to join a thread like this which is addressed to parents of children at private schools to make a rather crass generalisation about private schools and not expect a bit of flak.

Blu - Fair comment. I think the appeal is a reasonable course of action. It's only unreasonable given the appelant's views on the middle classes stealing a march on the less fortunate. I know of two people who've appealed grammar school places on grounds of non-qual. One appelant had two ed psych reports done. Neither report showed anything supportive to the appeal (the reverse in fact) so the reports weren't revealed at all to the panel. That seems morally wrong to me.

fivecandles - an opening post of "Depends on the school. Sorry, that's no help really.

Do consider local friend's too- if your local primary school has q good community with lots of children playing out and so on, your dd might find it hard to be one of that group if she doesn't go to school with them. And her private school friends will probably come from further afield, so you'll hqve to b more involved in organising her social life."

And then saying that the children of poor people will largely be absent is hardly a 'crass generalisation.'. A generalisation, maybe, but 'crass'? And Seeker's first post was pointing out that it is impossible to give anything other than a generalised answer without knowing the school!

Seeker may or may not be aggravating with her views on private ed in principle, but whatever your posts, Jajas, plenty of people have made posts about Seekers child and suppositions about the appeal etc.

If you are happy to carry this on, the lot of you, so be it.
I hope it makes you feel better.
But it isn't a good look.

MrsJAP - oh, I have no doubt that there are all sorts of shenanigans and attempts to get in to grammar schools, as there are to get into out of catchment etc. And it doesn't reflect well on those who do it...except that so many people seem to think that 'doing the best by your child' warrants a 'by any means necessary' approach.

I also agree with Seeker, and possibly you, that mc parents use the system like crazy, tutor from the year dot, thereby sabotaging the effect of grammars being the ladder to social mobilkity.And are often unneccessarily hung up on the competitive frenzy to get into a grammar anyway where perfectly good comps with effective streaming are a perfectly good option. m/c parents are like ducks comeptitive feeding, sometimes. (and I am a m/c parent)

But I really don't get from Seeker's case that this is her reason.

Did the appeal you cite succeeed?

'"There are all sorts of parents at my childrens private school "

Except poor ones, obviously!'

Yes, sorry, as a second post this one IS a crass generalisation which at best was ill advised on a thread addressed to the parents of kids at private school (of whose circumstances she knows nothing.

However, I have no axe to grind one way or another. It's all a distraction from the OP and I personally find it a bit depressing that the OP felt the need to repeat the question again even more explicitly addressing the parents of children at private school in order to get a more relevant response.

well, to be fair, there were PLENTY of helpful, informative responses from private school parents before the rowing started, and after the post about 'except poor ones' (which I still maintain was a generalisation rather than a 'crass' generalisation) most of the derailment and rowing was because someone Jordan brough Seeker's DS's particulars into the whole thing. So YOu can hardly blame Seeker for that.

Oh hang on - let's not make ourselves dizzy.

I'm off, anyway. I think the thread is shoddy in the degree of unpleasant ganging up on one individual, I can't change my opinion of that, and there are so many individuals claiming thier own particular 'justification' for joining in that me giving my perspctive just bumps the bullying fest. I have nothing extra to say.

Happy Christmas!

Blu - both succeeded.

And just to clarify - no tutoring and no educational psychologist in our case. But I assume that shortly it will be claimed that I tutored him from year 1 and hired 3 educational psychologists- bribing them until I got the result i wanted.

(as door closing - tell me to go and do christmas shopping, please) well, Mrs JAPrufrock, yes, I agree that it is morally wrong to persist in an appeal when the evidence was counter to the case, and then to accept a place under false pretences. And not fair on the child, either.
Hopefully the appeal panel in Seeker's case will be fair, perceptive, experienced and capable of making the right objective decision whatever it may be.

Well, regardless of whose fault it was, this thread turned into one entirely about Seeker and the OP had to set up another one. And whether or not you're on her side it's continuing in that vein. I'm not interested. I'm off.

seeker - I'm very sorry if you feel harangued. I hope things work out well for you and your son at the appeal.

Heeker is only harangued because she keeps coming back to draw attention to defend herself.

The thread would have died out long ago otherwise.

But why won't all these people I have offended and upset in the past tell me about it? I have even offered a donation to charity for examples and none have been forthcoming.

I guess we can't be bothered.

It would be noble of you if you tried to see and correct where you went wrong for yourself.

I'm quite sure I get up people's noses. I have strong beliefs and express them. But there is a difference between that and upsetting people. I am never deliberately rude and never personal. It seems perfectly reasonable to want examples. I don't see why I should accept criticism if it's the juvenile "I'm not telling you" kind.