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Education

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Parents from private schools

893 replies

freakazoidroid · 15/12/2011 08:57

We are considering private school for our dd. She is already at the nursery of the school we like and is due to start in reception in sept.
What I am worried about is the community of a private school. If she went to our local primary it would be more like that.
Can anyone please say what their experiences are? Have you made good friends with other parents and socialise with them?
Also we are not loaded and do not have a massive house and lots of nice holidays. In fact holidays would not occur much if we go private.
Will this hinder my dd at school as she gets older with her friends, will they pick on her for not having the lifestyle?
Thanks!

OP posts:
MrsJAlfredPrufrock · 19/12/2011 14:48

I don't think anyone actually minds what Seeker does, or doesn't do. Lots of people on this thread have been in her shoes or a pair not dissimilar and will feel her pain. It's just a shame she's so unyielding when others find themselves in similarly unsettling circumstances when life doesn't go to As the Beatles song goes: "life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans"

FellatioNelson · 19/12/2011 15:00

There are always children who pass the 11+ by fluke, or by excessive coaching, which eases up once they have gained the allimportant place. They will flounder after the first year.

There will always be children who were a very close thing, or who just had a bad day on the day, or are perhaps very stron in one discipline but not quite strong enough in another. They will go to the sec. mod and prove after the first year that they should really be at the grammar school as they are outperforming their peers in the top set comfortably.

There will be some shuffling as people who cannot cope bail out (or are politely and diploamtically booted out) of grammar school and some of the more able sec. mod pupils get a chance to sit the 13+.

Seeker should perhaps accept that her son may need another year or so to work on certain things and that if a grammar place is right for him it will be forthcoming eventually, by way of the 13+.

seeker · 19/12/2011 15:05
  1. There are no comprehensives in the bit if Kent we live in, just grammar schools and high schools.
  1. I am perfectly happy for him to go to the high school. The grammar would be a better fit, but I have said all along that I am happy for him to go to the high school.
  1. I am going to ignore all the childish stuff about my genius pfb being all alone- I did not say anything of the sort, and the posters dancing around me pointing fingers know perfectly well I didn't.
  1. I stand by my offer of £10 to a charity of choice to the person who can find an example of where I have been rude when nobody has been rude to me first.
  1. If I made someone cry I am sorry- tell me what I did and I will apologise in more specific terms.
  1. Nobody has yet been able to tell me what I should do about the education of my children living where I do without being "hypocritical". Both HE and independent schooling are not options. Are people saying that because I am forced by circumstances to use a system I am therefore not allowed to criticise it?
wordfactory · 19/12/2011 15:13

seeker I think you should do exactly as you are doing. IE trying to get your son into the best school for him.

It is what the vast vast majority of people would do. As I sadi upthread we don't live in a perfect world.

However, once one has conceded that an imperfect world breeds imperfect responses, one should have the good grace not to chastise others for making similarly imperfect decisions.

Many moons ago I told you that in my area far more than 26% go private. Another sizable minority go to out f county GS. Another tranche go to faith schools. Then we have the largest thriving community fo HErs in the country. The upshot is that the bog standard state schools around here are so far from being comprehensive as you can imagine. You told me that I was simply making excuses.

diabolo · 19/12/2011 15:38

Hope this link works seeker

I posted this under my old name of MenorcaFan - Page 3 middle / bottom.

I state that my DS's old state primary banned running in the playground and ball games. You come along and say that you don't believe me and that you are sure schools don't do that - thereby calling me a liar.

I find that rude, and I wasn't rude to you first, so £10 to CLIC Sargeant please.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/primary/1062255-Differences-nobody-tells-you-about-between-state-and-private-schools?pg=3

FrothingBeserker · 19/12/2011 15:39

seeker, you should do as a lot of the parents you have criticised over the years do - as much as you can, within your circumstances, to ensure that your children get into the school which suit them best.

maybe what you should do in general terms is stop scoffing at everyone who says 'the local state school is not a good fit for my child' - it is not always about Daily Mail style sink school horrors (although, as one poster has pointed out - this is the reality of her local state school), but often about similar concerns to yours - not the right subjects offered, not the right extra curricular activities.

As I said earlier, both my children are in private schools. The local state school would not work for either of them. There are children at both the schools I use who are far from rich (and I am not talking about 'battered old volvos') and in some cases not even approaching comfortable, tbh. I was also a poor child at a private school. and yes, I do mean poor - not 'oh, cut back on holidays and it'll be ok' poor, but proper, not actually having enough food to eat and only 2 changes of clothing poor. and I was not the only one there.

Maybe listening occasionally to posters experiences, and actually trying to process that information instead of always sitting back and scoffing about the non-diversity of private schools, or how posters who use them simply do not understand relative incomes etc would stand you in better stead.

amerryscot · 19/12/2011 15:49

I think Kent is being misrepresented here.

From my understanding, it is quite typical not to sit the 11+ and opt for the secondary school.

I have a friend in Kent who has done just that. She has three very bright boys, the two eldest have gone to grammar school, but it has not been the nirvana it promised to be (bullying, lack of pastoral care, smugness). For that reason, she opted to bypass the 11+ for her equally bright youngest child and just head for the secondary. There are enough other families doing likewise. She is in an urban part of Kent where distance to school doesn't really factor in.

Now, it is not the same in places like Buckinghamshire, where everyone sits the 11+.

I imagine the secondary moderns in Kent are not that different from my local secondary school. A large proportion of high achievers are creamed off to distant grammar schools (10 miles to the East and West), a few creative applications to 'outstanding' comps, then people like us going independent. Before the advent of 4xGCSE Btecs, this school was getting 30% 5A-C. Not for my children when there is an alternative.

amerryscot · 19/12/2011 15:55

It was pretty rude to join this thread when it was clearly for private school parents.

You have choices wrt your son. You can pursue this appeal, send him independent, take up your secondary place - each choice is valid and reasonable.

However, it would be nice to have an apology from you for the four years (ISTR you joining mumsnet when your DD was in first year) of snideness, condescension, mockery.

We all change as we gain experience of life. I know I have. I cringe when I look back 10 or 15 years. I am hope I am bold enough to say when I was wrong. I would hope you would be too.

seeker · 19/12/2011 15:58

Diabolo, I have read that thread. You said non running was allowed. I said I didn't believe that. You then said no running on hard standing. Which is not the same as no running at all. I don't think that was rude. Do you, in hindsight?

amerryscot · 19/12/2011 15:59

I would stop here, h..h...heeker. You really don't want us to resurrect old threads. Honest. I've already had a look and it is not pretty reading.

diabolo · 19/12/2011 16:01

I might have known........

Yes. I do think you are rude. I don't need the benefit of hindsight for that one.

CecilyP · 19/12/2011 16:57

How is that rude?

MenorcaFan said, 'running was not allowed at his old school'

Seeker said, 'I just don't believe there are schools anywhere where children are not allowed to run.'

MenorcaFan qualified with, 'I am not making it up. No running was allowed on hard playground surfaces.'

Unless MenorcaFan's DS's old school playground was made up entirely of hard surfaces, then running was allowed at his old school. If the playground was made up entirely of hard surfaces, please accept my apologies for also being sceptical.

seeker · 19/12/2011 17:07

Amerryscot - bring out your bears. And ponder on the names you'd call me if I went independent!

Diabolo-if the next two people who comment on those posts agree that I was rude, I'll happily donate. Actually I'll donate anyway, it's a great charity.

Andnit wasn't me who derailed this thread!!!!!

Blu · 19/12/2011 17:08

Doesn't look rude to me!

seeker · 19/12/2011 17:09

" I am hope I am bold enough to say when I was wrong. I would hope you would be too."

Oh good. Then you'll be saying you're wrong for the unpleasant personal attacks you've littered this thread with, then?

Blu · 19/12/2011 17:10

And I am notoriously polite and, apparantly, 'sensible'.

amerryscot · 19/12/2011 17:10

If you chose an independent, I would say that you seeked and found.

seeker · 19/12/2011 17:17

You really have no idea how to conduct any form of discussion, do you, amerryscot? Or maybe you do but just think everyone on here is so far beneath you that you can't be bothered? If that's the case, what on earth are you doing here?

ElaineReese · 19/12/2011 17:19

sought.

Everlong · 19/12/2011 17:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mmmnotsure · 19/12/2011 17:41

Not all users of the state system have the high moral ground.

I have neighbours whose children all go to grammar schools. They have been prepped for these since the age of 3 - private schools throughout which specialize in getting children into the local state grammars, including going into school during the holidays to practise exam papers etc.

The family could easily afford private schools, and in fact they had back-up places ready at good local independents. But they preferred to play the system. Therefore they stopped other children - who may have had less resources/less pushy parents - accessing this kind of education. I am sure this is by no means an unusual situation.

Using the private sector throughout the children's education, rather than just buying privilege to jump ahead of other 11 year olds, would actually be more decent. But perhaps these people can be dismissed because they have paid for (part of) their children's education?

What then, of our friends, who moved to a far more expensive house, so their children would be in the catchment area of the local outstanding primary school, and have had their oldest child tutored for the last three years (two more to go) with a view to getting her into the local grammar? They have paid for it just as much as the other family.

Many people, including many of the posters on this thread, use whatever advantages they can find to get their children the best education they can. If anyone has actually sacrificed their child's education by actively choosing to send them to a school which they know doesn't suit them best, specifically to support state education, for the good of the community or for future education reform in the country, that would be an interesting viewpoint. Otherwise everyone is probably pretty much in the same boat, and perhaps there should be a lot more acceptance of other people's decisions.

amerryscot · 19/12/2011 17:42

I was being poetic, Elaine :)

amerryscot · 19/12/2011 17:43

It takes one to know one, heeker.

seeker · 19/12/2011 17:48

"It's just tedious that every thread regarding private schools are sabotaged by people with their spiteful digs and comments. Very rude to the op.

Parents of private school children have questions, worries, concerns that they might like to discuss on here without abuse."

And if you notice, my original post on this thread was helpful and sensible. I did not derail this thread. The spiteful digs and comments, as far as I can see have been directed entirely at me!

amerryscot · 19/12/2011 17:50

You are a legend in your own mind, heeker. Helpful, pah!

Well, it helped turn the spotlight on you. Perhaps that was your intention after all.

Swipe left for the next trending thread