Parents from private schools

[freakazoidroid]

We are considering private school for our dd. She is already at the nursery of the school we like and is due to start in reception in sept.
What I am worried about is the community of a private school. If she went to our local primary it would be more like that.
Can anyone please say what their experiences are? Have you made good friends with other parents and socialise with them?
Also we are not loaded and do not have a massive house and lots of nice holidays. In fact holidays would not occur much if we go private.
Will this hinder my dd at school as she gets older with her friends, will they pick on her for not having the lifestyle?
Thanks!

I'd like them to have a reading list of seriously good books nothing to do with 'set' books about each they would have to have a 20 minute one-to- one discussion with a teacher. One book every month, pupil's choice from a list.

The mix in ds's year at private school is more mixed economically, culturally and socially than the equivalent at our local state school.

Personally I think it is easy to have strong views about private education if you haven't experienced the negative side of state education. I went to an extremely poor state school - I had to fight hard to get where I am today. My experience has led me to think that I cannot and will not rely on the state to provide a good education for my children - giving my child the opportunity of a good education is a number one priority and also is a matter of personal choice.

Incidentally to whoever said that poor children don't ever utilise private education. A very good friend of mine had a 100% scholarship - she was from a working class background in a poor part of the country. Her father was unemployed, her mother had a job in a factory.

I experienced the shit side of state ed in the 90s - had my mind changed through experience of it from 2001 onwards and realised how much has changed for the better in the intervening years.

Now, of course, things may change back again.

We are all the product of our experiences. I am really glad your experience has been positive. My experience was so bad I remain to be convinced that I should not exercise my right to try and do better for my dc than I had.

Same here teddy. Mine was dire, disruptive class, teachers leaving during GCSE's. I was placed in the easier group for some subjects, despite being very able, because there was not enough space in the class where the work was harder It was an old secondary modern so the subjects ranged from woodwork to child development (no grammar school). I wasn't prepared for A'levels at all and was told that I should be a nurse, if I was lucky. I wouldn't want my son to go through an education system like this.

DD is in a private school and there are a huge range of parents from self made multi-millionaires through to pop stars, nurses, teachers, doctors, solicitors university lecturers and some who have very low incomes but have made every sacrifice to put their children through school. We lie somewhere in the middle and have generally found everyone very friendly. There are people with second homes in Spain or Florida, flats in central London and also those who live in 1 bed flats and put education above a big mortgage.

Everyone is friendly, dd has been invited to lovely parties and meals everywhere from huge mansions to one bed flats and feel really comfortable inviting people into our own 3 bed house and previously our small 2 bed rented flat before we we able to move. There are usually nights out organised for parents by class reps a couple of times a year and the school organises a number of social events such as quiz nights which are well attended.

Soandsomummy - how do you "lie somewhere in the middle" of pop stars and nurses?

I don't think it's about private or state, I think it's about the individual school - and there are opportunities besides open days to get a "feel" of it, eg fundraising events like concerts or Christmas fairs where the public are invited to join in.
I remember now that my DN went to his local primary and was miserable there from Year 2 onwards, because it was a bit of a "survival of the fittest" sort of place - if you were shy, not great at sports (for a boy), not academically doing well, you got ignored and not many wanted to be your friend. Among the parents (ie mums), if you didn't belong to all the right groups, clubs and committees (of course that meant being an SAHM - not just that but the right "kind" of SAHM!) you were excluded and therefore your child would be too. His mum didn't join a lot of those clubs/committees - but it's a shame that a chld's welfare should be dependent on what his parent's hobbies are. Another friend's kids are happy there - but they are superconfident (there are 3 of them and they have each other) and yes, she belongs to all the right committees (though she is herself very nice).
At the end of the day you just pick the place which is the best fit for your child - if your child is starting to be unhappy there, that's an amber signal to take note of, I think. Not necessarily to leave (although sometimes that is the indeed the right decision) but to consider what to do to change things.

no, MY experience was shit, when I went to state. But NOW, for my kids, it's changed beyond all recognition. Don't judge the system by how it was a generation ago!

There are crap schools and brilliant schools and lots of OK schools. In both sectors.

It is very foolish to make any decisions about education based on experiences a generation ago. Both sectors have changed HUGELY since then.

Go and look. With an open mind.

Seeker - I think I said I would not rely on the state to provide a good education for my dc - this is not the same as saying I would not use a state school. In fact, where we live now there are some absolutely fantastic state schools, which if we were lucky enough to get in, we may well use at some point.

As you say, you need to look at how things are now - however, it would be foolish also to completely disregard the experiences you have had as you would not have a full picture.

By the way, I agree that there are good and bad in both sectors.

Mrsjalfredprufrock - all I can say is that the parents at DD's school lead a VERY interesting social life :).

Seriously I would think our income is a lot more than nurses but substantially less than pop stars. Ironically nurses do the most important job IMHO

Hmmm. I'm not so sure. My sons' independent school is very much like my old grammar school in terms of the type of education on offer, and the value of the advice on offer re A level choices. Its ethos is very similar too. I looked at one grammar a few years ago and I was shocked by how poor it was. For example, it offered some nonsense A level courses and it was clear some budding Oxbridgers (and those wanting to go to Durham, Bristol, Warwick, Edinburgh etc) were buying the line that these subjects would be OK. It seemed to me to be the ultimate deception. Not all A levels are equal.

Yes, there are good schools and crap schools in BOTH sectors.
So most parents look at what is available to them and do the best for their child and should not be judged for that.

If you have a great state school nearby then you are hardly faced with any kind of dilemma - that would be a no brainer wouldn't it.

That's why you have to look! Dd's grammar school doesn't offer any "studies" type A levels except theatre studies.

And I would sort of expect a 16 year old thinking of Oxbridge would have the nouse to check what A levels were appropriate, even if the school was giving crap advice.

As I keep saying- the plural of anecdote is not data.

"If you have a great state school nearby then you are hardly faced with any kind of dilemma - that would be a no brainer wouldn't it."

I know people both in RL and on here who wouldn't consider state education under any circumstances. There are threads on here about hideous experiences children are having schools but their parents won't consider moving them. Ditto state school, but people seem to be more willing to move an unhappy child to another state school

It depends on the school entirely. My 7 year old is at a private school where she's fine but I can think of a private school in our city where I would not like her to go because I don't like the ethos of the school.

We are not rich but tbh people don't advertise their financial circumstances much. There are one or two who have their own pony but not many.

I think a Grammar school offering Theatre Studies is shocking. It's rated by the Trinity List as being less difficult than Media Studies.

Seeker - You do come across as being a bit naive when it comes to education. Even exceptionally bright and motivated students find information difficult to access because what universities put out there is misleading (to put it kindly).

Interesting. Not what the admissions tutor at Oxford told my dd last week! She rang, you see, like a mature and intelligent 15 year old to discuss her a level choices.

And not even at a grammar school will everyone be trying want to be trying for a Russell Group university. Or even university at all.

I get told on here I'm lucky to live somewhere all the state schools are good and so I shouldn't judge - but there are still three apparantly thriving private schools where I live, so it would seem it doesn't matter how good the state schools are, there are some people who will turn their noses up whatever. Especially in areas where the Ofsted 'good' school takes in an area considered undesirable.

Well what do you expect an admissions tutor to say? They score the UCAS form and the student offering English Lit, French, History and Maths/chem/Latin/German/RS will score higher than someone offering Eng Lit, French, History and Theatre Studies. But that doesn't mean your daughter is disqualified from applying and isn't in with a chance.

Interesting about Theatre and Drama Studies. It's offered by both Tiffins, Colchester County High, Henrietta Barnett etc. I think it says more about a school's focus/limitations when they don't offer it at secondary level. e.g. Queen Elizabeth's Barnet.

Mine are sadly totally without that sort of talent, but I can see that Trinity would accept they're not the best place to go if you're going to spend your life in those fields. Some leavers would be better served by Art school or a conservatoire or a record contract, and Trinity would be a poor substutute for that sort of child.

So if you're a parent who has gone down the Oxbridge route for generations, and you spawn a child who is totally a performing arts soul, your world broadens/collapses when other options are more valid than the ones you're familiar with. For most of us, scrambling in mediocrity and moderation, we look towards the Russell Group/Oxbridge.