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Original poster

Parents from private schools

893 replies

freakazoidroid · 15/12/2011 08:57

We are considering private school for our dd. She is already at the nursery of the school we like and is due to start in reception in sept.
What I am worried about is the community of a private school. If she went to our local primary it would be more like that.
Can anyone please say what their experiences are? Have you made good friends with other parents and socialise with them?
Also we are not loaded and do not have a massive house and lots of nice holidays. In fact holidays would not occur much if we go private.
Will this hinder my dd at school as she gets older with her friends, will they pick on her for not having the lifestyle?
Thanks!

OP posts:
wordfactory · 16/12/2011 18:07

It was me that brought up Hackney. But not as an area where schools are poor but as an area where schools would have a very mixed pupil base (be that race, religion and class.)

My point was no one is trying to say your average private school is that diverse. Though come to htink of it mot state schools aren't either.

ElaineReese · 16/12/2011 18:11

So this inclusive private school would take indefinite amounts of pupils who could only pay £3.87 a week? And it would take them even if they were of low intelligence or had no obvious talents? I doubt it.

Private means private. Which means not open to everyone. Which I dislike as a way of educating the nation's young.

belledechocchipcookie · 16/12/2011 18:18

Grammar schools are selective though, as are popular catchment schools and faith schools. I only see threads moaning about private schools on mumsnet yet the others have their own ways of being selective. If someone's very poor their child has very little chance of getting into a popular school as the house prices are too high. If they are not catholic then their child's chances of getting into a catholic school are titchy.

pretendhousewife · 16/12/2011 18:20

Totally agree with Dunrovin.

I think the system is crazy yet we find endless reasons to justify it to ourselves and to each other. It drives people apart, communities apart to the point of social segregation, it does not do justice to all children who deserve an equal choice in life.

It's about time the government (any colour) dealt with this once and for all. We are driving too many children into feeling they have been left behind, or feeling that they have failed.

ElaineReese · 16/12/2011 18:25

Yes, but sadly Gove's aim seems to be to further and heighten that drive, rather than deal with it.

I also think it is a myth that you have to buy an expensive house to get into a 'good' school. Obviously there are places where that happens, but the majority of people live where they live, use the school there and get on with it.

It seems convenient for some people to think that if you're happy with your state school (or just if you use one), and anti private education, you MUST be a hypocrite at some level and have sneaked your way into an expensive catchment. Not so.

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 16/12/2011 18:25

Of course it won't take children of low intelligence any more than a grammar school would. It won't take rich thick kids either so money isn't the deciding factor (which is what everyone is bleating on about). They allocate £4m a year to bursaries. Naturally this only goes so far, you would have to be thick to think otherwise. I have no idea how many children receive what level of bursary because, here's the thing, they don't brand them with POOR on their forehead. The vast majority will fall in the middle, somewhere between Very Rich and full bursary. Apparently 46% are in receipt of a bursary though. Some of those will also have one more more scholarships.

Grammar schools are also, by your definition, private because they are not open to everyone. Schools where catchment is small and made up of properties with inflated prices are thus private. Faith schools are also private. Single sex schools are not open to everyone and thus are private.

ElaineReese · 16/12/2011 18:30

And I also disagree with all of those types of school, yes.

belledechocchipcookie · 16/12/2011 18:32

It's not a myth at all. House prices around the better schools are thousands more. If a parent is poor (as in living on the breadline) can they afford the bus fare even if their child does get a place?

I wouldn't say they are private, I'd say that they are selective DoesntChristmasDragOn (yes, it does!). The school system in the UK has been unfair for a very long time. If you have a very bright child they won't always thrive in a state school, in some places it's not cool to be bright and there's other challenges for these children, such as problems with social skills, which are hard to cater for if there's 30 children in a class.

pretendhousewife · 16/12/2011 18:35

The vast majority of the general public choose state schools because they don't know how to jump the hoops and find the loopholes to get their kids into selective and private schools. It's not right or fair and makes a mockery of equality.

There are plenty of models of inclusive and equal education around the world, we don't need this. We only have it because that's what the elite want and the aspirational fall for it.

ElaineReese · 16/12/2011 18:37

Well it is a myth that that is the only way you could be happy with a state school and anti-private, because I live in a small 3 bed roomed house in the only area we could afford at the time, sent them to the school for which we are in the catchment, and am very happy with it.

Blu · 16/12/2011 18:38

We live within the catchment of a popular, high-performing local comp in S London, and house prices are not higher than surrounding areas, in fact it is an enclave of relatively 'affordable' (in London terms) housing. And anyway, the majority of pupils who attend will live on council estates. It's popular with the whole local community. So is our second nearest comp.

MrsJAlfredPrufrock · 16/12/2011 18:40

Blu - Where is it?

ElaineReese · 16/12/2011 18:40

In fact where I live, some of the most expensive 'poshest' areas are in the catchments for schools which are scorned by many because they also take in less affluent areas - although they're still rated 'good' by ofsted.

There are plenty of excellent schools with dedicated staff in places where the housing is by no means more expensive.

belledechocchipcookie · 16/12/2011 18:42

You're lucky enough to have a good catchment school, there's a lot of families in the UK which don't. It's wrong to assume that everyone's in the same position as you. Here, have some Wine

ElaineReese · 16/12/2011 18:45

So can we acknowledge, then, that it is not the case that anyone anti-private bought a big house in a leafy suburb? And it's wrong to assume that they do.

ElaineReese · 16/12/2011 18:48

And the families who don't live in the area of a 'good' catchment school are usually the ones who can least afford to go private. So when those who live there but buy their way out of the system go private, this makes the reputation and experience at that school worse than it would have been.

belledechocchipcookie · 16/12/2011 18:48

People are anti-private for all sorts of reasons. I don't think it's appropriate for every private school thread to turn into a slanging match because of the choices we make for our children.

icancount · 16/12/2011 18:53

So what would your ideal school be?? In a perfect world I mean.

I would want
small class sizes
every pupil to maximise potential and be stretched,
boys to be active
healthy meals
respectful and highly disciplined
full subject curriculum taught by passionate teachers
before and after school options

These are things that are important to ME. Probably other people have different (not wrong) values

belledechocchipcookie · 16/12/2011 18:55

That all sounds great to me icancount, include a zero tollerance policy to bullying and I'm in.

diabolo · 16/12/2011 19:00

Thanks for the Linda Snell heads-up.

I work, so don't listen to the Archers.

Blu · 16/12/2011 19:03

MrsPrufrock - Streatham. (which explains the house prices Grin)

Jajas · 16/12/2011 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

icancount · 16/12/2011 19:07

Unfortunately, my local (good)state school school offers.....
30+ classes
"national average is where we want children to be"
"no playing on the school field" "no footballs allowed"
slop for dinner or mashed potatoes and pasta???!!
poor discipline and lots of attitude/ answering back
no teacher specific subject teaching
but we do get wrap-a-round care if we pay.

Makes me very very sad.
I have 1 in state and 1 in private. (at the moment)

icancount · 16/12/2011 19:10

interested to know what Elaine and seeker want from a 'perfect' school....

Blu · 16/12/2011 19:12

Elaine - I am often Hmm when I see MN threads on which people are wary of a local comp because of the demographic of the catchment. And plenty of people have shuddered at the idea of Streatham - saying that they prefer 'safer' areas.

It is different for everyone. There are 'lack holes' in my borough, and in the neighbouring borough. There are schools not so far from us that I would be more reluctant to send DS to.

And as for parents - well some of my dearest friends have DC at private school and are lovely, and some of my dearest friends couldn't afford and / or would never send DC to private school and are lovely.

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