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Original poster

Parents from private schools

893 replies

freakazoidroid · 15/12/2011 08:57

We are considering private school for our dd. She is already at the nursery of the school we like and is due to start in reception in sept.
What I am worried about is the community of a private school. If she went to our local primary it would be more like that.
Can anyone please say what their experiences are? Have you made good friends with other parents and socialise with them?
Also we are not loaded and do not have a massive house and lots of nice holidays. In fact holidays would not occur much if we go private.
Will this hinder my dd at school as she gets older with her friends, will they pick on her for not having the lifestyle?
Thanks!

OP posts:
FellatioNelson · 16/12/2011 10:45

Don't worry about it - we'll work around it. Smile And if this is your first thread, welcome, and I assure you they are not all like this one. Wink We all kiss and make up at the end, honest.

ElaineReese · 16/12/2011 10:46

Good luck to DS, Seeker: I understand your postion and it is abundantly clear to anyone who can read.

And MrsJ no, I don't agree that we have a 'shit schooling system' - the vast majority of people live where they live (ie not the MN cliche 'you must have bought a house in catchment of excellent school' etc), send their children to the school nearest, and get on with it.

Marthabesant · 16/12/2011 10:46

thanks also diablo!

bulletpoint · 16/12/2011 10:50

Elaine it is you that has missed the point all along! That point being where do all the other children in Seekers area who don't do the 11 plus or fail it go ? Doing the 11+ is not compulsory, do the LEA in Seeker's area not ALLOCATE children to a school ?

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 16/12/2011 10:52

"So, all the schools in your area are grammar schools? There are no schools at all for those who do not take or do not pass the 11+?"

Yes of course there are - but they are just as much part of the selective system as the grammar schools. It works both ways, you know!"

No they aren't. They are the very opposite of selective as they simply take anyone who applies regardless of ability. There is no need whatsoever to sit a selective exam or attend a school which selects only the brightest pupils - just go to the high school.

Unless, of course, your principles don't apply when it is your own child.

FellatioNelson · 16/12/2011 10:52

OP, are you still there or has your child finished school and gone to university by now? Wink

Original poster
freakazoidroid · 16/12/2011 10:54

FELLATIO NELSOn
Yes still here, just by passing anything with grammar schools!!

OP posts:
ElaineReese · 16/12/2011 10:56

But if the top 23% are in grammar schools, the other schools are not comprehensive, are they?

I would struggle to decide what to do in that position, definitely. But you do not have an argument that Seeker being opposed to the 11+ system is hypocritical. The grammar schools are part of that system, and the secondary moderns are part of it too.

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 16/12/2011 10:57

Just skimming back through the thread...

I don't think private school in itself encourages confidence in a child. That very much comes from the child themselves. Certainly all three of mine are/were in state primary and are supremely confident. Two of them have rather more confidence than is good for them Hmm

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 16/12/2011 11:03

Grammar school stuff....

"But if the top 23% are in grammar schools, the other schools are not comprehensive, are they?"

Yes they might be.

I grew up on a borough with grammar schools. I passed the 11+ and went to a comprehensive. This had two bands - top band which in the first year were the 11+ pupils and the lower band which were those who did not sit or did not pass. On the basis of end of year exams you moved between the two in subsequent years. There were also what I guess were "secondary modern".

MrsJAlfredPrufrock · 16/12/2011 11:07

But where the 11+ system exists, they've separated squares and oblongs. You can't have a comprehensive system ith no squares. Although, if S truly believes her son to have been wrongly sorted, it clearly isn't a v accurate sorting. Confused

I didn't have my sons tutored for their selective school. Because I think it's undesirable to be at the bottom of a bright group, I didnt want them to be also rans.

ElaineReese · 16/12/2011 11:08

But a school in area where the top 23% of pupils are creamed off is not a comprehensive - you seem to be describing a school where there are pupils who passed the 11+?

Toughasoldboots · 16/12/2011 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grafit · 16/12/2011 11:24

We moved our dcs to a private school from an outstanding state primary and the parents are much more mellow and MUCH less obviously competitive. BUT it totally depends on the school/the year that your child is in. We don't socialise hugely but my social life wasn't a priority when I was choosing my dc's school!

MrsJAlfredPrufrock · 16/12/2011 11:26

I find judgy people so much more interesting. Smile

grafit · 16/12/2011 11:26

Oh, and as far as I am aware there is no picking on children who have less (and there are a proportion of children on full bursaries/scholarships who never go on the additional trips etc). In fact all my dds friends are only too aware that children from other schools think they are snobs so they over compensate if anything!

MrsJAlfredPrufrock · 16/12/2011 11:27

I can't stand people who are too lazy to form an opinion.

TheHumancatapult · 16/12/2011 11:28

Elaine

Not all dc that pass the 11 plus get a place and even those that get a offer may turn it down ds2 did exactly that in the end after carefull thought and he had well thought out reasons he went to the comp instead

grafit · 16/12/2011 11:29

Perhaps they are too busy to be bothered about things that are entirely personal to each individual though Smile

Toughasoldboots · 16/12/2011 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diabolo · 16/12/2011 11:33

grafit - my DS is the same, he is part of many clubs / teams outside of his school and is aware that some other kids can initially be hostile towards him, simply because of where he goes to school, so he always downplays it and seems to get on with everyone, which I admire.

amerryscot · 16/12/2011 11:34

Oh, Lordy, have I really upset Seeker. I have penetrated that thick skin?

What have I said to upset you, Seeker? Please let me know. I tend to read post reasonably carefully when I am active in the thread, but I am rather guilty of skim reading when there are hundreds of posts to catch up on.

BTW, there was an interesting thread bump in Secondary Education this morning (one about Eton from state school). About a year ago, there was a very interesting statement from someone not liking parents who use and abuse the grammar school system for their own ends. Fascinating!

Pagwatch · 16/12/2011 11:41

Could someone not perhaps start a grammar school thread, perhaps linking to this one, so that those who want to discuss the ethics surrounding that can do so.

Elaine, yes I spotted that you hold that view and I respect it more than the disingenuous " oh, I was just being helpful' approach.
I should add the point, just for the sake of clarity, that I still think barging onto every thread to bang on, regardless of the question raised, is crass and bigoted. Being open about it just makes it marginally less so.

And fwiw I can read pretty well. I think though when any poster appears on just about every thread on this subject to raise points in a sneering and unpleasant way it is perfectly valid to discuss this approach in general without having to unpick exactly how unpleasant the individual comments on this individual thread may be.

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 16/12/2011 11:45

"But a school in area where the top 23% of pupils are creamed off is not a comprehensive - you seem to be describing a school where there are pupils who passed the 11+?"

Yes it was a comprehensive. I should know, I went there.

In Y7 (1st year) 6 classes of 11+ passers, 6 classes of those who did not sit/pass.
In Y8 (2nd year) 6 classes of 11+ passers plus those who did well in their first year, 6 classes of those who did not sit/pass plus those who did pass but performed poorly in the first year.

etc.

So, to use Seeker's son as an example - he may have been sorted into the "lower" band on the basis of his 11+ result but would be moved up in the second year. Assuming he performed as expected.

In addition, there were pure grammar schools and "secondary modern"

Jajas · 16/12/2011 11:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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