State or Private/Public - is it asking for them not to fit in?

[diggityhiggity]

Okay this doesn't apply until next year really but talking to some people over the weekend got me thinking.

We will shortly have 4 DCs.

Dh comes from a very posh background and went to even posher schools (posh as in Public school not even private). While I went to your normal inner city comp and grew up on an estate.

I always figured that DCs would go to state schools - we live close enough to an alright/good one and it also never did me any harm (think my old school was classed as 'failing')

But something this friend said got me thinking.

We move in a very posh circle - both socially and DHs work and in local area. And a more 'normal' one from me but not as much as live on different side of city etc.

Anyway with all that stuff is it 'mean' to send our DCs to a normal state school - is it asking for them to struggle. (we may live in catchment but very few of the people on our side take it up)

?

Bue - I agree - my experience (of my own and my DCs independent schools) is that rich (even seriously rich) does not equate to cool, nor (relatively) poor to uncool, by any stretch of the imagination. Give them credit - children are not, on the whole, that shallow.

I was the first in our family on both sides to go to a state school,
only because the girl's private school i started at was poor academically, especially for science, whereas the state school was better. I was teased for talking posh, but also for being too skinny, goofy, geeky, speccy and the rest! I knew even age 8 that it would not be a good idea socially to tell anyone about my family background, which does include titles and landowning for hundreds of years. I did settle in, and made lifelong friends and got the same straight As as my brothers did at private school. I am glad I wasn't kept at private school, where I didn't make friends and was teased, too.

Just be glad you can choose, and remember you can change your mind, it isn't set in stone.

PS. My dcs are at state school now, and are fine. I want them to mix with a good range of people, and our local private school is fine for sport, but not much else.

When the indendent sector does it well it will always be better than the state sector if we are considering; results facilities and the ratio of teachers to children, all these things have a massive impact on the type and quality of education your child receives. The bottom line £31000 per year for each child is more than the government provides for each child in state ed.
But that doesn't mean that it's right for every child.

French, Spanish, German, Italian, Russian, Japanese, Latin
Rock climbing, Badminton, Tennis, Cricket, Rugby, Netball, Football, basketball, Gymnastics, gym hall, sports hall, another sports hall, 12 hard courts, 15 pitches, exercise gym
Physics, Chemistry, Biology, maths, more maths, yet more maths
English, Geography, History, RE, Music, Drama
Cookery, Woodwork, Metalwork, IT design, Plastics work, textiles, art, ceramics
Theatre, music practice rooms, orchestra, wind band, choir, senior choir

I certainly did not get that at my GDST school.

I would consider everything you want out of education and lifestyle for your DC and then choose a school. If you have that much money, you could afford to move right smack next to the very best state schools that proximity can buy. You can afford lessons outside school in everything TalkinPeace2 listed, and more. Do you want the boys and girls going to different schools, with different traditions/ethics/etc? Do you want them to be able to do everything from maths to horse riding in one place? Do you want to walk them to school every morning and know that the playdates will always be close by because everyone lives in the same catchment? You could hire tutors and have them all home-schooled a la The Sound of Music.

So, ignore the snobs and decide what's best for your DC and your family.

I'm lucky, the stables are between my house and the state comp that my DDs go to that has the curriculum above!
Outside school is ballet, tennis, swimming etc
and of course there are peripatetic music lessons in the school

what posh schools DO give you is a self assurance and feeling of entitlement - just look at our politicians and richest business people for the evidence

Well, I went to a fairly middle class comp, and got teased endlessly and called a 'snob' because I had a posh accent. I've now worked for years to roughen up my accent to 'fit in' and have ended up sounding like god knows what.

On the other hand, I used to work with a lovely girl who went to the local private all girls school. The other girls wouldn't talk to her because she was on discounted fees (her mother taught there, so they got a discount) and the only person she was friends with was a scholarship girl, as no-one would talk to her either.

So, it very much depends on the school, whether state or private. What kind of intake do they have? What is the school ethos? Is the school any good?

School's with a generally good atmosphere, happy ethos and thriving students with enthusiastic, involved parents and teachers are generally going to have less problems altogether.