What do you look for in a school ( prep - early years)

[jabed]

DW and I are looking at schools. This is new to us and we are not really sure what we should be looking for.

DS will be 5 in August. We had him in a local school until last term but things have not been what we wanted, so we need to look around.
We know DS is bright for his age and according to his school had met all the years targets before Easter. But he is still going to be a young boy in any class he enters.

We know its easy for people to mistake him for a child much older because he has good volcabulary, is around adults a lot ( being an only child) and is tall for his age ( a gene from both sides of the family ) but we want him to have a normal childhood mixing with boys and girls his own age etc. He isnt as grown up as he may look.

We are considering home schooling but we are also looking at other school options - independent sector. He will be entering in year 1.

We are not sure what to look for when we visit. Any tips would be welcome.

Thanks

Jabed, your response to Poppy's sensible and considered post was,

'You wouldn?t thank me for interfering in your choices for your DC would you?'

and yet you started this thread asking for tips on what to look for in a school for your son.

Your posts are such a mass of contradictions and oddities. I've never seen a poster like you.

I have never, ever heard anyone argue against teachers who are passionate about their job or who devote any additional time to their work other than what is directly paid for or heard anyone argue against extra-curricular activities.

I wonder if you let your current employers know these views when you applied for your own teaching job? Or does your own school share these views too?

If you really feel this way you should look for a school where there are no extra-curricular activities where teachers leave arrive on the dot of 9 and leave at 3 and where they promise never to give your son any extra time.

I'm beginning to wonder what you are going to come out next!

I am looking for the experience of others who have already been through the process of choosing a school for the PFB if thats what you want to call it.

I have made one mistake in sending him to a local school. His age is important in much of this. The size of class will be important too.

I know ISI and OFSTED can be manipulated. I know some excellent schools according to OFSTED but whaich are not. They ticked the boxes on the days and that was it.

Yes, we may have some unconventional ideas about our own lifestyle and how we want our son to grow up. But he has to go to school, that is the law of this land. We need to find a school for that.

I do not believe in the necessity of after school clubs personally. That is a philosophy for us ( DW and self) but I am not against others who want or ned that. I appreciate that as their needs and lifestyle. That is OK.

I do believe family is of central importance when a child is growing up. I think family is of core importance in fact. I would like a school that reflects that in its ethos. Hence we are looking at the Christian Prep nearby. My own school prep also has a Christian (but maybe with a smaller c) ethos.

I have gained from listening to others that I need to find DS a nurturing school.

I have already had one prep tell me they would be able to move DS up a year if I wanted since he is very bright and can cope academically. Now I know some parents may jump at that. I am not keen.
I want DS to be happy whilst there is still time. When you get to senior school, there is time enough for work and exams and such.

A teachers role is teaching and learning. We have considered home schooling. Its still on the list but we discussed it and felt that learning in the cognitive domain was best done in a formal environment such as a school. Its also a different social environment and that is quite important too as children have to grow and learn to be with others ( not of their family) . But I do think the school role and the family role are separate although complimentary.

I think too much emphasis is placed on doing all sorts of activities outside of school and it stops children being reflective and knowing what being themselves really is. That is unconventional I suppose too.

I did say at one point I was aware of DS being highly intelligent and knowing how important a stable and ordinary carefree life was going to mean for him. I do not like hothousing and pressuring. I know its popular but for bright children having a normal life is very important. There can be a time for being " stretched" but care has to be taken. That is something my wife and I really do know about.

Now, I know that is unconventional these days.

But I am still interested in the views of others with choosing a day school

(additional activities aside).

Yes DS is precious.

I'm trying to picture your visits to prospective schools, Jabed.

Jabed: Do you care passionately about your job?
Teacher: Yes, teaching is a vocation for me. I love working with children.
Jabed: Ooh, that's very bad. Very bad.
Jabed: Does your school offer extra-curricular activities?
Teacher: Yes we have a range of activities to suit our pupils. Some of our teachers really enjoy working with pupils outisde the normal classroom environment.
Jabed: That will be another black mark.

Jabed: Would you ever consider spending extra time with pupils? For example, if they were struggling with a particular concept or if they would benefit from extra reading?
Teacher: Yes, we offer a support group to ensure pupils master the basics and we have a reading group to stretch our gifted readers.
Jabed: Very bad. Sure signs of incompetence.

LOL

However most good schools would already be full for September.

LIZS - exactly. I would have put him in prep at my own school but it is full already. The distance was another factor. DW felt given DS was very young ( August born) keeping him local was a better option until he was a little older and more mature emotionally. I dont want to move him around too much. I could put him on the prep waiting list and get a place when one arises and school have suggested this. Where we put him it will be until 7.

We chose the local village school but didnt realise that there were problems there. he is now at home. He will be at home until he reaches his fifth birthday.

This is a school for next year. We have a couple of options. One is a very good prep by reputation and which feeds the top indipendents at CE but as I said I didnt really want him pressured so young. The other is a small Church run prep near home. I am going to see that on Tuesday.

I am expecting to move DS into my own school prep when he is about 8 ( when we change from infants to junior) So this is for an infants dept really - from 5 - 7). Something I dont know much about.

jabed my DD4 (Y4) goes to the local village school where there is no pressure at all and lots of days spent out in the fields planting trees and making bug houses etc. She could certainly do with being much more stretched than she is and is clearly very able, judged against her older brothers and sisters. She's happy at this tiny school though and we can walk the 10 minutes it takes to walk to school and those things at her young age are things that both she and I value.

jabed to be honest, if you don't want him to experience any pressure, he needs to go to some happy little village primary school where the only pressure he will experience is the same sort that every child has to deal with.

Sending him to a prep that feeds a highly academic independent upper school will mean that he will put under pressure to achieve his potential and more.

The only way children grow is by learning new things - in my opinion that's not pressure, it's life.

cross-posted with yellowstone.

I chose a prep with an inspiring head, sparky and engaged pupils and interested teachers. It wasn't the school I had planned to send Ds to. I visited that one and hated it despite knowing lots of parents with dcs there.

Whatever problems your Ds had at the local school may not necessarily disappear at his next school. I think it is important to be honest with any prospective school regarding whatever issues he has.

Ds is bright but different. His yr 1 teacher didn't appreciate this at all. However his yr 2 teacher totally gets him and he has had a very good year indeed.

I wouldn't discount a school that has after school activities. At ds's school there is a broad choice but nothing is compulsory. A good school will engender a love of learning and develop a child. Ds's school identified that he is gifted in a particular area, something I had no idea about. His teachers have encouraged this along with the academic part of his education.

So, your child will have been at the village school for 1 year, at home for 1 year, at another school for 2 years and then your own school from age 8-11? 4 changes seems like a lot for a child before he even makes the transition to secondary but each to his or her own.

I do hope you find schools where your son is happy and that you and his teachers are happy with them too, Jabed.

If you are planning for him to go to the prep where you work I would choose whichever pre-prep that feeds into that school. That way he will move schools along with his friends.

The other thing I'd add about a good school is the opportunity you will have for the school to understand your ds's particular needs.

At Ds's school I had to fill in a very long and detailed questionnaire about ds's first 4 years. He should have been an August baby but arrived early with lots of the usual health issues prems have. The school took onboard his developmental issues and now he is the same as his peers, eg in reception he couldn't run without falling over so his teacher (a keen runner) took the time to help him develop.

I would definitely ask the school about a buddy system. If the other kids have already been at the school for a year (or longer if there's a nursery) there will be established friendship groups. I would also find ways of managing any future transitions carefully. If your son has problems fitting in anyway then I wouldn't underestimate the impact severing friendship groups could have and find ways of minimising this. It would be useful if you could introduce him to at least one person from his new class before he begins each new school. This is also why taster days are helpful. My dcs' school has a 'moving up day' at the end of each school year. Each class spends a day with their teacher for the next academic year meaning they don't get too anxious come September. If new children are to join then they join this day or at least spend a morning or afternoon with their new class before the new school year.

jabed, five candles has made another good point. I've been living in the same area since my eldest (now 20) started Reception. It's an area where stakes are high, with one of the best grammars in the country plonked in the middle of nowhere with nothing to rival it for many, many miles around.

Over the years I've seen masses of 'movers and shakers' amongst parents, all desperate to find the right school and prepared to move schools at the first whiff of anything not being perfectly right. I know a fair few kids who've been shunted four or five times (in some cases back to a previous school!).

Offhand I can't think of any of the more notorious m&s's whose DC made it to the grammar. I can think of quite a few who were miserable though.

There seems to be some merit in being chilled on the educational front as a parent while DC's are young.

Sorry Mollie, my DS didnt have any "problems" . The school had a lot of problems and my DS suffered for them. As I said we thought " oh happy little village school. Small school, he'll do OK there". But that was certainly not the case.

The school had a rather different intake to what we thought. Most of the pupils were from out of the village. Most of the village children didnt go to that school. When we found where they did go, I am sure you can guess the story? Oversubscribed and we couldnt get DS in there.

Of those we know who have children nearby a number of them have chosen the local Christian prep school I mentioned.

Agree Yellow, I've also seen cases where ironically, parents' search for the 'perfect school' has led to much more disruption and unhappiness than if they'd let them be. It's typical for children to regress academically and socially with each move (up to a year in the transition to secondary school)!

What problems did the school have that affected your Ds so much that you withdrew him?

Oh fivecandles do me a favoiur, read what I write instead of making it up as you go along. Do you do that with parents I wonder?

My DS is August born. The LEA wrote ( incorrectly) and told us that he had to go to school in the September before his fifth birthday. Its been many years since I was at school ( and DW too). We had planned on putting him in school in the term before his fith birthday but being told otherwise, he ended up going when he was 4 years and 1 week old.

As I said he is very intelligent and so none of his " youth" showed. He did better than keep up. But the school has many issuesand being young he couldnt cope emotionally and became withdrawn ( I wil say it - too many EBD children who made the classroom rowdy and. were not controlled properly and they hit and smacked , spat at swore at and bit ( all by kids). You get the picture?

His teacher didnt even know who he was, let alone anything about him.

We withdrew him at Easter. He is now at home. He is four and three quarter years old now.

He will stay at home in accordance with the law until the term following his fifth birthday ( August) when he will be five years and one week old. Ideally because I think it is important for him to have a school day structure, he will go to a school. He will start in year 1 because that is the law.

I am now looking for a school suitable for him.

Ideally he will stay at that school until he is 7 ( two years) when he will move to a junior prep. I hope that is what will happen anyway if we get the right school.

Eh?

Are you confusing me with MollieO, Jabed? Is it perhaps YOU who is not reading the posts very carefully?

'Its been many years since I was at school ( and DW too). '

Jabed, are you not a teacher?

Your sons previous school does sound shocking. For a teacher, though, I find it remarkable how little research you did into your own child's education.

Most independent schools have now had their open days for this year. Although any good school should still be prepared to let you round the school anyway it is very surprising that you haven't visited these schools at this late stage.

Once again, I strongly recommend that you allow your child to spend time in whatever school you are considering for him next so you don't end up with yet more shocks and surprises next year.

I don't know what 'EBD' children are but I can say that bad behaviour isn't confined to state schools! It should be easier in a smaller class but that isn't always the case. Smaller class sizes has the effect magnifying issues that can lead to their own problems regarding behaviour and discipline. Being young in the year doesn't mean being the youngest in emotional terms. Ime some of the oldest in the year can be the most emotionally immature. Same physically. Although Ds is one of the youngest ones he is also one of the tallest.

What problems did the school have that affected your Ds so much that you withdrew him

Mollie, the school had a difficult intake with a high % of disruptive and SEN ( EBD) children in the class. Most of them were not local but were an overspill from the town three or four miles away.

It seems they were difficult to deal with. The class was large. The children were rowdy and abusive and DS struggled because they were older and stronger and their behaviour was that of hitting, fighting, spitting, swearing , kicking - all sorts. We tried to ignore this but when his teacher made a comment to my wife about DS's progress , we asked what she meant because we wanted to help support him but then we found out she hasd mixed him up with another child and actualy didnt know who our DS was at all.

He had been crooked since September but we put it down to his being young and tired. But when we found out exactly what was going on , we took him out .

As for friendship groups, since most of the local children his age do not go to the village school, there arent any really. He doesnt seem to have missed it. I know its only a week since they went back but still he hasnt mentioned it and we have told him about finding a new school. He seems settled and more lively now.

'Oh fivecandles do me a favoiur, read what I write instead of making it up as you go along. Do you do that with parents I wonder?'

Still wondering what I've done to justify this? Could you point out to me where I've made things up as I've gone along Jabed?

All of the behaviour you've highlighted (except the spitting) has gone on at the various private schools I know and hasn't always been addressed as quickly as you may hope.

I'm still waiting to be enlightened about what I've been making up. Jabed?

If you find a school you like it might be worth starting your Ds after half term. The second half of the summer term is always quite laid back and it will enable him to get to know his classmates before September. You might also be able to arrange get togethers over the summer holidays. At least that is what I'd do if I was in your position.