Parents who are just about managing school fees

[tryingtobemarypoppins2]

Has it been worth it?! Looking back was this the right choice for your children? Would you change anything about your choice??

On paper we could send our 2 boys but the final years (2 year gap) between them, would be tight and I would have to return to work full time when both children attend at the same time. Hoildays would be in this county only and luxuries would be out.

My parents are happy to help out with any extras at school and I know 'tight' means something different for every family.

Any experiences?

stoatsrevenge - we only became that dream parent after it became apparent there was to be no communication whether we wanted it or not, so we might as well get on with it.
We've moved them to private now and my every whim is pandered to, it's lovely But 7 weeks into their first term, we were both unexpectedly made redundant and have been paying fees out of our savings ever since.
It's been an uphill struggle I thought I was coming to the end of this year and then there's been another blow - DD doesn't want to leave for senior school.

Bear in mind that fee increases generally outstrip wage increases. With oil prices rising , their overheads will rise too - heating of school buildings, cost of transport to trips and matches - so the trend will definitely continue upwards. So it being tight now will become a struggle in the not too distant future unless you or dh get a promotion/bonus. "Extras" average at about 10% on our bills btw.

Do also think about how you are going to feel when they go to University if you have already sold the family silver.

I would suggest you and your husband go and see both State and Private options near you, then decide.

I posted here yesterday re looking at school fees etc, I think (given we are paying some stuff off) we will wait until he is at least 7 so we can have some saving behind us for reasons others have stated. Also DH is expected to move up at work and we anticipate a house move if he does.

I have thought would my DS benefit from us saving what we would spend on private schooling and he have access to this when he is older ie a deposit on a house OR giving him access to a better educational experience to enable him to have a choice of opportunities and thus provide for himself etc.

It is hard to know what to do as DH and I both state educated and have worked for all we have and have never had any handouts, we want DS to have work ethic and fear if we give him too much he will not have this as we are in such a different position to our parents.

Wed otn want him spooilt and learning as we go!

LNC - if it were a straight choice between spending money on eduction or buying him a house (nice choice to have! ) I would have no hesitation in spending on the education. I would also rather spend on school rather than university, if again if came to down to a direct choice. I don;t see why pay for school would affect his work ehtic - if its anything like my Ds's school, it further reinfoces the work ethic!!

My children go to state school, but I have friends with children at a local private school. A couple of them increasingly struggle with the fees and I think the differences between them and the others are becoming a little marked. Their last holiday was in a caravan with the in-laws, yet many of the others in the class went to far flung destinations; the children commented on it. Others have just moved into huge great houses with acres of land, whereas my friends are in a flat.

I'm not sure I would fancy being seen as the 'poor relation'-I don't know to what extent that would be the case, though?

Teachermum...., your priorities seem to be far more superficial than those of your friends.
Pity.

Teachermum - there is always someone richer, thinner, cleverer than you in life.

We have to teach our DC that such things are part of the great tapestry.

I'd be very wary about committing to private education if things are pretty tight financially. As Lizs says, fees go up faster than wages plus the cost of living is going up steeply at the moment. Do you or you partner commute to work ? If so can you cope with more increases in cost of fuel, increased heating bills, food bills etc?

I'm helping a friend at the moment sort places for her children for September in Year 9 and 7 in a state school, both having been private since reception. Her Ex buggered off and says he can't pay the fees any longer and it's all a bit of a nightmare trying to get places in the local state schools which are pretty full as our local independent school is 21k a year and hugely out of the reach of most of us locally.

I'd really think this through very carefully. The replies on here mitt have no relevance for your situation as there is such variation between schools in both the state and private sector. DS is at a different first school to the one his sister went to. On paper both have outstanding Ofsteds, are the same size. DD's had a lovely new building and on the face of it might have been the better school. But the one DS is at has a truly inspirational Head and there is absolutely no comparison between the two schools. There was a time with DD that I did contemplate taking her out and sending her privately whereas with DS the idea is laughable. Have a really good look around at your options and speak to as many people as possible before making any decisions.

My older son has just left a top boarding prep school and gone into yr 9 at a good local comp having been advised that he would do very badly at CE and thus would stand a chance of going anywhere decent. Ok we live in a middle class area. He has never been happier than he is now and having been written off at the prep shcool because he couldn't fit their box is now doing really well academically. We have sacrificed everything to pay for it and now regret it. I've come to the conclusion that Indepedent Schools are like the story of the Kings New Clothes; we paid the money and lots of it too, listened to the hype from the head etc and bought into the whole thing and are too afraid to put our hand up and say that we have been sold a lot of rubbish.

happy well you are brave for saying so on here and it has made me thing twice. I am pleased your DS is now settled.

happy it is unforgivable that his prep didn't tell you sooner that he wouldn't do well enough in CE.

We have been getting advice/projections etc since year five wiht regards to secondary schools at 13.

The service the school provided you re moving on sounds diabolical. You should pass your comments on to te governors. Even though you have left, your experience shouldn't be allowed to be swept under the carpet.

As happy said, paying for something doesn't necessarily mean it's better. Sending our DDs to a state school for the majority of their education meant that we could pay for a big chunk of DD1's first home, her wedding, all her living costs at university and enjoy a good standard of living ourselves. I really don't think it's worth living in genteel poverty to send your child to an average independent unless the state potions are totally dire.

We had advise from the school but it kept changing as the years went by. What really makes me cross is how well my older son in now doing he has been moved into the top sets for all his subjects except maths never his strong point he is a millions times more confident and at the recent parents evening we met excellent committed staff. He says the lessons are so much better and more interesting. We complained on a recent questionaire to the Independent Schools inspectorate but as always no one listens. The head of the prep school wes like Tony Blair; he talks a good talk. My advise dont dismiss state ed. go and see it talk to the head look around you might be pleasantly surprised.

happy - were you receiving regular updates all through his prep years?

I personally don't send my kids to the prep school so that they can be magically transformed to be something they are probably not cut out for!

DS loves sport and is a budding athlete. His academics are great but the school is going out of its way to fulfill my sons sports ambition.

DD is very shy and she does very well in a class of 15. She loves art and no doubt, she will get the support she needs.

I have no experience of state education so I will never say anything bad about them.

All I know is that you will always find very good examples of both good and bad schools in the state & private sectors.

Yes we were recieving regular updates but as the terms went by they became increasingly pessamistic. I agree there are some very good independent schools out but lets face it at £30000 a year for boarding most people are really struggling to pay the fees. I think we are often afraid of the state sector we've been brainwashed into thinking private is best how else can we be convinced and infact convince ourselves to pay out such a ridiculously large amount of money.

happy, nearly exactly our experience. we took ds away from his frightfully well-esteemed prep school and homeschooled him to CE Scholarship; he applied/sat for two senior schools and was offered scholarships to both. In theory he didn't get bad results at the prep, but he was bored out of his mind, and the bullying, misbehaviour and chaos were incredible. One teacher in particular was remorselessly bullied, including the systematic daily destruction of books and equipment. This included the trashing of computers in one particular classroom on repeated occasions. Some flagship subjects were almost incredibly badly taught - science and Greek. The school is coed and the level of sexual harassment was quite alarming. And for this we will be in debt practically forever, and my husband sacrificed his pension.

Op, what you have to know is that you don't find out this kind of thing of the kind of thing happy tells you till too late. There is absolutely no way to find it out in advance - it's like booking a restaurant. I would say hand on heart that it's NEVER worth going to the mattresses financially unless you are copperbottomed certain that your dc is unusual in some way - special needs, or musical talent... The school looked utterly brilliant, but for us it really wasn't.

I think "unusual" is the operative word. The child at the coomp has a proscessng disorder but a high IQ he cant write but the comp. copes with it much better and can see beyond it to his real ability. My younger son it at the boarding prep and is hoping to go on in sept 2011 to what is considered the most intelectual and academic boys boarding school in the UK. But he has an expectionally high IQ especially for maths and I at 11 got an A for GCSE maths/english. However hard i try and I have tried I cant see it working for him in a state school. But if he has a mad moment on the day and fails the the ridiculously difficult entrance test for the next school its going to be the same state comp that my older son goes too and I'm giving up work and having a holiday or maybe two, going to the dentist buying a decent car etc. The message remains the same go and look at your local school talk to the head you never know what you will find.

But unfortunately there is no way of telling what your local state school is like either - because all the parents will have different views, and your child is unique and will fair in theirs own individual way.

Yes if turns out diabolical you won't have spent a fortune on it, but the sense of regret for having made the wrong choice would be a similar one, I suspect?

Yes your right but if by sending your child to a state school both mum and dad are around more often because you are not woking every hour to pay for it and also less stressed, able to do more with them e.g. hols, activities etc and also keep a better eye on how they are doing at school and if necessary assist in some way then I susoect that children will be happier. I agree in some areas its a no goer but as many parents private ed. will tell you its not necessary all its cracked up to be.

Happygardening, my son is dyspraxic so our story is similar in some respects - and he is't at state school now, either - but this prep is incredibly reputable, so all I'm saying to the OP is caveat emptor. And emy, you are right; I've come to think that there are no absolutes in educational choices anyway - but private schoolfees will cripple most middle-income families, and you have to ask what else you are sacrificing...

Yes you are both right Sieglinde and Happygardening. We've thought very hard about private, but the crippling effect that it would have on our family in terms of sacrifices and general finances would skew the advantages that these would give our children.

I think we will move house when it comes to secondary to invest some of the money in a catchment for a more decent secondary - but I agree that if you are struggling with fees, it is a hard decision and you have to be 100% sure it will be worth it.....and I am not sure how to be that sure!!

If you are struggling don't do it.

I still think you shouldn't expect a 'return on your investment' when you pay for private education.It is not a guarantee that your DC will get As - they work with what they have got

We were not looking for a return on our investment we were assuming that smaller class sizes, better behaved children, less stressed teachers, better facilities, less goverment prescribed lessons and something that I'm not able to define would mean that my children would emerge from education at 18 as more rounded individuals although I'm not sure if that even thats what we were looking for. I think we thought that they would be given a chance to be themselves and valued for what they are. And Sieglinde be careful our prep school is one of the most highly regarded in the UK and for years I believed that it was doing all the things it said it was doing! I do think moving to the right area is definately a viable alternaive.

Well, we didn't see it as a kind of ISA either; we thought we were 'buying' good teaching and a better atmosphere for learning, not grades or outcomes; that is, a pleasanter experience. Which it wasn't. Honestly, it reminds me of a time-share - all glossy presentation and tricks.

Thing is that moving to the catchment area of a 'good' school is a risk too, and it can cost as much as private school. The school may not be as good as its reputation suggests.