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Original poster

Parents who are just about managing school fees

76 replies

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 05/03/2011 20:38

Has it been worth it?! Looking back was this the right choice for your children? Would you change anything about your choice??

On paper we could send our 2 boys but the final years (2 year gap) between them, would be tight and I would have to return to work full time when both children attend at the same time. Hoildays would be in this county only and luxuries would be out.

My parents are happy to help out with any extras at school and I know 'tight' means something different for every family.

Any experiences?

OP posts:
WentworthMillerMad · 08/03/2011 10:18

I am from a v ordinary background, went to a comp and we send our kids to a private school. We get help from grandparents but it's still a huge amount of money. I work full time, it's a decision I have never regretted. We get lots of negative reactions / vile comments from 'frenemies'.
'why don't you send your kids to a normal school' and 'what a waste of money'.
I have had to grow a very thick skin, and learn who my real friends are!

Dozer · 08/03/2011 10:34

marypoppins, ime it would be a bad plan to embark on private education with the back-up plan of "begging family" if you ran into problems paying the fees, unless you know for sure that they'd stump up. (After all, why should they, it's their money).

nikki - yes, think that fees have risen far faster than general inflation. And with 2 DCs the costs double, argh!

lovenamechange100 · 08/03/2011 10:42

Read this thread with much interest, just yesterday i priced up a couple of schools near me for my DS whi is in reception of local primary rated as outstanding by ofsted recently.

I always thought I would supplement state secondary with tutoring a kind of half way house, having considered should we go private or not for some time, I am now of the opinion yes and have started to look into the finances side. I would like to move him over ASAP but we just cant afford to based on our current budget. We can in a couple of years, if we did now I feel it would be too tight to the point where we literally couldnt do anything.

PercyVerance · 08/03/2011 12:24

Gosh we are in the same boat. We've decided to send our DC to a prep and we're going to have to make many sacrifices.

Our plan was to use our local school which has an outstanding ofsted and private secondary to give us time to save, but after a visit to the primary I ended up in tears and would quite happily give up a lot for my child not to go there. There is just no way he would flourish in class sizes of 30+ with half of the children just not engaged in the activities and being disruptive. I had my heart set on this school and was so disappointed.

Have you looked at your state alternatives? I would suggest you do that because that will really show you if it is worth it in comparison to what have available for free.

FWIW, we're far from rich and by doing this we can only afford to have one child but I am prepared to do this in order to give the child I do have the chance to reach his potential.

OliPolly · 08/03/2011 12:38

We 'fell' into private education when we couldn't get ourselves to move him from the Pre Prep/Nursery dept at age 5. He was the only DC at the time and we could afford with no sacrifices. DD joined the nursery at 13 months as I was going back to work and she is 4 now but we are keeping her there.

We are immigrants so we have no experience of the state education system so we used to get the Hmm look from loads of people.

DS is 7 Y2, does well in his academics but a very keen athlete and is getting the best support. He recently won a sports scholarship from Y3 so we will only be paying 20% of the fees from SeptGrin

Its working out well for us and the sacrifice has been worth it. We are in a grammar area but the school has links to fantastic Indies as well.

FloreatEtonia · 08/03/2011 12:40

No regrets. Lots of sacrifices and hardship but peace of mind and my childrens' happiness has been priceless.

lovenamechange100 · 08/03/2011 12:41

I am going to get more work to pay for this anticipated move, I have just emailed DH about it acutally, sound him out a bit before he comes home.

Worry about him moving over and making new friends, I know he would, but still...

lovenamechange100 · 08/03/2011 12:42

Oh that does sound like Ive made the decision reguardless for both of us! I thik he will be ol with it....

OliPolly · 08/03/2011 12:50

We live in a 3 bed former council house and my sons best friend lives in a 6 bed house.

I am good friends with most of the parents and in my experience, they couldn't care less about what you do, where you live or where you went for holiday.

Some kids go off to exotic holidays but they were just as envious about our holiday to Africa for 2 months (long summer holiday!) DS did a scrap book about loads of things and brought back musical instruments from my home country and it went down a treat!

You will be surprised at the bargains you get in second hand uniform sales - bought a brand new blazer at £20 and not the original £84 price tag.

lovenamechange100 · 08/03/2011 12:59

I must say my DH and I were against it as we are from 'working class backgrounds' and did not think the whole private school thing would reflect our values that is just wasnt 'us' but I think we have to realise that how DS is being brought up is very different to how we were in that we have done well for ourselves and he is privledge by comparison.

You post is reassuring OLI that its not all shiney cars etc. But I have also learnt that there is just as much (snobbery if thats what we getting at here) at my current DS school or cliqueness and I should really put my attitudes to one side and think about what is best for DS and his education.

wordfactory · 08/03/2011 13:28

lovename I was the same.

If you had told me I would send any of my DC private I would have laughed in your face.

But then I saw the school and it seemed daft not to...

lovenamechange100 · 08/03/2011 13:32

Hmm word the open day for one of them is this saturday! I shall go 'just to see' it may not be until he has got through year1, its not that his school is bad in anyway I just want him 'in the system asap if we are going to do it and he is provided with good solid opportunities.

OliPolly · 08/03/2011 13:40

If you can, please do go on the Sat to check out the resources etc.

I would still advise you to visit during school times to see the children at work etc

lovenamechange100 · 08/03/2011 13:49

Yes I will be Oli - and I am shall be asking around as I have heard mixed things about this particular one.

Original poster
tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 08/03/2011 20:59

Do you think all parents with children at independant schools have two years fees set aside to deal with emergencies such jobs/etc??

OP posts:
Hulababy · 08/03/2011 21:09

tryingtobemarypoppins2 Tue 08-Mar-11 20:59:24
Do you think all parents with children at independant schools have two years fees set aside to deal with emergencies such jobs/etc??

No, I imagine most don't.

OliPolly · 08/03/2011 22:29

We don't!

mamatomany · 08/03/2011 22:33

I think you have to have a few years fees in the pot before you start private school tbh because it's simply not fair to keep moving the children as circumstances change and they do.
If class sizes are the issue, levels of attention then do what we did for 4 years, basically consider anything they learn at school in those 6 hours to be a bonus and do the real teaching at home.

Original poster
tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 08/03/2011 22:36

OliPolly thank goodness, as I know as things are now we would be ok.....I know its ideal to have 2 years in the pot but I don't want to wait 4 years. I will have to hope nothing drastic happens!

OP posts:
stoatsrevenge · 08/03/2011 23:02

mama I think you're greatly exaggerating the effect of the larger class! I believe the children in my class are learning something, and my continuous assessments of them back up that assertion.

As you had zero expectations of the school, you must have been a dream parent! No axe to grind. No worries about progress. Etc, etc. Because you were doing it all at home!!!! Grin

Original poster
tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 08/03/2011 23:18

stoatsrevenge for me it's not about the learning in the academic sense, it's about the time taken to develop the individual, develop confidence, manners, get plenty of fresh air, sports etc....

OP posts:
stoatsrevenge · 08/03/2011 23:24

Any reception class should spend 50% of the time outside.

I think all schools have those aims, don't they? I certainly hope so!

Original poster
tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 08/03/2011 23:27

But I want my DS to have more than a year of fresh air stoatsrevenge and playing with Lego outside is not the same as learning outside.

OP posts:
stoatsrevenge · 08/03/2011 23:33

Our YR class do half their curriculum outside - not just playing. I didn't say they were playing.

YR and KS1 also go to Forest School, which, in addition to 'getting close to nature', encourages co-operation, co-ordination, etc,etc.

Original poster
tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 08/03/2011 23:41

Sounds great, but what about in Years 1/2/3 etc...? Summer born boys need the freedom and the space, but also high quality small group phonic/writing/reading work and in a class of 30 that is very hard. In KS1 lessons are shorter and the day split up with lots of sport/art/ICT/swimming sessions by specialists allowing the teachers to focus on the basics in more intensive ways. Teachers eat with the children, manners are really important etc.

OP posts: